Does where you live play a part?

Growing up, I was never able to grow roots in one spot. We moved around quite a bit. Always to a new small town, where it felt like everyone "knew" us before we actually met anyone. Each town left me feeling lonelier, because we were looked down on due to financial situation, and my dad's drinking.

I've lived where I am now for 3 years, and am still struggling to feel like I can settle down and expand my inner circle. I'm still afraid of being a community reject, although I live in a city. And I am still afraid of having to pack up and leave it all behind.

Anyone else?

I have known one or two people who seem to move a lot because they don't feel OK where they are. But then, they don't feel OK where they go to, either.

So basically, what is not quite right is in them, not where they are.

In a city anything and everything is possible - it's a whole brilliant world for you to shine in. So go ahead and twinkle a bit, yes?

one of my brothers ex girlfriends said I was too 'genteel' for where I lived.
It's a rough area of a rough city. So the answer is probably 'yes'

At least because of your moving you've become the person you are now. Some people (especially younger) kind of adopt to the situations they're brought up in and if it's not such a good environment then it doesn't end well.

For example I met a good friend of mine many years ago from South Africa, he was the same age as me around 18/19 at the time so he was growing up but he had a younger brother and sister. They moved into a place that wasn't so great and over the years I knew them pretty well and seen what good kids they were. However in later years as they meet people around the neighbourhood and in school they changed from being pleasant kids with prospects to failure, the younger brother ended up leaving school early and chose to go down the gang route involving drugs, and his sister was pregnant before 18 and now lives in the same council house with a looser.

I guess for most people being brought up in your environment contributes to what kind of a person you'll become, though not all. It's a petty in your situation because it seems you're slightly anxious about how long you'll stay in your current position, and because you've never really settled you feel that you don't belong. I'm the opposite, I feel I've been here for too long and want to get out of here... only I keep getting set backs.

I can understand where you're coming from in a way. I grew up in a small town which meant I had just a small group of friends who later moved away for college. Meeting new people is tough when you already know everyone in your area and don't connect with them.

Now for my current job I travel 75% of the time so even if I meet someone ill just be leaving in a week or so, so yes my location does play a role in my current situation but its not 100% of the problem. ^^

Yes. I live in the city where I was born. Although my 'family' and 'friends' live here, they feel about as close as strangers. I'm avoiding making friends in the area because I'm planning on moving to a different state soon. Hopefully I'll be able to make some friends after I move. Even if I don't, it's not like I will have lost anything

For me, absolutely. For the longest time I would have given anything to live in Ontario (still would do just about anything to live there). I've been there quite a few times and it's the place I wanted to live. Tried so many times to get a job there but kept getting turned down by Human Resources of Canada...according to the places that tried to hire me. There is so much of what I'd like to do, in an ideal place, and Ontario has it all...yeah, yeah, a few of you Canucks are probably laughing, but oh well.

I hate where I live and that is biggest reason I don't care to go out of the house. Other than fishing, running errands, going to the flea market and yard sales I'm always at home. I actually have people that want me to hang out with them but I just don't care. I work and I look forward to the weekends for alone time. So yes, in my case it absolutely plays a major role in why I'm so dejected with my daily life.

I think it does - at some point I was living in huge capital cities, and although my shyness was relieved by the anonymity, it was so difficult to be "visible" and have anyone hang out or care

Maybe in a little village there isn't enough choice, agreed, so perhaps the best is found in a "middle way"?

I am a big fan of interest community, such as: you are into arts go live in the Village, you love growing greens go to a rural community etc

beautiful loser said:

....and Ontario has it all...yeah, yeah, a few of you Canucks are probably laughing, but oh well.

Click to expand...

Yes, they've got treasures like Rob Ford *snicker, snicker, snicker...*

Hey, I love Toronto! That crazy mayor has got to go though.

-Teresa

JustSomeGal said:

Growing up, I was never able to grow roots in one spot. We moved around quite a bit. Always to a new small town, where it felt like everyone "knew" us before we actually met anyone. Each town left me feeling lonelier, because we were looked down on due to financial situation, and my dad's drinking.

I've lived where I am now for 3 years, and am still struggling to feel like I can settle down and expand my inner circle. I'm still afraid of being a community reject, although I live in a city. And I am still afraid of having to pack up and leave it all behind.

Anyone else?

Click to expand...

I don't like moving place to place and i don't like the current place where i live. That's a nice gif you have in your signature of the Baby Hippo.

It definitely can play a huge part in loneliness/isolation depending on the person, As Peaches mentioned at least with cities you have the anonymity to be who you want to be and more opportunities to meet new people (like joining meet up groups) if you're not too shy that is. I do feel you though, it must be horrible being uprooted like the time so you couldn't properly develop friendships. Personally I've always lived in a really old area where there simply aren't any friends to be made, however I feel pretty thankful to have someone I can talk to close by.

I'd say that location can definitely have an impact on feelings of loneliness. I live in a little rural, coastal community in Newfoundland about 15 minutes away from the nearest town by car (I once walked to town, and it took me over 2 hours). There aren't many people in this community that I like interacting with. Many of them are considerably older than I am and have little in common with me. The former friends I did have here have all moved away. There's no store here or any community activities to speak of, beyond people cleaning up or cutting brush to renew their unemployment insurance. The occasional trip to town isn't a problem, but going to town regularly to go places or interact with people would get expensive, so I tend to stay at home most of the time, which has definitely contributed to the feelings of loneliness I've experienced in my life.

jaguarundi said:

I have known one or two people who seem to move a lot because they don't feel OK where they are. But then, they don't feel OK where they go to, either.

So basically, what is not quite right is in them, not where they are.

In a city anything and everything is possible - it's a whole brilliant world for you to shine in. So go ahead and twinkle a bit, yes?

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You brought up a good point. I have never really felt settled within myself.

Yes, mine does.

I moved 3 hours away from my family and friends for a job. I thought I would make friends easily like I did in college. Problem is, I moved to a small town in a dying community. And most people that are my age that are in this town, are the ones that didn't move away an go to college. Which there is nothing wrong with that, but most of these people are into drugs, and that is not something I do.

I do hang out with some young teachers, but they are either married or having serious significant others and do that whole double dating thing.

JustSomeGal said:

jaguarundi said:

I have known one or two people who seem to move a lot because they don't feel OK where they are. But then, they don't feel OK where they go to, either.

So basically, what is not quite right is in them, not where they are.

In a city anything and everything is possible - it's a whole brilliant world for you to shine in. So go ahead and twinkle a bit, yes?

Click to expand...

You brought up a good point. I have never really felt settled within myself.

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Well having an unsettled childhood might have contributed to that. I don't know what you do to relax, but practical things like gardening where you are planting things can help with that. Or tarting up your house. It's a bit metaphorical, putting down roots, building your nest, but the brain takes in that sort of thing and you might find it 'grounds' you. (It's one of those words, I know, but in your case maybe it's what you need). Give it a go. A community garden maybe where you will meet some nice people.....

JustSomeGal said:

Growing up, I was never able to grow roots in one spot. We moved around quite a bit. Always to a new small town, where it felt like everyone "knew" us before we actually met anyone. Each town left me feeling lonelier, because we were looked down on due to financial situation, and my dad's drinking.

I've lived where I am now for 3 years, and am still struggling to feel like I can settle down and expand my inner circle. I'm still afraid of being a community reject, although I live in a city. And I am still afraid of having to pack up and leave it all behind.

Anyone else?

Click to expand...

I can relate in some aspect though I couldn't understand fully what you're going through... I moved around a lot as a kid... Just as I was getting comfortable in one place, up we go to another town... Biggest adjustment I had to make was when the family came to U.S... I was 14 years old, 13 but it was a month away from my 14th birthday so I consider 14 when I came over... Not only did I leave everything & everyone I knew behind, I had to adjust to a brand new culture & language... For a 14 year old kid, it was hard... I was surprised how fast I became accustomed to my new world, though... It took all but 2 years to become comfortable with new surroundings... I think that's when my lonely personality fully kicked it... I was a bit of a loner to start with but being in a new & strange world gave me an excuse to be more drawn... I mean, I picked up English pretty quickly & I think it had to do with how young I was... Generally speaking, they say younger you are, faster you pick up on new language... Strange kid in a strange town, well, you get the idea... I'm 43 now but the feeling of not really "belonging" anywhere is still with me... It has gotten even worse when I went back to visit my own country... It was for my brothers wedding about 15 years ago... I guess at that time, I lived here long enough to pick up some habits & they (in korea) apparently could tell I was from out of town... They treated me as a foreigner... It felt weird to be treated as such in my own country, or where I was born & raised for 14 years... So yeah, I felt like I didn't belong in my own home country & I felt as though I didn't feel like I belonged here in U.S. either... Man without a country...