I am Mr Lonely

Hello everybody. This is my first thread and I'm sorry in advance that it's a long one. I guess I have a lot of things to get off my chest.

After reading some threads on this site (loneliness and girlfriend issues), I soon found I am not the only lonely person and that many people feel the same way. To my dissatisfaction I must admit I have never had a girlfriend either. I have never been in any intimacy with a female either, nor have I ever hugged a female (other than relatives of course).

But to make things worse for me, I don't believe I have ever had a friend. Not a true friend. I have had some people who I thought were my friends, but they all let me down when I needed them most, and they all told me lies, unnecessary lies too, and they also told my secrets to others. I would have felt better just knowing the truth. I now have trust issues with anyone, wondering if they will just let me down like the others.

I really don't understand what's wrong with people either. I'm not trying to be self-centred here, but I seem to be the nicest and most kindest person I know. I love every Male as if they were my brothers and I love every Female as if they were my sisters. But I hate what people do to one another, and what people have done to this planet. It would be better off without us. I would do almost anything to help someone and I never try to hurt anyone, hell I can't even hurt a fly or a rat. Yet nobody seems to want me as a friend. And I just don't fit in.

The only real way I can seem to understand it, would be because I don't do what normal teenagers/young adults do. I don't take drugs of any kind and I dont smoke Tobacco either. Now either of these would of course include me in a small/medium number of people my age. But the main two things are because I don't drink alcohol (Which apparently makes me no fun at all) because I don't like the smell or the taste and because I hate the effect it has on people. Many meaningless fights in the world happen because of alcohol, and my father tried to strangle my brother in a drunken rage (years back now).

And the other is Sexual Intercourse. Apperently I'm not "normal" because I see no desire to have Sexual Intercourse with anybody. If I were to ever have Sexual Intercourse with another human being, it would mainly be to procreate. I would much rather show my love and appreciation by hugging or gifts (anything that doesn't involve swapping DNA). But then the trust issues come back into the picture, can I really trust somebody else enough to choose to have an offspring with them?

Another issue is that I never want to do anything. I don't know why that is, but I just find everything so boring. Even things that are supposed to be entertaining, I just find my self so bored out of my mind. I can't wait until I can sleep again because that way I'm unaware of what's going on. Although it never seems to last long before I wake up to another day of pure boredom. Sometimes I wish I would just never wake up, or that I were never born. I have one theory, and that is that I would find everything much more interesting if only I had a friend to share my experiences with. But I don't know who I can trust and who would really want to hang out with me.

Many people my age and older may say I have a long life to live. But as I said, sometimes I already beg for death. But life still goes on. And on. And on. Suicide is not an option, I'm not strong enough for it. But I don't know what to do. I think all I want is a friend. Somebody to help and love. Perhaps any advice?

Thank you for reading.

Welcome to ALL!

I don't actually have any useful advice (aside from questioning if you know what asexuality is, because if the label fits, you can reach out for like-minded people) but I do have this video.

[video=youtube]

One thing I can suggest, is find something you're passionate about and aggressively pursue a career in that field. Especially something that suits your nature. Those who think a lot and have vivid imaginations tend to go into research, such as theoretical physics, microbiology, etc. If you like to explore and travel do something such as archaeology, geology, etc. Well, I hope you get my drift.

When I see people who clearly had social problems as young adults, but are successful, happy, and have a life full of friends as a mature adult, they all seem to have found their place in a working field first. Place yourself in a field that attracts minds that are like yours, and you'll find yourself around people who are like minded and understand you. This way you'll be less likely to have to step outside of yourself, and act like someone you're not, just to attract someone who is dissimilar to you.

I unfortunately had a career ending injury as a younger man and afterwards fell into a career that generally attracts people who are not at all like myself. Now I find myself surrounded by people I have a really hard time relating to.

I think that is the best advice I can offer; find somewhere in the world that suits you, and you'll find people that appeal to you as well.

The real problem comes when you can't find somewhere to fit in, and if that's the case, like it is with some, I don't really know what to say.

Welcome! Have you ever looked into asexuality? It sounds like you might be asexual, which is of course a perfectly fine thing to be. It can, however lead to some instances of lonliness or alienation, especially when you are a young age.

Ymir said:

Welcome to ALL!

I don't actually have any useful advice (aside from questioning if you know what asexuality is, because if the label fits, you can reach out for like-minded people) but I do have this video.

Click to expand...

Haha. Well yes I know what it is and I think I am.
And to your video, I return with this video.
[video=youtube]

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jjessea said:

One thing I can suggest, is find something you're passionate about and aggressively pursue a career in that field. Especially something that suits your nature. Those who think a lot and have vivid imaginations tend to go into research, such as theoretical physics, microbiology, etc. If you like to explore and travel do something such as archaeology, geology, etc. Well, I hope you get my drift.

When I see people who clearly had social problems as young adults, but are successful, happy, and have a life full of friends as a mature adult, they all seem to have found their place in a working field first. Place yourself in a field that attracts minds that are like yours, and you'll find yourself around people who are like minded and understand you. This way you'll be less likely to have to step outside of yourself, and act like someone you're not, just to attract someone who is dissimilar to you.

I unfortunately had a career ending injury as a younger man and afterwards fell into a career that generally attracts people who are not at all like myself. Now I find myself surrounded by people I have a really hard time relating to.

I think that is the best advice I can offer; find somewhere in the world that suits you, and you'll find people that appeal to you as well.

The real problem comes when you can't find somewhere to fit in, and if that's the case, like it is with some, I don't really know what to say.

Click to expand...

Thank you for your advice, but as I said. Nothing is appealing to me. It's all boring.

It's nice to meet you

AmytheTemperamental said:

It's nice to meet you

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Thank you Amy.

Hello.

Personally I talk to anyone, observe them and if anything makes me think I shouldn't trust them, I distance myself from them or stop telling them things in confidence. You just have to try and hold onto the ones that you can trust.

I'd guess that people who are untrustworthy just don't have the concept of trust built into them and don't really think when they talk about you to others. Some of it has to do with where you look as well.

I've never had alcohol either because when I was younger I saw on the news that people got diseases from it and it made people violent, so I figured it was dumb and avoided it. I've never taken drugs or smoked for the same reason. I've never been one to do something just because everyone else is doing it. If they want to ruin themselves with that, that's their choice. This actually made me cool at school because I was my own person who didn't copy others.

Not doing those things makes it harder to make friends, but the friends you do make are going to be better quality, so it's worth it.

Like others have said, you're most likely asexual. There is a community (of 61,000 of which 208 are currently online) dedicated to people with this condition here and they know exactly how you feel: http://www.asexuality.org/home/

Their forums and chat are at: http://www.asexuality.org/en/

The prevalence of the condition is estimated to be 640,000 (1% of the population) in the UK.

i've been on there and idk i thought all of them were pretty rude D<

hey welcome mate.

Therapon said:

Hello.

Personally I talk to anyone, observe them and if anything makes me think I shouldn't trust them, I distance myself from them or stop telling them things in confidence. You just have to try and hold onto the ones that you can trust.

I'd guess that people who are untrustworthy just don't have the concept of trust built into them and don't really think when they talk about you to others. Some of it has to do with where you look as well.

I've never had alcohol either because when I was younger I saw on the news that people got diseases from it and it made people violent, so I figured it was dumb and avoided it. I've never taken drugs or smoked for the same reason. I've never been one to do something just because everyone else is doing it. If they want to ruin themselves with that, that's their choice. This actually made me cool at school because I was my own person who didn't copy others.

Not doing those things makes it harder to make friends, but the friends you do make are going to be better quality, so it's worth it.

Like others have said, you're most likely asexual. There is a community (of 61,000 of which 208 are currently online) dedicated to people with this condition here and they know exactly how you feel: http://www.asexuality.org/home/

Their forums and chat are at: http://www.asexuality.org/en/

The prevalence of the condition is estimated to be 640,000 (1% of the population) in the UK.

Click to expand...

Thank you for your effort.

Rainbows said:

i've been on there and idk i thought all of them were pretty rude D<

hey welcome mate.

Click to expand...

Interesting to know, I didn't really check its forums since it isn't relevent for me. The site itself might still be useful possibly.