Feeling down in the dumps today

First time in ages that I have had a few days off and cannot deal with it. I'm just bored, depressed and on my own. I did something very stupid and costly yesterday that has only amplified my depression, I knew it would happen if I did it but I did it anyway.

I just don't understand why I go on anymore, I never go anywhere to meet new friends and even if i do go out somewhere I don't have the skillset anymore to befriend people. I feel useless and think I'm going to end up like my Dad after my mother left him, I see so much of myself in him. He to has no hobbies and just wastes his time away infront of the TV when not working just getting each week in not really looking forward to anything in particular and he's been like that for over 15years. I don't want to go through that but I don't know how to prevent it.

Hi Jim, sorry to hear that you're feeling crappy. I always thought that parents were there so that you could learn from their mistakes as much as their examples. It sounds like you need a hobby, one that gets you out of the house, maybe you could take up photography? I find it a great way to get my mind off things.

Don't worry about trying to make friends, I find that the harder you try to make friends, the harder making friends becomes. Just try to enjoy life a little on your own first and you'll probably be surprised how many interesting people you meet along the way.

If you want to talk about the stupid thing you did, feel free to PM me. Either way, you have the day off so go for a walk or something, anything but sit in front of the TV. I hope it passes soon and that you'll feel better.

Well that sucks,you do know what they say an idle mind is a devils workshop! Just being alone with your thoughts can be horrible..Try finding a hobby,a nice walk,get addicted to a tv show (after finishing all the seasons you'll be depressed again thou) or keep your mind busy! Or PM me or Runciter.. A nice chat wouldn't hurt! As long as you keep your mind busy! Will try my best to keep you occupied

Nice But Dim Jim said:

First time in ages that I have had a few days off and cannot deal with it. I'm just bored, depressed and on my own. I did something very stupid and costly yesterday that has only amplified my depression, I knew it would happen if I did it but I did it anyway.

I just don't understand why I go on anymore, I never go anywhere to meet new friends and even if i do go out somewhere I don't have the skillset anymore to befriend people. I feel useless and think I'm going to end up like my Dad after my mother left him, I see so much of myself in him. He to has no hobbies and just wastes his time away infront of the TV when not working just getting each week in not really looking forward to anything in particular and he's been like that for over 15years. I don't want to go through that but I don't know how to prevent it.

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I wouldn't worry too much about meeting new friends. I would instead take up a new hobby, one that gets you in the fresh air. Photography or cycling, walking, if you have the money do some travelling. If you happen to meet people when your out and about then great !

Thanks guys,

A hobby would be great but I just never stick at them. I'm tired of walking and all that as I did that to keep me occupied last year and it didnt last any longer than a few weeks/months.

My mind is very idle at the moment and its not like I don't have things to do, I have loads to do around the house but I just can't jumpstart myself to do them. I was doing so well for about a month but I'm now back in the mode of missing my ex quite alot, it's been a year now and even though she's a heartless ***** that doesn't want anything to do with me, I still miss her greatly but oddly i'm also feeling very bitter over how she treated and tortured my mind over the year before we broke up. She has literally robbed me of all self respect I had for myself, I'm just full of self loathing now, I genuinely don't think I want to ever trust anyone again as much as I trusted her.

Sometimes having days off can be a trigger for lonliness. I am always sick of work but then I'll be on vacation and won't know what to do with myself.

It's always good to play ahead for when you have that time off, just make sure you have things to occupy you.

I had joined a boxing gym in my city and you could go train every day for an hour and half. That really lifts your mood and it's fun.

Sometimes I feel lucky to be an alcoholic because I am in AA and whenever I get lonely or have nothing to do there is always a meeting. Sometimes I just go to get the free coffee and hang out with friendly people. It really helps.

Don't worry about your ex or let your experience with her affect future relationships. Those feelings will pass. It just takes time.

If you have chores to do don't worry about getting it all done at once. Just set out to do one small thing. Action leads to motivation. It's not the other way around. Like if I have dishes and laundry and all kinds of stuff I just tell myself I'll wash a few mugs and that's it. Once I start I end up washing everything.

Or I just clean my bathroom but not the rest of my apartment. Once I start the bathroom I usually get into it and clean my whole place.

Sometimes just going to the movie theatre and seeing a movie is a good way to take your mind off things. It doesn't matter if you go alone. I am off during the days since I work overnight, so I go to daytime movies alone when I want to see something. If you can get really lost in the story that's great. There haven't been many good movies out recently though.

I like reading horror fiction a lot, especially the trashy kind. Have you ever read Richard Laymon? His books are really fun and a great way to pass the time.

Hello, sorry to hear about that your so down. I myself can slip down pretty bad if the lonelyness ends up consuming me. Don't worry about your ex gf so much, worry about you and what you have right in front of you. I know it's easier said than done. You just have to build yourself back up and get into new interests. Concentrate on yourself. =) Eventually you'll feel better over time, I know it won't happen over night though. I'm sure if you ever need to talk or need someone to vent too.

I would like to concentrate on myself but I'm not sure whether I don't know who I am or that I just don't like who I am. I have spent all my adult life in a relationship and I can't deal with being on my own.

I think I'm going to have to do some serious drinking

Nice But Dim Jim said:

I would like to concentrate on myself but I'm not sure whether I don't know who I am or that I just don't like who I am.

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Doing some things for yourself will give you a much better idea about who you are and you'll find yourself liking yourself a lot more when you have something to take pride in. Photography is great for me but so is exercise and good music.

Nice But Dim Jim said:

I have spent all my adult life in a relationship and I can't deal with being on my own.

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Me too, from the age of 19. I'm now 27 and finding life a little strange but I've found that the first step to sorting my life out was accepting the facts and getting on with things. I'm a lot happier at the moment and have no intention of finding a new girlfriend for the foreseeable future.

Nice But Dim Jim said:

I think I'm going to have to do some serious drinking

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Do it, it helped me. Just be careful, I prefer drinking when I'm in a good mood and have accomplished something. Drinking when feeling down will just make matters worse believe me.

It sounds as though our situations are pretty simillar. I wouldn't say I have fully recovered yet but I feel like I'm making good progress and it feels good. What I did when I was at my lowest was set a date, a week or two in the future and planed to start to turn my life around then. Use the time leading up to it to set yourself goals and to shed the self-deprecating attitude. You can do it mate, the only thing holding you back is yourself.

Many thanks Runciter. Up until a few days ago, I would say I was almost back to enjoying myself a little more and being happy on my own, this past few days has just sunk me back a little.

When I get a bit of time to myself, I always seem to do this though. It's like I can't help myself, I get needy again and reach out but no one is there.

Been doing a few things around the home today which has brightened my mood. I also slightly blew a fuse at a family member which seems to have brightened my mood which probably it shouldn't but it did.

Nice But Dim Jim said:

When I get a bit of time to myself, I always seem to do this though. It's like I can't help myself, I get needy again and reach out but no one is there.

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I completely understand you there. My coworkers think it's strange when I say money is over-rated. They ask me why I come to work then and I tell them because it is my social life.
I hate getting vacation time. I don't have anything to do with it but I have to use it or lose it.
It's really bad if I get an extended weekend. I hear so many people talking about wanting to work 10x4 weeks instead of 8x5 weeks. They want that 3 day weekend. I always fight against it.

But the worst is that when things feel so down and empty and alone, there is no one to reach out to and talk to.

blackdot said:

Nice But Dim Jim said:

When I get a bit of time to myself, I always seem to do this though. It's like I can't help myself, I get needy again and reach out but no one is there.

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I completely understand you there. My coworkers think it's strange when I say money is over-rated. They ask me why I come to work then and I tell them because it is my social life.
I hate getting vacation time. I don't have anything to do with it but I have to use it or lose it.
It's really bad if I get an extended weekend. I hear so many people talking about wanting to work 10x4 weeks instead of 8x5 weeks. They want that 3 day weekend. I always fight against it.

But the worst is that when things feel so down and empty and alone, there is no one to reach out to and talk to.

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I love my weeks off. I've got 9 days off now. Playing golf today and tomorrow. Going to the coast taking photo's on Tuesday. Playing golf again on Wednesday. And then it's the open golf on tv.

I live with my Dad so I talk to him. I go and see my Mam on Monday nights. Apart from I won't properly talk to anybody all week. It doesn't bother me.

I used to have it a little better when my brother lived in the same town and I could go over and play with his kids but they moved to another state so I can't just drop by anymore.

For me, I just sit at home playing Solitaire over and over again.

The worst part is that work now has started to become very lonely and depressing cause of changes that have taken place at work. So now I don't have an outlet at all.
I'm at work today and I have absolutely no energy. I'm just listening to music on my head phones and occasionally wiping tears from my eyes.

blackdot said:

I used to have it a little better when my brother lived in the same town and I could go over and play with his kids but they moved to another state so I can't just drop by anymore.

For me, I just sit at home playing Solitaire over and over again.

The worst part is that work now has started to become very lonely and depressing cause of changes that have taken place at work. So now I don't have an outlet at all.
I'm at work today and I have absolutely no energy. I'm just listening to music on my head phones and occasionally wiping tears from my eyes.

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you sound very depressed.

I was similar to you until I got 31. I just said 'enough is enough. I am not going to spend my life miserable all the time just because women don't like me !' - I made the effort to cheer myself up, stop feeling bitter, stop wondering why women weren't interested, stop actually bothering with wanting a girlfriend.

Nice But Dim Jim said:

First time in ages that I have had a few days off and cannot deal with it. I'm just bored, depressed and on my own. I did something very stupid and costly yesterday that has only amplified my depression, I knew it would happen if I did it but I did it anyway.

I just don't understand why I go on anymore, I never go anywhere to meet new friends and even if i do go out somewhere I don't have the skillset anymore to befriend people. I feel useless and think I'm going to end up like my Dad after my mother left him, I see so much of myself in him. He to has no hobbies and just wastes his time away infront of the TV when not working just getting each week in not really looking forward to anything in particular and he's been like that for over 15years. I don't want to go through that but I don't know how to prevent it.

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Being on your own, staying inside and having little contact with friends tends to result in your negative thoughts creep up and worsen. I can certainly empathise, I lost interest in most of my former hobbies years ago and hardly ever meet up with or contact friends mostly because I don't feel I have much of a connection with them any-more.

"I just don't understand why I go on anymore, I never go anywhere to meet new friends and even if i do go out somewhere I don't have the skillset anymore to befriend people."- I'm sure many people(including me) have felt like this at some point. Meeting people through a shared hobby is a good idea so you just need to find something you're interested in to cure your boredom and then that will hopefully lead to meeting people to share ideas and hang out with. Defeatist attitudes like yours and mine lead to a lack of confidence and willingness to do things outside a certain comfort zone, like strike up a conversation with a random stranger at a club so I understand that this isn't easy.

I'm not really in a position to tell you this since my aspirations are practically non existent but it really is a necessity to have them in order to combat these low feelings. Set yourself some goals and go for it, I know you can do it if you get a positive mindset

duff said:

you sound very depressed.

I was similar to you until I got 31. I just said 'enough is enough. I am not going to spend my life miserable all the time just because women don't like me !' - I made the effort to cheer myself up, stop feeling bitter, stop wondering why women weren't interested, stop actually bothering with wanting a girlfriend.

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I'm lonely which makes me depressed.

I didn't start looking to date until my mid 30's. I wasn't really interested in it before then.

blackdot said:

duff said:

you sound very depressed.

I was similar to you until I got 31. I just said 'enough is enough. I am not going to spend my life miserable all the time just because women don't like me !' - I made the effort to cheer myself up, stop feeling bitter, stop wondering why women weren't interested, stop actually bothering with wanting a girlfriend.

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I'm lonely which makes me depressed.

I didn't start looking to date until my mid 30's. I wasn't really interested in it before then.

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are you lonely of female company ?

or lonely in general ?

Plenty of things to do if you feel a bit isolated from people. Join a club, walking, dancing, singing, cycling whatever floats your boat. Charity work - retail work - just get out there and chat with people. Ask people about their day. Talk about your day.

I'm already in a large community service group. I do a lot of volunteer and charity work. But none of that fills the void of having someone close. Plus being with the groups of people, most of them date or are married so I feel like an outcast even when I'm out doing something I enjoy.

blackdot said:

I'm already in a large community service group. I do a lot of volunteer and charity work. But none of that fills the void of having someone close. Plus being with the groups of people, most of them date or are married so I feel like an outcast even when I'm out doing something I enjoy.

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so your lonely and depressed because you haven't got a woman in your life ?

I think some men in your position do the 'male order bride' thing. Of course it's not for everybody and easy to mock. It works for some people though. If my Dad wasn't around and I wanted a female companion then it's probably what I would do. Find a agency and go from there. It's my only hope. I 've no chance otherwise.

You seem to get dates quite easy but they don't want a second one. I would play it more cool on your next date and be more laid back. Act like you don't care that much. Try changing your attitude a bit until something works.

duff said:

I think some men in your position do the 'male order bride' thing. Of course it's not for everybody and easy to mock. It works for some people though. If my Dad wasn't around and I wanted a female companion then it's probably what I would do. Find a agency and go from there. It's my only hope. I 've no chance otherwise.

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I wouldn't recommend this. Not a good substitute for true love. All you have to do is look at the people who come here because they're lonely even though they're in a relationship.
If you think there is not hope for you then you're right, there isn't. But if you can address your problems on your own and gain some confidence in yourself then a happy future awaits.