soro
Member
- Joined
- May 17, 2014
- Messages
- 5
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Hello Everybody ,
so sorry for the long post , i really need to talk to people have something in common with me " a lonely life ".
i feel so lonely and different . i have extreme social anxiety disorder .. i have only one sister , she's one year older than me and her wedding coming up soon . i feel very happy for her but it's pretty intimidating to me , the party , the lights and photos and also being alone in my life after all of this! . Everything changes so fast , i feel that i can't cope with that . i'm 22 , my name is Sara btw .. my father & my mother had divorced since i was a teenager . I've lived a really hard childhood as my father was so cruel with us , and i think that's make my state of anxiety worse with guys . also i'm a civil engineer , i graduated last year in 2013 . i appreciate reaching a thing like this with my disorder but also i had a lot of bad memories turning back to those days . the problem now is how to get a job ? my mother and my relatives have a great expectation for me . Sometimes i think that being an engineer is a curse to me rather than a grace ,but i don't like being ungrateful person . So, it's another reason why i avoid social situation.. they going to ask me about everything reminds me of all my problems .
why i didn't have a job till now? I'm so fragile in interviews , even my voice fade away . i have a lot of talents and interests but the need a lot of practice . so i don't have a low self esteem . Then why my hands and my facial muscles just trembling in interviews or such situations ?! .. i tried 2 times before but that was what happened to me , and i don't know why all that fear .
Well , I know that i'm not that pretty as a girl , but i'm a beautiful person ( i shouldn't talk about my self but here i have to ) .. being beautiful on the inside , i can feel that but it doesn't help outside with anxiety, it doesn't matter anyone else if i can't show him that inside "close circle" . Here's another reason too why this party stresses me out , there's a common idea at people that wedding parties are a great opportunity for each girl to be so pretty to get a man . So my mother and my sister rain me everyday with all their innuendos about how i should have a boyfriend that day ! .. Mom have intentions to pay the largest amount of money i've ever seen her ready to pay in such occasions just to make me beautiful and the rest of the task is on me of course . she have no idea what's wrong with her daughter ! ^^ .. It scares me more .
In love , i waste some good opportunities and that was in college days . i lost some good person who glanced the real me! and i keep thinking of this everyday till now, i really hate that fear !
All my past life i was suffering and hold out for everything to gain comfort now " after college" , and now what ? i feel that I'll never have a job or a husband. i think that i'm over , i just live to maximize my bad memories size and to cry . I'm so depressed . Yes , So any words can help me from people who really understand me and feel what i feel would means a lot for me .
Thanks and sorry again for the long post .
so sorry for the long post , i really need to talk to people have something in common with me " a lonely life ".
i feel so lonely and different . i have extreme social anxiety disorder .. i have only one sister , she's one year older than me and her wedding coming up soon . i feel very happy for her but it's pretty intimidating to me , the party , the lights and photos and also being alone in my life after all of this! . Everything changes so fast , i feel that i can't cope with that . i'm 22 , my name is Sara btw .. my father & my mother had divorced since i was a teenager . I've lived a really hard childhood as my father was so cruel with us , and i think that's make my state of anxiety worse with guys . also i'm a civil engineer , i graduated last year in 2013 . i appreciate reaching a thing like this with my disorder but also i had a lot of bad memories turning back to those days . the problem now is how to get a job ? my mother and my relatives have a great expectation for me . Sometimes i think that being an engineer is a curse to me rather than a grace ,but i don't like being ungrateful person . So, it's another reason why i avoid social situation.. they going to ask me about everything reminds me of all my problems .
why i didn't have a job till now? I'm so fragile in interviews , even my voice fade away . i have a lot of talents and interests but the need a lot of practice . so i don't have a low self esteem . Then why my hands and my facial muscles just trembling in interviews or such situations ?! .. i tried 2 times before but that was what happened to me , and i don't know why all that fear .
Well , I know that i'm not that pretty as a girl , but i'm a beautiful person ( i shouldn't talk about my self but here i have to ) .. being beautiful on the inside , i can feel that but it doesn't help outside with anxiety, it doesn't matter anyone else if i can't show him that inside "close circle" . Here's another reason too why this party stresses me out , there's a common idea at people that wedding parties are a great opportunity for each girl to be so pretty to get a man . So my mother and my sister rain me everyday with all their innuendos about how i should have a boyfriend that day ! .. Mom have intentions to pay the largest amount of money i've ever seen her ready to pay in such occasions just to make me beautiful and the rest of the task is on me of course . she have no idea what's wrong with her daughter ! ^^ .. It scares me more .
In love , i waste some good opportunities and that was in college days . i lost some good person who glanced the real me! and i keep thinking of this everyday till now, i really hate that fear !
All my past life i was suffering and hold out for everything to gain comfort now " after college" , and now what ? i feel that I'll never have a job or a husband. i think that i'm over , i just live to maximize my bad memories size and to cry . I'm so depressed . Yes , So any words can help me from people who really understand me and feel what i feel would means a lot for me .
Thanks and sorry again for the long post .