Nice Guys Finish Last?

It seems these days that slogan or whatever you want to call it has a certain reality to it. The truth is, friends are easy for me to come by. The problem, they are usually the fair weather kind. Here's the kicker, I make friends online a lot easier (and they are a lot more appreciative, special, dedicated, etc...). Sometimes I wonder if I will find people who will actually accept the fact that I am truly genuine (not wanting anything in return). Could it be my fault? Who knows?

My life is about to change, hopefully it's for better honestly. My life has been a roller coaster of which I don't want to completely expand upon. I don't want to lose the reader on just rambling (of which I can do quite often).

The point: It's easy for me to make friends because there is an ulterior motive it seems. I'm all for helping them out, and going out of my way if I must, but what is considered "real life" friends just use me. My online friends are much better in treating me with respect and understanding.

Thanks for reading.

I get what you mean by most of them being "fair weather". It's easy to make those type of friends... genuine friends not so much.
Having a conversation with someone and sharing a few things in common isn't too difficult for me to find. However, that rarely ever leads to a true friendship. To be able to go deeper than that and form a true, strong bond is difficult. It's difficult because it feels like people aren't interested in creating that. Probably because it's easier to get hurt that way.
Stay strong man.

Thank you Consmap. I will. I appreciate it.

consmap said:

Stay strong man.

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Though online friends are cool, there's still nothing like being there in person and doing "real" things together. I think that limits the quality of friendship you can have with someone online. I mean it's very possible you could kind of click online but if you were ever to meet it wouldn't be the same and just not work.

In some ways it's also that people who look to make friends online aren't as comfortable making friends in the real world which is why they go online to meet people.

nice guy don't finish last. Nice Guys try to finish first but end up finishing last.

There's also a difference between being an inherently nice person, and just being nice because you expect something out of it.

I think I am nice and people generally call me that.
regarding dating, friendships and relationships - I always finish last !

lostatsea said:

I think that limits the quality of friendship you can have with someone online. I mean it's very possible you could kind of click online but if you were ever to meet it wouldn't be the same and just not work.

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Whilst there are obviously limits, I have to say that it does 'work'. At least it has for me. I've known a guy online only for.. 6 years? That's longer then a large number of people I know offline. We can talk about anything and everything. We've even gamed online before and would do it more if my internet was better. It's not the same of course, as having 'real life' friends. But it's faaar better then nothing and it 'works' for us. The guy only lives in Birmingham. Not like we couldn't meet if we really wanted to.

Midnight Sky said:

nice guy don't finish last. Nice Guys try to finish first but end up finishing last.

There's also a difference between being an inherently nice person, and just being nice because you expect something out of it.

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+1

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BorrowedHope said:

I make friends online a lot easier (and they are a lot more appreciative, special, dedicated, etc...).

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I used to find it that way back in the early 90's when people online were all pretty much alike in being nice and wanting to get to know other people. Then the stupid web became commercialized and all the bozos out there jumped on board and turned the web into a giant toilet where no one has conversations.

I can't even post here, lol.
Well, I did, but can't post what I want to say.

But to the OP, sorry that you have such a difficult time making good friends.
I wish that it was true, that the best way to make good friends is to BE a good friend, but I've found that's not entirely true.

I was at work today and CNN had some discussion about "sugar daddies". Old guys who have a lot of money and buy dates with young women. The reporter was talking to one of the guys and she asked him why he resorts to finding dates this way. She said, "you seem like such a nice guy. Why can't you find someone to date?" Women just don't seem to understand how things work.

I then started talking to a coworker who I know who changes girlfriends all the time. We started talking about the nice guy syndrome and he pointed out that it is a fact that women won't date nice guys. He never could get dates until he started ignoring women and treating them crappy. Then they started to beg him to date him.

"Nice guy" doesn't necessarily mean NICE.From what I know, a nice guy is someone who treats every female like a queen and expects something in return.Sex, mostly.If you're geniunely nice, people will like you even more for it but if they sense desperation, they'll walk away.Being extremely nice to people you don't know is creepy.

"Bad boys" can be nice too =)

blackdot said:

I was at work today and CNN had some discussion about "sugar daddies". Old guys who have a lot of money and buy dates with young women. The reporter was talking to one of the guys and she asked him why he resorts to finding dates this way. She said, "you seem like such a nice guy. Why can't you find someone to date?" Women just don't seem to understand how things work.

I then started talking to a coworker who I know who changes girlfriends all the time. We started talking about the nice guy syndrome and he pointed out that it is a fact that women won't date nice guys. He never could get dates until he started ignoring women and treating them crappy. Then they started to beg him to date him.

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Oh so based on a "report" and your one co-worker ALL women don't like nice guys. Don't start coming back here with this crap it didn't fly before when you did it and it still doesn't fly. There are several forums with misogynists like you, go spout this crap there. Getting really tired of the same ones coming back here when they know this crap isn't approved of here. Do it again and you'll find yourself having to find another forum to spew your junk on.

I would have put the quotation marks around cnn instead of report.

blackdot said:

I was at work today and CNN had some discussion about "sugar daddies". Old guys who have a lot of money and buy dates with young women. The reporter was talking to one of the guys and she asked him why he resorts to finding dates this way. She said, "you seem like such a nice guy. Why can't you find someone to date?" Women just don't seem to understand how things work.

I then started talking to a coworker who I know who changes girlfriends all the time. We started talking about the nice guy syndrome and he pointed out that it is a fact that women won't date nice guys. He never could get dates until he started ignoring women and treating them crappy. Then they started to beg him to date him.

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For what it's worth, nice to me is defined as a guy who isn't a selfish, arrogant a-hole. I've always fallen for the "nice" guy over the tool because I want an honest man who isn't afraid of being himself. Any guy who thinks that women are attracted to men who are mean/ignore/abuse them needs to do some self-assessment. You are defining yourself as "nice"...but maybe you aren't as "nice" as you think you are.

It goes for both sexes. One extreme example is that I had an acquaintance who was (is) morbidly obese. She never stopped complaining about the thin, sexy, beautiful, leggy women who would "steal" the men she wanted...the bodybuilder type. Can we be real? A man who takes care of his nutrition and physique will NOT be attracted to an obese woman...but her thinking was that she was such a nice, generous loving soul so he SHOULD be attracted to her and see beyond her unhealthy lifestyle - and if he didn't then HE was shallow, give me a break. Yes, she is nice, caring and loving...but at some point, realism has to kick in - SOMETHING about you isn't attracting what you want so instead of blaming it on an entire gender...take stock of your life, make the necessary changes - either physically, emotionally or with your attitude and preferences; and save us the whining please...complaining about your shortcomings without doing anything to change them is defeatest.

Now come on, guys.

It is a scientific fact that all women everywhere dislike nice guys and always refuse to date them. If you doubt my claim I shall present you with a personal anecdote as evidence.

Also it's documented fact that there are two distinct archetypes of male -- "nice" ones and "bad boy" ones.

Also those two categories never overlap and we have an extremely detailed, ironclad definition for both "nice" and "bad boy."

Jeez.

Badjedidude said:

Now come on, guys.

It is a scientific fact that all women everywhere dislike nice guys and always refuse to date them. If you doubt my claim I shall present you with a personal anecdote as evidence.

Also it's documented fact that there are two distinct archetypes of male -- "nice" ones and "bad boy" ones.

Also those two categories never overlap and we have an extremely detailed, ironclad definition for both "nice" and "bad boy."

Jeez.

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I'm amazed at the number of people who swallow this stuff up :club:

This honeysuckle comes up all the time, what do nice people want a medal?

I look at being 'nice' as a form of pandery. It doesn't really command respect. Having a charitable heart is quite a difference from that imho.

It helps not to wear your feelings on a sleeve. It's not all about you.

I'm pretty much in square one with the social life. Although I managed to get to know a few people. A factor is that we're all in our late 20's early 30's. It's not quite the same situation as being in grade school so there is this patience and accommodation that is needed.