"Second Life" RP

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Senamian

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To catch those up on what "second life" is... It is a virtual 3D avatar game where you interact however you please with others... You build your character however you wish.

Now, my bf played it.. Hasn't recently due to being busy. But he reassured me though in the "second life" game he may have met some people "the feelings are not the same as in person". These people he met, are married and live across borders and seas.

Maybe it's just me... But would anyone feel... Upset? Hurt? Jealous? If their loved one played such a game? Does online RP just cover "the lack of feelings" they have in person? Throw them into a delusional reality to avoid "facing the music" so to speak? Or is it really as "innocently played" as some suggest?

Personally I won't do such things when in a relationship. But... That's just me. And I will say I don't like the idea of it... But being messed over too many times, it would be hard not to feel that way... I believe I did tell him (when he even offered to let me read anything between him and another SL), that I did not want to see, hear, or know about it. It would not satisfy me to know... It would destroy me internally and in turn destroy what I have because of my incompetence to just "speak about it".

(almost like a convo on reading steamy romantic novels and their effect on relationships....)


So, how would you feel? What would you do? What wouldn't you do?
This is just curiosity at my end :)
 
I'm a little confused.....Is he having a virtual relationship with someone from Second Life? If so, that's just wrong. No different from having a romantic relationship with someone through email. He would be emotionally cheating on you.

If he's just made some online friends though, I don't see the harm in it.
 
I personally don't think there is anything inherently wrong with it. It's exactly like you said. It's a game. It allows escape from the real world, and for a person to do things entirely differently than they would entire life.

To put it in another perspective, a lot of people play video games. A lot of the video games now are open ended letting you do whatever you want. So many people always choose to go the bad route, pillaging the town, killing everyone including the innocent women and children. Does that mean these people are psychopaths, and are secretly evil in the real world? I would say no.

On the other hand... one of the earliest "sexual" moments that girl I knew went through was discovering how much she loved cybersexing. She started doing it with someone whose character I didn't respect as he would literally try to do it with every girl he saw. But I went about it the wrong way and she felt ashamed and angered when I said anything. She ended up playing Second Life, as a super sexual character in the role play area(which is quite large on second life) to fulfill that need. Sexual life could definitely be used as a sexual escape. But if your boyfriend is completely open about how he plays it then that's unlikely.

In the end anything you can use to communicate could be used as a vehicle to cheat. Cell phone texting. Email. Chat rooms. 1800 numbers. I also think it's a bit naive to think people in relationships don't fantasize and let their minds wander about other people. I mean how many happily involved people still watch porn? A lot. It could hurt thinking that, but in the end it's perfectly natural, and doesn't mean they don't care about you, or would ever cheat on you. In some ways I think a person might be more likely to cheat if they didn't find small ways to vent and breathe.
 
Locke: rp everything... This game allows sexual fantasies. I could care less if he makes friends online lol they would just be friends.

He hasn't played that game since about May? Which I am not complaining :p

Personally... Things like porn don't bother me. I dont watch it... I have no issue if someone wants to. Perhaps it is because it is less impersonal than having an RP sex/relationship/buddy of whom is also on that person's FB, and in some cases have their number or have met. When it boils down to a personal means, it is a lot different.
 
I didn't know that, Senamian. My ex girlfriend got slightly annoyed with me because I have a NPC wife and kids in Skyrim! She was over-reacting a little. I would be pissed if I caught my current girlfriend having RP sex in Second Life.
 
Bah skyrim family is computer family... LOL. :p I still find that different than a virtual "millions of users" kinda rp... I can't bring myself to "flirt harmlessly" with people I usually would have... Something inside my brain clicks and I become a lot more defensive/withdrawn from doing such things.

Though, I have been through worse... Having "just a friend" girl with my (at the time) bf back then... At our place... At night... With me at work... (awkward....)

So it doesn't stab like the treachery behind a blunt face to face meeting with lies and secrecy. Luckily. I was just curious what people's stance on such activities were :) (as a note if I came across "my life sucks" messages I would at this point in my life and experience outright tell them to tell me to my face and not hide it anymore!)
 
I understand what you mean in that the potential to flirt and cheat with another real person is there on Second Life. For some reason this game really bothers you, but in the end it is very much just another medium. He could flirt/cheat in real life as well in countless more ways, and more meaningfully. There's no way to ever be 100% sure unless he never talks to anyone and you watch him all the time.

In the end I think you just have to have faith in the relationship and trust in your partner. I think if he is willing to let see everything he's said on the site, or watch him play you can be fairly sure he really is playing innocently.
 
I once read a story about someone who's real life marriage ended because the woman fell in love with her second life "husband". The husband tried to end it by throwing the computer out the window and she smashed everything in the house in anger. So yeah, I guess it can get real for some people. More real than what they really have.
 
(rant ahead)

Of course I dislike the game. But I have faith. Like I always have and stupidly, always will. I had faith in someone once. Who thought RP was innocent, thus was exempted from the "cheating" idea. Then I had "faith" again. And again. And yet again. Why? Because it is who I am. I will give all loyalty, faith, love and trust... For what? The same thing. Same results. They don't encourage "innocence", they are a passage to second thoughts... To wishful thinking... To the heart pounding, quickened breath of virtual arousal of fantasies acted out with "not real feelings or emotions" when scientifically speaking, they are real.

So yes I have a problem with the lowered desire, lowered or lack of communication, and the possible "already satisfied" attitudes when they are the only ones who are fulfilled, leaving you without someone to talk to, cuddle with, etc... Because they already did that and no longer have the desire to do it with those they otherwise woukd have, relationships do begin to fail as feelings begin to deteriorate; perhaps even manifesting into a vicious hatred that boils inside until one erupts like an ill tempered volcano.

I have been forced to feel that way before, more than once. I'm not about to become that volcano again. If there is one thing these crappy experiences have taught me, it is that I am done taking the backseat, watching someone take off in their delusional reality, only to fall further than they could have imagined.

So I guess the point of that venting (like you said, we all need to), is that I am actually done with being that "calm" one who won't say anything until it is too late. I will openly tell him
(like I have) that I hate the idea of the game. If someone cannot approach their spouse with New or spicey ways overall for life including fantasies... Then they are the ones without faith; not I.

I have read stories, and heard them from the mouths of people... Both ex-roleplayers, and those who had someone they loved fall into it. There were no good stories; only the sad and sickening.
 
****.. I totally get you Senamian and I can see where you're coming from. Sorry you had to go through this though.. I think really the best way to deal with this is really to make sure he knows to what extent this is bothersome to you. Hopefully he could understand and do something about it.. but you said he hasn't played since May so well perhaps it would remain that way.
 
He has been too busy to play lol. It's not a "few hours here and there" game (fine by me!) like his other ones are. When he told me at first, he mentioned how "she always hated it" (his now ex... They were together two years ago) and I outright told him I understood her view fully and told him why I would take her view on it...

And it's alright... With each relationship you would think I'd learn but... I learn something, but not the thing that would stop the same **** thing from happening lol! I think I have all rights ro be protective of what I have ;) and I am no crazy possessive gf either... I could never be.
 
Senamian said:
And it's alright... With each relationship you would think I'd learn but... I learn something, but not the thing that would stop the same **** thing from happening lol! I think I have all rights ro be protective of what I have ;) and I am no crazy possessive gf either... I could never be.

That is totally understandable :D
 
I'm not into Second Life, but have done RP on Third Life. It's more funner
 
Yes I'm pedantic. But people really need to stop using the phrase more funner. More fun or funner. The more is implicit when you say -ER.

Sorry! I don't know why that bugs me so much. But it just does.
 
How about sitting on his laps while he plays the game, give him a passionate kiss and make him see that flesh to flesh contact is incomparable to a game? That may open his eyes ;)
 
I know the game allows you to role-play everything, but just the fact that you can do it doesn't mean you should, or that you have to. I'd be fine with my fella playing around on Second Life, but if he started sexing up other characters without my approval (I might be willing to do it if I was in on it, like an RP threesome or something)... the relationship is over.
 
Hmm.. My dad has been in almost the exact same boat as you.
But... My mum actually ended up "loving" this guy she met on Second Life (Well, she told me she "thought" she loved him) and at one point was willing to move to NORWAY where he lived to be with him.

My dad... Did probably one of the riskiest craziest things ever, and told her to go. Just go.
She said she was, packed her stuff and left. Didn't see her for.. Probably a month before she came home.
She never ended up going. Just stayed at her parents house for a bit.

He loved her enough that he was willing to let the love of his life leave if she truly wanted to... And she came back, realising it was all a mistake.

An online persona is very different to a real person.

So I guess you're not alone *shrugs*
 
Batman: I am not much of an rp person. Use to do rp chat, clans and all... It got my writer's creativity to burst out (besides if I stop writing creatively I get nightmares o_O). Now I find it hard to get "into character". Idk why. I play skyrim though.

I remember a game online... Virtual you, basically. Forgot the name. But... I hated it. :p

Lostatsea: my mom drilled "funner" out of my head. :p

Seeker: that post made me laugh! :) though it is true lol.

Nerdygirl: I agree. I don't really care if it is with friends, family, or making new friends... Why not? But... Even like Ignis commented, that is what happens when you do everything... Believe something is there when it is not.

Ignis: "if you love them let them go. If they come back, then you know." glad she came to her senses though! He was very strong to do what he did... Sadly I would outright tell them, "go ahead and leave. When you come back, I won't be here." but having people literally walk out on me before... I don't care to hope.

How awkward would it be to find "the "one" in rl on sl"... Meeting the person, you find have neither the spice nor the conversations? ;) It is like thinking you will find "Edward" vamp- ERM man of your dreams. (here, there are a ton of Twilight Fans. Some who do believe they will find their Edward. o_O)
 
Senamian said:
Ignis: "if you love them let them go. If they come back, then you know." glad she came to her senses though! He was very strong to do what he did... Sadly I would outright tell them, "go ahead and leave. When you come back, I won't be here." but having people literally walk out on me before... I don't care to hope.

Think of it this way, if they leave and don't come back; they were never worth it to begin with. They just saved you a lot of time, effort, and heartache down the track. Good Riddance to them I say.
 
Exactly lol. I just would not have the nerve to sit there and wait to see if they DID come back :p
 

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