I feel uninteresting to women

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Spy

Spy

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Hi! I'm 43 years old now and I never had any girlfriend. I had multiple sexual relationships with women but most of them were one night. About four years ago, I had a fuckfriend for about three months but that's all. I didn't have a sexual relationship for the last year and a half.

In the last two-three years, I tried to change my life, to improve it. I was going out more often. I met a lot more people and tried to keep contact with them. I tried to build friendship with men and women.

But every woman I touch seems to disappear from my life. I can't keep a male-female friendship and it's worst with relationship. I have dated a lot of women but I'm always single.

I don't know what to do now. I feel sometimes the best thing is to forget about women and sex and do something else.

I felt like crap and I am tired of trying and falling down and trying and falling down again. Maybe I am just not interesting to women at all?
 
I wouldn't say you "aren't interesting". Everyone has a story, you just have to find someone wants to hear it. For example, I think I am a fascinating individual with all my hobbies and quirks, but truth is, there are some people who flat out don't find me interesting. Don't be so hard on yourself. :)
 
Spy said:
Hi! I'm 43 years old now and I never had any girlfriend. I had multiple sexual relationships with women but most of them were one night. About four years ago, I had a fuckfriend for about three months but that's all. I didn't have a sexual relationship for the last year and a half.

In the last two-three years, I tried to change my life, to improve it. I was going out more often. I met a lot more people and tried to keep contact with them. I tried to build friendship with men and women.

But every woman I touch seems to disappear from my life. I can't keep a male-female friendship and it's worst with relationship. I have dated a lot of women but I'm always single.

I don't know what to do now. I feel sometimes the best thing is to forget about women and sex and do something else.

I felt like crap and I am tired of trying and falling down and trying and falling down again. Maybe I am just not interesting to women at all?
Click to expand...

First off, let me just say that I've never had a girlfriend either, so I suppose anything I say should be taken with a grain of salt. But I've been studying the attraction process for a while now, since 2012, and I feel like I've learned a thing or two. Personally, I think my chances will improve once I have created a stronger identity for myself through my passions and have a little money in my pocket - that one's always held me back.

I think part of the problem is that many guys who haven't had girlfriends are putting the cart before the horse - you're just looking for a woman you want. But you have to look at yourself first. Like, what do you like to do? What kinds of things do you like to talk about? People love talking about their passions to one another, that's an interesting conversation. Even just being well-read and knowledgeable about a lot of things gives you a variety of topics to throw out there. It gets even better when you share a passion with someone, it creates a strong connection.

Once you've established a relationship, you can't just dust your hands off and be content. The process is always in motion - either growing or dying. It's constant maintenance, even after marriage, to keep the relationship fresh and alive. And usually the responsibility to do the maintenance falls to you - the guy! So you have to keep finding interesting things to do and talk about, you have to keep maintaining and building the energy bond between you and the lady. You know the feeling when you first meet and you're all excited to share things about yourselves with each other? You have to keep that up - always. I wish you luck, but you're further along than me in that you've had girlfriends. After all, you're double oh seven! You've got this!
 
I feel uninteresting to women
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writes Spy

Well for starters sounds like you are finding that you want to move from just sex relationships into something more lasting. And that it's the sex bit that is, to some extent, the easy bit.

But if you can attract a woman for a night (or several) then you can attract women. Period. That is at least a start!!

Re being uninteresting. Yes, it's good to be informed and funny etc, not just to get a girlfriend but to be a more rounded fellow yourself.

But would you be surprised if I said that at the beginning, many women find the most interesting men to be the ones who are interested in them? Not just for their bodies and the chance of a shag, but what they like to do, who they are, what they find funny - etc. Not as an interrogation (which comes over as intrusive and weird) but as a dialogue.

When I was younger I would always would give a lot of marks to a guy who would make the effort to get to know me, not just prattle on about himself all the time. I still would.:)
 
TheSkaFish said:
First off, let me just say that I've never had a girlfriend either, so I suppose anything I say should be taken with a grain of salt. But I've been studying the attraction process for a while now, since 2012, and I feel like I've learned a thing or two. Personally, I think my chances will improve once I have created a stronger identity for myself through my passions and have a little money in my pocket - that one's always held me back.

I think part of the problem is that many guys who haven't had girlfriends are putting the cart before the horse - you're just looking for a woman you want. But you have to look at yourself first. Like, what do you like to do? What kinds of things do you like to talk about? People love talking about their passions to one another, that's an interesting conversation. Even just being well-read and knowledgeable about a lot of things gives you a variety of topics to throw out there. It gets even better when you share a passion with someone, it creates a strong connection.

Once you've established a relationship, you can't just dust your hands off and be content. The process is always in motion - either growing or dying. It's constant maintenance, even after marriage, to keep the relationship fresh and alive. And usually the responsibility to do the maintenance falls to you - the guy! So you have to keep finding interesting things to do and talk about, you have to keep maintaining and building the energy bond between you and the lady. You know the feeling when you first meet and you're all excited to share things about yourselves with each other? You have to keep that up - always. I wish you luck, but you're further along than me in that you've had girlfriends. After all, you're double oh seven! You've got this!
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:D LOL, I was cheering at your post, until I read this bit:

And usually the responsibility to do the maintenance falls to you - the guy!

I must strenuously disagree with that statement. :p
In all but ONE relationship I've ever been in, it was always me who was trying to do the "maintenance."

So, I think it really depends on each person, not what their sex is.

Otherwise, great post! :D
 
TheSkaFish said:
It's constant maintenance, even after marriage, to keep the relationship fresh and alive. And usually the responsibility to do the maintenance falls to you - the guy!
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Agreed 100%. Which is why I can't be arsed.
 
The Underdog said:
TheSkaFish said:
It's constant maintenance, even after marriage, to keep the relationship fresh and alive. And usually the responsibility to do the maintenance falls to you - the guy!
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Agreed 100%. Which is why I can't be arsed.
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That's an opinion, not a fact. Also, unless you've been in multiple relationships, how can you even come up with your own opinion??
 
And usually the responsibility to do the maintenance falls to you - the guy!
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writes TheSkafish

Oh come on fishy-fish. Most of your comments have been pretty reasonable, actually. But you have admitted that you haven't yet had a girlfriend. I suppose you get these ides of who does what in a relationship from made-for-tv movies? Cos like our Eve, there has not been one relationship I have ever been in where it hasn't been down to me. Where to go, what to do, where to live. Who buys the mothers-day/birthday and sodding Xmas presents for the guys' mother father ? The woman. Who gets the decorations for Xmas? The woman. Who gets the bloody bills paid, the kids fed and cleans the house when the parents come around? Who gives support when the job is crap, when the boss is a ******* (or *****) the f***ing football team loses and all the rest of it? OK - maybe 10% the guy. The rest? THE WOMAN. Frankly my darling boys, it gets really, really old.

And Underdog, my little canine wolf-wannnabe - you are still a virgin, if your posts are true. And a male virgin I once knew, who made exactly these kinds of comments, was a parasitic little twit whose whole reason for living was to make himself feel better about his life by making multiple stupid asides when the world could see that his life was an enormous stinking garbage truck of sour grapes. But the fact that you are on this forum for the lonely gives me the hope that you are, in fact, out for something better than that little tit was. ...
 
@Eve and @Jaguar, I'm sorry I offended you both. Like I said initially, anything I have said should be taken with a grain of salt because I haven't had a girlfriend myself. Nevertheless, I've gotten my information on relationships not from fiction, but from research and observation. Like Spy, I've felt uninteresting to women all my life, used to be tongue-tied when they are around, never knew what to say, never expressed myself so I decided to figure it out. I've been baffled by this process all my life and I've figured that I would learn it, instead of getting frustrated at it, so I can go WITH it and not AGAINST it. Like surfing or skiing. You can't yell at the waves or at gravity, you have to learn to go with it. I've been diving into research on the attraction process since the start of 2012, reading articles and, like I said in another post, examining the differences between people who are where I want to be and myself and why they get the results that I want and I don't. I've also asked some of these people directly what their methods and philosophies are.

Either way, don't take it the wrong way. You are right in the sense that you described and I agree that guys should do more in those departments and not saddle the women with all that work. That alone could be considered relationship maintenance and take some of the pressure off. What I meant was more like this: if you are a guy and you really want someone to stay interested in you, then don't leave things up to chance. Don't think you can be lazy. Don't stop buying flowers, don't stop going out on dates, don't stop having fun with your girlfriend and engaging her in meaningful conversation. If you want to keep someone interested in you then don't take your girlfriend/wife for granted. That's what I meant by it. In a way we're kind of saying the same thing! :)
 
^^ lol, well what you said and what you meant was two different things. :p

Also, please keep in mind that reading research and observing others is good, but will never be a substitute for experiencing the real thing. :)


Ps. Lol, I wasn't offended by you at all. At least you make the effort to seek out information and don't just let bitterness lead you into making dumb-fresia comments that are meant to degrade others. :D
 
Not offended in the slightest skafish sweetie. I think you are promising material to make an excellent partner, when you find your ms right.
 
Underdog writes: A lot of irony in this thread.
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I wouldn't know - I actually meant what I said to TheSkaFish. You might want to let him make his mind up on that instead of trying to honeysuckle-stir.
 
I've seen enough snide comments from you today Underdog, one more like that and you'll see some irony.
 
The Underdog said:
A lot of irony in this thread.
Click to expand...

I can only assume you mean that it is ironic that I don't have a girlfriend myself, yet am making a conjecture on what someone else needs to do to get a girlfriend. I can see that. However, since the time of my first post here on why I couldn't get the girls I liked to like me back, I had a realization that I am constantly in the process of creating myself. Therefore, if I want a better life, I must create a better self.

Yes, there are people in this world who are undeserving but nevertheless get free rides. But that isn't me. If I want something, I have to make it so and that's why I'm still single. I see now that that's why I've always been single. I get it now. All this time I was waiting for life to throw me a lucky break in the form of a girl who liked me just because, and then cursing life/fate/a deity/whatever when I would consistently go on empty-handed. But the truth is, up until now I haven't been giving girls much to like. I'd been getting up late, only working out, grooming, practicing my passions, and reading when I felt like it instead of making those things my nature, not earning money to go out and do things and get stories, and having an overall pessimistic, fatalistic attitude which fulfills itself. That's why I couldn't convince that girl I love to leave Canada for me. I didn't give her strong enough reasons to leave.

So while I don't have a girlfriend myself, I feel that I am at least not clueless anymore. And that's why I thought I could help. I'm not mad at you for being sarcastic, I just think maybe we didn't quite understand each other.
 
TheSkaFish said:
So while I don't have a girlfriend myself, I feel that I am at least not clueless anymore. And that's why I thought I could help. I'm not mad at you for being sarcastic, I just think maybe we didn't quite understand each other.
Click to expand...

Im not sure he was talking about you, Fishie.

However, you two aren't on the same level as far as Im concerned.
You seem to want to move forward and aren't too lazy/bitter to take a look around you and see what YOU can do to remedy any issues you might think you have. Kudos to you for that. :)

The Underdog said:
Sci-Fi said:
I've seen enough snide comments from you today Underdog, one more like that and you'll see some irony.
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[align=center][video=youtube]
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What you posted there seems an attempt to antagonize a moderator after he warned you. It's neither appreciated nor tolerated.
A one day ban is being issued. I suggest that you check your crappy attitude before you come back.
 
EveWasFramed said:
TheSkaFish said:
So while I don't have a girlfriend myself, I feel that I am at least not clueless anymore. And that's why I thought I could help. I'm not mad at you for being sarcastic, I just think maybe we didn't quite understand each other.
Click to expand...

Im not sure he was talking about you, Fishie.

However, you two aren't on the same level as far as Im concerned.
You seem to want to move forward and aren't too lazy/bitter to take a look around you and see what YOU can do to remedy any issues you might think you have. Kudos to you for that. :)
Click to expand...


Well, thank you for that :) I think it may be an age thing though, I thought I saw somewhere that Underdog was somewhat younger than me. I don't think he is bad. I think our perspectives are just different. Perspective changes a lot with different age groups, and the younger you are the more of a contrast there can be.
 
TheSkaFish said:
EveWasFramed said:
TheSkaFish said:
Well, thank you for that :) I think it may be an age thing. I think I saw somewhere that Underdog was considerably younger than I am so perhaps our perspectives are different.

But if it isn't too much to say I feel that banning him was a little extreme. Hopefully it will only be temporary.
Click to expand...

No, it's not age, it's attitude. 100% attitude.
Also, we ban when we feel it's warranted. If he wants to keep being so antagonistic and keep insulting people here, his next ban won't be for just 24 hours. People who call (and consider) the other members here "losers" and "lacking in sense" don't need to be here.
Banning him wasn't extreme in the least. Go back and read all of his posts - not just the ones here.
Also, just FYI, it's not the best policy to talk about bans in the threads, so I will leave the discussion of his ban out of the thread going forward.
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