Acceptance of loneliness

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Aqualonde

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Hi everyone, I'm new here. Been lurking for a while now, but decided to join just recently.

I'd like to ask whoever reads this just what could be possible coping mechanisms for someone who has realized they are and will remain in a permanent condition of loneliness. What do you do when you decide that there is no escape from that situation and that maybe there isn't a need to be? How to minimize unhappiness and lead a somewhat satisfying life even though you will never truly overcome loneliness and make long-lasting, meaningful bonds to other people?

Ps.: I'm sorry for the awful english, I'm from Brazil.
 
Well I probably would never say never for a start. In these situations it's best not to write anything off - despite your experience. You kinda have to accept the situation you're in, though it's easier said than done.
 
Hey, and welcome.
I would love to give you some great advice, as I could also use it. But I´m afraid I have none.
I´m in the same situation that you are in it seems, and I also find it quite hard to cope with the knowledge of the said future.

So I wish you the best, and I hope for you to find the answer on this site. There is a lot of nice people in here, and I´m sure they will give you their opinion, and some sound advice.
Have a nice day.
 
You have to get out of your comfort zone and go meet people or do new things. If you stay in the same routine you will be stuck feeling lonely. Be more positive and take action :)
 
Change the way you think of it. Don't think that there is no escape from the situation and don't think your going to be forever alone.
Being so pessimistic about life will only make you feel worse off.
 
Hello and welcome :)

I think a possible way to get along with your loneliness is to find something that distracts you from being alone. That could be a new hobby for example.
Find a new activity that you might enjoy! (Besides, new hobbies can be a chance to meet new people)

PS: Your english is great
 
Aqualonde said:
Hi everyone, I'm new here. Been lurking for a while now, but decided to join just recently.

I'd like to ask whoever reads this just what could be possible coping mechanisms for someone who has realized they are and will remain in a permanent condition of loneliness. What do you do when you decide that there is no escape from that situation and that maybe there isn't a need to be? How to minimize unhappiness and lead a somewhat satisfying life even though you will never truly overcome loneliness and make long-lasting, meaningful bonds to other people?

Ps.: I'm sorry for the awful english, I'm from Brazil.

Although I can't particularly recommend that you just accept your loneliness, I think that having and setting goals for yourself in life would be a beneficial way of coping with loneliness. Are there any things that you would like to accomplish before you die? If so, write them down, and ease yourself into the process of doing those things. I'm a procrastinator, so having an organization system in place helps me to do this. The takeaway is that if you can't live your life with others in it, then at the very least, you need to live your life for yourself in the best way you possibly can, and doing this will take some guts and ambition, but luckily because you are lonely, no one will be around to criticize what you're doing.
 
I don't think you necessarily have to get out of your comfort zone, but you should try to keep doing things you enjoy. Go see a movie, visit a museum, walk your dog, whatever you like, especially if it gets you out of the house. (I highly recommend practicing photography, as it can help you notice the loveliness in small things around you.) It's easy, when you're lonely for long enough, to fall into thinking "Why am I bothering to do this when I have no one to share it with?" The things you used to enjoy can start to feel painful instead. But I think it's important for your long-term well-being to at least try to keep doing them anyway, or find new things you'd like to try if the old things grow tiresome. That is much harder than it sounds though, I know.

Try to stay informed about what's going on in the world. When you're lonely your world can become incredibly small, and reminding yourself that there is a great big world out there may help you feel less compressed and give you something to else to think about. Maybe read up on current social issues that interest you, or pick up a science magazine and read about the newest advances that have been made. Whatever you're interested in learning more about. Learning for its own sake is worthwhile.

Keep communicating, even if it is just online. When you're alone for a long time, sometimes you forget how to make conversation when the opportunity arises, and that will only work against you. Talking or writing will help to keep you from closing up, and you never know... you might meet someone who becomes a more permanent fixture in your life.

I also suggest arranging your furniture so that you can look out a window when you're at home. I find that a window is more stimulating and less suffocating. I'm about as introverted as they come, but sometimes just being able to see the outside world is more motivating than staring at a wall with my hopeless thoughts.

None of these are guaranteed solutions to loneliness, only things that may make it more bearable and help you find meaning in your day. And like I said, sometimes they may actually make you feel worse. But I think one of the worst things a lonely person can do is isolate and turn further inwards when it becomes so painful to do everything alone and be around people who are not alone. You can end up submerging your personality and losing yourself in the despair that way. It's important to stay engaged with the outside world, and with yourself. Make plans. It's alright to have quiet days, you don't have to constantly be doing something either. There's no urgency. Just try to avoid avoidance.
 
9006 said:
Well I probably would never say never for a start. In these situations it's best not to write anything off - despite your experience. You kinda have to accept the situation you're in, though it's easier said than done.

I agree with this. You can't write anything off. It's not impossible. It might not be exactly they way you want certain things to turn out, but there is always a possibility for the better.

I have a friend that told me once, and I am now practicing it, to just not expect anything from anyone. You'll never be disappointed if you never "looked forward" to something. I know it sounds strange and silly and "wrong" since it goes along the same line as "never try, never fail" but I think if you look at it just a little differently, it's actually quite beneficial. I am able to (though still trying hard) engage in activities or talking to people without fearing (as much) that I'll be "let down". It also makes distractions a little more powerful, more effective at distracting me.
 
First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who's responded and welcomed me. I've read through all of it and will continue to do so.

Now...

You have to get out of your comfort zone and go meet people or do new things.

I think it's important to say that I'm over this. It's not that I won't meet new people or do new things. It's not that there are no people in my life whom I love or that I'm not going to go out there and do things socially. It's just that loneliness for me and lots of other people is no longer a matter of how I feel, but of what I am. It's not a moment in time or a place in space. It is time and it is space. Relationships come and go, friendships never last much more than a year. Life washes such things away just like the sea, and loving them won't change the fact that loneliness is the only thing I know will always accompany me.
But once I admit to myself that the next friend I meet is also one of the next friendships I'll lose, that the person who loves me now is he next person who will avoid me in the street, that everything is born, lives, decays and dies: I also become capable of seen the complete picture of what it means to be lonely and how to create a life in which I'm relatively happy besides that. Is anyone else capable of relating to this line of thought?

Although I can't particularly recommend that you just accept your loneliness, I think that having and setting goals for yourself in life would be a beneficial way of coping with loneliness. Are there any things that you would like to accomplish before you die? If so, write them down, and ease yourself into the process of doing those things.

Yes, yes. There are many dreams I'd like to see fulfilled, even if I must let go of a number of them that are incompatible to a life of recurring solitude. Accomplishing what I can, one by one, is a great idea and there are many things wonderful things to see and do that do not necessarily involve other people. I'd like to travel the world, try dishes from everywhere, watch at least 50 movies a year and improve my health.

(I highly recommend practicing photography, as it can help you notice the loveliness in small things around you.)

I'd love to get into that someday. I think that's highly compatible to the approach I'm currently developing towards things, which is to see myself as a sort of "tourist" in this world. A tourist doesn't have the social or cultural obligations that a resident of a destination does, although he or she doesn't enjoy the same privileges either. So I'll be trying to feel like I'm just visiting this earth, trying to capture what is beautiful about it in my memory before I leave. It doesn't have to be the most genuine and first degree experience, the same way you can visit an Inuit community without becoming Inuit yourself. But you can still feel touched by it and consider it a valid experience. I guess?

That's all for now. Thank you all for being kind to me.
 
I used to be worried about being alone 24/7 and this was driving me crazy to death! Then I learned from here and there that the most important thing in life is being happy for being who you are (I know it may sounds cliché, but it's the truth).

I don't know your level of loneless, but keep it in mind: você não ta sozinho cara, anime-se! :)
 
CHSlater said:
I used to be worried about being alone 24/7 and this was driving me crazy to death! Then I learned from here and there that the most important thing in life is being happy for being who you are (I know it may sounds cliché, but it's the truth).

I don't know your level of loneless, but keep it in mind: você não ta sozinho cara, anime-se! :)

OMG, where are you from? haha
 
Hey Aqua,

I think its really great that despite being in this situation, you're trying really hard to make the best of it.

I also know that sometimes, no matter how many goals you set for yourself (and achieve them), how many friends you have, how meaningful all other aspects of your life can be, there will be moments when loneliness just takes over. This I think is true even for people who are in loving relationships. I don't think there's a way to keep that from happening other than to try to just get through those moments, and to keep ourselves from becoming too isolated.

Having pets and volunteering has really helped to keep me from feeling lonely so if you have the chance to adopt a dog or volunteer for an animal shelter, perhaps you can try that. Animals especially can be really therapeutic friends.

Also, I know its hard to feel hopeful about finding a life partner when you get rejected everytime you put yourself out there but I think its hard not to become bitter when you give up. That was my personal experience at least. Its helped me to not focus on it too much...the whole being in a relationship idea. Even when it comes to friends, people will grow distant once they get married, have kids etc so that doesn't last either. I guess accepting that all relationships are temporary and feeling at peace with it has helped. And its not too bad to know that if you lose a friend today, with so many people around you might just make a new one tomm :)

Sorry about the lengthy reply. Welcome to the site btw :)
 
I would tell you how i do it but!, i'm coping with it the wrong way, that besides not having any kind of help, so with my personal experiences i would not contribute in a helpful way, but only give you bad and negative ideas.

Anyway, i do hope other members comments/experiences can be helpful and i hope you can find a lot of positive things that can inspire you to improve your life and feel better. :)
 

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