STUPIDITY

Hi everyone,

Basically a lot of people think I'm stupid!

Now, a lot of people will say that's their problem and not mine, but when you run up against it all the time you can't help worrying about it a bit.

It really started in high school. I was actually smart at primary school and near or at the top of the class. I went to high school and I was around the top of the group then but a couple of girls I was hanging around with thought I was really stupid. Along with the social problems my marks did in fact start to slip at high school until I finished in year 12 with a ranking of only a little more than halfway through the group. That was in spite of the fact that I was really trying. (I couldn't concentrate, that was one problem).

Anyway, at work I've never really found my feet either. I work as an administrative assistant in the courts and probably about half the people I met during the first ten years thought I was an idiot. I've applied unsuccessfully for many promotions and seen them go to people younger and less experienced than me. (It's worth mentioning though that our workplace is quite bottom heavy position wise). I just don't know where my strengths are, if I have any. I'm doing a degree in counselling and applied social sciences at the moment, really enjoying it, but I don't know yet whether I have what it takes to be a counsellor.

I've done a few iq tests online and they have returned results all over the place, ranging from 102 to 123! I've heard they're not much good anyway. I really would like to find something I'm good at, rather than have people thinking I'm stupid all the time.

No-one has been able to explain why people say I am stupid. I'm not sure if an iq test would pinpoint strengths and weaknesses or just give me one flat result that I can't do anything about.

Anyone have any ideas?

I really doubt you're actually stupid, so, it IS their problem. BUT, I get why this would concern you. I think the first thing you need to do is figure out WHY they would think that?
Are you clumsy, do you maybe ramble on a bit when you talk, do you not really talk to anyone at all, or any other thing like that?

I don't think IQ tests are really going to help you, it's unlikely that it's that kind of "stupid." How well do these people know you?

My only real advice is to just prove them wrong. Now, I don't mean show them physical evidence that you are smart. I mean do your job well, excel at what you do, and try to let them get to know you more. In knowing you, they will likely see that you aren't stupid.

Is there any way it could just be in your head? I don't mean that offensively, but when we get down, we tend to see things that aren't there to explain why we don't have what we want or the like. (we all do it on some level)

I can relate. Unfortunately a lot of people have a stereotypical view about smart people, and in my case I have one of those 'baby-faces' that changes a view of how a person thinks of you; I find that the way you look and act certainly effects how a person responds to you, too.

IQ tests do not tell the whole story of a persons, it's more of a standardized general test and however you think you scored in it does not reflect your abilities in real life. But I'm still confused to what way they think you're stupid, is it something they tell you, or in other ways?

Nothing you've said here leads me to believe that you're stupid.

It leads me to believe that you're average.

(I'm ignoring the online IQ tests because from everything I've seen/heard/read about them, they generally return higher scores than you'd get from, say, a licensed psychologist or counselor. Also, IQ tests are notoriously bad (or inept/incapable) of showing areas of strength/weakness.)

What I'd like to know is...

...what's wrong with being average?

I'd wager that intelligence isn't your problem here. I'd guess that it's a problem with social interaction.

I read some black and white thinking in here. Let's start off with a bit of common sense. We've got at least one or two stories or times in our lives where we've said or done something VERY stupid and realised it later. Being stupid is part of the human condition. What I suspect you may be doing here is unconsciously finding an association between when your grades slipped a bit and when people called you stupid. That's not enough to make you stupid.

I'd dismiss the online IQ tests. I understand there are some which are reasonably reliable. But really you'd want one administered by a professional institution (i.e. a psychology research dept at a university.) Unfortunately, they don't really do IQ tests anymore because of the way research has gone. It's less focused on the search for "G" or general intelligence and there's a whole bunch of wider theories being considered. (My personal favourite was Gardner's seven areas of intelligence.) IQ tests can be useful for one thing, they'll tell you if you're good at learning logical and scientific things. However, the big downside is that they don't measure things like creativity or emotional intelligence. Your scores are within the average, but I'd assume you'd be in the average anyway. (IQ tests follow the normal distribution in terms of scoring. This means we can run useful inferential statistics.) This is because the average level will include circa 99% of the population. So I'm making a pretty safe bet to guess you fall in that 99%.

With that said, the fact that you can clearly grasp spelling and grammar, tells me that you couldn't possibly be in the 0.5% of the population that is deemed to be so below average intelligence that we think they're stupid. (Genetic fact. I'm not trying to pick on anyone here. Just talking factually.) You're definitely not there, so I can say you're not stupid. I will temper this with the reminder of my opener... stupidity is part of the human condition. Einstein said that "only two things are infinite: the universe, and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the former." Since you're studying counselling... you might recognise what I'm getting at. The way people sometimes prioritise the negative disproportionately. It's possible to fix this yourself once you realise and start searching for the times you've been smart (or 'not stupid') and begin to realise they're pretty frequent. If not, perhaps you'll know someone who you could talk to about this in confidence?

Maybe its just the way you act. Of course, I do not know how do you actually act, but still. The way you articulate, the way you compose a sentence, and all of those little things may lead people to doubt your intelligence.
Because as a counterpart of yours, many people think I´m smart. But in fact, that is far from the truth. But the way I act, speak, behave we may say, leads them to the wrong assumption.
So maybe observing your everyday behavior more closely may give you a new perspective.
But this may be just useless rubbish, I don´t know.

And one other possibility, I do not know how likely it is, is that you are a good looking blonde (hair color is not that important though). There may be some sort of stereotypical view on good looking girls, or rather bimbo looking girls, although some look that way not by a choice. So some people may be like ,,Look at that stupid bimbo" or something like that.

I am actually not a bright guy in any sense of the word, at all. I was horrible academically most of the time and I'm not talented in anything, either. I'm also socially clueless and tend to get lost in conversations easily, asking people to repeat what they said often.

However, I've rarely ever had anyone tell me I'm stupid to my face. There's a few secrets to avoid such a problem, and I've been using them--unconsciously--for most of my life. The first one is simply not to say too much and have a "stoic" look as your default face. That's just the way I do things, I'm very sensitive and shy and it just turned out that way--the less I say, the less criticism I receive, so that stuck. The second one is to talk in a fairly sophisticated way with a decent vocabulary, somehow it just turned out that way, I like words and I like to write. The third is to dress blandly and not to call too much attention to yourself. Bland dress seems to imply you're someone oblivious to fashion who tends to be motivated by more important things in life, or perhaps it lends an air of "geekiness" to someone. I dunno, but it sure as hell works for me.

It may not be possible for you, but I guarantee if somehow you could emulate some of these characteristics, nobody would call you stupid anymore!

It's worked so well for me, any time I try to tell anyone I'm not half as smart as they think, I'm told I'm lying, or something. People just will not stop thinking I'm bright, when nothing could be further from the truth! So, that's my two cents.

---

Mr.YellowCat said:

But this may be just useless rubbish, I don´t know.

Click to expand...

Your point is the same as mine, pretty much. So this is not rubbish. It's the story of my life. I sometimes have had to BEG people to believe I'm actually not the sharp guy they think I am. Not that I want to be seen as stupid, either, but I don't want anyone to think i'm some expert or something.

Thanks for your thoughts everyone! I don't think there's any easy explanation. I am a bit socially awkward, maybe that has something to do with it. But it's hard to tell. I heard somebody once say I was slow, so maybe that's part of it, slow thought and reactions. Being called boring and stupid haunted me for a while in high school, and then again for about ten years. Thankfully during the last ten years it has stopped, because I've been around different (nicer?) people.

I've just been trying to forget about it and concentrate on things I'm good at and like.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_college_dropout_billionaires... Just a thought... Some people may not have "book smart" but have a great business sense... Some might be the other way around... So I think "stupid" is a bit of general or broad word that won't fit everyone or even every situation for a particular person... Just because you may not have found your place or strength, I wouldn't say that make you stupid...

Glowgirl said:

Hi everyone, work as an administrative assistant in the courts and probably about half the people I met during the first ten years thought I was an idiot. I've applied unsuccessfully for many promotions and seen them go to people younger and less experienced than me. (It's worth mentioning though that our workplace is quite bottom heavy position wise).

Click to expand...

Hey I work in the courts too! So maybe it is a court thing. I would not beat yourself up. My boss goes around all day long going "idiots" and now he has trained me to do so. But I know it isn't the case. It is just that they don't do things the way we think they are right. Courts can just be crazy about this sort of thing. Could it just be that you don't really understand the law? I have a co-worker and she just doesn't -- no matter how hard she tries - understand concepts in the law and thus, she does appear to be not bright when she talks about things.

I would also say that I have an advanced degree and I graduated from a top 25 school with honors, I also, in my career did very well until I got this job. My boss thinks I am an idiot and I also have been passed over for many jobs. EVEN WHEN THEY ASKED FOR THE DEGREE... they hired someone without one. So... it really can't be a reflection on these things.

You don't sound stupid at all. There are some pretty intelligent people that are pretty stupid. Intelligence isn't determined by one factor, but many.

You certainly don't come off as stupid - your written language is great, you've got a degree. May I ask, would you consider yourself an introvert? (Not wanting to assume anything but I'd guess that the vast majority of people on this site are introverted to some degree.) I ask because I find that in my experience sometimes I get caught in a world of my own, meaning I can seem a little slow when I have to kind-of switch gears from inward thinking to outward thinking. It could be the same with you. But from what I've read here you certainly don't seem stupid!

GirlwithCuriousHair said:

You certainly don't come off as stupid - your written language is great, you've got a degree. May I ask, would you consider yourself an introvert? (Not wanting to assume anything but I'd guess that the vast majority of people on this site are introverted to some degree.) I ask because I find that in my experience sometimes I get caught in a world of my own, meaning I can seem a little slow when I have to kind-of switch gears from inward thinking to outward thinking. It could be the same with you. But from what I've read here you certainly don't seem stupid!

Click to expand...

Amazing .....I think that just might be my problem. Switching from inward thinking.