The necessity for social interaction

I want to ask something on here, but i'm afraid i will use this part to explain something about me too, to help understand the question more, i guess.

So basicly, in the last 3 years, when i started making real friends for the first time in my life. As is normal for the first time i felt accepted, cared for etc. etc. you know, the usual. This was all new to me, people of my age caring for me, i had to do something for them as well. I noticed that every person that was nice and sensitive all had their own problems. I'm not sure if it's a coincidence but they were also all girls. So basicly, guys were the people that beat up, spit, and yelled at me, and girls were the caring people who you could trust. I kind of made it my mission to help those that became close to me, mostly about 2 people at a time, i'm not one for a big group of friends. And then another usual story, the people i met dissapeared one by one, not just like that of course, just the moving on thing. I was mostly at fault, my insecurity back then was, when thinking back on it, unbearable to be with, and yet they still endured with pleasure. But they helped me, i helped them, they were feeling better and moving on with life, and here i was still sitting struggling with my problems.

I lost so many people in that short period of time who were all close to me. I always thought of myself as a loner, because i was, but this period of time really showed how important friendships can be, and that people can be nice, so on and so forth. However for a while i was also thinking, considering my view of my future as well, that i just want to be able to live happily without anyone around me. Very recently i had 2 previously very important people leave me again. I really want to be able to live without feeling so lonely because i have no one around.

There is a big problem though, humans are by their nature social creatures, we need others to survive, and i want to defy that very nature. Does that make sense? While reading a bit on here i saw that people had achieved this sort of state where they can be kind of happy being alone all the time, and i have alot of respect for those people. I can't do that yet, i have been thinking alot on how i could achieve such a thing, isolating myself seems to only make it worse, so the kind of "training for it" method doesn't seem to work very well. So, do any of you have any tips, suggestions, or something else they want to add?

Just one more thing to add. I know i'm 19, and i know i'm probably just a random whining teen or something, however, i'm willing to learn and work, if that helps.

If you have actually read it until this far, i really want to thank you for spending some of your time for me, i know it might sound sarcastic but it really means alot to me!

I don't neccessarily think it's a good idea to "practice" this art of loneliness. I think for a lot of people, it can simply make things worse. At the same time I really get you. I have also been let down by people many times and it's very hard to live on and be happy if you feel so god **** lonely all the time.

For me I have periods. Usually if I have been socializing more with people, it gets hard to just turn that off. But after a while of no interaction (I live alone and basically don't have a social life to talk about), I guess I get in a sort of mood where I am like the person you described. Happy to be alone and not really feeling like I need anyone.

The best advice I can give you is to fill your life with other things than people. Work, art, hobbies or whatever it might be you enjoy doing (or want to do for the purpose of getting a better future). As you do that and really focus on it, it is my experience that eventually other people matters less and less. It lets you break free from the vicious circle of looking for company and getting disappointed time after time. It's quite simple actually. If you are anything like me (and I get the feeling you are from reading your post), you tend to really dedicate yourself to relationships if you have any. It feels so nice with acceptance and people liking/caring about you that you may end up putting way too much time and effort into those relationships, neglecting other parts of your life. Now if said person/s leave you behind, what happens? Suddenly there's this huge gap to fill. And so the cycle can easily start over again if you meet a new friend or romance interest.

Now, if you had instead had a lot of other things going in your life, you would probably never have been so "absorbed" by that person. And if things did end, life would still have gone on as usually with the normal routines. Of course it is never fun to lose someone you care about but it is especially hard if you already are very lonely and vulnerable. This is how I have achieved a sort of semi version of the state you describe. I do feel very lonely at times and urge for social interaction and honestly I don't think it's healthy to supress that urge completely. If that's even possible. But most of the time I can cope with my loneliness just fine and enjoy myself and what I'm doing.

Well that's the best advice I can give you. I think that usually when trying to accomplish something, it is best done not by forcing it through but by finding a way that feels good and gets you there. If I had gone out of my way to completely isolate myself I would probably have ended up extremely depressed and constantly thinking about how lonely I was, how painful it was and so on.

Also, I don't know about others and how they work but I have noticed side effects. I can be kinda socially akward. And my emotional life is really messed up. In periods I barely feel anything for others or myself. Other times I tend to get very emotional instead when I let it all out.

If you wanna talk private, send me a PM. You seem like a nice person. I think we have some things in common and we are almost the same age too (I'm a few years older).

Thank you very much for your insight on this. I find it kind of funny to read that you think i really dedicate myself to these relationships, which is 100% true. I mostly found that when doing other things, the loneliness was only surpressed, and that it created a "layer of joy" if you will. Under this layer there was the loneliness, and that layer would never ever go away, the layer of joy was thicker on thinner depending on the circumstances.

You are right, i should focus more on the other things i do, hobbies, interests, etc. As i just said, distractions made me feel happier, but didn't solve anything, however my focus was still on the relationship, if i move that focus, like you say, it might turn for the good.

Thank you again, this has been on my chest a long time and i'm glad i could get it out. I'll send you a PM later, right now it's 1:40 AM over here, and i'm going to bed. Know that you made a person somewhere in the world feel better today.

I go through phases. I don't think it's particularly healthy and I am not advising you do this but I found playing online games/forums helped me alleviate the need for real interactions. Whenever I needed to just be around people I would go out for lunch by myself... even small interactions with a waiter/waitress can be enough to keep you sane, and just having people around you.