Here's what I don't understand...

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Revengineer

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To be in a good relationship with someone you should be close friends with that person first. I'm sure we can all agree on that.

However, being close friends with someone makes it less likely that they'll want to be in a relationship with you. It makes things "complicated" so a lot of people don't want to bother with it.

So basically the best option is to look for someone you don't know THAT well, and hope you get lucky and develop a close friendship (instead of growing to mutually despise each other). Why does it need to be this way?

I find this to be completely backwards but I guess this is just how things work. Dating makes no sense to me whatsoever.
 
Are you saying you must be close to someone before dating? Is getting to know another part of dating still though?
I dont know what the dating scene is like nowadays but kuddos to you for putting yourself out there and trying.
 
ucxb said:
Are you saying you must be close to someone before dating? Is getting to know another part of dating still though?
I dont know what the dating scene is like nowadays but kuddos to you for putting yourself out there and trying.

I suppose you're right in that if you already know a lot about someone then that could take away some excitement out of the actual dating process. But I like to believe that people are complex enough that you can always find out something new about them, no matter how well you think know them.
 
I like to think that we all are constantly changing, growing so getting to know others as well as ourselves is a continous process and there can be a lot of chaos & order in any type of relationship. Good luck to you!
 
Revengineer said:
However, being close friends with someone makes it less likely that they'll want to be in a relationship with you. It makes things "complicated" so a lot of people don't want to bother with it.

Not everyone thinks that. Some people may be elated that their good or best friend wants to be more with them. Though some may believe it'll complicate or ruin a friendship, it really just depends on the people at hand.
 
well. typical conclusion from a 'breakup' is that the two never speak again. so if you two are 'really good friends' and one gets the courage to ask for it to be more, but sometime in the future the two realize it wont work out. not only are the two not in a romantic relationship, their friendship is most likely compromised as well.

so to 'guarantee' the two would continue to be close friends, they stay away from being in a relationship. (since relationships do not work 99% of the time) <-- wait, let me explain that statistic: given 5 girls and 5 boys. each boy can date (relationship) with all other 5 but can only end up with 1. therefore according to this model, for each person, 80% of the relationships fail. (if you add homosexual possibilities, the 'fail' % will go up)
 
I've figured out this much: Relationships are something people dive too fast into with their eyes closed, and end up getting hurt when they smash into the paving instead of the water!

Sometimes complete strangers can be together. Sometimes good friends can be together.
I dated good friends. It ended up badly. I don't really talk to them anymore... One not at all, the other rarely. It's no longer the same. Now I am with someone I met as a complete stranger. It isn't perfect, but I find it's about the same as dating a friend - you may THINK you know everything about them, but you really don't.
 
Honestly, the best relationships are the ones where they're your significant other second, and your best friend first. It was like that with me and my ex. Well, I shouldn't say second and first, because they should be the same level. I mean, it's essentially the kindness and support of a best friend mixed with the love and intimacy of a partner.
 
Adrolak said:
Honestly, the best relationships are the ones where they're your significant other second, and your best friend first. It was like that with me and my ex. Well, I shouldn't say second and first, because they should be the same level. I mean, it's essentially the kindness and support of a best friend mixed with the love and intimacy of a partner.

I agree that this is the best outcome, but it feels like searching for a unicorn sometimes. Like some near-unobtainable ideal. The reality is that even though long term friends are emotionally compatible, usually there's no mutual attraction, because if there were then they would probably already be dating each other. Kind of makes sense if you think about it.

Of course there's always exceptions... I call those people lucky.
 
yeah it's interesting. As you say it's probably best to know someone well enough as a friend, so that it's not all about infatuation... but not too well (over years and years)
 
It's reasons like this that make jumping from the friend zone into the relationship zone highly improbable.
 

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