A Little Confused

I was wondering if anyone else has the same problem as me?

Whenever I get close to someone, especially intimately close, I lose my sense of self. If they point out a behaviour that I wasn't aware that I had eg selfishness or attention seeking, I believe them and don't even try to explain why i did something. I assume that they know what is best because they can see things from the outside and they must know because they are so strong minded.

I want to run away from what they say and not think about it. Is what they are saying true? How do I accept these things? This person is able to see things that most people cannot. This person is my ex who still wants to be friends which is great but I just don't know how to be friends with someone. I realise that a friend points things out to you-they act as a reflection and sound board. When we talk, I'm constantly terrified that he can see right through me. I'm trying to be honest with him but I can't help but over think everything.

I'm seeing a therapist but I just don't know who to trust. The therapist has years of training and I feel comfortable around him but then with my ex, I feel so uncomfortable. Why is that? Is it because I'm unconsciously hiding something? Is it because I'm afraid he's going to point something out to me and I'm going to spiral in to my head again. He says that being a friend is being equal but with him I feel so small. It's not his doing, it's my own thinking that is doing that.

I still remember how I used to be with him. Is it because we're no longer in a relationship that I don't know how to behave with him without the intimacy and just have the friendship? There are no more holds over each other and I know that we have to live our own lives. Am I just reverting to old behaviours with him because that was who he thought I was so I have to automatically go back in to that way of being?

It was a little confusing.. just to make sure I understand you correctly... you are uncomfortable being with your ex because you "probably" don't want to hear your ex point out your negative aspects... yes?

I would say... this is normal. The closer we are to someone, the more serious we take their words. If your friends laughs and giggles and says that your crazy, you laugh along with them "haha, yeah, I know I'm crazy, lol." but if your partner says the same thing to you, all of a sudden you don't laugh anymore. What you need to do (and is usually difficult) is to just take a step back and look at yourself from a different perspective.

It's not that you're uncomfortable with your ex. It's probably because you don't want to hear negative things about you. None of us like to be broken, to be wrong, to have a loose screw... However, whether your ex is right or not, still do your best to see if there are things you can change for the better. If it were anger issues, perhaps look into not getting angry (not that you mentioned anger, I was just using it as an example).

Your therapist has no emotional investment in you .. He is impartial and trained to help you. Trust him and the process.

A good relationship is not one where one person feels small and upset all the time, whoever's 'fault' it is. You might be wise to take a break from relationships while you sort yourself out, until you are truly ready for one.