Having trouble with talking and connecting to people

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Marmar

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Hello this is my first post and it is something I have really questioned myself about and I tried using google to find the answer but perhaps here where people might share the same situation as I do. Does anyone else feel like they can't talk to people? Like I'm kinda ok in small talk but then my mind goes blank and all that comes out is either silence or questions. And I feel like since I dont really have a social group like a "normal" 21 yr old person has, that I might have lost the ability to communicate? I do hope someone can help me. I dont have any friends and have been labeled with mute, Switzerland, shy, quiet. It makes me feel so sad because even though im in a relationship my boyfriend always goes out with his friends and I don't have any so I end up being alone. I just have a hard time connecting to people even if I like the person I feel like they dont really like me. Since I don't really talk.
 
I am similar. I have always been quiet and I cannot talk to people offline (although I'm not good at talking online either).

When I was in school, people would call me mute as a joke, because I never talked.

It was never easy for me to make friends either (and currently I do not have any friends).

I do not have any advice, but I thought I would let you know that there are people who feel the same.
 
Hey guys, I'm that way too..People used to make fun of me because I wouldn't talk around lots of people..When it was someone I didn't know I asked them what did they want to know and that made a start to talk to someone new..It's actually good to ask questions..People like to talk about themselves and you get to know someone a little better..
But that's only if you're interested to talking to a certain person..I get so uncomfortable having the small talk, that I find myself making small backwards steps in order to get away..
And i think if you can't find something to say you can always nod to make people know that you're listening to them..
Also you can't assume that others dont like you.. I think, not everyone knows how to approach a reserved person..

I hope i helped a little..If I know an answer for anything else I'll be glad to help.
 
Thank you so much!! I'm glad I'm not the only one, I was starting to think I would need to go to a therapist. I would like to have a real friendship with someone. I'm a little better online but once I get comfortable I open up. I'd be glad to chat whenever you would like :)


It was my first year in college my roommates would be discussing about something and they would ask my opinion about it but I didn't really have an opinion and I couldn't come up with one because I'm not good at lying. So they told me I'm like Switzerland since I can't take a side. It made me sad because I believe everybody's thoughts matter even though they are not said. They were very extroverted so they didn't really understand where I was coming from.


Small talk is a bit challenging because it is hard to end it...like do I start to walk away or would that be rude. And I can't really read people because I'm too busy in thinking what I'm going to talk about next. Or if they will even remember what I said...because at times when I speak to my bf he doesn't nod or indicate that he is listening but when I ask him what I said he tells me, however I don't think he understands what I mean. I get amazed at how some people can just talk forever without running out of saliva lol.
 
I'm the same. I have a small group of friends but don't really connect with them, but I think that's because I think differently to most people. People wouldn't talk to me when I was your age as they found me "hard work" or thought I was being rude. I just couldn't think of anything to say. I never had an opinion as I was too afraid to disagree and lose what little chance at social interaction I had. I can tell you that I am a bit better 4 years on. So I think it is a thing you get better with as you get older.
 
I am similar as well. Even though I am many years older than you, I find it hard to talk to a lot of people. There are some people I can talk to and feel relatively at ease with, but my temperament has remained on the reserved side.
 
Welcome to the forum, Marmar.

I totally feel you on this. A lot of people on the forum think I have no issues with interaction, but seriously, if you ever were to meet me in real life.. I can be as mute as a rabbit. Well, a bit exaggerated there but I do have problems coming up with things to say because I get too anxious with people around me. I probably hide it very well so they can't tell. So, I always warn people I can be a little quiet or what they call "shy" (but I'm not really shy, it's just being so reserved and anxious) but after awhile of warming up I can get a bit more chatty.

Sometimes it helps me if I try to get rid of focusing on my anxiety so much and just think of questions to ask the other person. Or comment. Or just say something to start a topic. It's hard though if the other person is not very responsive.. that would totally ruin your efforts and probably make you feel worse after that conversation but I think it's always a learning experience on how to communicate and interact with other people.

Good luck!
 
Hi, Marmar. I have been called quiet, and shy, and Mr. Spock, and unemotional, and things like that because I used to avoid any social situation where my emotions would be exposed. Then, I changed, and I'm not that way anymore. But back then, it was horrible because extroverts and social butterflies were constantly trying to get me to be as excitable as they were. It even happens to me now when I'm around an extrovert. They just don't get that I'm not as loud, and opinionated, or as brash as they are.

I do think that your boyfriend should take you out with his friends more often. It doesn't seem cool to leave you alone while he's having fun.

ladyforsaken said:
I totally feel you on this. A lot of people on the forum think I have no issues with interaction, but seriously, if you ever were to meet me in real life.. I can be as mute as a rabbit. Well, a bit exaggerated there but I do have problems coming up with things to say because I get too anxious with people around me. I probably hide it very well so they can't tell. So, I always warn people I can be a little quiet or what they call "shy" (but I'm not really shy, it's just being so reserved and anxious) but after awhile of warming up I can get a bit more chatty.

Sometimes it helps me if I try to get rid of focusing on my anxiety so much and just think of questions to ask the other person. Or comment. Or just say something to start a topic. It's hard though if the other person is not very responsive.. that would totally ruin your efforts and probably make you feel worse after that conversation but I think it's always a learning experience on how to communicate and interact with other people.

I'm a bit of the opposite in real life. It's funny that a few people I have met offline have said that I didn't seem as shy or quiet as they thought I'd be when they met me in person. I think that has to do with a number of factors, but the main one being that I was once so shy for so long that I know what it feels like to be awkward around social people, and so I usually bend over backwards to make a more shy person feel included in a conversation and feel comfortable. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I'm not the most energetic-sounding person in the room, but I give good conversation. :)
 
That's interesting. I guess it depends who you're interacting with, you're right, Case. Sometimes I do get a bit more chatty and outgoing all at once with some people. I dunno.. it's the .. chemistry, maybe?

Case said:
I'm not the most energetic-sounding person in the room, but I give good conversation. :)

Indeed. And you sound very good too!
 
As mostly I refuse to actually comment 100% seriously on threads.. I'm going to do it for you right now but some advise that seems stupid but really changed my life.

I mostly tell people that I'm awkward. People usually respond with that they're awkward too (Although mostly they aren't), that way you usually break the "oh no - they are going to think I'm really awkward!"

Then I just proceed with saying everything I think. It might sound stupid but like - yesterday I had a conversation about pudding. We haven't stopped talking since. When I started being able to take the advise and realise that everyone feels a little bit awkward.. I went from 0 people to talk to to about 600 people to talk to.

It's stupid but you should just imagine that they are feeling way more nervous to talk to you than you feel like talking to them. Think you have to make them feel "okay" at having a conversation with you.

It does sound like stupid advise, but it really worked for me.
By the way, if you want to join our skype group - you're always welcome. I know that talking to people on the computer is not the same as talking to them in real life - but it might help your case of talking to strangers that you don't know.

You're also free to pm me, I'm actually a pretty nice girl if nobody is trying to rain on my parade.
Have a nice day, lovely.
 

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