S
ShybutHi
Guest
Personally I have next to no relationship experience so this is just conjecture. Hopefully some people will shed some light on my experience so far and opinions on the matter and make some comments because all opinions and comments are appreciated. Maybe some people might be able to relate to some of the things I say. 
I find it interesting to hear other peoples experience in the area of relationships, it can be a complex subject with many variables.
As a guy who has no experience with relationships, and has had depression and social anxiety during my teen and young adult years, I always found the idea of a relationship appealing but was never equipped to be in one, or so I thought at least. I find there to be a lot of people out there and on this forum battling with the subject, why can't they find someone they click with when for some it seems so easy. A lot of people over analyze the whole situation and subject and that is something I did for a long time.
In my experience, I think getting over social anxiety has helped me to come to some revelation in this area... I have had a few friends, mainly acquaintances in the past who are female and it might even be a possibility that one, if not more, found me attractive, simply due to some signs which could either be considered as a bit unusually friendly or flirty. I have had a lot of females "TRY" to create personal friendly relationships with me but to no avail, most likely because I would never reciprocate. The problem with me was that I was always so socially anxious and so incredibly critical of myself that never did I even comprehend the possibility that I could be with a women, or even friends... I simply thought I was not good enough, that no women like me, that I cannot be liked. That mindset coupled with social anxiety meant that actually creating a friendship with a women was very difficult.
After having a girlfriend (not officially as such I was very young) who was my neighbor with whom I was very very close with at around 9 years old, just seem to decide she did not want to be friends with me anymore out of the blue, I found myself not ever developing proper personal relationships with females all throughout my life from then on, I would always back away. I would not reciprocate to conversation or actively seek to socialize with girls, I would essentially just become 100% passive. It is strange how the past can affect you, I truly think that my experience as a kid had a large affect on me in that area.
:club:
The thing is, now I have a lot more confidence and my outlook on life is very different. Instead of being reserved I am now a lot more forthcoming and even crack jokes and comments with people who I don't know, sometimes even in more formal situations. I noticed that more females have taken a liking to me and actually act very friendly to the point that sometimes they will get quite close to me physically, inside my personal space, or at least what most would consider their personal space, even though I don't really know the person at all.
What I am getting at with this, is that I think people should stop trying to analyzing the situation so much like I did and just be yourself, always.
I think the key to giving you better success in this area is to be your CONFIDENT self, that is highest priority.
Take this question into account...
What traits actually make a person "Charming" or have "charm"?
Anyone who says that they are not a confident person, they are reserved and introverted and not good socially, and that is just how it is, are kidding themselves. They are kidding themselves into believing that that aspect of personality can not be worked on and improved on. I personally believe self improvement is a great thing and going from a socially anxious person to a confident one has given me self evidence that improvement is possible. Rationalize your good traits and build confidence with the foundation that these good traits give you some worth, that you are a unique individual. I think that with this trait and a true interest in others and a friendly manner, you can seem more attractive to people and more welcoming which in turn should give you a better chance of finding someone to be with.
At least now because of this change in mindset and some self improvement I can try and make a leap when it comes to relationships. Take a chance and see where it leads...... After all we are only on this earth once. To find someone who you can share the experience with, is a wonderful thing.
I find it interesting to hear other peoples experience in the area of relationships, it can be a complex subject with many variables.As a guy who has no experience with relationships, and has had depression and social anxiety during my teen and young adult years, I always found the idea of a relationship appealing but was never equipped to be in one, or so I thought at least. I find there to be a lot of people out there and on this forum battling with the subject, why can't they find someone they click with when for some it seems so easy. A lot of people over analyze the whole situation and subject and that is something I did for a long time.
In my experience, I think getting over social anxiety has helped me to come to some revelation in this area... I have had a few friends, mainly acquaintances in the past who are female and it might even be a possibility that one, if not more, found me attractive, simply due to some signs which could either be considered as a bit unusually friendly or flirty. I have had a lot of females "TRY" to create personal friendly relationships with me but to no avail, most likely because I would never reciprocate. The problem with me was that I was always so socially anxious and so incredibly critical of myself that never did I even comprehend the possibility that I could be with a women, or even friends... I simply thought I was not good enough, that no women like me, that I cannot be liked. That mindset coupled with social anxiety meant that actually creating a friendship with a women was very difficult.
After having a girlfriend (not officially as such I was very young) who was my neighbor with whom I was very very
close with at around 9 years old, just seem to decide she did not want to be friends with me anymore out of the blue, I found myself not ever developing proper personal relationships with females all throughout my life from then on, I would always back away. I would not reciprocate to conversation or actively seek to socialize with girls, I would essentially just become 100% passive. It is strange how the past can affect you, I truly think that my experience as a kid had a large affect on me in that area.:club:
The thing is, now I have a lot more confidence and my outlook on life is very different. Instead of being reserved I am now a lot more forthcoming and even crack jokes and comments with people who I don't know, sometimes even in more formal situations. I noticed that more females have taken a liking to me and actually act very friendly to the point that sometimes they will get quite close to me physically, inside my personal space, or at least what most would consider their personal space, even though I don't really know the person at all.
What I am getting at with this, is that I think people should stop trying to analyzing the situation so much like I did and just be yourself, always.
I think the key to giving you better success in this area is to be your CONFIDENT self, that is highest priority.
Take this question into account...
What traits actually make a person "Charming" or have "charm"?
Anyone who says that they are not a confident person, they are reserved and introverted and not good socially, and that is just how it is, are kidding themselves. They are kidding themselves into believing that that aspect of personality can not be worked on and improved on. I personally believe self improvement is a great thing and going from a socially anxious person to a confident one has given me self evidence that improvement is possible. Rationalize your good traits and build confidence with the foundation that these good traits give you some worth, that you are a unique individual. I think that with this trait and a true interest in others and a friendly manner, you can seem more attractive to people and more welcoming which in turn should give you a better chance of finding someone to be with.
At least now because of this change in mindset and some self improvement I can try and make a leap when it comes to relationships. Take a chance and see where it leads...... After all we are only on this earth once. To find someone who you can share the experience with, is a wonderful thing.
