Ever live in somebody's shadow?

-Me basically with all my siblings, especially my older sister

I guess this happens a lot when you are the second oldest child. Constantly being compared, favoritism, etc..

Apparently, my older sister is better at everything/she gets more noticed. She is better at archery, she is smarter (in politics), she is prettier, she is a better drawer/painter/writer, she is a better pet caretaker, she is a better cleaner, etc..And whenever I do something, either I get compared to her, or go unnoticed.
Or, everyone, (including her) thinks she influenced EVERYTHING about me. Just because we both like the outdoors, science, social studies, writing, drawing, anime, t.v shows, books, music etc...doesn't mean everything is influenced by her. Seriously. I don't like Game of Thrones because she likes it. I like it because it's a freaking good show/book. I don't like Breaking Bad, but she is obsessed with it.

I'm tired of her saying, "well you should thank me for showing you that" or "it's because of me you like that".

I have some defining features. I'm good at instinctive (no sights) archery, I'm good at drawing, I'm good in math, science, etc..(I don't see her in Honors English). And especially spelling. I am known to be a superb speller, having been in at least 3 spelling bees and close to winning all three. She can't spell for honeysuckle. She always asks me. But guess what? That crown was stolen by my younger brother. Apparently, he is great at spelling. So great that he gets mentioned more than me. (Which is a steaming pile of bull). Everyone ALWAYS asks me how to spell. (Even my grandpa and mom)

I'm tired of my interests being outshined by all my siblings. Just yesterday, I was drawing, and my mom came up to me and said, "Oh that's cool! Did your sister draw that?"

I told her "no, I did it."

"Oh, I didn't know you could draw"

That crushed my feelings. FOR YEARS, I have shown her my drawings, and she always pushed them away and praised my sister. I have been drawing for about 8 years, and she never noticed I could draw!

Have any of you lived in your parents/siblings shadow?

Somehow, venting on here is slowly helping my depression. Slowly. Not by a lot though. I still think I need a therapist or something because I am becoming extremely morbid and it's frightening me just a bit.

Yep, my older brother.

He was the golden child. He is very attractive, charming, talented, witty, artistic, popular, successful... basically my polar opposite. He was a model, he was prom king in high school, and people still basically treat him like one. My parents favored him. He walks into shops and walks out with something free just because the person behind the counter wanted to give it to him. People meet him once for 2 minutes and remember him 10 years later, and they're excited about him. It's bizarre sometimes, the way people cater to him.

Growing up (and even now), I was usually referred to and remembered as "N___'s sister" rather than by my name (if I was remembered at all). As though I were not even my own person. Everything is about my brother, I'm just an afterthought.

Animelover10102 said:

I guess this happens a lot when you are the second oldest child. Constantly being compared, favoritism, etc..

...

Just yesterday, I was drawing, and my mom came up to me and said, "Oh that's cool! Did your sister draw that?"

I told her "no, I did it."

"Oh, I didn't know you could draw"

That crushed my feelings. FOR YEARS, I have shown her my drawings, and she always pushed them away and praised my sister. I have been drawing for about 8 years, and she never noticed I could draw!

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My parents do the same thing with me and my interests. It's like they forget me.

Yes. I learned not to try to be like big brother but just to be myself.

I am going to say something very politically incorrect.

I used to know since school two sisters, very similar physically, and they were like twins always going out together and bickering all the time - one was very pretty, good in school without even trying, very expansive with everyone - the other one was shy, plain looking and struggling with her studies. Over the years they did change, and the first one became the rebel, traveling around the world, having many lovers, while the second one stayed only in one place and, ok, she had some lovers too. Then, after many more adventures, the first one got cancer, and in one year she passed away. Recently I met the younger sister, and even if she was still heartbroken for her sister, she was blooming! Beautiful, extrovert, a different person. She needed the sister to pass away in order to let her own full personality come out.
Now I hope that many years of therapy can have the same effect so that no one has to die in similar cases, but this story always floors me to think how relative influence one's personality (for me it used to be my grandmother)

Yeah, my big brother. He was the trendy guy of the town, the guy everyone talks about. He was great at school, as was I, great with girls and creating social groups and always the leader of everything. Everything, literally, everything that happened in my town like events, parties, were all circling around him. And he still is that guy everyone looks up to. I was always good at school and better than him eventhough the grade difference. I spell a lot better than him btw. Everything he doesn't know in English (English's not our mother tongue) I'm the first person above anyone he'd ask to. As if I was some kind of genuine reference, that if he'd ask anyone else he would doubt it but never doubt me.
The difference in your story and mine is that I never actually took it that way, as if I was left behind, out of the picture. And yes, one of the shittiest things was being called 'T_____'s brother'. But I kinda didn't took it deep, didn't see it and still don't see it as being unappreciated, it's not appreciated but I won't beg for it either. My parents always gave the good attention for him, when he did something nice they praised him, and the bad attention for me, when I did something wrong they always punished me.
But I just don't take it hard. I don't see myself living behind his shadow. I think of myself as not giving a **** about it, mostly because I know how good I am at school, spelling, maths, science, physics, and I knew I was a whole lot better than him (we did an IQ test together, he scored 90 I did it 110. not a genuine proving one but still proves something, and we weren't like making a competition or anything), simply because I am a whole lot smarter than him but I always keep my cool. I don't have to shove it up people's face to see that I'm better like 'SEE THIS MOM? I'M BETTER! LOVE ME INSTEAD!'. No. I simply acknowledged that he was the focal point and I was not. Period. And guess what? We're the bestestestest friends the world has seen

Yeeeep. My parents had two girls and I got in this world last.

So my older sister is pretty, smart, sympathetic, everyone loves her, etc, etc... And growing up I wasn't pretty, didn't have any friends, was smart but not in a cute smart way but in a "what a freak" smart kind of way, blah, blah blah. Eventually I got pretty and started to have friends so now I'm not the least liked kid anymore but it annoys me that it just happened because I turned out to be somewhat alike my sister. Still don't like my parents very much because of it...

Ymir said:

And growing up I wasn't pretty, didn't have any friends, was smart but not in a cute smart way but in a "what a freak" smart kind of way, blah, blah blah. Eventually I got pretty and started to have friends so now I'm not the least liked kid anymore but it annoys me that it just happened because I turned out to be somewhat alike my sister. Still don't like my parents very much because of it...

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So in order to have friends you have to be pretty? How messed society is these days!
You guys MUST see how ugly I am, we probably wouldn't be friends either : /
I'm not ugly btw jk, I'm handsome for one who has the eyes to contemplate it!

thelonegamer said:

Ymir said:

And growing up I wasn't pretty, didn't have any friends, was smart but not in a cute smart way but in a "what a freak" smart kind of way, blah, blah blah. Eventually I got pretty and started to have friends so now I'm not the least liked kid anymore but it annoys me that it just happened because I turned out to be somewhat alike my sister. Still don't like my parents very much because of it...

Click to expand...

So in order to have friends you have to be pretty? How messed society is these days!
You guys MUST see how ugly I am, we probably wouldn't be friends either : /
I'm not ugly btw jk, I'm handsome for one who has the eyes to contemplate it!

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Sadly, no one wants to be my friend either. I look like my dad with boobs.

My sister and I are homeschooled, and she even got invited to the public school prom last year or so. I doubt anyone would remember me and invite me to prom (whenever that is) :/ There goes another thing I wanted to try.

I wish I could say my change of appearance doesn't make any difference but it does. IRL I'm sort of a caustic person. Sarcastic, critical, impatient and demanding. I've been this way since birth, but since the package changed, my foul behavior (it's not intentional, but it is what it is) is "cute" and "funny" instead of being obnoxious as it actually is.

I'm not like this all the time, in fact I'm rather nice, but I usually avoid people that can't take it, and it's a surprisingly low number now.