Help! So tired of being alone in the world.

Been alone almost all my life. A few High School encounters with girls on up through maybe 22 and then for 30 plus years by myself. I think at 22 I decided to limit my exposure and that if a woman had interest she would let me know. I have seen this happen a thousand plus times, but never to me. Never has anyone even suggested setting me up with someone and the few times that I did make an effort to be friends and maybe more only hurt me more. Have tried it all and even asked God many times for help but nothing. I also think that maybe in a previous life I have done something terrible and that this is punishment or that this is a test that I must endure. All the pain has led to self destructive behavior to include bouts of using drugs to numb the pain and using escorts for human touch.

I know I am a nice guy and that I have a good heart. I am 5’4”, not overweight, but life has time and time again reinforced the fact that I must be appalling to the opposite sex, even for friendship. Amazingly enough I am sure that I am not considered good looking but never thought of myself as appalling and always hoped that my heart would make up for all. I want and need companionship and have started to feel very hopeless that it will ever come. I have suffered in total silence for 30 plus years.

I signed up on this board in July of 2012 and read many post. I am very sympathetic to the pain experienced by all and wish I had the ability to heal all to include myself. I stopped reading shortly thereafter because I was sure that nothing can be done to help my situation and I did not want to be made to feel better by comparing my misery to that of others. Any suggestions appreciated?


I am happy to be physically healthy.

I am very happy and feel fortunate to be a US citizen.

I am very happy that I have 2 dogs and one cat that I can love and that love me.

I am very happy that I never hurt anyone other than myself throughout my life (So sad that this would be my legacy).

I am happy to have experienced the love of my mother and sister (both deceased).

I am very sad and hurt that I am abnormal in that I have not experienced the normal relationships with women that most men do. I would trade almost anything to have the ability to arouse a women’s desire and anything to maintain her love.

Hey John. I'm truly sorry to hear of what you've been through and your loss. I hope you won't resort to drugs anymore. *hugs* I'm not sure what to say here, but I really hope you'll be able to make some friendships on this forum. It might help a little.

ladyforsaken said:

Hey John. I'm truly sorry to hear of what you've been through and your loss. I hope you won't resort to drugs anymore. *hugs* I'm not sure what to say here, but I really hope you'll be able to make some friendships on this forum. It might help a little.

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Thanks. Just feeling really down lately and wondering if it is worth continueing this existence. No one would miss me. Please dont get alarmed, just researching my position on. If I were to go it would make me feel good if I could give my organs to save the lives of others. I wonder if there is a God and where do we go when we die.

Murder and suicide are not unpardonable sins. The only unforgivable sins are rejecting Christ (Mark 16:16) and blaspheming the Holy Spirit.

Hi John, my heart really goes out to you and I am sending you a hug. Please try not to use drugs as it wouldn't make your situation any better. I can understand the temptation and sometimes I feel like drinking when I am extra lonely, but I stay away from this, as it would make the chance of finding a relationship even smaller and would damage me too much physically.
I am in the same situation as yourself-still single and middle aged, wondering if God is punishing me. It is very hard to go through life alone when you really long to meet the right person and to share life's ups and downs in a close relationship. It is even harder when others assume that we are alone by choice, when nothing could be further from the truth. Have you ever tried online dating? You might find a good local Christian dating site which you could join. And many churches have more single women in them than they have single men, so you may find someone at a church.

Dear John, please don't give up. Keep going, okay. You're not alone in this. There are other members who can relate to you, like what Tiina says above, so you can talk to them about it as well. It does help knowing you're not going through this alone. *hugs*