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soro

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Hello Everybody ,
so sorry for the long post , i really need to talk to people have something in common with me " a lonely life ".
i feel so lonely and different . i have extreme social anxiety disorder .. i have only one sister , she's one year older than me and her wedding coming up soon . i feel very happy for her but it's pretty intimidating to me , the party , the lights and photos and also being alone in my life after all of this! . Everything changes so fast , i feel that i can't cope with that . i'm 22 , my name is Sara btw .. my father & my mother had divorced since i was a teenager . I've lived a really hard childhood as my father was so cruel with us , and i think that's make my state of anxiety worse with guys . also i'm a civil engineer , i graduated last year in 2013 . i appreciate reaching a thing like this with my disorder but also i had a lot of bad memories turning back to those days . the problem now is how to get a job ? my mother and my relatives have a great expectation for me . Sometimes i think that being an engineer is a curse to me rather than a grace ,but i don't like being ungrateful person . So, it's another reason why i avoid social situation.. they going to ask me about everything reminds me of all my problems .
why i didn't have a job till now? I'm so fragile in interviews , even my voice fade away . i have a lot of talents and interests but the need a lot of practice . so i don't have a low self esteem . Then why my hands and my facial muscles just trembling in interviews or such situations ?! .. i tried 2 times before but that was what happened to me , and i don't know why all that fear .
Well , I know that i'm not that pretty as a girl , but i'm a beautiful person ( i shouldn't talk about my self but here i have to ) .. being beautiful on the inside , i can feel that but it doesn't help outside with anxiety, it doesn't matter anyone else if i can't show him that inside "close circle" . Here's another reason too why this party stresses me out , there's a common idea at people that wedding parties are a great opportunity for each girl to be so pretty to get a man . So my mother and my sister rain me everyday with all their innuendos about how i should have a boyfriend that day ! .. Mom have intentions to pay the largest amount of money i've ever seen her ready to pay in such occasions just to make me beautiful and the rest of the task is on me of course . she have no idea what's wrong with her daughter ! ^^ .. It scares me more .
In love , i waste some good opportunities and that was in college days . i lost some good person who glanced the real me! and i keep thinking of this everyday till now, i really hate that fear !
All my past life i was suffering and hold out for everything to gain comfort now " after college" , and now what ? i feel that I'll never have a job or a husband. i think that i'm over , i just live to maximize my bad memories size and to cry . I'm so depressed . Yes , So any words can help me from people who really understand me and feel what i feel would means a lot for me .
Thanks and sorry again for the long post .
 
Hi, Soro. I think you might need to start out by taking baby steps. First, start with concentrating on getting a job. If you don't do well in interviews can you not go to a job agency and ask them if they are willing to do a mock interview and see if they can help you with your weak spots? There has to a place that would be willing to help you with your situation...job agency, community center, counselor at a local college. If someone else can chime in, please do so.

Once you get a job then concentrate on a boyfriend. You are one of the few posters that actually has something positive to say about themselves when you say you are "beautiful on the inside." That's a great start and once you are in the workforce you'll meet people and then branch outward. It may very well lead to you having a decent social circle and meeting new people...then go from there.

Now, this party, forget about what mom and sister want or expect from you. Tell them drop the issue and you need to live your life your way. I feel you need to worry more about your career and then after that, let things fall into place. Hell, you are so young you have years ahead of you to find someone who will see that beautiful person on the inside and fall for you. It's going to take some time, but just have a little bit of faith, OK? You have to start now, put the past aside and get out of your funk and start on your better tomorrow. We know you can do it.
 
beautiful loser said:
Hi, Soro. I think you might need to start out by taking baby steps. First, start with concentrating on getting a job. If you don't do well in interviews can you not go to a job agency and ask them if they are willing to do a mock interview and see if they can help you with your weak spots? There has to a place that would be willing to help you with your situation...job agency, community center, counselor at a local college. If someone else can chime in, please do so.

Once you get a job then concentrate on a boyfriend. You are one of the few posters that actually has something positive to say about themselves when you say you are "beautiful on the inside." That's a great start and once you are in the workforce you'll meet people and then branch outward. It may very well lead to you having a decent social circle and meeting new people...then go from there.

Now, this party, forget about what mom and sister want or expect from you. Tell them drop the issue and you need to live your life your way. I feel you need to worry more about your career and then after that, let things fall into place. Hell, you are so young you have years ahead of you to find someone who will see that beautiful person on the inside and fall for you. It's going to take some time, but just have a little bit of faith, OK? You have to start now, put the past aside and get out of your funk and start on your better tomorrow. We know you can do it.

Hi ,Thanks .. and It's good idea about "job agency, community center, counselor at a local college".. actually I've thought about this especially "community center", but I've never do this because i'm a little bit afraid of "government jobs" as our doctors in college were always warning us from it and make fun of the ones who will join it in the future ,but i will really try it or the other ideas .
Well, but sometimes knowing that you're a good person beautiful inside drives you to say i didn't do anything wrong through whole my life (may be little mistakes not big) i always do what i should do , then i don't deserve this.. i did enough ! and things like this. it makes me more upset so it's not far to feel like i don't like my self because i can't help my self.
about the party i completely agree with you , actually that's what i said to them in the engagement party but they still insist to repeat it . I hope i can do it . Thank you so much for your kind words .
 

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