Only attracted to women who don’t care

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ardour

Well known loser
Joined
Jul 26, 2011
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I thought women were mostly inclined to feel like this, but even as an undesirable guy like me-if a women I initially fancy is warm and friendly, I’m somehow not as interested. In my case friendly women are only being nice, so there are no personal implications. But it bothers me because it would seem this preference is self-defeating and therefore something defective in me. There’s probably some biological drive behind it ; ‘too much emotionally availability = vulnerable = poor mate selection’, even though I wouldn’t make much of a ‘mate selection’ for someone else.
 
it sounds like you don't like yourself that much, so you don't like those who like you either - is that it?
 
I have this problem too. I think there's something safer in wanting someone who doesn't want you back, because intimacy can be a scary thing if you're afraid to get to know someone. On the other hand, I also discovered that I tried to use men who weren't interested in me to resolve past feelings rejection from peers and family by getting someone who "rejects" you to "love" you.
 
It sounds as though it's inferiority talking, as in that saying attributed to Grouch Marx that runs along the lines of "I wouldn't belong to any club that would have me as a member." :-/

I get that way as well. I figure if a man is attracted to me/likes me, then automatically there must be something horribly wrong with him.
 
I can kinda understand the logic, but it's not a good attitude to have. I'd change it.
 
As BlossomedInShadow says, I think that it is something from your past-unavailable parental figure or something like this which is making you do this. You are trying to rerun the same scenario all the time in the hope that one day it will turn out differently, that the unavailable figure will return your feelings. And a fear of closeness could also be part of it.
 
Give up on this idea of "mate selection".

Humans aren't animals. Relationships aren't based around mate selection and sh#t like that. There are a lot of backwards thinking shallow people out there who see life on those terms.

The purpose of life is to find some meaning beyond that.
 

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