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Alonewith2cats

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I had a Saturday night that really made me emotionally very upset. I'm going to be vague in describing what happened to me because I don't want to offend anyone. This is a subject that deals with the subject of interracial dating and how a friend of mine who I have known since high school reacted to the fact that I'm highly attracted to people of a certain race, I would like to explain that this does not mean I'm only attracted to this specific race of people, I'm very open-minded and just as capable of being attracted to someone who is not of a certain race or ethnicity, it's just that I find many of these people very attractive and I understand that there is nothing wrong with it.

I haven't seen this friend in a long time so we got together on a Saturday, we went to a pool party and then we went out dancing. I told her about an upcoming date that I have with a guy I met on line from a certain country. Before we went dancing we went to Cocos for a bite to eat with another friend of hers. The guy who was nice enough to take us out had to witness a wicked fight between 2 women, I feel sorry for him that he had to watch this. My friend had some negative things to say in regards to the fact that I'm highly attracted to a certain race of people including she told me that I'm "obsessed with them." That offended me and made me very angry. Being highly attracted to people with specific features or of a certain race or ethnicity does not make me "obsessed with them." I told her she was very wrong for saying this to me, I repeated over and over again to her that it should not matter to anyone but myself who I want to date and I also called her racist. I realize that when I called her that I did that loudly in the restaurant because I was so offended that it was difficult for me to keep a low tone of voice after what she said to me. She was very offended that I called her racist and she called me a stupid *****. She then said some very hurtful things to me and I cried. I told her she is not my friend, that after all these years of friendship, is being abusive and I felt like she stabbed me in the back, and I didn't want to go dancing, I said I want her friend to take me home and I never want to see her again and she really crossed the line with me by calling me a name, and I told her she pretty much threw our friendship away. She continued to react defensively and things got heated and she got meaner, even to the point of saying "Do you ever wonder why you're single?" Whatever she could say do to throw verbal swords at me while continued to verbally defend myself. She accused me of acting like a victim while I expressed how horrible it was for me to be stuck having dinner with her, waiting for her friend to finish his steak so I can get out of this hostile situation.

After some time passed, we apologized to each other, talked things out, went dancing and hugged at the end of the evening. However I have to say things are not the same in this friendship. I no longer trust her and won't be contacting her for a long time. I told another friend this story and she told me I was wrong to call her racist, that just because someone makes a comment or expresses an opinion, even if it's offensive to me does not give me the right to call someone racist and that I can make enemies and people are going to hurt me if I act like this and she was surprised we didn't get kicked out of the restaurant.

Excuse me but if someone has an issue with me dating someone of a certain race or ethnicity, how is that not racist??? Just how wrong was I?
 
Your friend's being an idiot. She was being rude and careless. However, a key thing about relationships is to remember that everyone messes up and says careless things sometimes. What she did was wrong, but you have to expect things like this to happen, 'cause, under the right circumstances, even nice people can be vicious. I have close friends who sometimes act like a jerk to me. That's just the way some people are.

There's this little fighting game mean people like to play. It goes like this...

Bob: "Tom, you're an idiot."
Tom: "Well, Bob, you're just saying that 'cause you're ugly."
Bob: "Oh, YEAH, well at least I actually went to college."
Tom: "OH, YEAH, WELL..." etc, etc.

It's like ping pong. They call you an idiot... So you call them a moron... So they step on your toes... So you punch 'em in the face. It's a terrible process that just ends in both people feeling bad in every way imaginable. Next time someone says something rude, (instead of calling them a racist, moron, etc.) stare at them for a few seconds with a disappointed look on your face, and if they possess anything resembling integrity, the guilt will be too much for 'em. Now that they understand that you're hurt, you can calmly explain your feelings. (Cliché incoming) Avoid "you" statements, instead use "I" statements.

"I feel bad," rather than "you are making me feel bad."

People have defense mechanisms which are automatically activated when they feel hurt. This mechanism tells them "HEY, BOB'S BEING MEAN TO YOU. GO PUNCH HIM." It's so horribly ineffective. All it will accomplish is making everyone involving angry.

Basically, this whole fight is your friend's fault, but you probably could have stopped it from getting worse by not responding in the same manner. I'm not trying to accuse you of anything. I mean, honestly, I do the same thing, but trust me... It's completely useless to fight jerks with jerkiness.

Well, anyway. I would recommend sitting this person down and having an honest conversation about your relationship. Tell her that you value her friendship, and you're trying to help her understand, not to make her mad. Don't make it about "This is all your fault," or "Why did you do this to me?" Make it about "You're a good friend but you need to know how I feel."

Good luck, my friend :)
 
In my opinion, I don't think you were wrong at all. Why is your friend so concerned about who you date or find physically attractive? Everyone has their preferences, and if she can't accept that then she's not a true friend. Sounds like she has some racist tendencies for sure. Personally I don't understand why people are so hung up on race, it's really not that serious. It seems so trivial focusing on something that shouldn't matter when there's terrible things going on around the world. If I were you, I wouldn't second guess myself, some people just don't like to hear the truth. Maybe she didn't think she was being racist, but from what I gather she sounds like a bigot who can't see past her own nose. Just date who you want, love who you want, and if anyone has a problem or isn't willing to be open-minded, tell them to kick rocks. :)
 
I have a friend that dates another race, and I have my concerns. It's not because I am racist, but I come from a racist place, and actually, I have had people tell me to stop hanging out with her because of this. I would never abandon my friend because of who she dates (we have been best friends since we were 5, and we are now 24.)! And she has the right to be with whoever she wants, I just hope for the best.

Depending where you live in the world, you might have to just deal with it. I know it sounds tough, we cannot choose who we are attracted too. So people are going to judge you for who you're with. For instance, in high school I was judged for dating a bigger guy. I was short, thin and athletic, and people could not figure out why I was with this guy. He had features I was attracted too. People judged me (probably not as much as you), and I just turned the other check. If I was in your situation, I would have just brushed it off if someone made a comment like that too me, you gotta be tough, because there are judgement eyes no matter what you are doing.
 
Let's get something straight; it's HER that has the problem about all this, weather it's you being open-minded or her being racist. You're not in the wrong, she is clearly racist IMO. It's like calling someone for preferring blonde people, tall people, or hairy people; it's just stupid, and it shows how shallow this person is and how she resents you based on her warped thoughts or opinions.
 
In terms of race, it shouldn't matter who you date, because we're all equal, all spirits in different bodies. Like judging a car by the paint or style of doors it has.

So she hasn't got a right to say what you should and should not find attractive. That's subjective, and different people have different tastes. I might however add that appearance shouldn't be the only or primary basis (because people sometimes use good looks to leverage bad behaviour) for a given relationship.

You might want to look up the robbers cave experiment, which is highly related to such a thing as this.
 
Is your friend a racist? Seriously I don't really know, because it takes a bit more than one argument to be sure.

She could in fact have said that you had racist attitudes - (wrongly I am sure) because she may have only heard you say positive things about one other race - although obviously, as you say, you like others.

For example, If I were to say that I thought Indian origin men were wonderful because of their family values and higher sense of spirituality, I would be racially categorising such men and be being rather racist. . Everyone is people! Good, bad and indifferent.

All this is a preamble, because I am sure that many people on ALL have checked out their attitudes to race, disability, gender and disability by using the Harvard tests. Easy to do - impossible to fool. Give them a go. I was surprised to find that I am not in fact prejudiced in any way in the several tests that I did.. I honestly thought I might have some underlying issues. Apparently not.

Try the tests if you haven't already -

https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/education.html

well worth it.
 
My only comment would be to read the very good book called: How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. This book should help you deal with people in your life.

Good luck!
 
It's horrible that you're friend put you through this, especially since it was in a public restaurant and I can understand you're reacting in such a way. In my opinion it's none of her business on what type of men that you're attracted too, it's your own personal preference. Hopefully things work out for you in the future. =)
 
Alonewith2cats said:
My friend had some negative things to say in regards to the fact that I'm highly attracted to a certain race of people including she told me that I'm "obsessed with them."
Click to expand...

I'm kind of interested in how this topic even came up and what were some of the other negative things your friend said? She sounds like overly-opinionated twat and should learn to shut the hell up. :club:

Also, was she aggressive in how she said these things or was it maybe a really bad joke gone awry? What was your friendship like before this incident? Do you think there was something that set her off?
 
This unpleasant subject has been on my mind for a few days now....

Earlier in the week I was reading the paper at work. One of my coworkers came up and said "Let's see the Sunshine Girl" so he grabs the sports section, turns to the page and says "it's just a (insert derogatory word here)". I was shocked and said "Pardon me?" (I saw a beautiful girl of Carribean descent btw). He repeated the word then added "What're you, some kind of (insert derogatory word here) lover?".

Wow!!!!

It got pretty heated from that point- lets just say I didn't establish any kind of friendship with the guy (I've been getting some pretty dirty looks all week- I can see the rage in his eyes). I think he's pretty aware of how stupid he made himself look (there were a lot of onlookers) and several of my coworkers have made comments (purposely aloud) about how pathetic he is.

Doesn't end there though. On my last night-shift one of my female coworkers got a bus stuck on the site. It's usually not a big deal but it became an incident when someone came along and put a strap on the front bumper to pull the van out....they ended up pulling the front bumper off. Once there's damage it becomes an incident. I was called in for the investigation and one of the guys involved made a "woman drivers" comment. I looked at him and said "Seriously Dude, is that necessary? And aren't you the guy who wrapped a tow strap around a bumper instead of the frame or using the tow hooks?". The driver of the van thanked me later, she was feeling kind of intimidated by the situation and the finger being pointed at her. Yes, she did get it stuck but the conditions were such that it could've happened to anyone.

I get so tired of discrimination....
 
Alonewith2cats said:
I had a Saturday night that really made me emotionally very upset. I'm going to be vague in describing what happened to me because I don't want to offend anyone. This is a subject that deals with the subject of interracial dating and how a friend of mine who I have known since high school reacted to the fact that I'm highly attracted to people of a certain race, I would like to explain that this does not mean I'm only attracted to this specific race of people, I'm very open-minded and just as capable of being attracted to someone who is not of a certain race or ethnicity, it's just that I find many of these people very attractive and I understand that there is nothing wrong with it.

I haven't seen this friend in a long time so we got together on a Saturday, we went to a pool party and then we went out dancing. I told her about an upcoming date that I have with a guy I met on line from a certain country. Before we went dancing we went to Cocos for a bite to eat with another friend of hers. The guy who was nice enough to take us out had to witness a wicked fight between 2 women, I feel sorry for him that he had to watch this. My friend had some negative things to say in regards to the fact that I'm highly attracted to a certain race of people including she told me that I'm "obsessed with them." That offended me and made me very angry. Being highly attracted to people with specific features or of a certain race or ethnicity does not make me "obsessed with them." I told her she was very wrong for saying this to me, I repeated over and over again to her that it should not matter to anyone but myself who I want to date and I also called her racist. I realize that when I called her that I did that loudly in the restaurant because I was so offended that it was difficult for me to keep a low tone of voice after what she said to me. She was very offended that I called her racist and she called me a stupid *****. She then said some very hurtful things to me and I cried. I told her she is not my friend, that after all these years of friendship, is being abusive and I felt like she stabbed me in the back, and I didn't want to go dancing, I said I want her friend to take me home and I never want to see her again and she really crossed the line with me by calling me a name, and I told her she pretty much threw our friendship away. She continued to react defensively and things got heated and she got meaner, even to the point of saying "Do you ever wonder why you're single?" Whatever she could say do to throw verbal swords at me while continued to verbally defend myself. She accused me of acting like a victim while I expressed how horrible it was for me to be stuck having dinner with her, waiting for her friend to finish his steak so I can get out of this hostile situation.

After some time passed, we apologized to each other, talked things out, went dancing and hugged at the end of the evening. However I have to say things are not the same in this friendship. I no longer trust her and won't be contacting her for a long time. I told another friend this story and she told me I was wrong to call her racist, that just because someone makes a comment or expresses an opinion, even if it's offensive to me does not give me the right to call someone racist and that I can make enemies and people are going to hurt me if I act like this and she was surprised we didn't get kicked out of the restaurant.

Excuse me but if someone has an issue with me dating someone of a certain race or ethnicity, how is that not racist??? Just how wrong was I?
Click to expand...

This reminds me of my own "dating" situation... All my adult life, I've never dated within my own race... I was born & raised in Korea... I was 13 years old when I came to U.S. & been living here ever since... When I was old enough to have romantic interest in girls, there weren't too many girls of my own race around... So I dated people that were available to me, which happened to be white girls... It wasn't done intentionally, just worked out that way given the circumstances... As I grew older, I formed my own "taste" in women, I was influences by group of people I was around the most, again, happened to be "white" people... My most recent ex-girl friend was part German, part Scottish & bit of English... Everybody has preferences... Nothing wrong with having preferences... I don't believe you've done anything wrong at all...
 
sk66rc said:
Alonewith2cats said:
I had a Saturday night that really made me emotionally very upset. I'm going to be vague in describing what happened to me because I don't want to offend anyone. This is a subject that deals with the subject of interracial dating and how a friend of mine who I have known since high school reacted to the fact that I'm highly attracted to people of a certain race, I would like to explain that this does not mean I'm only attracted to this specific race of people, I'm very open-minded and just as capable of being attracted to someone who is not of a certain race or ethnicity, it's just that I find many of these people very attractive and I understand that there is nothing wrong with it.

I haven't seen this friend in a long time so we got together on a Saturday, we went to a pool party and then we went out dancing. I told her about an upcoming date that I have with a guy I met on line from a certain country. Before we went dancing we went to Cocos for a bite to eat with another friend of hers. The guy who was nice enough to take us out had to witness a wicked fight between 2 women, I feel sorry for him that he had to watch this. My friend had some negative things to say in regards to the fact that I'm highly attracted to a certain race of people including she told me that I'm "obsessed with them." That offended me and made me very angry. Being highly attracted to people with specific features or of a certain race or ethnicity does not make me "obsessed with them." I told her she was very wrong for saying this to me, I repeated over and over again to her that it should not matter to anyone but myself who I want to date and I also called her racist. I realize that when I called her that I did that loudly in the restaurant because I was so offended that it was difficult for me to keep a low tone of voice after what she said to me. She was very offended that I called her racist and she called me a stupid *****. She then said some very hurtful things to me and I cried. I told her she is not my friend, that after all these years of friendship, is being abusive and I felt like she stabbed me in the back, and I didn't want to go dancing, I said I want her friend to take me home and I never want to see her again and she really crossed the line with me by calling me a name, and I told her she pretty much threw our friendship away. She continued to react defensively and things got heated and she got meaner, even to the point of saying "Do you ever wonder why you're single?" Whatever she could say do to throw verbal swords at me while continued to verbally defend myself. She accused me of acting like a victim while I expressed how horrible it was for me to be stuck having dinner with her, waiting for her friend to finish his steak so I can get out of this hostile situation.

After some time passed, we apologized to each other, talked things out, went dancing and hugged at the end of the evening. However I have to say things are not the same in this friendship. I no longer trust her and won't be contacting her for a long time. I told another friend this story and she told me I was wrong to call her racist, that just because someone makes a comment or expresses an opinion, even if it's offensive to me does not give me the right to call someone racist and that I can make enemies and people are going to hurt me if I act like this and she was surprised we didn't get kicked out of the restaurant.

Excuse me but if someone has an issue with me dating someone of a certain race or ethnicity, how is that not racist??? Just how wrong was I?
Click to expand...

This reminds me of my own "dating" situation... All my adult life, I've never dated within my own race... I was born & raised in Korea... I was 13 years old when I came to U.S. & been living here ever since... When I was old enough to have romantic interest in girls, there weren't too many girls of my own race around... So I dated people that were available to me, which happened to be white girls... It wasn't done intentionally, just worked out that way given the circumstances... As I grew older, I formed my own "taste" in women, I was influences by group of people I was around the most, again, happened to be "white" people... My most recent ex-girl friend was part German, part Scottish & bit of English... Everybody has preferences... Nothing wrong with having preferences... I don't believe you've done anything wrong at all...
Click to expand...

Well, no one knows me here so I'm just going to go ahead and say it. I find a lot of Asian men including my Korean coworker attractive. I'm not going to hit on my coworker though. That would be unprofessional.
 
I don't understand why a friend would care if someone liked or didn't like a certain race. I couldn't care less what race, nationality, ethnicity, religion, whatever else, my friends are with. Sounds like to me she needs to be told to mind her business and worry about what race she's looking at, since it's so important to her.
 
Alonewith2cats said:
sk66rc said:
Alonewith2cats said:
I had a Saturday night that really made me emotionally very upset. I'm going to be vague in describing what happened to me because I don't want to offend anyone. This is a subject that deals with the subject of interracial dating and how a friend of mine who I have known since high school reacted to the fact that I'm highly attracted to people of a certain race, I would like to explain that this does not mean I'm only attracted to this specific race of people, I'm very open-minded and just as capable of being attracted to someone who is not of a certain race or ethnicity, it's just that I find many of these people very attractive and I understand that there is nothing wrong with it.

I haven't seen this friend in a long time so we got together on a Saturday, we went to a pool party and then we went out dancing. I told her about an upcoming date that I have with a guy I met on line from a certain country. Before we went dancing we went to Cocos for a bite to eat with another friend of hers. The guy who was nice enough to take us out had to witness a wicked fight between 2 women, I feel sorry for him that he had to watch this. My friend had some negative things to say in regards to the fact that I'm highly attracted to a certain race of people including she told me that I'm "obsessed with them." That offended me and made me very angry. Being highly attracted to people with specific features or of a certain race or ethnicity does not make me "obsessed with them." I told her she was very wrong for saying this to me, I repeated over and over again to her that it should not matter to anyone but myself who I want to date and I also called her racist. I realize that when I called her that I did that loudly in the restaurant because I was so offended that it was difficult for me to keep a low tone of voice after what she said to me. She was very offended that I called her racist and she called me a stupid *****. She then said some very hurtful things to me and I cried. I told her she is not my friend, that after all these years of friendship, is being abusive and I felt like she stabbed me in the back, and I didn't want to go dancing, I said I want her friend to take me home and I never want to see her again and she really crossed the line with me by calling me a name, and I told her she pretty much threw our friendship away. She continued to react defensively and things got heated and she got meaner, even to the point of saying "Do you ever wonder why you're single?" Whatever she could say do to throw verbal swords at me while continued to verbally defend myself. She accused me of acting like a victim while I expressed how horrible it was for me to be stuck having dinner with her, waiting for her friend to finish his steak so I can get out of this hostile situation.

After some time passed, we apologized to each other, talked things out, went dancing and hugged at the end of the evening. However I have to say things are not the same in this friendship. I no longer trust her and won't be contacting her for a long time. I told another friend this story and she told me I was wrong to call her racist, that just because someone makes a comment or expresses an opinion, even if it's offensive to me does not give me the right to call someone racist and that I can make enemies and people are going to hurt me if I act like this and she was surprised we didn't get kicked out of the restaurant.

Excuse me but if someone has an issue with me dating someone of a certain race or ethnicity, how is that not racist??? Just how wrong was I?
Click to expand...

This reminds me of my own "dating" situation... All my adult life, I've never dated within my own race... I was born & raised in Korea... I was 13 years old when I came to U.S. & been living here ever since... When I was old enough to have romantic interest in girls, there weren't too many girls of my own race around... So I dated people that were available to me, which happened to be white girls... It wasn't done intentionally, just worked out that way given the circumstances... As I grew older, I formed my own "taste" in women, I was influences by group of people I was around the most, again, happened to be "white" people... My most recent ex-girl friend was part German, part Scottish & bit of English... Everybody has preferences... Nothing wrong with having preferences... I don't believe you've done anything wrong at all...
Click to expand...

Well, no one knows me here so I'm just going to go ahead and say it. I find a lot of Asian men including my Korean coworker attractive. I'm not going to hit on my coworker though. That would be unprofessional.
Click to expand...

Lol... What's that saying? Don't poop where you eat? I've dated a co-worker before & when it didn't work out, it did create some problems... I guess it can be done but I don't think I'll be doing that anytime soon...

So...!!! What is it about Asian men you find attractive? I'm a sucker for a girl with green eyes...
 
sk66rc said:
Alonewith2cats said:
sk66rc said:
Alonewith2cats said:
I had a Saturday night that really made me emotionally very upset. I'm going to be vague in describing what happened to me because I don't want to offend anyone. This is a subject that deals with the subject of interracial dating and how a friend of mine who I have known since high school reacted to the fact that I'm highly attracted to people of a certain race, I would like to explain that this does not mean I'm only attracted to this specific race of people, I'm very open-minded and just as capable of being attracted to someone who is not of a certain race or ethnicity, it's just that I find many of these people very attractive and I understand that there is nothing wrong with it.

I haven't seen this friend in a long time so we got together on a Saturday, we went to a pool party and then we went out dancing. I told her about an upcoming date that I have with a guy I met on line from a certain country. Before we went dancing we went to Cocos for a bite to eat with another friend of hers. The guy who was nice enough to take us out had to witness a wicked fight between 2 women, I feel sorry for him that he had to watch this. My friend had some negative things to say in regards to the fact that I'm highly attracted to a certain race of people including she told me that I'm "obsessed with them." That offended me and made me very angry. Being highly attracted to people with specific features or of a certain race or ethnicity does not make me "obsessed with them." I told her she was very wrong for saying this to me, I repeated over and over again to her that it should not matter to anyone but myself who I want to date and I also called her racist. I realize that when I called her that I did that loudly in the restaurant because I was so offended that it was difficult for me to keep a low tone of voice after what she said to me. She was very offended that I called her racist and she called me a stupid *****. She then said some very hurtful things to me and I cried. I told her she is not my friend, that after all these years of friendship, is being abusive and I felt like she stabbed me in the back, and I didn't want to go dancing, I said I want her friend to take me home and I never want to see her again and she really crossed the line with me by calling me a name, and I told her she pretty much threw our friendship away. She continued to react defensively and things got heated and she got meaner, even to the point of saying "Do you ever wonder why you're single?" Whatever she could say do to throw verbal swords at me while continued to verbally defend myself. She accused me of acting like a victim while I expressed how horrible it was for me to be stuck having dinner with her, waiting for her friend to finish his steak so I can get out of this hostile situation.

After some time passed, we apologized to each other, talked things out, went dancing and hugged at the end of the evening. However I have to say things are not the same in this friendship. I no longer trust her and won't be contacting her for a long time. I told another friend this story and she told me I was wrong to call her racist, that just because someone makes a comment or expresses an opinion, even if it's offensive to me does not give me the right to call someone racist and that I can make enemies and people are going to hurt me if I act like this and she was surprised we didn't get kicked out of the restaurant.

Excuse me but if someone has an issue with me dating someone of a certain race or ethnicity, how is that not racist??? Just how wrong was I?
Click to expand...

This reminds me of my own "dating" situation... All my adult life, I've never dated within my own race... I was born & raised in Korea... I was 13 years old when I came to U.S. & been living here ever since... When I was old enough to have romantic interest in girls, there weren't too many girls of my own race around... So I dated people that were available to me, which happened to be white girls... It wasn't done intentionally, just worked out that way given the circumstances... As I grew older, I formed my own "taste" in women, I was influences by group of people I was around the most, again, happened to be "white" people... My most recent ex-girl friend was part German, part Scottish & bit of English... Everybody has preferences... Nothing wrong with having preferences... I don't believe you've done anything wrong at all...
Click to expand...

Well, no one knows me here so I'm just going to go ahead and say it. I find a lot of Asian men including my Korean coworker attractive. I'm not going to hit on my coworker though. That would be unprofessional.
Click to expand...

Lol... What's that saying? Don't poop where you eat? I've dated a co-worker before & when it didn't work out, it did create some problems... I guess it can be done but I don't think I'll be doing that anytime soon...

So...!!! What is it about Asian men you find attractive? I'm a sucker for a girl with green eyes...
Click to expand...

Well, in a way it's hard to explain because it's kind of like answering the question "Why do you like apples?" But then I can kind of answer it. I like the way they look. I like the black hair, I like their eyes, in general they look young for their age, I think they're cute, I like the lack of body hair. Of course that part is shallow, beyond that it's all about the individual human being. For example, I am attracted to my coworker's Asian features but it's not like I like him because he is Asian. I like his personality and because he is who he is. Just as I would not date a person primarily because of his ethnicity and I'm not attracted to all Asian men, just certain individual ones. Another thing is that there is a certain mystique about them that keeps me intrigued. Because there are so many different kinds of Asians, for example Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Filipino, Vietnamese...the list goes on, there are so many different cultures involved and I don't know a whole lot about them and even if I were to study them more there is still so much mystery. I have a thing for Chinese dragons, I find the art work very beautiful. Also I love Asian food of all kinds.

That said I don't act on my being attracted to my coworker other than being friendly.
 
Alone with 2 cats, I can understand that must have been hurtful for you! For a good friend to call you a stupid ***** like that! I'm not sure if I agree with the guy who said that fights like this are a part of relationships. I guess some people grew up in families who fought from time to time, but in my family no one ever called each other names like that, so that would be crossing the line for me, I think. It's a good thing that you ended up amicably though.

Your friend definitely sounds a bit on the racist side, but there are a few other things maybe you should consider. Firstly, she might be concerned for you, that you're limiting yourself to a racial group/ethnicity with not many members in your area, hence her comment about you still being single. Secondly, she might be threatened by the fact that you prefer another race to white people (can't remember if you said you were white, sorry!) I can relate to this one a little bit. I think black and asian women are gorgeous, not like me with my huge hook nose. But I'd never argue with somebody's right to date whoever they're attracted to.

Interracial dating stirs up some deeply seated feelings in people I suppose. Depending where you're from, family cultures formed in a time and place when segregation was much more common. This could be why your friend is struggling a bit with you doing this. My advice would be go out with whoever the hell you want to go out with! Racial equality can only be achieved if you practice it at home, in your personal relationships. So don't worry what the others say.
 
Glowgirl said:
Alone with 2 cats, I can understand that must have been hurtful for you! For a good friend to call you a stupid ***** like that! I'm not sure if I agree with the guy who said that fights like this are a part of relationships. I guess some people grew up in families who fought from time to time, but in my family no one ever called each other names like that, so that would be crossing the line for me, I think. It's a good thing that you ended up amicably though.

Your friend definitely sounds a bit on the racist side, but there are a few other things maybe you should consider. Firstly, she might be concerned for you, that you're limiting yourself to a racial group/ethnicity with not many members in your area, hence her comment about you still being single. Secondly, she might be threatened by the fact that you prefer another race to white people (can't remember if you said you were white, sorry!) I can relate to this one a little bit. I think black and asian women are gorgeous, not like me with my huge hook nose. But I'd never argue with somebody's right to date whoever they're attracted to.

Interracial dating stirs up some deeply seated feelings in people I suppose. Depending where you're from, family cultures formed in a time and place when segregation was much more common. This could be why your friend is struggling a bit with you doing this. My advice would be go out with whoever the hell you want to go out with! Racial equality can only be achieved if you practice it at home, in your personal relationships. So don't worry what the others say.
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She definitely crossed the line with me by calling me a stupid ***** which is why I didn't return her last text message. I'm distancing myself from her because I don't trust her anymore. Trust and mutual respect are the 2 most important qualities of any friendship or relationship and without it, what is the point? Once someone calls me a name like that it changes everything. I'm demoting her from friend to acquaintance and don't know how I'll react if and when she contacts me to hang out again. While she has only called me a name once in our years of friendship I have another friend she treats like this regularly, name calling, and with her even escalating to physical violence, which I've been finding out about recently from this other friend. Why she has treated her like this so many times and me, only once with being called a name, it must be because she will take this abuse from her and I won't. For her own sake I hope she stops taking it. Frienemies are fake friends and the most toxic of all.

Whatever "concerns" she may have about me wanting to date another race, they don't mean anything to me. I simply don't care about her "concerns." Because the way I see it, it shouldn't matter. To answer your question, I'm white. She's hispanic. So she can't possibly be threatened about whether or not I prefer dating a certain race to white people. She was actually trying to set me up with someone from the the middle east, but I didn't want to date him, I wasn't attracted to him, and maybe she was hurt by that. Whether or not she is "concerned for me, that I'm limiting myself to a racial group/ethnicity" that may be true. But I also don't care about that. I don't like being told what to do, especially in regards to who I should date, so it definitely put me on the defensive. Besides if she wasn't so mean and self-centered and if she truly tuned into our friendship, I can't tell you how many times she didn't return my calls, she would know that I don't limit myself and keep myself very open-minded to a variety of possibilities regarding race/ ethnicity when it comes to dating. Of course I'm going to go for whoever I'm attracted to regardless of what anyone says. I just don't care what people think or say about it. They can't tell me what to do. However, I do appreciate your insight into why she may have behaved the way she did.
 

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