People

Where can i meet people ,and become friends with them ? No one gives me a chance.

Start here, and work your way up?

jaguarundi said:

Start here, and work your way up?

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^^ This.

NoGameNoPlay said:

Where can i meet people ,and become friends with them ? No one gives me a chance.

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That's pretty much been the entire last year for me. No one ever cares to get to know me, anywhere I go there's no one to talk to. It's so depressing.

NoGameNoPlay said:

Where can i meet people ,and become friends with them ? No one gives me a chance.

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This is a good place.I am sure you can make friends on here

NoGameNoPlay said:

Where can i meet people ,and become friends with them ? No one gives me a chance.

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Start with your neighbors, family, get out and play games at the park, gyms.
, there are groups at church where their are others who want friends.
sitting around alone will get you no where.

start with your family or neighbors. You have options.

In theory, everywhere. We have yet to invent a friend-matching technology that actually works.

I agree with the advice above. Start off with finding friends on here, and then begin going out socially and seeing if you can meet some face to face friends as well. Look for places and groups which share one of your interests and join.

Start looking through some social clubs or meeting in your area... Find one with similar interest as yours... If you like playing chess, look up local chess club... If you like playing golf, look up golf club... Or you could go exactly the opposite... Find something you're horrible at but want to get better... If you wanna learn how to play chess or get better at it, find a chess club... I'm sure some people will be eager to help you... It opens up a way of conversation...

You could put a few details on your profile so people can find out a little about you.

Yeah, agree with try starting here. I've made some good friends from here myself.

Here is a good place to start. If you want to get out from behind the computer screen, you can try meetup.com and search for groups with similar interests to yours. For instance, I joined a hiking one and they meet up quite often. I am not particularly interested in hiking but I can get out and meet new people.

It's not easy when you have little to no friends. Try meetup.com as suggested its a good way to hang out with like minded people. It does depend on which group you join. I've been going to an art one for about a year now its a good thing to do and its a little social I haven't really made any friends probably because I'm doing something wrong but its good to follow your passions at least.

I'm curious on how people that are shy make friends (I am one of them, though trying to change)

Here is what I see.. Shy people don't like to approach others. Shy people [show up] and rely on others to approach them. Then they get upset when no one approaches them when they're just sitting there.

That model is actually quite unfair, why is it that the shy people only have to try as little as just showing up? Why must others be the one to make the extra effort to not only show up as well, but also reach out to you?

I think it would be more fair, and probably also more successful, if the shy people also try to reach out every so often. It's not a good friendship if all you do is take take take.

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This makes me wonder about relationships too. The traditional way is that females wait for males to ask them out. How many females actually go out to find males instead of waiting for males to show interest in them, then picking one out of all the ones interested?

Regumika said:

This makes me wonder about relationships too. The traditional way is that females wait for males to ask them out. How many females actually go out to find males instead of waiting for males to show interest in them, then picking one out of all the ones interested?

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Very very few women have the courage to make the first move. We're talking less than 20% here. It is almost always the males that have to approach and burden the fear of rejection. It's just how the world works.

As for shy people it is tough for them but at the same time they need the courage to talk to people otherwise they'll miss out on life's opportunities. Whether it is voluntary or a real deep rooted problem, breaking out of shyness allows you to see the world in a different light. It's self confidence its a beautiful thing.

Wanderer145 said:

Regumika said:

This makes me wonder about relationships too. The traditional way is that females wait for males to ask them out. How many females actually go out to find males instead of waiting for males to show interest in them, then picking one out of all the ones interested?

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Very very few women have the courage to make the first move. We're talking less than 20% here. It is almost always the males that have to approach and burden the fear of rejection. It's just how the world works.

As for shy people it is tough for them but at the same time they need the courage to talk to people otherwise they'll miss out on life's opportunities. Whether it is voluntary or a real deep rooted problem, breaking out of shyness allows you to see the world in a different light. It's self confidence its a beautiful thing.

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Personally, the whole deal about women not asking men out isn't much different than shy people not talking to others. I never really understood why it's so taboo for a female to make the first move. If you want something, go get it, why wait for it to come to you?

Shy people can gain confidence slowly. Say hi to people. Do it everywhere. Just a simple hi to a complete stranger. Takes one second and you're on your way. When you feel more confident, take it a step further and ask them how they are or compliment them on something. No excuses, just do it. As you continue to do it, it will get easier.

TheRealCallie said:

Personally, the whole deal about women not asking men out isn't much different than shy people not talking to others. I never really understood why it's so taboo for a female to make the first move. If you want something, go get it, why wait for it to come to you?

Shy people can gain confidence slowly. Say hi to people. Do it everywhere. Just a simple hi to a complete stranger. Takes one second and you're on your way. When you feel more confident, take it a step further and ask them how they are or compliment them on something. No excuses, just do it. As you continue to do it, it will get easier.

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I can understand the frustration of people not achieving more in their social interactions, but it's not as easy as the NIKE phrase, "Just Do It." If it were that easy, women would ask more men out and there would be no shy people.

But we live in a world where fears and anxieties paralyze people into complete inaction. We know this is true because a good number of people on this very board have expressed that same paralysis. It takes a monumental effort for shy people to take that first step. It's not like putting one foot in front of the other. It's like taking your first step into a 1000 foot drop.

I find it fascinating to see how some people think that the problems that people have faced all their lives somehow have simple solutions. If there was a simple solution to shyness or asking someone out on a date, we wouldn't be seeing as many social problems, would we? Everyone would be equally confident and outgoing, and what a bland world that would be. No struggling means no satisfaction when you overcome a life-long obstacle.

I'm not dismissing the notion that "doing something" is beneficial. It is. But non-shy people need to understand that a shy person attempting to "Say hi" or to approach a potential new friend (when every previous effort has either lead to embarrassment, cruelty, mockery, and/or self-isolation,) is a massive undertaking, and that non-shy people may never fully understand the pain involved in taking that first step.

What we need to do, as friends of shy people, is to be encouraging, kind, comforting, and then challenge them to take that baby step. Approaching strangers is not a baby step to a shy person. That's like asking an un-athletic person to run a mile. It ain't happening. Shy people are locked in their own world as a defense against perceived mockery, and breaking that state is a long-term project.

So instead, encourage them by being a go-between and introduce one of your friends to the shy person so that he/she builds from total shyness to being a bit more socially comfortable. Also, encourage conversation between the two. There's no potential for rejection, if the go-between keeps the conversation flowing.

To me, that's how a shy person starts toward the road to more confidence. Once the shy person realizes what normal conversation is like, then maybe more advanced approaches to strangers could be possible.

That's my opinion. Your mileage may vary.

Simple in theory, yes....but only in theory. I know how hard it is to talk to complete strangers. I'm not, in any way, shy, but I do have anxiety issues.
I not saying you have to actually stop and socialize when you start saying hi to people. But if you see someone looking over at you, say hello and continue on your way. Perhaps even just smile at them to start. It's NOT easy, I never said it was and sometimes you have to FORCE yourself to take that step, but without taking a step, you'll never get anywhere.

Whether you are shy or not, have anxiety or not, you WILL run into cruelty at some point in your life. It's the way of life, sadly. Some people are ********, some people are bullies, some people are selfish as fresia and never think of anyone but themselves. People with anxiety, depression, or shyness need to learn to deal with rejection, embarrassment and cruelty, because it's a part of life. You can surround yourself with as much love or security as you want, but you will still have to deal with the negative aspects of life. Again, not saying it's easy or that it can be done overnight, but to be able to conquer your fears of people, it really needs to be accepted.

An introduction (that will lead to a conversation) to a complete stranger and easier than simply saying hello as you pass by someone? I'm not sure how that's easier. Yes, there's someone there that you know, but you are being thrown into a full fledged conversation with someone you don't know.

TheRealCallie said:

I'm not, in any way, shy, but I do have anxiety issues.

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Shyness, like any other behavioral trait, is difficult to understand if one hasn't experienced it first-hand. (For example, I know very little about being Bipolar, so I'm less equipped to help someone who has issues in that regard.)

Having been shy in my past, I am coming at this from my own experience. Acknowledging that something is not easy, and then encouraging shy people to do it anyway is going to fall on deaf ears because their fear is way too high. The first step is to reduce the fear, but expecting a shy person to force themselves to do anything won't work, IMO. If you don't reduce the fear first, nothing will happen.

TheRealCallie said:

An introduction (that will lead to a conversation) to a complete stranger and easier than simply saying hello as you pass by someone? I'm not sure how that's easier. Yes, there's someone there that you know, but you are being thrown into a full fledged conversation with someone you don't know.

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Shy people don't talk much, if at all. They keep to themselves for fear that they'll be seen, or have to answer a question and sound stupid. That's why shy kids go to the back of the class at school. They don't want to be called upon by the teacher. It may seem strange to people who have never been shy, but that's shyness in a nutshell. ("Be quiet, don't be noticed, don't look people in the eye, or else someone will say something to me, and all I will want to do is crawl into a fetal position and die.")

The constant fear of ridicule, the fear of saying something stupid, and the paralyzing pain of feeling like a social outcast, I believe, cannot begin with an expectation of saying Hi to strangers. I know this because the prospect of saying Hi to a stranger I walked past when I was young would have been inconceivable to me. Impossible. Beyond my abilities. I have a difficult time seeing this as a "first step" solution when it would never have worked for me, and I wasn't even the most shy person I knew.