Do you ever feel like you you don't have anything in common with people?

Locke · May 27, 2013

I think its one of the reasons why I have so much trouble relating to people, why its so hard for me to talk to them. I stopped caring about almost everything a long time ago: Politics, sports, hobbies...whatever. Nothing mattered.

I'm trying to find both people to care about and things that interest me again, but its hard. How do I find friends when I have no way to relate to them? How do I find something that interests me when I have no one to share it with? I could go to forums and discuss things that interest me, and I've tried. But I'm so shy and afraid of rejection that I can't bring myself to post very much.

Am I making any sense at all? I haven't slept for a while, and I'm really sick of my own thoughts, so I honestly can't tell. I'm probably babbling.
:club:

Skid Row 89 · May 27, 2013

Locke said:
I think its one of the reasons why I have so much trouble relating to people, why its so hard for me to talk to them. I stopped caring about almost everything a long time ago: Politics, sports, hobbies...whatever. Nothing mattered.

I'm trying to find both people to care about and things that interest me again, but its hard. How do I find friends when I have no way to relate to them? How do I find something that interests me when I have no one to share it with? I could go to forums and discuss things that interest me, and I've tried. But I'm so shy and afraid of rejection that I can't bring myself to post very much.

Am I making any sense at all? I haven't slept for a while, and I'm really sick of my own thoughts, so I honestly can't tell. I'm probably babbling.
:club:

Firstly, find out what interests you again; part of you must still like the idea of those past hobbies or interests. I'd say definitely try forums for talking to people with common interests, it's unlikely they'll reject you if you're both interested in that particular subject. Even here on ALL there are gamers, debaters and music lovers so there are a variety of things to discuss. I feel like I'm stating the obvious but check to see if there are any clubs close to you concerning any of your interests.

Locke · May 27, 2013

As I said in my original post, I've tried finding things that interest me and talking about it in forums. My anxiety and fear of rejection stops me, and since I can barely bring myself to give a **** to begin with, I just give up, just like I did on this website when I first joined months ago. I'm trying my best. I just feel so stuck. But I appreciate the advice, Skid Row.

I sometimes feel like I should spend all of my time in bars drinking. I'd be drunk, so I wouldn't care what others thought, I'd fit in with the other drunks, and even though I don't like alcohol much, I might even have fun again.

I know that is not really the way it would be, I've seen what alcoholism does, but it still seems like a tempting alternative to my current life.

petrovchanka · May 27, 2013

Locke said:
How do I find something that interests me when I have no one to share it with?

Why is finding something that interests YOU dependent on whether or not someone will be around to share it with? The interest is YOUR interest...and, if you happen to meet someone with a similar interest, than GREAT! First and foremost though...look into an interest for yourself, no one else.

You sound paralyzed with fear and anxiety...even in seemingly socially benign forums (i.e. online forums where no one knows you, no one has to see you and where people bond over certain interests and topics). Your reaction to engaging in forums is so different than the average person. I find it fascinating. Having said that, I am proud of you for posting your thoughts and feelings on the subject you posted. Realize it or not, your post was like taking a big step forward.

perfanoff · May 27, 2013

I used to get that before, but now I know better. There's countless of things I have in common with many people.

Moe'sTavern · May 28, 2013

The last time I felt I had something in common with other people was when I went to Comic Con last year; And Otakon the year before that.

Locke · May 28, 2013

petrovchanka said:
Locke said:

How do I find something that interests me when I have no one to share it with?

Click to expand...

Why is finding something that interests YOU dependent on whether or not someone will be around to share it with? The interest is YOUR interest...and, if you happen to meet someone with a similar interest, than GREAT! First and foremost though...look into an interest for yourself, no one else.

You sound paralyzed with fear and anxiety...even in seemingly socially benign forums (i.e. online forums where no one knows you, no one has to see you and where people bond over certain interests and topics). Your reaction to engaging in forums is so different than the average person. I find it fascinating. Having said that, I am proud of you for posting your thoughts and feelings on the subject you posted. Realize it or not, your post was like taking a big step forward.

I've been stuck with myself for so long that its not enough anymore. Even If I do find something to occupy my time, it will eventually become pointless unless I have someone to share it with. But I guess you're right, its the only way.

I am paralysed with fear and anxiety. I tred to contribute to another topic, "List 5 things you're grateful for". I made it to 3 before I ran out of things and gave up. One of the 3 was peanut butter. That's what the fear and anxiety has done to me; made me grateful for peanut butter and not much else. That's why I feel such a strong need to connect with people. Peanut Butter just isn't enough, especially when I have no one to discuss it with.

I wasn't always like this though, so I know I can change, be happy again. The alternative is likely an eventual padded cell or a grave no one will ever visit. Talking helps alot, so thanks, all of you, for taking the time. I'll try visiting some video game forums tonight.

ladyforsaken · May 28, 2013

It's difficult for me to find someone else who has a lot in common with me. I would say that although I'm pretty easy-going, not every one of my friends and I have common interests. Out of 10, maybe about 1 or 2 would have. Maybe that's why I've always been an oddball.

perfanoff · May 28, 2013

ladyforsaken said:
It's difficult for me to find someone else who has a lot in common with me. I would say that although I'm pretty easy-going, not every one of my friends and I have common interests. Out of 10, maybe about 1 or 2 would have. Maybe that's why I've always been an oddball.

You realize you're lucky, right?

el Jay · May 28, 2013

I sometimes feel like I don't have much in common with people. Part of it is probably being back in college in my late 20s. Young enough to still get along and fit in easily enough, but old enough that there's that disconnect there, between what I grew up with vs. them, my age and experiences, etc.

But due to my difficult and unusual childhood and adolescence (being bullied, moving across the country and later world), it feels difficult to connect with people who, by and large, have had relatively "normal" lives growing up.They had their friends in school, interests in a career, chose a college, and are working towards their goals. Whereas here I am, bummed around doing jack honeysuckle for most of my 20s as I slowly work on recovering from what I went through in school. My first attempt at college was basically me being in shock at finally being out of school and away from those experiences. I just muddled through, never putting much effort in and getting a B average (C in difficult classes, A in easy ones). No direction, no long-term plans.

Fittingly enough, I get along much better with people who've gone through honeysuckle like I did in the past. Not necessarily bullying in school, but just any sort of trauma or significantly negative experience. Kindred spirits, I suppose. Though I never actually meet that type of person in real life. Probably because they're hiding away like I do much of my time, and when they're out in public, they manage to look outwardly normal, same as me. C'est la vie.

Locke · May 28, 2013

Moe said:
The last time I felt I had something in common with other people was when I went to Comic Con last year; And Otakon the year before that.

I've never been to a convention before, sounds like a lot of fun! Makes me wish I could go to E3 next month.

ladyforsaken said:
It's difficult for me to find someone else who has a lot in common with me. I would say that although I'm pretty easy-going, not every one of my friends and I have common interests. Out of 10, maybe about 1 or 2 would have. Maybe that's why I've always been an oddball.

Being the oddball would be okay with me as long as I felt accepted.

el Jay said:
I sometimes feel like I don't have much in common with people. Part of it is probably being back in college in my late 20s. Young enough to still get along and fit in easily enough, but old enough that there's that disconnect there, between what I grew up with vs. them, my age and experiences, etc.

But due to my difficult and unusual childhood and adolescence (being bullied, moving across the country and later world), it feels difficult to connect with people who, by and large, have had relatively "normal" lives growing up.They had their friends in school, interests in a career, chose a college, and are working towards their goals. Whereas here I am, bummed around doing jack honeysuckle for most of my 20s as I slowly work on recovering from what I went through in school. My first attempt at college was basically me being in shock at finally being out of school and away from those experiences. I just muddled through, never putting much effort in and getting a B average (C in difficult classes, A in easy ones). No direction, no long-term plans.

Fittingly enough, I get along much better with people who've gone through honeysuckle like I did in the past. Not necessarily bullying in school, but just any sort of trauma or significantly negative experience. Kindred spirits, I suppose. Though I never actually meet that type of person in real life. Probably because they're hiding away like I do much of my time, and when they're out in public, they manage to look outwardly normal, same as me. C'est la vie.

That sounds like a rough childhood. I'm going through a period where I'm trying to find direction. I guess if it were easy, it probably wouldn't be worth doing, but its frustrating as hell. Did you meet the people you get along with here?

Susana · May 28, 2013

Locke said:
I think its one of the reasons why I have so much trouble relating to people, why its so hard for me to talk to them. I stopped caring about almost everything a long time ago: Politics, sports, hobbies...whatever. Nothing mattered.

I'm trying to find both people to care about and things that interest me again, but its hard. How do I find friends when I have no way to relate to them? How do I find something that interests me when I have no one to share it with? I could go to forums and discuss things that interest me, and I've tried. But I'm so shy and afraid of rejection that I can't bring myself to post very much.

Am I making any sense at all? I haven't slept for a while, and I'm really sick of my own thoughts, so I honestly can't tell. I'm probably babbling.
:club:

I'm not sure how old you are however, whether you are old enough to understand this or not - not many people have the exact same interest as others or anything at all the same. It's life. And there's nothing wrong with that. The point of life is not to find others with the same interest as yours or to try to find some kind of interest, anything or whatever. The point of life is to know yourself and be comfortable in yourself, spend alone (quality) time with yourself, be happy with yourself, love yourself. If you can do these, then the rest will fall into place....

Ignis · May 28, 2013

Locke said:
I think its one of the reasons why I have so much trouble relating to people, why its so hard for me to talk to them.

The very idea of you thinking you don't have anything in common, or that you have difficulty relating to other people thereby makes you have something in common and ALLOWS you to relate to other people in your same situation. You'll be able to empathise with anyone who feels the same as you.

Locke said:
I stopped caring about almost everything a long time ago: Politics, sports, hobbies...whatever. Nothing mattered.

I'd like to tell you a small story.

I met up with an internet friend for the first time a while ago and she came with 2 of her friends. One who thought the same not to long ago actually.
I tried my hardest to talk to this girl, we were hanging out in a group and I could tell she was uncomfortable, we could all have conversations and she's sit there awkwardly and listen in.
I asked her why it was that she didn't participate in conversation, or why she never threw in her two cents. She replied with "There's nothing interesting about me, I don't really have any hobbies and I don't really play any sports. I'm about as bland as can be."
She DID believe heavily in religion, which was something I pointed out...
She was also studying to become an English/History/Geography teacher. That means that she has a passion for English, writing, maybe even theatre. She was interested in History, the Greeks and Romans... Egyptian mythology and such.

It wasn't until after I'd had a decent length conversation that I told her what we'd just done, she was in disbelief... She didn't count anything we talked about as hobbies or interests.
Of course they were, she was interested enough in it to believe in a religion.
She was interested enough to become a teacher.

Locke said:
I'm trying to find both people to care about and things that interest me again, but its hard. How do I find friends when I have no way to relate to them? How do I find something that interests me when I have no one to share it with?

You need to find something that interests you first, though I'm sure you do deep down somewhere. If you had absolutely NOTHING that interested you at all I don't really think you'd be here. Posting here in itself could be considered an interest. Browsing the internet could be a "hobby". Maybe not the greatest one, you might not think of it as one... But it could be considered one.
Hell, you could even attempt to argue the lack of having any interests or hobbies IS an interest of itself.

You don't really need to share hobbies to be able to relate to someone. I don't need to know someone's hobbies to be able to cheer them up when they're sad, give them an ear to talk to or bounce ideas off them.

As for the last point, you definitely don't need anyone to enjoy something or take up an interest. You can very well enjoy something on your own. It's just a matter of doing something you find fun.

Locke said:
I could go to forums and discuss things that interest me, and I've tried. But I'm so shy and afraid of rejection that I can't bring myself to post very much.

Yet here you are, posting on a forum. Braving the idea of being rejected, and fighting your shyness. Congratulations

You're already on your way to conquering a fear.
You don't need to post much. A post here or there may give you the confidence to start posting more often. Snowball effect FTW!

If I've come across as a jerk in any way, shape, or form I apologise because it wasn't my intention.

Locke · May 28, 2013

Ignis said:
Locke said:

I think its one of the reasons why I have so much trouble relating to people, why its so hard for me to talk to them.

Click to expand...

The very idea of you thinking you don't have anything in common, or that you have difficulty relating to other people thereby makes you have something in common and ALLOWS you to relate to other people in your same situation. You'll be able to empathise with anyone who feels the same as you.

Locke said:

I stopped caring about almost everything a long time ago: Politics, sports, hobbies...whatever. Nothing mattered.

Click to expand...

I'd like to tell you a small story.

I met up with an internet friend for the first time a while ago and she came with 2 of her friends. One who thought the same not to long ago actually.
I tried my hardest to talk to this girl, we were hanging out in a group and I could tell she was uncomfortable, we could all have conversations and she's sit there awkwardly and listen in.
I asked her why it was that she didn't participate in conversation, or why she never threw in her two cents. She replied with "There's nothing interesting about me, I don't really have any hobbies and I don't really play any sports. I'm about as bland as can be."
She DID believe heavily in religion, which was something I pointed out...
She was also studying to become an English/History/Geography teacher. That means that she has a passion for English, writing, maybe even theatre. She was interested in History, the Greeks and Romans... Egyptian mythology and such.

It wasn't until after I'd had a decent length conversation that I told her what we'd just done, she was in disbelief... She didn't count anything we talked about as hobbies or interests.
Of course they were, she was interested enough in it to believe in a religion.
She was interested enough to become a teacher.

Locke said:

I'm trying to find both people to care about and things that interest me again, but its hard. How do I find friends when I have no way to relate to them? How do I find something that interests me when I have no one to share it with?

Click to expand...

You need to find something that interests you first, though I'm sure you do deep down somewhere. If you had absolutely NOTHING that interested you at all I don't really think you'd be here. Posting here in itself could be considered an interest. Browsing the internet could be a "hobby". Maybe not the greatest one, you might not think of it as one... But it could be considered one.
Hell, you could even attempt to argue the lack of having any interests or hobbies IS an interest of itself.

You don't really need to share hobbies to be able to relate to someone. I don't need to know someone's hobbies to be able to cheer them up when they're sad, give them an ear to talk to or bounce ideas off them.

As for the last point, you definitely don't need anyone to enjoy something or take up an interest. You can very well enjoy something on your own. It's just a matter of doing something you find fun.

Locke said:

I could go to forums and discuss things that interest me, and I've tried. But I'm so shy and afraid of rejection that I can't bring myself to post very much.

Click to expand...

Yet here you are, posting on a forum. Braving the idea of being rejected, and fighting your shyness. Congratulations You're already on your way to conquering a fear.
You don't need to post much. A post here or there may give you the confidence to start posting more often. Snowball effect FTW!

If I've come across as a jerk in any way, shape, or form I apologise because it wasn't my intention.

That was a good story, and it was very nice of you to engage her in conversation and help her. I think I understand what you're saying. I should stop struggling to find ways to relate to people so much and just.....talk to them. Could it really be that obvious? Am I really so dumb?

I thought that if I knew everything about a given topic I was interested in, I could easily relate to people and wouldn't have to worry about rejection. But that wouldn't work, would it? That fear would still be there. I mean all that most people want, lonely or not, is for someone to listen to them. If I weren't so afraid of people I would probably be good at listening. Maybe then they would listen to me and I could talk about the things I do know about. Maybe I would actually care about those things again.

I would be completely lost and hopeless without posts like yours. Come to think of it, others here were trying to tell me the same thing and I was to dense to see it. What you said about not needing to know someones hobbies to cheer them up must be true, because I feel cheered up. Thank you.

ladyforsaken · May 28, 2013

perfanoff said:
ladyforsaken said:

It's difficult for me to find someone else who has a lot in common with me. I would say that although I'm pretty easy-going, not every one of my friends and I have common interests. Out of 10, maybe about 1 or 2 would have. Maybe that's why I've always been an oddball.

Click to expand...

You realize you're lucky, right?

Haha.. in a way, I guess I am! I'm not complaining though. I like being odd.

Locke said:
ladyforsaken said:

It's difficult for me to find someone else who has a lot in common with me. I would say that although I'm pretty easy-going, not every one of my friends and I have common interests. Out of 10, maybe about 1 or 2 would have. Maybe that's why I've always been an oddball.

Click to expand...

Being the oddball would be okay with me as long as I felt accepted.

I don't think I feel accepted much where I am.. even with my family or friends. I feel more accepted... here.

Boston Lager · May 28, 2013

Locke said:
I think its one of the reasons why I have so much trouble relating to people, why its so hard for me to talk to them. I stopped caring about almost everything a long time ago: Politics, sports, hobbies...whatever. Nothing mattered.

I'm trying to find both people to care about and things that interest me again, but its hard. How do I find friends when I have no way to relate to them? How do I find something that interests me when I have no one to share it with? I could go to forums and discuss things that interest me, and I've tried. But I'm so shy and afraid of rejection that I can't bring myself to post very much.

Am I making any sense at all? I haven't slept for a while, and I'm really sick of my own thoughts, so I honestly can't tell. I'm probably babbling.
:club:

Sad fact of life is that most people are expendable. Try and banter with people. Everyone wants to laugh even if they appear to be overly hard-assed and 'intelligent.' When you humiliate a topic it becomes less scary. Don't fear rejection because most people don't deserve your time. Go in blind.

Dissident · May 28, 2013

I'm surrounded by idiots, in a system built to cater to the whims and [dis]abilities of idiots. My family are redneck christians who listen to country and voted for Romney. Not only do I feel disconnected, I feel that I am at odds with society and its expectations. But I suspect that the sooner I leave the US the sooner this feeling with disappear.

Rosebolt · May 28, 2013

In real life i have nothing in common with anyone. I don't mind it much though, i laugh while bathing in the stupidity of the moral majority.

On the internet, it's better, but there is no one who i can 100% relate to. And for the people who get the closest to that 100%, they're seriously rare, and i have unstable contact with said people at best, for various reasons.

Retrospective81 · May 28, 2013

Locke said:
I think its one of the reasons why I have so much trouble relating to people, why its so hard for me to talk to them. I stopped caring about almost everything a long time ago: Politics, sports, hobbies...whatever. Nothing mattered.

I'm trying to find both people to care about and things that interest me again, but its hard. How do I find friends when I have no way to relate to them? How do I find something that interests me when I have no one to share it with? I could go to forums and discuss things that interest me, and I've tried. But I'm so shy and afraid of rejection that I can't bring myself to post very much.

Am I making any sense at all? I haven't slept for a while, and I'm really sick of my own thoughts, so I honestly can't tell. I'm probably babbling.
:club:

Youre makin sense to me mate. Youre in waht's known as a 'state of apathy' where you are indifferent to hobbies or interests and generally, you have a 'lack of energy'. With life in general

Been here myself mate. lately thouh Im really into politics (supporting UK independence party here in the uk) and playin pool and just generally arsin about with my mate takin life as little seriously as I can. I guess Im passionate about somethins

I cant tell you what to do as this is somethin you may just ahve to o throuh until you find somethin that sparks with you. You cant force it either mate.

However, I do stress you try and ge tover the fear of rejection as soon as you possibly can. The world will enver stop turnin and the people who reject you, just go about their lives everday not giving a honeysuckle. Basically, they ahve forotten about you the day after. They arent worth holdin on to this fear pal, trust me. Live for you pal is all I can say. The world will never stop turning. As shitty as it is to say that..

petrovchanka · May 28, 2013

Locke said:
petrovchanka said:

Locke said:

How do I find something that interests me when I have no one to share it with?

Click to expand...

Why is finding something that interests YOU dependent on whether or not someone will be around to share it with? The interest is YOUR interest...and, if you happen to meet someone with a similar interest, than GREAT! First and foremost though...look into an interest for yourself, no one else.

You sound paralyzed with fear and anxiety...even in seemingly socially benign forums (i.e. online forums where no one knows you, no one has to see you and where people bond over certain interests and topics). Your reaction to engaging in forums is so different than the average person. I find it fascinating. Having said that, I am proud of you for posting your thoughts and feelings on the subject you posted. Realize it or not, your post was like taking a big step forward.

Click to expand...

I've been stuck with myself for so long that its not enough anymore. Even If I do find something to occupy my time, it will eventually become pointless unless I have someone to share it with. But I guess you're right, its the only way.

I am paralysed with fear and anxiety. I tred to contribute to another topic, "List 5 things you're grateful for". I made it to 3 before I ran out of things and gave up. One of the 3 was peanut butter. That's what the fear and anxiety has done to me; made me grateful for peanut butter and not much else. That's why I feel such a strong need to connect with people. Peanut Butter just isn't enough, especially when I have no one to discuss it with.

I wasn't always like this though, so I know I can change, be happy again. The alternative is likely an eventual padded cell or a grave no one will ever visit. Talking helps alot, so thanks, all of you, for taking the time. I'll try visiting some video game forums tonight.

I don't know if it is any consolation to you...but I can identify with many of the feelings you have. Life is nicer when shared with someone. On and off I have felt the same way you have...but only when good things happen to me (like a job promotion, graduation, etc.)...it is in those moments that I wish there was a significant other by my side to give me a hug, congratulate me, maybe even give me a kiss on the cheek. As far as "interests"...yes...those are different than the "moments" in life that I write about. The underlying feelings you and I have are the same.

As far as 5 things you're grateful for...again, I can identify. If it's any consolation, I have to dig deep. If I say things like "I'm grateful for my family" I'm not 100% certain I even mean what I am saying...because there is no attached warm/fuzzy feeling when I say it. I feel disconnected from them most of the time...And I feel like an a$$ for even doubting my gratitude for them...We are just so detached though...I usually say family, health, job...and that's about where it stops.

I've never been grateful for peanut butter...but I think you're onto something

What are your thoughts on self-help books? Are you into much reading, and are you into the buy-in that comes with self-help books?

Keep your head up, kiddo. If you'd like to send me a PM and brainstorm things to be grateful for (I've officially added peanut butter to my list), than please don't hesitate.

Do you ever feel like you you don't have anything in common with people?

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