Paranoid of Losing Friends

Now, I don't even have my mom to talk to. I've made the same mistakes over and over again, that I can tell she's just done trying to help me. I'm just so by myself and paranoid of what people think of me. I don't seem to listen to what she tells me -- I still give too much weight to other people's opinions.

Some will see my post and say, "Don't worry about what people think," but for some reason it never helps me. I wish I didn't care. But I do.

I feel like people in my circle spread rumors about me. I feel like they've been shying away from me recently. I know maybe I'm just reading too far into stuff -- I can't explain it that well. I once asked out one of the young women in my circle and probably made her feel less comfortable around me, but I don't feel she'd spread that around. Nevertheless, I have a bad feeling. I always have the sneaking suspicion.

Anyway, feeling really bad tonight. I'm not even sure how someone can respond to my post here, but hugs always help.

Red914 said:

I feel like people in my circle spread rumors about me. I feel like they've been shying away from me recently. I know maybe I'm just reading too far into stuff -- I can't explain it that well. I once asked out one of the young women in my circle and probably made her feel less comfortable around me, but I don't feel she'd spread that around. Nevertheless, I have a bad feeling. I always have the sneaking suspicion.

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Well firstly just asking someone out shouldn't be anything to be ashamed of, you would think...

I've just been deleted on facebook by someone I thought of as a friend due to similar rumours (that I bothered someone in the office end of last year). Not true unless you count a handful of fumbled attempts at conversation (over months) and a friend request as harassment, but.. this is the way it's seen. Even the suggestion that you had an interest in someone that wasn't returned is enough to get the rumour mill going.

Maybe you should back off for a while, get some distance, stick to a couple of your more trusted friends, then you can calmly begin to figure out whether any of this is real.

Are you sure it's not you shying away from them?

Being as paranoid as you say, you might be subconsciously sabotaging your relationships. With the strain that you're putting yourself in having all the doubts, you are likely pulling away from them to "protect" yourself. They, in turn, may be picking up on that and thinking that you don't want to be a part of things anymore, at least in some way.
You shouldn't care what people think of you. People talk about other people, it's really inevitable. The only thing you can do about it is to not let it bother you. BUT, I know how hard that is to do. Before you can do that, you have to let go of whatever doubt and intolerance you have for yourself, only then can you not care what others say. People say a great many things, but that doesn't make them true. If they really care about you, they won't say anything truly bad and they won't believe the bad that they may hear.

Most of us care what others think of us and want them to think well of us and to like us. This is a normal human desire. It only becomes a problem when we live a life we hate or feel out of place in solely to please other people and to fufill their expectations. So expecting yourself to completely stop thinking of what others might think of you is not realistic. You just need to learn to turn it down to a managable level. (I am still struggling with doing this, so am not preaching from on high or anything to you.)
Probably your mum is frustrated rather than fed up with you or anything like that. She probably feels that what she says does not reach you and does not know what to do to help you. So please try not to close off from her as you clearly need her support and her care.
Re. the girl you asked out. Ardour has written what I would like to write, so I won't repeat it.
I hope that you find here at least some of the help you need to get you through all of this.

Red914 said:

I feel like people in my circle spread rumors about me. I feel like they've been shying away from me recently.

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I have had this done on me on my current workplace (and you know what I do). It was of someone I considered so close, she sat right in front of me in the same office and we were always having each other's backs. One day, she misunderstood something I said about her boyfriend, and then she got really pissed without even asking me first whether what I said was what she thought I meant, and she started spreading rumours about me throughout the whole place. Even my friends from other schools (I guess teachers network with each other a lot between different schools) heard the rumours.

Ever since then, I have been the one keeping myself away from them. I don't trust them with my personal life anymore. It hurt a lot at first because people were talking about it and even though I kept telling myself not to care, it still bothered me somehow. I think as a human, you can't help with some of the things that you tend to feel for. Depending on your personality of course. I'm more sensitive and emo. So yeah. :\

I don't know what to say to make you feel better, but I guess you should really know someone before you tell them things that you don't feel safe sharing with everyone. Anyway, I hope you feel better *hugs*

Red914 said:

I still give too much weight to other people's opinions.

Some will see my post and say, "Don't worry about what people think," but for some reason it never helps me. I wish I didn't care. But I do.

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You might have what some call an overactive brain. I know this because I once did what you do. I used to have anxiety about what people thought about me, what they were talking about me behind my back, and as a result, I withdrew until I had nobody around me but my family.

There are benefits and side-effects to the overactive mind. Benefits might include always having loads of ideas, seeing the world in a way that no one else can see, and sometimes, the ability to multi-task like a madman.

The downside is the negative self-talk, and that's what you need to work on. Negative self-talk is the voice inside your head that tells you things like:

• 
  [*]You're an idiot.
  [*]You're unattractive.
  [*]All your friends are scheming behind your back.
  [*]All your friends are laughing behind your back.
  [*]You aren't worthy enough to ask out that girl/guy.
  [*]You'd be better off dead.
  

Right now, you need to focus on eliminating the negative self talk in your overactive mind. One way comes from Tony Teegarden, a personal and business coach I just stumbled on YouTube just to answer this question. The video is at the bottom on this post. It's about 3 1/2 minutes long. (BTW, I know literally nothing about this guy beyond this video, so I am not attempting to endorse his business.)

Another solution is CBT, or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This is best utilized with a trained CBT psychologist, but you can find exercises online. CBT is a non-chemical way to calm the mind, get over phobias and anxieties, and live a better life.

Finally, there's the chemical route. See a psychiatrist to find out if you have a chemical imbalance in your brain's chemical makeup.

I wish you well, and I must say that your problem can be fixed, but you will have to want to work to stop over-thinking every situation around you. Cheers.

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Hey Red, you have touched on a very human emotion. I know exactly how you feel. You are so afraid of losing something that you try and do anything you can to hold on to it. We all do this, we are all the same in this regard, the same even of that lady you confided in. Admitting vulnerability to another is nothing to be worried about, it helps others to empathise with you. Hope you are feeling better, Bear hug

Red914 said:

I don't seem to listen to what she tells me -- I still give too much weight to other people's opinions.

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Give more weight to your mother's opinion. Because she's the one, if no one else, who will try to help you no matter what. So, to her, it may seem like you're just pushing her thoughts and words to the side, yet you take other people's words to heart. It can become very tiring to constantly have to tell someone something, and on top of that, they pay more attention to Sally Sue and Joe Hoe on the street.