Omnipotent Soul
Well-known member
Hello everybody. This is my first thread and I'm sorry in advance that it's a long one. I guess I have a lot of things to get off my chest.
After reading some threads on this site (loneliness and girlfriend issues), I soon found I am not the only lonely person and that many people feel the same way. To my dissatisfaction I must admit I have never had a girlfriend either. I have never been in any intimacy with a female either, nor have I ever hugged a female (other than relatives of course).
But to make things worse for me, I don't believe I have ever had a friend. Not a true friend. I have had some people who I thought were my friends, but they all let me down when I needed them most, and they all told me lies, unnecessary lies too, and they also told my secrets to others. I would have felt better just knowing the truth. I now have trust issues with anyone, wondering if they will just let me down like the others.
I really don't understand what's wrong with people either. I'm not trying to be self-centred here, but I seem to be the nicest and most kindest person I know. I love every Male as if they were my brothers and I love every Female as if they were my sisters. But I hate what people do to one another, and what people have done to this planet. It would be better off without us. I would do almost anything to help someone and I never try to hurt anyone, hell I can't even hurt a fly or a rat. Yet nobody seems to want me as a friend. And I just don't fit in.
The only real way I can seem to understand it, would be because I don't do what normal teenagers/young adults do. I don't take drugs of any kind and I dont smoke Tobacco either. Now either of these would of course include me in a small/medium number of people my age. But the main two things are because I don't drink alcohol (Which apparently makes me no fun at all) because I don't like the smell or the taste and because I hate the effect it has on people. Many meaningless fights in the world happen because of alcohol, and my father tried to strangle my brother in a drunken rage (years back now).
And the other is Sexual Intercourse. Apperently I'm not "normal" because I see no desire to have Sexual Intercourse with anybody. If I were to ever have Sexual Intercourse with another human being, it would mainly be to procreate. I would much rather show my love and appreciation by hugging or gifts (anything that doesn't involve swapping DNA). But then the trust issues come back into the picture, can I really trust somebody else enough to choose to have an offspring with them?
Another issue is that I never want to do anything. I don't know why that is, but I just find everything so boring. Even things that are supposed to be entertaining, I just find my self so bored out of my mind. I can't wait until I can sleep again because that way I'm unaware of what's going on. Although it never seems to last long before I wake up to another day of pure boredom. Sometimes I wish I would just never wake up, or that I were never born. I have one theory, and that is that I would find everything much more interesting if only I had a friend to share my experiences with. But I don't know who I can trust and who would really want to hang out with me.
Many people my age and older may say I have a long life to live. But as I said, sometimes I already beg for death. But life still goes on. And on. And on. Suicide is not an option, I'm not strong enough for it. But I don't know what to do. I think all I want is a friend. Somebody to help and love. Perhaps any advice?
Thank you for reading.
After reading some threads on this site (loneliness and girlfriend issues), I soon found I am not the only lonely person and that many people feel the same way. To my dissatisfaction I must admit I have never had a girlfriend either. I have never been in any intimacy with a female either, nor have I ever hugged a female (other than relatives of course).
But to make things worse for me, I don't believe I have ever had a friend. Not a true friend. I have had some people who I thought were my friends, but they all let me down when I needed them most, and they all told me lies, unnecessary lies too, and they also told my secrets to others. I would have felt better just knowing the truth. I now have trust issues with anyone, wondering if they will just let me down like the others.
I really don't understand what's wrong with people either. I'm not trying to be self-centred here, but I seem to be the nicest and most kindest person I know. I love every Male as if they were my brothers and I love every Female as if they were my sisters. But I hate what people do to one another, and what people have done to this planet. It would be better off without us. I would do almost anything to help someone and I never try to hurt anyone, hell I can't even hurt a fly or a rat. Yet nobody seems to want me as a friend. And I just don't fit in.
The only real way I can seem to understand it, would be because I don't do what normal teenagers/young adults do. I don't take drugs of any kind and I dont smoke Tobacco either. Now either of these would of course include me in a small/medium number of people my age. But the main two things are because I don't drink alcohol (Which apparently makes me no fun at all) because I don't like the smell or the taste and because I hate the effect it has on people. Many meaningless fights in the world happen because of alcohol, and my father tried to strangle my brother in a drunken rage (years back now).
And the other is Sexual Intercourse. Apperently I'm not "normal" because I see no desire to have Sexual Intercourse with anybody. If I were to ever have Sexual Intercourse with another human being, it would mainly be to procreate. I would much rather show my love and appreciation by hugging or gifts (anything that doesn't involve swapping DNA). But then the trust issues come back into the picture, can I really trust somebody else enough to choose to have an offspring with them?
Another issue is that I never want to do anything. I don't know why that is, but I just find everything so boring. Even things that are supposed to be entertaining, I just find my self so bored out of my mind. I can't wait until I can sleep again because that way I'm unaware of what's going on. Although it never seems to last long before I wake up to another day of pure boredom. Sometimes I wish I would just never wake up, or that I were never born. I have one theory, and that is that I would find everything much more interesting if only I had a friend to share my experiences with. But I don't know who I can trust and who would really want to hang out with me.
Many people my age and older may say I have a long life to live. But as I said, sometimes I already beg for death. But life still goes on. And on. And on. Suicide is not an option, I'm not strong enough for it. But I don't know what to do. I think all I want is a friend. Somebody to help and love. Perhaps any advice?
Thank you for reading.