How do I handle this after all these years?

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i feel unloved

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How do i handle being raped from the time i was 5 til the day b4 my 15th b-day? by 3 different men all family. i thought i was over this but the memories keep flooding back. what do i do? the only relationship ive ever had failed because i was too scared of sex. am i wrong for not wanting to have sex until after marriage? can i get thru this? at the moment i feel lost n idk if i can take it anymore.
 
I have asked you twice now which account you'd like to keep. If you fail to respond, I will be deleting the other account this evening. Thank you.
 
i feel unloved said:
How do i handle being raped from the time i was 5 til the day b4 my 15th b-day? by 3 different men all family. i thought i was over this but the memories keep flooding back. what do i do? the only relationship ive ever had failed because i was too scared of sex. am i wrong for not wanting to have sex until after marriage? can i get thru this? at the moment i feel lost n idk if i can take it anymore.

Im so sorry to hear abour your ordeal :( your relationship failed not because of you. But from him not understand this and failin to put you before himself. Dont blame yourself. Also, there is nothin wrong with waiting until marraied to be intimate. If only more were like you :) keep bein you. Take your time and heal slowly. You cant do this overnight.
 
This is something that talking to a professional would actually help with, as there's a lot of treatment options for dealing with intrusive thoughts caused by everything from OCD to trauma. Among them might be something effective. Treating it on one's own is much harder, and you'd have to research methods yourself and hope something is applicable to your situation.

I 100% recommend staying away from dating unless you're capable of handling a lot of emotional and sexual pressure. It's pretty much inescapable unless you have divine luck, and someone trying to recover from trauma or other issues doesn't need that. I made more progress in three months single than I did in two years of worrying about dating and the mess it comes with.
 
I think tealeaf is right-you would benefit from having professional help to deal with your terrible experiences.
It is completely normal for you to be scared of having sex after what happened to you and a caring and loving man would understand and would want to help you.
 
i feel unloved said:
How do i handle being raped from the time i was 5 til the day b4 my 15th b-day? by 3 different men all family. i thought i was over this but the memories keep flooding back. what do i do? the only relationship ive ever had failed because i was too scared of sex. am i wrong for not wanting to have sex until after marriage? can i get thru this? at the moment i feel lost n idk if i can take it anymore.

I feel you. Though I've not gone through what you did, but something close. It saddens me to hear this whenever I do. People can be so mean. I'm sorry you had to experience all that. *hugs*

Tealeaf and Tiina said it - getting help professionally would help. It helps by talking about it with someone who can understand and help you through healing. I did.. not professionally but close to a professional. It really helps. Like what JALG says too, it's not an overnight process, so go slow and take your time. It's all right. We're here to support you too, so hope you won't feel like you're all alone in this.
 
im sorry i do not have two accounts. i am using the schools computer and my friend also has an account
EveWasFramed said:
I have asked you twice now which account you'd like to keep. If you fail to respond, I will be deleting the other account this evening. Thank you.
 
Thread gives me the eerie feeling how you can never be sure just about anything anyone writes on an online forum.
 
perfanoff said:
Thread gives me the eerie feeling how you can never be sure just about anything anyone writes on an online forum.

Yep, I know what you mean, I always give people the benefit of the doubt, and if I'm wrong...oh well. :p
 
I am so sorry that this happened to you. This is truly horrible.

Like what the other members have said you really should talk to a professional. You mention being in school and im not sure how old you are now but perhaps there's a counselor at school you can try at least? But I strongly urge you to talk to someone to help you through this ordeal.

Having a pleasant sexual experience is a lot about trust and I cannot imagine that being easy to come after what you've been through. Like Tealeaf said, perhaps it is a good idea to take a break from romantic relationships until you can get some professional advice. Getting involved with the wrong person may cause more damage and not everyone is understanding about how sexual abuse victims need a lot of time and patience when getting intimate.

And we're here if you need us...
 
i feel unloved said:
How do i handle being raped from the time i was 5 til the day b4 my 15th b-day? by 3 different men all family. i thought i was over this but the memories keep flooding back. what do i do? the only relationship ive ever had failed because i was too scared of sex. am i wrong for not wanting to have sex until after marriage? can i get thru this? at the moment i feel lost n idk if i can take it anymore.

What now? There's nothing wrong with waiting for marriage for sex.

Tell those you feel attracted to what happened to you, and if they don't understand that it might not even be until long after marriage, they probably aren't right for you anyway. You need a man who treats you right. Or a woman.
 
Lilianna said:
perfanoff said:
Thread gives me the eerie feeling how you can never be sure just about anything anyone writes on an online forum.

Yep, I know what you mean, I always give people the benefit of the doubt, and if I'm wrong...oh well. :p

Though my mind does think about what you think perfanoff, at the same time I feel the same as Lilianna. Who knows. :)
 

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