Advice on First Relationship?

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Animelover10102

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It's been almost 2 years that I have been in a relationship with someone-And my first ever. Seems pretty good for a first relationship, right? Well, after the first year, we began drifting apart-

We are in a long-distance relationship, living in different states, and we communicate via Facebook. We used to talk all the time, for hours. Now, he barely gets on, and when he does, he doesn't message me, or it takes forever for him to message back. I told him before that we don't have to talk everyday, because we never have anything to talk about, but I didn't mean like this. Sometimes, we go a month without talking to each other.

He also seems to like playing "gay" with his male friends. (He claims he is asexual, and bisexual.) I told him he needs to tone it down a bit, but he hasn't really.

Honestly, I've contemplated breaking it off many times, but I don't want him to do something stupid like cutting or hurting himself. (He used to be depressed.)

I feel like I don't even care anymore; I feel like I'm not even in a relationship. I just happen to have "something" with someone. I even find myself dreaming, and thinking about a boy I used to crush on back in Elementary School. I even ask old friends how he is doing. I seem to care more for him, than my boyfriend. Any advice on what to do?
 
Sounds to me like the relationship has run its course. You should not guilt-trip yourself into staying with him because of what he might do to himself - this is his problem although it would hurt you too of course, it's something he has to deal with. Hey at least he has friends, right? They can help him that's what they're for.

But maybe if you lived closer then things would be like how they used to be? I think long distance things usually only work if there is a plan for the gap to be bridged one day, and by one day I mean less than a year or so. You only mentioned facebook as a means of communication, do you do voice or video chats too? These things can really remind people of the important things and wipe away the doubt, make us feel safe and in love again, to hear their voice, to see their real smile, not just an emoticon. Do you visit each other at all? And have you dicussed with him what you have told us here? Not about your crush from school etc, but about where your relationship is going. How does he react to it?
 
painter said:
Sounds to me like the relationship has run its course. You should not guilt-trip yourself into staying with him because of what he might do to himself - this is his problem although it would hurt you too of course, it's something he has to deal with. Hey at least he has friends, right? They can help him that's what they're for.

But maybe if you lived closer then things would be like how they used to be? I think long distance things usually only work if there is a plan for the gap to be bridged one day, and by one day I mean less than a year or so. You only mentioned facebook as a means of communication, do you do voice or video chats too? These things can really remind people of the important things and wipe away the doubt, make us feel safe and in love again, to hear their voice, to see their real smile, not just an emoticon. Do you visit each other at all? And have you dicussed with him what you have told us here? Not about your crush from school etc, but about where your relationship is going. How does he react to it?

I've talked to him about it before, but he seems to only change the subject, or doesn't take it seriously. (He jokes way too much, and I can never tell when he is serious).
 
When he plays gay with his friends, do their balls ever touch? It's not gay unless balls are touching. Otherwise its just a group of heterosexual men playing around in a zany yet fun loving fashion where the occasional bout of oral sex occurs. But it's totally not gay.
 
Limlim said:
When he plays gay with his friends, do their balls ever touch? It's not gay unless balls are touching. Otherwise its just a group of heterosexual men playing around in a zany yet fun loving fashion where the occasional bout of oral sex occurs. But it's totally not gay.


I don't know. Maybe they do, maybe the don't. We live about 2-3 states away, so I can't tell.

They do talk about some really weird stuff though. Like, dressing up in super revealing clothing, them dancing on stripper poles, and stuff like that.
 
Animelover10102 said:
Limlim said:
When he plays gay with his friends, do their balls ever touch? It's not gay unless balls are touching. Otherwise its just a group of heterosexual men playing around in a zany yet fun loving fashion where the occasional bout of oral sex occurs. But it's totally not gay.


I don't know. Maybe they do, maybe the don't. We live about 2-3 states away, so I can't tell.

They do talk about some really weird stuff though. Like, dressing up in super revealing clothing, them dancing on stripper poles, and stuff like that.
What is wrong with being gay?
If appearing to be gay upsets you, how do you think it feels to gay people reading your posts. if i thought anything was wrong at all with being gay i would probaly kill myself. :(
 
johnny196775 said:
Animelover10102 said:
Limlim said:
When he plays gay with his friends, do their balls ever touch? It's not gay unless balls are touching. Otherwise its just a group of heterosexual men playing around in a zany yet fun loving fashion where the occasional bout of oral sex occurs. But it's totally not gay.


I don't know. Maybe they do, maybe the don't. We live about 2-3 states away, so I can't tell.

They do talk about some really weird stuff though. Like, dressing up in super revealing clothing, them dancing on stripper poles, and stuff like that.
What is wrong with being gay?
If appearing to be gay upsets you, how do you think it feels to gay people reading your posts. if i thought anything was wrong at all with being gay i would probaly kill myself. :(

Woah, I didn't say it was wrong. I support gay people. It's just he's dating me, and if he was doing stuff with guys behind my back, I wouldn't feel very happy about it. I don't hate gay people. My cousin is gay and engaged, and my friend just came out. They are pretty cool people.
 
Yeah it's kind of in your best interest for the person you are in a relationship with to have the same orientation as you. Lol.
 
I concur that it's in both of your best interests to break things off and move on. You guys don't really seem to care about each other anymore so what's the point in dragging it on?
 
Revengineer said:
I concur that it's in both of your best interests to break things off and move on. You guys don't really seem to care about each other anymore so what's the point in dragging it on?

That's really bold to say of someone's relationship.
 
VanillaCreme said:
Revengineer said:
I concur that it's in both of your best interests to break things off and move on. You guys don't really seem to care about each other anymore so what's the point in dragging it on?

That's really bold to say of someone's relationship.

That came across as a bit meaner than I intended. My apologies.

They probably are still fond of each other or else they wouldn't still be in contact, so there's that at least. Of course they have the right to attempt to rekindle the relationship if they wish to do so. It's all a matter of how much commitment both of them are willing to put in.
 
Animelover10102 said:
johnny196775 said:
Animelover10102 said:
Limlim said:
When he plays gay with his friends, do their balls ever touch? It's not gay unless balls are touching. Otherwise its just a group of heterosexual men playing around in a zany yet fun loving fashion where the occasional bout of oral sex occurs. But it's totally not gay.


I don't know. Maybe they do, maybe the don't. We live about 2-3 states away, so I can't tell.

They do talk about some really weird stuff though. Like, dressing up in super revealing clothing, them dancing on stripper poles, and stuff like that.
What is wrong with being gay?
If appearing to be gay upsets you, how do you think it feels to gay people reading your posts. if i thought anything was wrong at all with being gay i would probaly kill myself. :(

Woah, I didn't say it was wrong. I support gay people. It's just he's dating me, and if he was doing stuff with guys behind my back, I wouldn't feel very happy about it. I don't hate gay people. My cousin is gay and engaged, and my friend just came out. They are pretty cool people.
im sorry. Im not doing very well lately. :(
 
johnny196775 said:
Animelover10102 said:
johnny196775 said:
Animelover10102 said:
Limlim said:
When he plays gay with his friends, do their balls ever touch? It's not gay unless balls are touching. Otherwise its just a group of heterosexual men playing around in a zany yet fun loving fashion where the occasional bout of oral sex occurs. But it's totally not gay.


I don't know. Maybe they do, maybe the don't. We live about 2-3 states away, so I can't tell.

They do talk about some really weird stuff though. Like, dressing up in super revealing clothing, them dancing on stripper poles, and stuff like that.
What is wrong with being gay?
If appearing to be gay upsets you, how do you think it feels to gay people reading your posts. if i thought anything was wrong at all with being gay i would probaly kill myself. :(

Woah, I didn't say it was wrong. I support gay people. It's just he's dating me, and if he was doing stuff with guys behind my back, I wouldn't feel very happy about it. I don't hate gay people. My cousin is gay and engaged, and my friend just came out. They are pretty cool people.
im sorry. Im not doing very well lately. :(

Well, I hope you feel better *hugs* I hope I didn't come off as rude.
 
Limlim said:
Yeah it's kind of in your best interest for the person you are in a relationship with to have the same orientation as you. Lol.

You're right that it's not gay so long as balls don't touch.
 
Gay or not, same orientation or not, you don't get involved with other people when you're in a relationship.

To the OP. From what you're saying it looks like he doesn't have the interest anymore. Maybe he needed some attention two years ago and he has got it. Now he has the security and is taking it for granted. Since you have already talked to him about it.. I think it's time to move on since you two aren't seeing the relationship the same way or going in the same direction. I agree with painter's, don't guilt-trip yourself regarding this.
 
It may be best to communicate with him and tell him how you feel. Did you tell him about how you feel? It may be a complicated relationship and you need to decide what you want first before making a drastic decision.
 

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