Can loneliness cause laziness?

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Crux

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It's a pretty simple question. Can loneliness cause laziness? Has it caused you to be lazy?


I was recently asked to go to work with my dad, and I really didn't want to. His job requires a lot of physical effort, and I was just too lazy to want to do it, even for pay. I feel extremely anxious about having such obligations, and I often worry (much ahead of the actual date of the particular obligation) about how horrible it will be, and think about possible ways to get out of it.

It was the same for school (I'm technically still in school now, just on vacation). I had horrible grades, and would always do my assignments sloppily and at the minimum of what was expected. Sometimes I just wouldn't do them at all. Putting significant effort into them seemed unbearably tedious, but why was I the only one seeming to have a problem with it? Could loneliness somehow make the exertion of effort worse, and generally discourage you from doing things? Is it even healthy for one to focus on other things (work and obligations) if their basic need for social interaction is not being satisfied?
 
I don't know if laziness is the right word but I think it definitely creates a feeling of indifference or lack of motivation. There are so many things I don't do because I don't have someone to share it with or a venue to use the skills if I learn them, you would think doing it just for me is enough but I guess the depression that comes from being isolated plays a part in all of that as well.

Then if you add social awkwardness to the reason for your isolation it just gets worse again.
 
If so, I think it's tied to things like low mood or depression which are known for sapping motivation and energy. If people don't take care of work, then they're going to find themselves in a tight spot for money and independence, making things worse.

I may be lonely, but I'm motivated to work on the things I like by imagining having things others don't. If I'm going to be lonely except for people who have a use for me, at least I can be surrounded by nice things and accomplishments or have a good, healthy body.
 
Sounds like a symptom of depression or avoidant personality disorder to me, along with a nice dash of anxiety. Most of these negative traits and afflictions, I'm sure are all ruled by one major thing. Like the rings in Lord of the Rings, only instead of one ring ruling the other rings it's some yet-to-be-named condition that controls all the shitty things like depression, anxiety, ocd, schizophrenia, intrusive thoughts, trashy chart music and the milk smelling funny when it's been left out of the fridge for a few days.

It does seem to me everyone has a different level of tolerance for work/study. I must admit I feel the same as you and even if I'm in a beautiful forest with cool people, doing my woodwork stuff on a lovely Summer's day, I'm still counting down the hours until I can go home. I bet I could have any job in the world and still just want to gtfo and go home all the time. It's why I never went to University or College or was ever at school, really. I just couldn't bear to give up all my time into something so intensive and inescapable, the thought of it horrifies me and I have complete respect for absolutely anyone who can do these things. But, although yes, it is really hard work for them too, I don't really believe we all feel the same about it, deep down. Of course most people treasure their leisure time, and you'll often hear people complaining that all their friends are going to the beach while they're stuck in a lecture or writing some dull-honeysuckle essay, but there's definitely this threshold within us that varies from person to person. One person will be able to get through it and complete their work, the other will go crazy and want to die.

I think people who are naturally hard workers are lucky, they have the drive to work hard in the first place.

Also as much as I hate to say this I think I am a more complete person when I have a partner. I tidy the house more, I go out more, do more things in general if I have someone to do them with. So yeah I guess I am a bit lazier because I am... hmm. Is it really loneliness, or just because I am single.
 
I am not sure that it is laziness but instead more of a symptom of depression.
Lack of motivation. At least that's it is for me.
Every single weekend I struggle mightily with it.
My house is in disarray but I don't have the motivation to clean up.
I can't muster up the strength to go out much anymore.
Sometimes just thinking about taking an action drains me to the point where I just want to lay down and quit.
 
Yes, it can.

I can only speak for myself, but I've had those spells of "why should I knock myself out to clean up the property and fix the place up, when I have no SO to appreciate it?"

Things are different now though... I enrolled in construction school, and I started a meetup group.
 
Hmm does lazy equate to lack of motivation to do anything? I don't know if it's called lazy.. I'd say lacking the motivation. I guess it sounds less negative? And I can see how loneliness can lead to that.
 
Yes Loneliness can increase your laziness. Mostly because you don't have the spur to get up and do things because what is the point? Its good to have someone to spur you to do things because it reinforces in your head to sort things out. Laziness also stems from other problems, for example work. Think about how many applications you send out to get a better job and nothing comes back you're firing away so much that with so little feedback you think whats the point and fall back into laziness. Its tough to break out of it for sure but there are definitely ways to change loneliness into productivity.
 
It might be more the other way around. And once it starts, it becomes a vicious circle.
 
I've often wondered if my laziness was due to my social anxiety and depression. I know I do have a lazy streak in me. I hate doing physical things, work like construction, exercise etc. At the same time, I know with myself that energy seems to produce energy. If I eat well, and work hard....it seems to become easier over time, but I still dread the next work day...or beginning of the workweek.
Often with me, its a fear of people and the having to interact thing (or trying to interact or no interact) that I find so draining. I've gone through spells where I don't want to get out of bed, from being so depressed and unmotivated. I'm sort of in that rut right now....but not greatly depressed yet. Just sort of in limbo, feeling really lazy and unmotivated. And the longer I do nothing about it, the deeper I seem to get into this spiral. If only I didn't have to work (I need to win that lottery..lol).
 
My War said:
I don't know if laziness is the right word but I think it definitely creates a feeling of indifference or lack of motivation. There are so many things I don't do because I don't have someone to share it with or a venue to use the skills if I learn them, you would think doing it just for me is enough but I guess the depression that comes from being isolated plays a part in all of that as well.

Then if you add social awkwardness to the reason for your isolation it just gets worse again.
Click to expand...

This. 100% this.

There are a heap of things I'd love to do. But the depression from loneliness and the lack of anyone to share those things with really stops me dead. And the social anxiety, awkwardness, and a lot of rejection and negative social experiences, it all makes meeting anyone more than extremely difficult. It feels like it makes it impossible.

So even though I desperately want friends and a relationship, there's that voice inside me that says "nobody likes you anyway, so what's the f**king point?"
 
Sadly, I suffer greatly from this. When I am around people in general, usually 3 times a week, I feel alright. I guess it distracts me from the reality that I am lonely when I get home. When I am home I force myself to do something with my kids (I have 3, single-mum), and usually I can enjoy it whilst the activity starts up. But alas, when they are sleeping or playing with one another, I sense a sadness within myself that seems to freeze me in place. I get no desire to move, or do anything at all, really. I feel hopeless and helpless and lacking a care in the world. Again, I force myself to go about my day, but sometimes I stay paralyzed in bed. :'( Oh life, so cruel.

It's funny how so often I am blamed for being a single mum. "I chose this life. I should have known better. Suck it up, it's your own fault." but how is it my fault that the men chose not to take responsibility and choose drugs or alcohol over being a good parent or a family man. Everyone seems so promising at first, but when the pressure sets in, it seems people choose easy coping methods to get an easy out. My last child was actually planned. Things were 'in order', but dad chose to continue his old lifestyle and leave us for dust. (Has never met his son even once.) :'( I feel this dread-like burden for my youngest, I do not blame myself. Why should I? I was made promises that were not kept.

This brings me back to the topic of laziness. Mostly a lack-motivation feeling, or not necessarily caring about much. I try so hard to bring upon myself positive motivation, hope beyond this life, yet there's this itch of desolation that won't leave me. Even with the distraction of children and life itself, I have a constant sadness and loneliness that I have no one to share my joys of children with, or my experiences through my days. And that is what causes me to fall back into my pit of "laziness" again and again. I'm only 26, but I feel like I will be alone forever, and I won't ever meet anyone meant for me. I know my children keep me company on some level, but it's not the same as having the warm embrace from a man, or his kiss of passion. No one to talk about the good times or the bad, no one to lean on in happiness or sad...

Sigh.
 
Good question!

I can see how. If a person is not getting their emotional needs met and not having much fun, taking on a hard job would be a hard sell. And even harder sell because it is only inviting more work and no fun into their lives.

Also, a lonely person doesn't have a close significant other watching over them, keeping them in check and encouraging them to join the mainstream, work, be involved, etc.

So yes I think it could have that effect.

What do you want to do about it? For yourself I mean.
 
Day said:
Sadly, I suffer greatly from this. When I am around people in general, usually 3 times a week, I feel alright. I guess it distracts me from the reality that I am lonely when I get home. When I am home I force myself to do something with my kids (I have 3, single-mum), and usually I can enjoy it whilst the activity starts up. But alas, when they are sleeping or playing with one another, I sense a sadness within myself that seems to freeze me in place. I get no desire to move, or do anything at all, really. I feel hopeless and helpless and lacking a care in the world. Again, I force myself to go about my day, but sometimes I stay paralyzed in bed. :'( Oh life, so cruel.

It's funny how so often I am blamed for being a single mum. "I chose this life. I should have known better. Suck it up, it's your own fault." but how is it my fault that the men chose not to take responsibility and choose drugs or alcohol over being a good parent or a family man. Everyone seems so promising at first, but when the pressure sets in, it seems people choose easy coping methods to get an easy out. My last child was actually planned. Things were 'in order', but dad chose to continue his old lifestyle and leave us for dust. (Has never met his son even once.) :'( I feel this dread-like burden for my youngest, I do not blame myself. Why should I? I was made promises that were not kept.

This brings me back to the topic of laziness. Mostly a lack-motivation feeling, or not necessarily caring about much. I try so hard to bring upon myself positive motivation, hope beyond this life, yet there's this itch of desolation that won't leave me. Even with the distraction of children and life itself, I have a constant sadness and loneliness that I have no one to share my joys of children with, or my experiences through my days. And that is what causes me to fall back into my pit of "laziness" again and again. I'm only 26, but I feel like I will be alone forever, and I won't ever meet anyone meant for me. I know my children keep me company on some level, but it's not the same as having the warm embrace from a man, or his kiss of passion. No one to talk about the good times or the bad, no one to lean on in happiness or sad...

Sigh.
Click to expand...

I don't have children myself, but my sister lives 5 mins away from me. And your post really made me think of her. She is divorced and has two children to raise on her own. I don't know how she does it, having no man in her life. I try to help out as much as I can, baby sit when she needs it....etc.
With you raising your children on your own, I can't imagine what that would be like. I applaud you on that.
Wish I have more to say to help.
 
I do not know if loneliness directly causes laziness, but lonely can definitely contribute to lazyness. I find myself having quite a few lazy moments/periods, etc .. and it is because I am kind of lonely, I do not have many things planned (especially since we have weeks off school). Sometimes, I only make myself look presentable when I need to go out, and don't care otherwise (not always though), to name something.
 
I don't think laziness can be related to loneliness. Not getting what you want may lead you to boredom. Long period of loneliness may make you feel hopeless that you do not want to do anything.
 
Ha, I actually do have Avoidant Personality Disorder, which is part of why I haven't been getting out and getting exercise or talking to people, though I've come to realize that I'm more avoidant than lonely.
 

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