I've basically been lonely for 24 years. My relationships have never lasted more than 3 months and I've come to the conclusion that it's always my fault. Because I've always been alone, I'm used to doing everything alone and leading an independent life, without having to tell anyone where I'm going or who I'm going with. My first "boyfriend" (the whole thing lasted 2 weeks) wanted to be with me 24h a day, and I couldn't take it cause I needed some time for myself. I can't just go from being alone all the time to being with someone all the time. I feel trapped and bored.
Anyway, when I think of a relationship, I don't want to be with that person all the time. I believe people should have lives outside of their relationships!
I know I'm ranting but my point is... I think being lonely is sabotaging my love life. I turn guys down and push them away because I feel this need to be alone. Sure, it'd be nice to have someone, but not all the time. It's almost as if my brain got so used to the idea of being alone that it won't accept anything else! I even get in a really bad mood and act rude when the guy won't let me be alone.
Another thing is, I was talking to this guy the other day and he said that my priorities are wrong. I told him that I was going to wait until I moved to Canada (meaning, I'm going through with my life plan) to go visit my best friend and possible future husband. He said that if I really wanted to be with the guy, I wouldn't wait to move, I'd just go visit him already. But I'm not gonna bet my future on this! So what, I go there, he turns out to be the love of my life, or not, and I lost my chance to move to Canada and start a new career. I think I'm being confusing, not sure if my point is coming across... but I guess the main thing is that my priority is to move to Canada, start a new career and establish myself; the guy said that if I really wanted to be with my friend, I'd make that a priority. But what if it doesn't work? I can't just have my future depend on someone else!
Plus that might have something to do with the fact that I don't want kids, I'd rather have a career instead of babies.
Am I that wrong? Does anyone else feel like this or went through something similar?
Anyway, when I think of a relationship, I don't want to be with that person all the time. I believe people should have lives outside of their relationships!
I know I'm ranting but my point is... I think being lonely is sabotaging my love life. I turn guys down and push them away because I feel this need to be alone. Sure, it'd be nice to have someone, but not all the time. It's almost as if my brain got so used to the idea of being alone that it won't accept anything else! I even get in a really bad mood and act rude when the guy won't let me be alone.
Another thing is, I was talking to this guy the other day and he said that my priorities are wrong. I told him that I was going to wait until I moved to Canada (meaning, I'm going through with my life plan) to go visit my best friend and possible future husband. He said that if I really wanted to be with the guy, I wouldn't wait to move, I'd just go visit him already. But I'm not gonna bet my future on this! So what, I go there, he turns out to be the love of my life, or not, and I lost my chance to move to Canada and start a new career. I think I'm being confusing, not sure if my point is coming across... but I guess the main thing is that my priority is to move to Canada, start a new career and establish myself; the guy said that if I really wanted to be with my friend, I'd make that a priority. But what if it doesn't work? I can't just have my future depend on someone else!
Plus that might have something to do with the fact that I don't want kids, I'd rather have a career instead of babies.
Am I that wrong? Does anyone else feel like this or went through something similar?