Shyness harder for girls or guys

dresta2000 · Feb 6, 2014

Just wondering what members think. Is being shy the same for a guy than it is for a girl. Being a guy i feel under pressure for being the ne who has to instigate every thing. If a girl is cute she wont have any problems attracting attention where as shy guy just stay in the background.

Grackle · Feb 6, 2014

Because I find it painfully hard to be alone, I will say its harder for me. LOL because its always easier for other people, then it is for me. LOL. Is it easier for a rich person or poor person? I'm poor so I'm sure its easier for rich people.

Human nature makes me think life is harder under my circumstances.

Minus · Feb 6, 2014

If you are looking for opinions you will find more here.

Is being shy harder for a guy or girl

Sun35 · Feb 7, 2014

dresta2000 said:
Just wondering what members think. Is being shy the same for a guy than it is for a girl. Being a guy i feel under pressure for being the ne who has to instigate every thing. If a girl is cute she wont have any problems attracting attention where as shy guy just stay in the background.

Good question but I think shyness for a guy and girl are similar in many ways but yes they aren't exactly same for them.The definition changes for a guy and for the girl its because their thought processes are different

Guys and girls thinks different

I think a shy guy also attracts women but yes he finds it difficult in the long run to keep the attraction going.

Goblin · Feb 7, 2014

There's more to life than attracting the opposite sex.

Triple Bogey · Feb 7, 2014

I wouldn't really say I am shy, more unattractive. (And that's not just what I look like but other things as well )

Some_Bloke72 · Feb 8, 2014

I think as a lot of the time society assumes that males should be the dominant one in relationships I suppose you could say that its harder for guys to be shy. There have been several times where I have simply been expected to "man up", get rid of my shyness and ask that girl the question I've always received a no from.

As it takes me a long time to build confidence to ask someone out and I like to get to know the person first when I get turned down I get emotionally crushed some people expect me to "man up" and "get back out there" too often.

Tiina63 · Feb 9, 2014

The thing I find hardest about being a shy woman is that women are generally seen by society as the more sociable gender. So on dates I feel the pressure is all on me to think of things to talk about and to be 'interesting' because I am female and 'should' be good at talking. It really is exhausting.

Skid Row 89 · Feb 9, 2014

There's less stigma attached to shy women than shy men. Many people seem to think being outgoing and confident is a prerequisite for being a "proper man". That's what I think at least.

Tiina63 · Feb 9, 2014

Hi Skid Row, don't you think that a man can 'get away' with being thought of as the strong and silent type if he is on the shy side, while a women will be seen as unfriendly and stuck up?

Skid Row 89 · Feb 10, 2014

Tiina63 said:
Hi Skid Row, don't you think that a man can 'get away' with being thought of as the strong and silent type if he is on the shy side, while a women will be seen as unfriendly and stuck up?

Not in my opinion, I'm on the shy side and am thought of as an abnormal guy because I'm not very outgoing or bursting with confidence. I have a preference for women who are shy so I don't think they come off as stuck up or unfriendly but other people might think that way.

ardour · Feb 11, 2014

Tiina63 said:
The thing I find hardest about being a shy woman is that women are generally seen by society as the more sociable gender. So on dates I feel the pressure is all on me to think of things to talk about and to be 'interesting' because I am female and 'should' be good at talking. It really is exhausting.

Opposite impression. When I see couples in public it seems to be the guys carrying the conversation.

Tiina63 · Feb 11, 2014

I have found 75% of the time that I have to carry the conversation on dates, which I have always found very difficult.

jaguarundi · Feb 11, 2014

You know the last few posts just convince me how both men and women are completely screwed up by what they think the other gender wants/expects, and what they think society expects or sees them as.

It's just a shame that no-one feels like they can be themselves in these situations, that they aren't good enough, or not what the other gender is looking for, or haven't got a chance. It makes me quite sad, actually, and my dating days are long behind me.

Minus · Feb 11, 2014

Another thing that i noticed each time this topic comes up is that in general people, at least here, tend to think the other gender has an easier time than they do.

Grackle · Feb 11, 2014

jaguarundi said:
You know the last few posts just convince me how both men and women are completely screwed up by what they think the other gender wants/expects, and what they think society expects or sees them as.

It's just a shame that no-one feels like they can be themselves in these situations, that they aren't good enough, or not what the other gender is looking for, or haven't got a chance. It makes me quite sad, actually, and my dating days are long behind me.

My thoughts exactly but I would put more emphasis on the 'screwed up' part.
Maybe we think the other person has it easier because we find it so hard. The Don Juans in the world wouldn't be complaining because they have to talk to their date or come up with something to do or where to go or what to eat. I don't think its a boy vs girl issue, its a personal issue, an individual problem.

Anten · Feb 11, 2014

Minus said:
Another thing that i noticed each time this topic comes up is that in general people, at least here, tend to think the other gender has an easier time than they do.

Yeah it happens a lot because people like to feel like they have it worse.

I would say to the topic it depends on the extreme of shyness. If we just talk about a guy who does not really approach girls compared to a girl who acts timid when approached by a guy and not in the playing coy way I think they are both at a disadvantage. Women as a whole do not need to be aggressive or forward only when they are trying to show returned interest in the guy to keep him on the hook.

If a guy approaches a timid girl depending on his confidence level a few things can happen but I will generalize in two camps. If the guy is really confident he may try to pry her shell open and if he can not get the desired results he wants he will go for someone else. If the guy has low confidence he might shy away or stick around a little longer hoping she will open up.

I am not a female so I can not tell you what a confident or non confident girl would do if she walked up to a shy guy. Though I could say a shy guy may look like he lacks confidence so he might not get much attention from the ladies.

Tiina63 · Feb 12, 2014

Anten said:
Minus said:

Another thing that i noticed each time this topic comes up is that in general people, at least here, tend to think the other gender has an easier time than they do.

Click to expand...

Yeah it happens a lot because people like to feel like they have it worse.

I don't like to feel I have it worse in dating situations because I am female. I am simply writing from my personal experiences when I say that I have often been the one left to carry the conversation and have felt pressurised to do so because of the pressure on women to be sociable.

Nightwing · Feb 12, 2014

Tiina63 said:
Anten said:

Minus said:

Another thing that i noticed each time this topic comes up is that in general people, at least here, tend to think the other gender has an easier time than they do.

Click to expand...

Yeah it happens a lot because people like to feel like they have it worse.

I don't like to feel I have it worse in dating situations because I am female. I am simply writing from my personal experiences when I say that I have often been the one left to carry the conversation and have felt pressurised to do so because of the pressure on women to be sociable.

Click to expand...

I like this point... because I've had exactly the same experience as a guy. I do get the sense that some women (not all) seem to be under the impression that being physically attractive is enough. That there is no need to develop social skills or put any effort into conversation. They don't need to try to be sociable because their looks will keep them in the best position anyway. Then again... they could just be shy.

*shrugs* perhaps we both just have the misfortune of going for dates with the small section of society that lack a personality? One thing is for certain... we know exactly why these people are still single XD

Tiina63 · Feb 13, 2014

Hello Nightwing, I was interested and also reassured to read that you have had the same thing happen on dates as I have had.
Maybe, as you say, the people we met were even shyer than we are, or maybe they were still single because of their poor social skills. I mean, I have aspergers and yet my not so brilliant social skills are better than those of some of the people I have gone on dates with.

Shyness harder for girls or guys

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