I feel like girls always give me cold shoulders

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SighX99

SighX99

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I feel like girls never give me their time of the day... sure they look and stare at me and check me out. But if I try to do something with them they won't give me a chance... It's not like I'm ugly or something. i do have peculiar taste in music and movies. But I feel like girls generally just don't like me. I'm confident, cool headed and all that. I work out, do martial arts and my bodys in great shape. I don't get nervous. But when I try and be friend with a girl they close up and don't want to pursue for more with me... I just don't get it. Most of the time I blame it on luck. I seemed to be cursed. (there is a legitimate reason for it, as there was something went on that was kinda superstitious with my grandfather, how he was supposed to marry a female ghost but he never did. so now in my mind that she might be cursing me/haunting me, since I'm the eldest son's eldest son. some Chinese superstition that eldest son's eldest son is important.)

what the hell is wrong with me? I think I'm just destined to me alone for my entire life. I just don't get how people can just pick up a girlfriend easily and stay together for one year+. It seems impossible for me to accomplish.
sure someone right will come along in my life, but i cant carry that notion for the rest of my life. what if someone doesn't come or I already missed that right one?

I have only had one real gf in my entire life, and that lasted almost 5 months. I feel so incompetent and shitty. how i couldnt keep her, and she ended up leaving me because "she felt stagnant" when in reality we do grow together. I treated her with everything I had. she said I was the perfect bf for a while. now she doesnt even care about me. i hate my ******* life. I cant stop focusing on how single I am. sure relationships are a ***** and can hurt, but fresia i miss that so bad.

I'm gonna go get really messed up now on drugs. to forget about today. I have been sober for a long time, but today is just pure honeysuckle. I can't stand seeing couples in public anymore. i want what they have so bad. I do all these activities and try not to focus on my singleness but it DOESNT FUCKIN WORK. still single. fml
 
Doing drugs will not change anything and "today" will still be there tomorrow.
 
Sci-Fi said:
Doing drugs will not change anything and "today" will still be there tomorrow.
Click to expand...

This. Drugs, alcohol, whatever else never solves a problem. Never solves an issue. You need to concentrate on you. Take care of you. Once you start taking care of yourself, and start liking yourself, and other people will do the same. You can't possibly expect others to care about you, like you, and love you for who you are when you don't even accept yourself.
 
SighX99 said:
I feel like girls never give me their time of the day... sure they look and stare at me and check me out. But if I try to do something with them they won't give me a chance... It's not like I'm ugly or something. i do have peculiar taste in music and movies. But I feel like girls generally just don't like me. I'm confident, cool headed and all that. I work out, do martial arts and my bodys in great shape. I don't get nervous. But when I try and be friend with a girl they close up and don't want to pursue for more with me... I just don't get it. Most of the time I blame it on luck. I seemed to be cursed. (there is a legitimate reason for it, as there was something went on that was kinda superstitious with my grandfather, how he was supposed to marry a female ghost but he never did. so now in my mind that she might be cursing me/haunting me, since I'm the eldest son's eldest son. some Chinese superstition that eldest son's eldest son is important.)

what the hell is wrong with me? I think I'm just destined to me alone for my entire life. I just don't get how people can just pick up a girlfriend easily and stay together for one year+. It seems impossible for me to accomplish.
sure someone right will come along in my life, but i cant carry that notion for the rest of my life. what if someone doesn't come or I already missed that right one?

I have only had one real gf in my entire life, and that lasted almost 5 months. I feel so incompetent and shitty. how i couldnt keep her, and she ended up leaving me because "she felt stagnant" when in reality we do grow together. I treated her with everything I had. she said I was the perfect bf for a while. now she doesnt even care about me. i hate my ******* life. I cant stop focusing on how single I am. sure relationships are a ***** and can hurt, but fresia i miss that so bad.

I'm gonna go get really messed up now on drugs. to forget about today. I have been sober for a long time, but today is just pure honeysuckle. I can't stand seeing couples in public anymore. i want what they have so bad. I do all these activities and try not to focus on my singleness but it DOESNT FUCKIN WORK. still single. fml
Click to expand...

why did she say she felt stagnant? how old are you? What kind of work do you do?
 
You say you've been sober for a long time. Do you, by chance have an NA group to go to? If you do, I would skip doing drugs again and go to a meeting. If you don't, you may want to consider it. There are online chat rooms that can help you if you don't want to do a public meeting.
Don't throw away all your hard work just for one bad day, it's not worth it. Tomorrow is another day, just take it one day at a time.
 
VanillaCreme said:
Sci-Fi said:
Doing drugs will not change anything and "today" will still be there tomorrow.
Click to expand...

This. Drugs, alcohol, whatever else never solves a problem. Never solves an issue. You need to concentrate on you. Take care of you. Once you start taking care of yourself, and start liking yourself, and other people will do the same. You can't possibly expect others to care about you, like you, and love you for who you are when you don't even accept yourself.
Click to expand...

This ^.

It's been proven a billion times that drugs and alcohol are not, never have been, and never will be solutions to one's problems. As a matter of fact, these things only reinforce the negative position you are in. All you will do is make things that much harder for yourself. Not to be mean but if I were interested in a particular girl and she was like, "I don't like my life, I'm going to do a bunch of drugs" my respect for her would plummet to zero pretty much instantly and would probably stay there until she proves that she is respectable again.

One thing I'm trying to think about lately is, what would an ideal guy do? Why am I not considered a dream guy? The details differ from girl to girl of course, but there are some fundamental common traits that the most desirable guys have. Any time I feel like throwing in the towel, I try to remember that attraction is not nuclear physics. There are couples literally all over my town. Almost every home has a couple living in it. It's not like you are wishing to sprout wings and fly or grow gills. Remember that this is something almost anyone is naturally able to figure out. I'm not an attraction expert obviously, but if you look around, people have been finding partners for millenia. All of your ancestors, all of your friends' ancestors, almost everyone. People have done harder things than this.
 
ya I end up not getting messed up on drugs. you are right, I shouldnt give up all the hard work just because I had one bad day. I just had a bad day where girls just don't really care about me, or my good intentions. All the signs that I see that girls like me can sometimes make things worse. I feel like I should've tried to ask them out sooner than dwell on my failures. I do love myself, but sometimes that gets old. I hate coming home to no one, i hate how no one cares about how my day is going. I miss cooking for my gf. I was the perfect guy, now I am nothing.

I am a college student. why she felt stagnant its because she simply got sick of me. She used me as a doormat, someone to be with when she had no friends. once she got enough friends, she started pushing me away. I hate how i love someone so much yet she does not love me back.... I'm always thinking about that.... no matter how hard i try to get a girl to like me, they never do. i end up having to go back and trying to get with my ex, or just talking to her.

its just hard to focus on myself when I'm lonely 80% of my day. i do attend club meetings at school, but sometimes I feel that its all for nothing. i see these people, then I go home and have no one. On the weekends is espcially hard because I'm even more lonely.
 
Congrats on resisting the urge to use again.

You need to value yourself more, you see the failures and it sounds like you focus on those. If you can kick drugs, you are a lot stronger than you think you are. If you see someone that you think might like you, or even just someone you think YOU like, ask them if they want to get coffee or something. Just keep it casual and that way it won't be as daunting to get out sooner.

If she got sick of you and only used you as a doormat, she doesn't deserve you. Trust me, you are better than that, even if you don't think you are. YOU deserve more than to just be used, everyone does. Trying to go back to your ex is a recipe for disaster, if you do that, you may go back to other habits, because she likely won't treat you any better than she did before.

Find a hobby you enjoy and do it. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as you have fun doing it. This will enable you to go out and do something, as opposed to sitting at home. Or take up hiking or walking. Anything to get you out of the house. Go out and be around people more. You'll find something and someone, just keep trying.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Find a hobby you enjoy and do it. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as you have fun doing it. This will enable you to go out and do something, as opposed to sitting at home. Or take up hiking or walking. Anything to get you out of the house. Go out and be around people more. You'll find something and someone, just keep trying.
Click to expand...

This.

*hugs* I'm sorry you're feeling negatively, Sigh. But don't give up. I think you just haven't met the right people, not yet. Sometimes things just have to happen at the right time. It's not easy finding people who would accept you for you, I always think it takes time.

Keep trying, and when you do things that you enjoy, you'll feel better about yourself in a whole, and maybe that energy and vibe will attract like-minded people around you. Good luck!
 
TheSkaFish said:
One thing I'm trying to think about lately is, what would an ideal guy do? Why am I not considered a dream guy? The details differ from girl to girl of course, but there are some fundamental common traits that the most desirable guys have. Any time I feel like throwing in the towel, I try to remember that attraction is not nuclear physics. There are couples literally all over my town. Almost every home has a couple living in it. It's not like you are wishing to sprout wings and fly or grow gills. Remember that this is something almost anyone is naturally able to figure out. I'm not an attraction expert obviously, but if you look around, people have been finding partners for millenia. All of your ancestors, all of your friends' ancestors, almost everyone. People have done harder things than this.
Click to expand...

I think the most desirable trait in a guy would be for him to have the ability to be himself. Because who wants to have to peel through layers of everyone else, especially when they're trying to care for someone? It's already quite enough to actually care for someone. To have to fork away layers of the onion is a feat that can prove very difficult, and **** near impossible.
 
VanillaCreme said:
I think the most desirable trait in a guy would be for him to have the ability to be himself. Because who wants to have to peel through layers of everyone else, especially when they're trying to care for someone? It's already quite enough to actually care for someone. To have to fork away layers of the onion is a feat that can prove very difficult, and **** near impossible.
Click to expand...

I've always had the impression women liked a bit of mystery and complication in relationships with men. If it's too easy to know a guy, the interest level seems to fade.
 
ardour said:
I've always had the impression women liked a bit of mystery and complication in relationships with men. If it's too easy to know a guy, the interest level seems to fade.
Click to expand...

Ugh, no, I hate that. I knew a guy who started lying to me all the time to make himself more mysterious, because he assumed that's what women wanted. I called him out on it right away. Then he started picking fights with me all the time, even becoming verbally abusive, just to get a rise. I couldn't stand it, it was exhausting. I phased him out of my life.

I know both men and women who prefer complication though, and more men than women actually. They have this addictive need to be perpetually fascinated, and if there's not enough drama they get bored and lose interest. I've even known people who cheat and get caught on purpose, just to add "excitement" to their relationship.

And of course they're usually the people who gripe about drama the most.
 
I'm sorry to hear about you're struggles about trying to find the right girl for you. Concentrate on you for right now; build yourself back up. And trust me drugs isn't the answer, if you're having a hard time getting off of them, try looking for support groups in you're area. I can understand if it's hard for you to stop. Don't give up hope though, there's great girls out there. Not every girl is the same, someone will meet you and will want to have a life with you. Many people have given up hope, but don't give up hope. I believe love is real, love is just very hard to find. Once you do meet the right girl though, make sure you go through the thick and thin. Every relationship has hard times, and the girl who truly loves you will stick with you no matter what happens. =)
 

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