Good looking and yet still lonely

This is not meant to put down those who aren't or don't consider themselves physically attractive. I know it might seem that way but I'm really not someone who is caught up in looks(whether it be mine or someone elses).

However, sometimes there's this train of thought where if you are lonely you must be ugly or unattractive or whatever. "Oh, she's so beautiful, why is she still single?" That kind of thing.

So obviously just because someone is good looking does not mean they aren't lonely. I do consider myself to be good looking and I would be even better looking if I took better care of myself and dressed nicer but being alone means I don't really have anyone to impress so that department can be a challenge.

So what I am wondering here is if there are others on here who either have been told they are attractive or feel they are and yet it hasn't made much difference in their social lives and they still don't have hardly any(or any at all)friends. This is the case for me. It can be even more frustrating if you are "handsome" or "pretty" because then you think "Geez I must have a really crappy personality or something" or maybe just not good in social situations. Being attractive does not guarantee any kind of social life and that's really what I am getting at here.

Like I said in another post, loneliness can strike anyone and makes no discrimination. Attractive people can actually have it harder than others, since people may be too intimidated by their looks and avoid their company, since next to the attractive friend they will always feel inferior, especially when the attractive friend is always approached by a member of the opposite sex while the average one is always ignored.

I am conflicted over my level of attractiveness. I've got some degree of body dysmorphia. Some days I look at my face and see something ugly, other days, I wake up feeling pretty and like the face I see in the mirror. Some days it really feels as though I am looking at a stranger's face in the mirror.

That said, some people have fawned over me telling me that I am beautiful, stunning, gorgeous; in contrast, one guy told me that I was maybe about average (a low 5) and that I would need a good skill, such as giving awesome blow jobs, to keep a man. My last long-term relationship was with a guy who told me that I wasn't conventionally attractive, but that he liked he way I look. The implication there is that no one else would find me attractive, so I'd better be grateful that he did.

So some days, I feel pretty and am confused - why am I ALWAYS alone when people tell me I am so beautiful etc. There unattractive people out there who seem to be in happy relationships, what is wrong with me?
Then the ugly days come and I tell myself "No wonder you're always single. You're ugly and unloveable. Just stay in the house so you won't afflict the world with your hideousness."

meh

I think the term "attractive" is pretty meaningless. Everyone is attractive to someone, not everyone is attractive to everyone. It also shifts over time. Being plump and having black teeth used to be signs of socially acceptable attractiveness, nowadays it's something else concocted by marketing people (buy this product=you will look like this=then you will be happy!).

As for anyone who rates other people out of 10, that's just nonsense.

Personally I would say I don't really fit the profile of what current socially engineered physical male attractiveness would be. But there are women who have found me very attractive.

Also, a lot of insecure people will try to snatch what they consider good looking in order to boost their own egos, surely people would rather be in a relationship or friendship based on a real connection, rather than be used as eye candy to impress other people?

I've been told many times I'm attractive but I don't feel like it's ever helped much in my social life. Would I have all of those friends if my appearance was any different? Who knows, I doubt it's made any difference. I know so many guys who would probably be considered less attractive than me, yet have a lot more friends than I do.

My theory is there are two types of attractive people. There is type 1 who believe looks are extremely important, they believe people judge others based on their looks and they know they are attractive. The result of these beliefs is very high confidence, which gives them a huge advantage in their social lives.

Then there is type 2. Type 2 have much different beliefs to type 1. They would believe looks aren't very important or they would believe they aren't actually that attractive. Therefore they don't have the same advantage in their social lives because their beliefs don't allow them to draw confidence from their looks.

I've come to realise recently just how important beliefs are. People who have great social lives generally just have better beliefs than people who don't have such good social lives. I'm sure if a lot of people on here closely analysed their beliefs, it would reveal a lot about why they are lonely.

bender22 said:

I've been told many times I'm attractive but I don't feel like it's ever helped much in my social life.

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Same here.

I think I would rather be ugly and normal than "attractive" and a freak Punny is not made for this world.

Punisher said:

bender22 said:

I've been told many times I'm attractive but I don't feel like it's ever helped much in my social life.

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Same here.

I think I would rather be ugly and normal than "attractive" and a freak Punny is not made for this world.

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Me too. I'm not saying I'm Brad Pitt or anything but over the past couple of months or so I've felt like some kind of freak. Even though I'm a bit overweight I still think that I'm "too cute" or something. It's really weird.

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TheWalkingDead said:

I think the term "attractive" is pretty meaningless. Everyone is attractive to someone, not everyone is attractive to everyone. It also shifts over time. Being plump and having black teeth used to be signs of socially acceptable attractiveness, nowadays it's something else concocted by marketing people (buy this product=you will look like this=then you will be happy!).

As for anyone who rates other people out of 10, that's just nonsense.

Personally I would say I don't really fit the profile of what current socially engineered physical male attractiveness would be. But there are women who have found me very attractive.

Also, a lot of insecure people will try to snatch what they consider good looking in order to boost their own egos, surely people would rather be in a relationship or friendship based on a real connection, rather than be used as eye candy to impress other people?

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I don't know. I think there are just some women who are drop dead gorgeous and most if not all people would admit they are at least attractive. I admit it's subjective to some degree but there are people who most would not get too excited about(based on looks)and others who most would(again based on looks). However, it is true that looks aren't everything and we must learn to accept ourselves including the way we look whether we think we are good looking or not.

There are different types of loneliness since there are different types of love. But yes I could easily see the best looking guy being lonely under a million different scenarios. Being lonely is a feeling of being incomplete. You can be wanted by a billion people but the one person you care about doesn't want you, you will feel lonely. Or that person could want you, but isn't there and you will feel lonely.

Same way you can be completely alone and not feel lonely. Or you can be surrounded by a group of friends and feel lonely.

TheWalkingDead said:

Being plump and having black teeth used to be signs of socially acceptable attractiveness...

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LOL...I laughed and laughed. I have no idea why, but I laughed. Thanks for that.

As an aside, "plump" is fine, but black teeth....

There's not much sexier than good dental hygiene. lol

EveWasFramed said:

TheWalkingDead said:

Being plump and having black teeth used to be signs of socially acceptable attractiveness...

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LOL...I laughed and laughed. I have no idea why, but I laughed. Thanks for that.

As an aside, "plump" is fine, but black teeth....

There's not much sexier than good dental hygiene. lol

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Lol yes, nothing wrong with plump

Funny how times change - people would paint their teeth black as it was a sign of affluence, in that they could afford lots of sugar, in the days before dental hygiene.

Personally, given that regular baths/showers and dental hygiene are relatively recent inventions, it's a wonder previous generations managed to reproduce and didn't just run screaming from each other!

Glad you enjoyed a chuckle :club:

Well it may shift from time to time, but I think its obvious the op is talking abut what it means to be good looking at this time. And sure, not being "attractive" doesnt mean none will like you, just as being good looking doesnt mean everybody will find you attractive, but none is talking in absolutes. And it IS possible to meassure the "attractivness" of your face proportions. Theres a good video about that but I couldnt find it in english. I found this anyway, some guy talking about the mask made using the golden ratio by a plastic surgeon.

[video=youtube]

A few people have gotten amazed once they hear I have no friends, or that nobody really talks to me. People automatically assume just cause I'm good looking or attractive that I'll have many friends, be popular or have lots of boyfriends. But that's not something I want. I want true friendships and relationships. I've never been the type of person to flaunt myself around; I'm very shy. On the internet I'm very outspoken and speak my mind, but once you put me with a group of people who I don't know.... and you'll see me as a totally different person.

I find it horrible how people jump to conclusions so suddenly. I never go by looks just by judging others. Everyone is different in my eyes.

Yeah, I hear you. I definitely feel that I'm above average looking and yet somehow I've just gone most of my adult life alone. I have moved around a lot so that hasn't helped but making good close friends has just become extremely difficult if not next to impossible for me. I have difficulty with the opposite sex too even though flirting or conversations isn't too difficult. It's getting to the romantic zone that I struggle with.

not saying this is like you, but I knew a guy a few years ago that had similar issues.
he was a clean-cut good looking guy. I always said he could have been an actor or something, he just had that "look"
but what I found was funny, was that a lot of females (most) seemed to take a look at him from a distance and almost right away they would get a sour look on their face and curled up lip or something as if they already knew him and he had offended them lol.
I saw this happen on a few occasions. we worked together in a retail store and female customers would avoid him.
this confused me.. and made me take notice and think about it.
what his problem really was, that he seemed to exude this attitude. some hidden arrogance that girls would see right though. as if they could sense that he didn't care about them and maybe that he realized he was good looking. and it was true really. he had a strange attitude of disrespect towards women and it showed through literally from a distance. they took one look at him and knew he was a dog or a player and was going to treat them like crap. and so the only girls I ever saw him with seemed to be less attractive then you would assume he could attract.

girls are really sensitive to attitudes and know a gentleman from a mile away.
it could be something petty ad silly like how a guys hair is or the way he smiles.
I dunno.

To Mike413
Yes, oh, I realize. I have the same problem, I am beautiful, but still lonely and I think I have a lot of good qualities (sorry, I am not good in English is not my native language). Probably we can feel ourselves just better to be in more small company. I almost have no friends, but I can feel myself very well with one another alone, friend can open up to me and I also feel myself too open. Although I also have a friend who does not open the personal. When I speak to her, she is silent. But I also want to say that there are difficulties to find the half (boyfriend), maybe I a little scary now in the world, maybe then I'm afraid of suffering. And I have my former friends, because they’ve got family. I afraid to trust because those potential guys that were with me in the past, I knew that they were not serious, they just wanted to have a good time with a beautiful girl and all, only for one time.

Mike413 said:

This is not meant to put down those who aren't or don't consider themselves physically attractive. I know it might seem that way but I'm really not someone who is caught up in looks(whether it be mine or someone elses).

However, sometimes there's this train of thought where if you are lonely you must be ugly or unattractive or whatever. "Oh, she's so beautiful, why is she still single?" That kind of thing.

So obviously just because someone is good looking does not mean they aren't lonely. I do consider myself to be good looking and I would be even better looking if I took better care of myself and dressed nicer but being alone means I don't really have anyone to impress so that department can be a challenge.

So what I am wondering here is if there are others on here who either have been told they are attractive or feel they are and yet it hasn't made much difference in their social lives and they still don't have hardly any(or any at all)friends. This is the case for me. It can be even more frustrating if you are "handsome" or "pretty" because then you think "Geez I must have a really crappy personality or something" or maybe just not good in social situations. Being attractive does not guarantee any kind of social life and that's really what I am getting at here.

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I have the same feeling as well. I have been complimented by women in the past about my looks and while I do like to be complimented and know that I am attractive being single and not really having any friends male or female, it makes me feel kind of worse about myself like I must be a horrible person if no one can tolerate being around me.

I honestly I have no idea if I am good looking. Women have told me I am cute many times. They tell me that I should have no problems finding someone to date. But God forbid I ask them out because they will tell me they didn't mean to date them but that they meant anyone but them.

I have found the best way to scare a women is to compliment them. *laughs*

some women say I am ugly, some say I am not.
I am proud I don't follow the pack though like most do though.

Mike413 said:

So what I am wondering here is if there are others on here who either have been told they are attractive or feel they are and yet it hasn't made much difference in their social lives and they still don't have hardly any(or any at all)friends. This is the case for me. It can be even more frustrating if you are "handsome" or "pretty" because then you think "Geez I must have a really crappy personality or something" or maybe just not good in social situations. Being attractive does not guarantee any kind of social life and that's really what I am getting at here.

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Kind of relate with topic... Don't want to sound arrogant, but on the top of this, friends and exes or people I just met usually compliments me about being a very smart woman besides attractive. It helped a little bit with self confidence but problem is that I have been shy since I can remember. I read about lack of 'emotional intelligence'... Well I am the picture of this. Social phobia and depression also doesn't help.

Don't feel too bad; George Clooney is also known to have troubles getting dates. And if George Clooney can't get dates, I don't know what chance the rest of have!

Things have been pretty bleak since women went on sexual strike in the seventies. Sure sperm banks have been doing booming business, but I think lawfully enforced celibacy may be a contributor to the 10000% increase in suicide rates among males. Well, thank god for the Japanese sex robots, or I'd go craaaaaaaaaaazy!