Lonelier around people

Find deals on ebay
Shop on amazon
Advertise with us!
Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
edamame721

edamame721

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 24, 2012
Messages
1,341
Reaction score
1
Location
USA
So, lately, I had a dinner with friends I hadn't seen in a while, but I actually felt lonelier afterwards.

They talked about their lives, the things they've done, and the people they've met. I show interest in them, but when I talk about what's happening in my life, going to see a movie with someone or cooking, I get disinterest.

I've had one friend actually say to me: "Is that it?"

I said yes and was quiet for the rest of the dinner. Is this simply friends becoming distant?

I've been sort of isolated and depressed, but I've heard I should not stop being social altogether or it gets worse. Why do I always need to have something going on in my life? Isn't enjoying a recent good read enough?
 
Well, I don't even have one friend to go to dinner or a movie with. I feel at my loneliest when I'm with people, too. I see everyone enjoying each other's companionship, everybody laughing at each other's jokes. I can never seem to tune myself to that wavelength. At least when I'm alone, I'm able to focus on something other than my loneliness, as I'm not being constantly confronted with the facts of how my reclusive lifestyle differs from the typical lifestyle filled with love and friendship.
 
thegreyman said:
Well, I don't even have one friend to go to dinner or a movie with. I feel at my loneliest when I'm with people, too. I see everyone enjoying each other's companionship, everybody laughing at each other's jokes. I can never seem to tune myself to that wavelength. At least when I'm alone, I'm able to focus on something other than my loneliness, as I'm not being constantly confronted with the facts of how my reclusive lifestyle differs from the typical lifestyle filled with love and friendship.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry you feel that way. I've had plenty of experiences alone and I've learned to like going to movies by myself. Eating out took a lot longer. As for the friends I mentioned, I hadn't seen one in half a year, and we do not even talk on the phone. With the the other friend, we had a major blowup and I still cannot fully trust her today. So, it may look better on the outside than it is.
 
I get what you mean. I'm always afraid this will happen with my friends. I usually feel like this around people I'm not close with though. Like with family members who ask what I'm up to. I've been unemployed for over 2 years and I usually have nothing exciting to say about what I've been up to.

I somehow got lucky when I met my friends 3 years ago. They know I don't do much but are still interested in hanging out with me and they never make me feel bad about pretty much having no life.

Sorry if feels like that when you hang out with your friends. Maybe you are becoming distant, I'm not sure. All I can ever really talk about is netflix and cooking but my friends don't seem to mind. I think for your friends enjoying a decent good read should be enough.
 
Bei said:
I get what you mean. I'm always afraid this will happen with my friends. I usually feel like this around people I'm not close with though. Like with family members who ask what I'm up to. I've been unemployed for over 2 years and I usually have nothing exciting to say about what I've been up to.

I somehow got lucky when I met my friends 3 years ago. They know I don't do much but are still interested in hanging out with me and they never make me feel bad about pretty much having no life.

Sorry if feels like that when you hang out with your friends. Maybe you are becoming distant, I'm not sure. All I can ever really talk about is netflix and cooking but my friends don't seem to mind. I think for your friends enjoying a decent good read should be enough.
Click to expand...

I don't think you should worry about something that will never happen. I've tried asking friends to do activities with me, but they usually decline and we end up having lunch or dinner instead. So we end up talking about things we do not relate well with. It may also have to do with the fact that my friends are married and that I'm single.
 
It must be so hard to be the only single one in your group of friends. I have a couple of married friends and it does feel that they are in a very different place than I am. Their lives seem so full and fulfilling. It is always 'we' and not 'I' and I admit to being so envious of that. I want so much to be part of a 'we' as well.
 
edamame721 said:
So, lately, I had a dinner with friends I hadn't seen in a while, but I actually felt lonelier afterwards.

They talked about their lives, the things they've done, and the people they've met. I show interest in them, but when I talk about what's happening in my life, going to see a movie with someone or cooking, I get disinterest.

I've had one friend actually say to me: "Is that it?"
Click to expand...

That reminds me of when i hooked up with an old best friend of mine from fifteen years ago, during the course of the afternoon and the one other time we met after that, he would include very negative stories about me of that time period, how i was this, what that person thought of me, remember when etc etc I just soaked it all up whilst thinking to myself "this is the goddamn reason why i spend so much time on my own, ******* people!" anyway, after our second meet up i just disappeared, didnt return his calls or texts and i havent seen him since. He was never a malicious person, i can only think it was about control and reinserting his "position" as dominant personality.
 
Tiina63 said:
It must be so hard to be the only single one in your group of friends. I have a couple of married friends and it does feel that they are in a very different place than I am. Their lives seem so full and fulfilling. It is always 'we' and not 'I' and I admit to being so envious of that. I want so much to be part of a 'we' as well.
Click to expand...

I think it depends. One of my friends was notorious about using "we" in the year after her marriage but then she and her husband are pretty co-dependent. My other friend uses "I" but likes to be reminded she's married (she always appreciates the holiday cards I send addressed to the both of them).

I get envious sometimes, but then, I know people can have problems within their marriages too. Also, I tell myself, it's not as if I love or want to be married to their spouse...so there's no use comparing.

*hugs*

andyluvsfilms said:
edamame721 said:
So, lately, I had a dinner with friends I hadn't seen in a while, but I actually felt lonelier afterwards.

They talked about their lives, the things they've done, and the people they've met. I show interest in them, but when I talk about what's happening in my life, going to see a movie with someone or cooking, I get disinterest.

I've had one friend actually say to me: "Is that it?"
Click to expand...

That reminds me of when i hooked up with an old best friend of mine from fifteen years ago, during the course of the afternoon and the one other time we met after that, he would include very negative stories about me of that time period, how i was this, what that person thought of me, remember when etc etc I just soaked it all up whilst thinking to myself "this is the goddamn reason why i spend so much time on my own, ******* people!" anyway, after our second meet up i just disappeared, didnt return his calls or texts and i havent seen him since. He was never a malicious person, i can only think it was about control and reinserting his "position" as dominant personality.
Click to expand...

Ugh, I'm sorry you had a "friend" who only brought up the negatives for you. I wonder why he was so focused on what you did instead of the things you enjoyed together.
 
edamame721 said:
Why do I always need to have something going on in my life? Isn't enjoying a recent good read enough?
Click to expand...

i feel you there. where i live, having children/getting married before the age of 21 is the norm. im not apart of that, so when i went to my good friends daughters first birthday, i saw some friends i hadnt seen since high school. they all had kids. and we're just sitting there at a table, everyones talking about their lives with children and yada yada and then they ask me what ive been up to. oh nothing, just work...living....without kids. haha.
i think it is just a friendship(s) becoming distant. theres not much that we have in common anymore. i think if both sides can get past that and are willing to find something in common again itll work, but if not then i feel like we kind of just fade into acquaintances.
 
I dreaded and still am uneasy about meeting old friends and colleagues. How would a reunion go? "What have you been up to for the past while Simon?" " Not a **** thing....pardon me while I drink until I can't feel feelings."
 

Similar threads

Lukon
Doom and Dignity
Replies
2
Views
262
Unsigned
Unsigned
N
Loneliness and its consequence on mental health
Replies
2
Views
464
Unsigned
Unsigned
M
I need your help
Replies
8
Views
203
mustachioed_badass_42
M
RiceCrispie
What Do You Think Causes Loneliness?
2
Replies
27
Views
2K
movinggirl
movinggirl
N
New Guy Here
Replies
3
Views
491
okidoke
okidoke

Latest posts

Back
Top