About A Woman I Knew

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

Jocsaint

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 15, 2013
Messages
150
Reaction score
0
Location
Pennsylvania
Hello, all! This is my first post here and I hope I don't offend anybody during my stay here or anything. Anyway, my problem is a previous relationship. This is sort of a long read, I apologize. It's the only way I can properly convey my problem.

During the last three years of high school, my dad enrolled me into an online school because of a bomb threat at the brick and mortar school I was going to. It was nice, but I kind of needed some social interaction. At around the time I got pulled from the brick and mortar school, I began to "come out of my shell" as the saying goes. I was always the quiet, loner type, but I was starting to get a few friends before I left.

Anyway, the online school had a sort of chat program, similar to AIM, where you could chat with the other students who were taking the same classes as you. I started talking to this girl, her name was Angela. At first it was sort of awkward, but soon we were talking to each other all day. I was even talking to her on the phone for hours, something I've never done with anyone before really.

We never actually seen each other face to face, but we talked to each other for hours about stuff that was going on in our lives, and just about anything else. One day she told me loved me, and I thought I loved her too. I was crazy about her. She was all I thought about. I know, it's a bit odd that we never seen each other, but we already knew everything about each other. Or at least I thought I did.

See, she would tell me these stories about herself and how she was put into an online school because, well, I'll be blunt, because she was the school slut. She was telling me about all of her sexual escapades, giving handjobs in the middle of class, having a three way with her best friend and her boyfriend... Yuck. One day, she told me a story so sickening that I actually argued with her. I hung up and we didn't talk for like a month.

Than I began to think. Was she really the school slut she had painted herself to be? Was she testing me? Was she just telling me all of this sick stuff so that I wouldn't talk to her anymore? Look, I ain't the best looking guy in the world. Certainly not the fittest either, I've had a sort of weight issue since I was a kid, but I would like to consider myself at least somewhat attractive. I would say I'm a pretty nice guy too, I can hold a good conversation.

When we stopped talking, at first it was great. I didn't have to talk to her or message her anymore or even bother to think about her. But I started to miss her. One day I started talking to her again, and it turned out she had already moved on to another guy, they even had pictures with each other. They were actually seeing each other, and I just felt... Wronged. I has asked multiple times if we could meet up somewhere and hangout, but she would always have some sort of excuse.

So then I got to thinking, well, she started telling me those stories just so she could move onto this guy. Or maybe she was already with him and needed to get rid of me? We still talked, and I tried convincing her to leave him for me. He was one of those crazy, bible thumping idiots and I just didn't understand their attraction to each other because they were polar opposites. She was telling me that he wanted her to change, and I never wanted her to do that. I was perfectly happy with her being who she was.

I don't know, I just thought that they weren't right together and that we were. One day, I thought I had gotten through to her. He had stood her up somewhere, and she texted me. She was like, I want to be with you we're going to hang out soon and such and such. The next day though, it was a completely different story. She blocked me on the messenger and when I called her she told me she had made a mistake.

Yeah, the whole situation was pretty odd for an online school, I know. You don't know how many times I've attempted to seek help about this before, but all I could imagine is people laughing because of an online relationship. People saying just get over it because it wasn't real. It was real to me though. Anyway, after that day we never talked again. But that was over four years ago... Lot's have things have changed, but I still can't get Angela out of my mind. I remember how I used to call her Angel because of her physical and mental beauty. She had an old spirit, and that was attractive to me.

I just can't stop thinking about her. I often wonder where we would be today if things had gone down differently, if I just stuck with her. I try looking her up on Facebook and Twitter and stuff to see how she is, but I can't find her anywhere and I don't want to reach stalker level extremes. I just want to talk to her, maybe get some closure or just be friends with her. I figured anything that she said would make me feel better about the thing.

I don't know where she lives, what she does, how she is or even if she'd remember me if we seen each other by some freak occurrence. All that I know is that I can't seem to forget what we had. Our friendship, our young love. I miss hearing her voice. Talking to her about my day, listening to her about her day. I feel halfway crazy when I even start to think about it all. If anybody has any comments about the story, or any advice on how to get over this girl, I'm all ears. Or eyes.

I haven't really had a relationship since her, but that's due to personal issues as well. Thanks, and sorry for this giant block of text.
 
I can relate to this a lot. I think I understand how you must feel, and I don't think an online relationship is something to laugh at. It's still real, the people involved are real, and the feelings are real.

I think you do need to get over her though, and not try to track her down. I'm sorry to say that I don't really have any other advice to give you - I've been hurt in a similar way and years later it still hurts just as much. Girlfriends are cruel.
 
Lorne said:
Girlfriends are cruel.

And boyfriends as well, lets not start the blame game.

But I'm afraid I think Lorne is right, you need to move on, you're stuck on something that might have been, seeing it through rose tinted glasses.

I'm not saying forget, but don't let this hold you back from the rest of your life.
 
dude... you missed out man... gotta ride the school sluts fast...
but dont worry though, you didnt miss anything meaningful. its probably better you didnt get into that drama.

But next time a girl tells you sex stories, dont turn her down. got that? live and learn buddy lol :D
 
MadMonkè said:
dude... you missed out man... gotta ride the school sluts fast...
but dont worry though, you didnt miss anything meaningful. its probably better you didnt get into that drama.

But next time a girl tells you sex stories, dont turn her down. got that? live and learn buddy lol :D

Yeah, but I didn't want her like that. I mean, yeah I guess I did, but I valued her more than that. I didn't just see her as a "sex object". She was my best friend first, girlfriend second.
 
I kind of think perhaps she had found someone irl while you two were "seeing each other" online. Listen though..if she blocked you and doesn't want to talk..then she's not worth your time. Someone who will give you the time of the day and doesn't hop to the next guy, is worth your time.
 
So then I got to thinking, well, she started telling me those stories just so she could move onto this guy. Or maybe she was already with him and needed to get rid of me? We still talked, and I tried convincing her to leave him for me. He was one of those crazy, bible thumping idiots and I just didn't understand their attraction to each other because they were polar opposites. She was telling me that he wanted her to change, and I never wanted her to do that. I was perfectly happy with her being who she was.

apparently you werent happy with her being who she was. thats why the 'silent month' happened in the first place.

scheming to dump you? i dont know. testing you? perhaps, i dont know either. It can go both ways, she may tell you that to see if you would accept or reject what she has done. (i dont know if she would continue to do such, you didnt say. and you dont have to). Maybe to also see if you are just there for the sex, taking advantage that she is already so much into sex. either way, what's done is done.

what you can do is respect her decisions. It is her life she is living. i agree with others, move on. use this experience to help you with your next.
 
Move on and don't think about it too much. Don't try to analyze or think about any explanations or excuses or things she's said because there's a good chance it's all bullshit anyways. She could have been telling the truth, she could have just been ******* with you. One thing I do know though is they won't hesitate to lie to spare their own guilty feelings.
 
Regumika said:
apparently you werent happy with her being who she was. thats why the 'silent month' happened in the first place.

What I meant was that I accepted who she was, didn't want to change her, but she wouldn't stop telling me all of this stuff she she supposedly did. What she done in the past was the past, I wanted her to move forward. That was why I was... mad, at her. She said she hated what she had done, but never stopped talking about it all. I couldn't be with her if the only thing she could think about was all the crap she done before me. It just didn't seem fair.

Would you tell your boyfriend/girlfriend every sexual thing you had done in your life with other men before you?
 
hm. i see what you mean jocsaint.

well, not that i would just openly say it, but i also wouldnt purposely not tell. i think the past... is still important, it makes everyone who they are today. but youre right, keep going on and on about the past is not necessary.
 
nice story :).
i say better to love an lost than never love at all.
you have ur memories tho :)
 
Regumika said:
hm. i see what you mean jocsaint.

well, not that i would just openly say it, but i also wouldnt purposely not tell. i think the past... is still important, it makes everyone who they are today. but youre right, keep going on and on about the past is not necessary.

Yeah, that was my problem with it all. I never really asked, I honestly didn't want to know. The past is important though, I guess if she spaced it out more I could have taken it in a little better.

Thanks for your input though, Regumika.
 
I will give a better reply later since I didn't actually read the whole thing all the way through.

It seems that you never actually met her in person. I had two online relationships(for lack of a better term)like that. One lasted a month or two and the other one lasted a few years. With the one it was cool although I never met her in person. She had the baby of a guy who she was just friends with. With the other one it was mostly sexual but we never met and she met some guy who became her boyfriend at some point while I thought we were still possibly planning to meet. Sometimes you have to be fast. In the end since I never met these women in person and several others it's no big deal. YOu just move on until you meet the person who is right for you. It could never happen but you don't know unless you try and you could have fun in the process(hopefully). Just don't take anything personal and be resilient.
 
Messed up things occur over the internet. Things that we can never truly comprehend. You don't even know if the boyfriend was real, or the girl.

I used to spend all my time when I was younger chatting on the then most popular form if communication - MSN - to people in the virtual world but also people who I knew in real life. I remember there was this girl in my class who I had had great conversations with and only now do I see that she asked me to go out and do stuff quite a lot. Fast forward a few years and she's now a socialite (if a bit of a slut) and I'm completely out of friends.
 
There is no point in getting hung up on this Joc, focus your younger years on making sure you'll be in a better place in 5 or 10 years down. Sure you can have fun now and it'll be great, but if you think too much on this it'll bother your progress later on. You'll get distracted and become obsessed with what could've happened.

Just think: do you want $1 now, or do you want $100 in 5 years? (just add as many zeros as you want until you feel better :D)

Personally it sounds like, this person never really loved you. She was just using you as a boy toy. Avoid those like the plague.
 
Goodmorningamerica said:
Messed up things occur over the internet. Things that we can never truly comprehend. You don't even know if the boyfriend was real, or the girl.

I used to spend all my time when I was younger chatting on the then most popular form if communication - MSN - to people in the virtual world but also people who I knew in real life. I remember there was this girl in my class who I had had great conversations with and only now do I see that she asked me to go out and do stuff quite a lot. Fast forward a few years and she's now a socialite (if a bit of a slut) and I'm completely out of friends.

If anything age teaches you to see and take opportunities as they come.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top