Pushing other people away

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Woz

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Not sure why but I seem to do this a lot. Could it be because I'm so used to being on my own?
I seem to push my friends and family away. I can't say I'm proud of doing it, but I know I'm doing it at the time and if i don't, I feel like I'm going to just lose control of myself.
 
I do this already a lot in relationships, I think it has to do with my expectations of them or not getting what I want from them.
 
I feel I do it when they act in certain ways i.e slating off a good person for no reason. I kind of think I'm a better person that than and I'm happier not dealing with this. Some call it selfish but i think it's for my own good, something can't be right there lol.
 
Yes, I know what you mean. It gets complicated because it often seems that there's a really good reason to avoid certain people. In my case, I can see lot of instances where former friends, family, etc., have contributed to or caused a lot of problems in my life. But then when you try to stay away, seemingly for your own good, people wonder why you keep "isolating yourself." I don't know. I truly think that most of the people I've known in my life up to this point are not people I want to spend time around, and I feel that my reasons are good ones. I just need to find some new people - nice people who aren't going to overly complicate my life and drag it down.
 
Yes I had the same exact problem, only now I only keep a few close friends to me and the rest I talk too but I don't give my thoughts completely away. I'm very careful about who I talk too cause most people that talked to me put me down or I just felt uncomfortable around them. It's good to be weary of people but I hate isolating myself too but there's just a few people that I rather not care to talk too. Just don't completely isolate yourself. There's great people out there, just keep the ones that matter to you the most. And if you feel weird around them or uncomfortable ask yourself why you feel like that. And keep note of it. We all may think everyone is out to get us, but that's not always the case. People may find it hard to believe this but not everyone is a bad person. There's good people are there, just keep your eyes open. :)
 
I used to push people away a lot. I would often be so down about myself that I lost sight of the bigger picture and despite having ultra low confidence, I acted like the world revolved around me. Sounds strange, but I'm sure other people can identify with this behaviour. I would deliberately avoid and ignore people to sort of 'test' that they cared about me, as well as being very rude to them. This is one negative trait that I've completely overcome. Now I'm more altruistic and I value people in my life a lot more.
 
Solitudinal said:
I used to push people away a lot. I would often be so down about myself that I lost sight of the bigger picture and despite having ultra low confidence, I acted like the world revolved around me. Sounds strange, but I'm sure other people can identify with this behaviour. I would deliberately avoid and ignore people to sort of 'test' that they cared about me, as well as being very rude to them. This is one negative trait that I've completely overcome. Now I'm more altruistic and I value people in my life a lot more.

I get what you mean. I don't act like the world revolves around me, I am very much my own person and my emotions are really sensitive. My mood changes very quickly so I act based on these. When I know I'm getting agitated I'll switch off and get out. When I'm walking around I'll often avoid and ignore people to avoid conversation, not so much as a test. However I guess I sort of test old friends who I know have changed, to see if we ever had a real friendship (it's hard being young and not giving in to local popular culture!).

So I don't push people away intentionally, I do it because I feel it would be best for me and hope they understand I don't do it with any disrespect to them.
 
I've done this before. I think a lot of people do it to begin with because they have a sense of pride that they feel will be lost if they come across as vulnerable to people. We all want to be strong and independent really. So when we have a problem, if someone tries to help, we naturally want to push them away and sort things ourselves. Of course this creates problems and can start a cycle.
 
I understand completely. I've distanced myself from most of my friends recently because I've become tired of them putting me down at every opportunity, making a mockery of me and looking down on me. Sometimes it's better to be alone.
 
Skid Row 89 said:
I understand completely. I've distanced myself from most of my friends recently because I've become tired of them putting me down at every opportunity, making a mockery of me and looking down on me. Sometimes it's better to be alone.
Me in a nutshell.
 
Sigma said:
Skid Row 89 said:
I understand completely. I've distanced myself from most of my friends recently because I've become tired of them putting me down at every opportunity, making a mockery of me and looking down on me. Sometimes it's better to be alone.
Me in a nutshell.

it is. We can still enjoy our lives without friends. Plenty of things you can do without other people.
 
eyesonly said:
Yes, I know what you mean. It gets complicated because it often seems that there's a really good reason to avoid certain people. In my case, I can see lot of instances where former friends, family, etc., have contributed to or caused a lot of problems in my life. But then when you try to stay away, seemingly for your own good, people wonder why you keep "isolating yourself." I don't know. I truly think that most of the people I've known in my life up to this point are not people I want to spend time around, and I feel that my reasons are good ones. I just need to find some new people - nice people who aren't going to overly complicate my life and drag it down.

Yes, it's so sad but it's the truth. The people that I avoid are always people who have hurt me in some way, or people who I think will hurt me. I'm very good at pushing people out of my life when I feel the need to, but not very good at bringing new people into my life. :( Seems like so much work.
 
FreedomFromLiberty said:
Yes, it's so sad but it's the truth. The people that I avoid are always people who have hurt me in some way, or people who I think will hurt me. I'm very good at pushing people out of my life when I feel the need to, but not very good at bringing new people into my life. :( Seems like so much work.

I can relate how you feel. I know it may sound funny, but this "social process" must be easy.

Somehow we, as people, are making it harder for other people (and we may perceive it easier for another). I really don't understand it.

I really relate to what you say, all I can give you to think about is the hedgehog's dilemma: We need people closer to us, but because of our spikes, we push them out.
 
Pushing good people away is just a misguided self defense mechanism. I do it all the time. Actually I just messed up my life real bad by doing it.

Try and get better at identifying who is a safe person who has good intentions towards you, and who is pursuing you for harmful/negative reasons. If you can already do this, then you just have be willing to experience loss and pain if they leave. That's the worst. Right now I am unwilling, so I suffer either way.
 
Woz said:
Not sure why but I seem to do this a lot. Could it be because I'm so used to being on my own?
I seem to push my friends and family away. I can't say I'm proud of doing it, but I know I'm doing it at the time and if i don't, I feel like I'm going to just lose control of myself.

It sounds like you feel self conscious for fear of saying thr wrong thing.
not sure of yourself because you feel uncomfortable in front of others.
 

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