Shyness has ruined my life

I can go through an entire day in college without anyone speaking a word to me. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

Dating is impossible. It doesn't matter what I look like, if I work out or how much I educate myself. I've learnt that shyness is repulsive to women, and I was rejected recently for this reason. Women are different now, they behave like lads and are more outgoing. I can't make banter or be fun and popular like other guys.

Getting a job is ten times harder for me than for normal people.

I'm thinking of quitting it all and going back into hermit mode in my room. I can't deal with the outside world. Society has made it clear that people like me are inadequate and are thus ignored and shunned every time we step out of the front door.

(Low Self-esteem / Shyness Section?)

Hello

I used to be also shy, I was very shy when I was in school. I think it was only when I left, and also went college that it started to disappear.

I wouldn't say shyness is repulsive, most woman like a strong, confident character, but not all. I'd say you've not met the right girl yet but if you feel your that shy then it's something you need to resolve really.

Unfortunately there's no easy 'fix', you've just got to try and shake it off and ask yourself why? Why are you so shy? Are you afraid of making a bad impression or yourself look stupid? In a 100 years, who's gonna care?

P.S; Welcome to the forum!

For women, my weigh-in is that shyness shouldn't be a necessary turn-off, I'm sure it's an attractive thing to a lot of women. However, even if one likes you.. how are you going to do anything to her if you shy away from it?

Welcome!

I am very similar in some aspects. I've had trouble finding a girl because I am very shy. I come out of it once you get to know me, that's just who I am. I've tried a lot of different things and I can't seem to overcome it. However in my case it is just around certain girls, which keeps me from getting a girlfriend. I still have numerous friends both guy and girl, that I hang out with and talk to on a regular basis. As an engineering major it is hard to socialize but I am able to. Try joining some clubs. Of all the kids I talk to since HS I played basketball or tennis with everyone of them. Joining a team creates bonds and allows you to make life-long friends that make you feel good about yourself.

you will never fish up a salt water fish in fresh water. you could be looking for girls in the wrong place. and that is my honest opinion. there is nothing wrong with going hermit mode and finding a girl online who is also a hermit.

Just think of yourself as mysterious and sexually aluring because of this.

SophiaGrace said:

Just think of yourself as mysterious and sexually aluring because of this.

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I tried to think like that, but I'm probably just kidding myself.

The girl who rejected me also has social anxiety, I met her on a forum similar to this one. I remember an old post where she said she preferred guys who 'weren't like us' - in other words loud mouthed jocks. I feel like this is what women want and I've become very cynical.

On a positive note I started working out after this happened. Trying to build my self esteem back up.

... so you just assumed loud mouthed jocks were the opposite she was talking about?

Most girls I've met seem to think being shy is cute. Gives them the incentive to get to know you.

I used to never be shy. I used to have tons of friends, I used to play in bands, I could be up on stage in front of 2000 people and absolutely love it and feed off that energy. I used to be able to just walk up to anyone and start a conversation.

Then life kicks the living honeysuckle out of you, and you fall into yourself, and even doing simple things like trying to meet people becomes extremely difficult.

I'm not going to say shyness equates to low self esteem in every case, but in my own case as my self esteem went down the toilet, then shyness became a huge wall too.

Vermillion Sky said:

Most girls I've met seem to think being shy is cute. Gives them the incentive to get to know you.

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Definitely not in my experience....

Come on guys. There's someone for everyone out there. Shyness is one thing, being a defeatist is another.

LonelyInAtl said:

Vermillion Sky said:

Most girls I've met seem to think being shy is cute. Gives them the incentive to get to know you.

Click to expand...

Definitely not in my experience....

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I did say most girls.

Shyness doesn't exactly equate to lack of self confidence. Some people just prefer to keep to themselves.

I am shy as well.
I think that it isn't the shyness in itself which can put others off, but the way it might be interpreted. People often wrongly assume that a shy person is not interested in them or may dislike them, as shyness can come across this way. I try my best to converse when I am meeting people I don't know very well, though it is often difficult.

It sucks being a shy guy.

Especially if you're applying for a job, and someone decides you're being "surly". Or yes, that you're not confident (or competent) enough to do the job.

Or a date, and the girl decides you need to make the first move, and you're not.

perfanoff said:

Come on guys. There's someone for everyone out there.

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That's not necessarily true. There are lots of people out there who are incel.

disintigration said:

I can go through an entire day in college without anyone speaking a word to me. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

Dating is impossible. It doesn't matter what I look like, if I work out or how much I educate myself. I've learnt that shyness is repulsive to women, and I was rejected recently for this reason. Women are different now, they behave like lads and are more outgoing. I can't make banter or be fun and popular like other guys.

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I totally understand. I'm the same way.

as a (ex) very very shy person I know what you mean by "difficulties". Do you know this book? it explains some things
http://www.amazon.com/Shyness-What-It-Is-About/dp/0201550180

When I was younger I was very shy, could not talk to anyone I did not know always that guy that never said anything etc.

Ive started to over come it as I got older.

In some situations still today I cant function properly.

I remember this one time a couple of years ago I was in the pub. There was some guy sitting over at a table by him self. There was a few of us at a table and he walked up and just asked "hey man can I sit with you guys?" From our point if view it ment nothing just some guy in the pub wanting to chat.

I still don't have the balls to do that these days... I couldnt go up to a table full of strangers and ask to sit and just start chatting but im working on it.

Theses days I have no problem going to the pub by my self... i dont even mind going out to the smoking shelter and just start chatting.

I think what im trying to say is maybe the initial jump is the hardest part but that guy that came and sat at our table, he didnt give a fresia nor did we after he joined us and i think most of the time it will turn out this way if you can make that jump.