since I remember, since I was old enough and she started talking about personal things, I have this aunt who is very lonely. She divorced when she was around 40, she had some really ugly affairs with one ******* and one married man, after which she dismissed all guys as pigs. On the surface she has a lot of friends, she travels all the time for work, but I know that she doesn't talk about personal things with anyone, perhaps only one is really her friends, the others are just acquaintances, they only make conversation about work and stuff, rarely anything personal.
Last year she had a little tumor removed, and she didn't tell anyone, even me, and after she was very bitter and depressed because no-one went visit her (!).
The other day she told me (again) about a bad experience with some "friends", some people standing her up, by mistake probably but still it hurt, and as in the previous cases she lashed out violently against those people (that she insisted to visit even after they said that they didn't have place for her), and then she cried because she is lonely. She is 63, it really scares me to hear the same sad high school tales of how the other kids are bad from someone who should have their sh-t together.
I don't know what to say to her anymore, because she firmly refuses to meet anyone who is outside of her work circle or who are not strictly in her economic and social class and ideas (hard core atheists do not have clubs, if they had she wouldn't go), she has zero hobbies or interests except for work, and when I dare telling her that she can still go out and meet new people (she lives in a bigger town, with lots of things to do, so technically it could be possible) she get very angry at me because she says I am patronizing, and then she just adds that she is happy alone and she doesn't like people, contradicting what she said ten minutes before.
I am not a psychiatrist, but I understand that she is in major denial and doesn't want to assume responsibility for her own happiness so she is just blaming everybody (people, men, relatives, me), and she is in a cage of loneliness because of her prejudiced mind, still, I feel bad because she truly suffers, what can I do to make her feel better?
Sometimes she wants to go on holiday with me, making it very clear that she does it only because she has nobody else, and the few times we went it was always a nightmare, so I don't think my company is a solution. I always answer the phone though, although she is often a real ***** to me, mainly because i want to have personal conversations and she can only stand harmless chit chat.
Why do I feel sorry for her again?
she is my aunt, for years I had nobody else but her to talk with, she wasn't so angry and bitter twenty years ago, and somewhere she has a good heart.
Last year she had a little tumor removed, and she didn't tell anyone, even me, and after she was very bitter and depressed because no-one went visit her (!).
The other day she told me (again) about a bad experience with some "friends", some people standing her up, by mistake probably but still it hurt, and as in the previous cases she lashed out violently against those people (that she insisted to visit even after they said that they didn't have place for her), and then she cried because she is lonely. She is 63, it really scares me to hear the same sad high school tales of how the other kids are bad from someone who should have their sh-t together.
I don't know what to say to her anymore, because she firmly refuses to meet anyone who is outside of her work circle or who are not strictly in her economic and social class and ideas (hard core atheists do not have clubs, if they had she wouldn't go), she has zero hobbies or interests except for work, and when I dare telling her that she can still go out and meet new people (she lives in a bigger town, with lots of things to do, so technically it could be possible) she get very angry at me because she says I am patronizing, and then she just adds that she is happy alone and she doesn't like people, contradicting what she said ten minutes before.
I am not a psychiatrist, but I understand that she is in major denial and doesn't want to assume responsibility for her own happiness so she is just blaming everybody (people, men, relatives, me), and she is in a cage of loneliness because of her prejudiced mind, still, I feel bad because she truly suffers, what can I do to make her feel better?
Sometimes she wants to go on holiday with me, making it very clear that she does it only because she has nobody else, and the few times we went it was always a nightmare, so I don't think my company is a solution. I always answer the phone though, although she is often a real ***** to me, mainly because i want to have personal conversations and she can only stand harmless chit chat.
Why do I feel sorry for her again?
she is my aunt, for years I had nobody else but her to talk with, she wasn't so angry and bitter twenty years ago, and somewhere she has a good heart.