Confused and sad

tocs82 · Apr 9, 2013

I will keep it as short as possible.

I am with this woman, both 30yo, know each other forever and I moved in 1.5 years ago. First 6 months = perfect, last year = HELL.

Too many bad things the past months like deaths, loss of job, loans etc. made her a wreck. I was holding tight and supporting her but then suddenly out of the blue my whole world collapsed. I was a very active man with few good friends having fun and stuff and now I lost it all due to a nervous breakdown as I like to call it with panic attacks and all the worries in the world. Been some time now... I also developed social phobia.

It was literally from best life ever to worst nightmare possible in a night.

I have no job neither does she and we are all day long home trying to sell stuff on ebay, some garage sales and get some money from relatives and stuff to pay for the loan.

I can't take it anymore I cant stand her depressive behavior adding to mine and I am thinking of leaving but I cant. I love her and I dont want to do that to her.

Please dont judge me I need advice. I lost everything but I have it all

Regumika · Apr 9, 2013

so basically your problem is money. it has nothing to do with social life.

lack of money causes a lot of stress. because you cant live in this world without money, unless you break down and tell yourself that youre going to be a beggar your whole life, but who wants to do that?

imo the issue isnt her, arent your friends, and technically its not you either. its money. i dont know what caused you both to lose jobs in the first place and wont get into that. but as of now, your answer is money.

leaving her wont solve anything.

tocs82 · Apr 9, 2013

I want to believe so too. Thanks

perfanoff · Apr 9, 2013

tocs82 said:
I will keep it as short as possible.

I am with this woman, both 30yo, know each other forever and I moved in 1.5 years ago. First 6 months = perfect, last year = HELL.

Too many bad things the past months like deaths, loss of job, loans etc. made her a wreck. I was holding tight and supporting her but then suddenly out of the blue my whole world collapsed. I was a very active man with few good friends having fun and stuff and now I lost it all due to a nervous breakdown as I like to call it with panic attacks and all the worries in the world. Been some time now... I also developed social phobia.

It was literally from best life ever to worst nightmare possible in a night.

I have no job neither does she and we are all day long home trying to sell stuff on ebay, some garage sales and get some money from relatives and stuff to pay for the loan.

I can't take it anymore I cant stand her depressive behavior adding to mine and I am thinking of leaving but I cant. I love her and I dont want to do that to her.

Please dont judge me I need advice. I lost everything but I have it all

If you really love her you'll be strong enough for both of you and you'll do your darnest to drag you two out of this mess.

If you don't love her just leave. It would be easier to handle things by yourself.

9006 · Apr 9, 2013

Hi tocs82,

Welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry to hear about all your problems. It sounds like your first 6 months was the honeymoon stage, everyone experience's a dip after this stage expires, but I think in your case it was more down to bad timing, and then it didn't rain, it poured!

Anyway I think it's clear you need to make some tough decisions, you're not gonna be able to sell things on eBay and at garage sale's forever, I think you should have a discussion with your partner about how you feel, talk about where things are and where you want to be, you need to decide weather it's helpful to stay together or of it's better to separate.

It's not too late to do something about all this, these maybe tough decisions, but in the long run they could be the right ones.

Good luck!

smarty24 · Apr 13, 2013

You have my support to do right thing: leave her. I would understand if she at least appropriated what you are doing but under those circumstances just find someone who will aprischiate you and what you are doing for that person.

aspalas · Apr 14, 2013

I agreevwith Regumika. I'd try to seek help or something, try to be as financially stable as possible. If you'll still think about leaving her, the problem isn't just money.

tocs82 · Apr 17, 2013

So if I get a job and settle somewhere which will take me at least 2 years I will know if its money or not, and if not that is 2 years wasted. Not for me for her. I am a man I can live in a dumpster with my dog and be happy but her life will be destroyed.

Anw. Thanks all for the replies I guess time will tell.

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