My gf is gone...HELP!

okay, this one's going to be long but I need 500th opinion:

So my longtime gf (6 months, living together for 5) and I broke-up about a week ago. It happened for a lot of reasons, but the biggest reason was b/c I went broke and she had to pay for a lot of things.

I got a low wage job just so I could pay house bills (I was paying them all myself) and I don't think she liked that very much. I've been trying to get another job in my field (copywriting) in Brooklyn, where she moved (I moved her in) shortly before we broke-up. I'm still trying to improve my financial situation b/c that was her main source of stress.

She has A LOT of money and before I went broke I had enough to operate normally.

Shortly after we broke up, she went with an old friend to a wedding in Costa Rica for a week. I am pretty sure they are romantically involved now and I don't know what to do to get her back. She claims she's falling for him (already??) and my situation is slowly changing but not fast enough.

She said she doesn't want to be with me, but she's still angry about what happened towards the end of the relationship (the day I went broke, I didn't know how to tell her and we went out to brunch and she had to pay)

When we were together, things were the best they'd ever been and we loved each other deeply. I feel like she still has buried feelings for me.

I've taken responsibility for my mistakes and apologized. I told her how much love I have for her and that I respect her feelings...but I don't want to lose her forever. I've been keeping my distance but it's becoming unbearable.

Is there anything I can do to get her back? She's going to SF this month to see this other guy and I'm afraid she'll be gone for good. I am trying to stay strong but I am convinced the best thing that ever happened to me is slowly slipping away

What can I do???

Thanks for reading

I think that if she is the best thing that ever happened to you then you can't have had many good things happen in your life. I don't want to sound horrible about her, but in my eyes she hasn't treated you with care or respect. You are doing all that you can to find work in your field and have taken a low paying job to tide you over financially till something more suitable comes along. You were not expecting or wanting her to support you financially for ever, but to help you out till you got back on your feet. There is nothing wrong with that. She complained about paying for brunch for you and her but she could afford to go to Costa Rica for a week!! Youd eserve someone more supportive, who will stick by you at hard times,and not a fair weather girlfriend.

her flight and hotel were paid for, she didn't have to pay a cent. I think the guy she's trying to be with right now is loaded. I feel like if I can at least get a decent new job, she'll reconsider her decision.

She also said the brunch incident broke her trust in me b/c I didn't tell her I was broke immediately

It kind of sounds like a big reason she was with you was because she didn't have to pay for anything. I would let her go. It doesn't sound like she was good for you.
Sadly, if the other guy is taking her to Costa Rica and wherever, she isn't going to come back to you.

I hate to point it out, but being together for 6 months is not a long time ago, you barely know a person after one month and yet you went to live together so soon, so I guess that is possibly another reason why this problems came up, you didn't really know each other.

we had a deep connection right off the bat and we both knew what we wanted. she even told me she believed we'd be together for a long time

I just really want a second chance but am not sure how to get one now that this other dude is in the picture. No idea if he's just a rebound or a new life partner

I'm sorry this happened to you. I don't really have any good advice to give you right now because my brain is kinda dead, but I wanted to just say that if you're thinking of finding ways to get back at her - don't. You won't achieve anything out of that, you might even regret it later. Good luck.

Hey smitty, I know it's really really hard to accept the fact that someone you connected with and trusted just walks away from your life..The truth is its always going to bother you a little..But there isn't only one person you can meet that you can have a deep connection with...
I used to know a person,I thought we had a deep connection and that no one understood me that well until he came along, and one day after an incident he just never talked to me again...When my current bf came along he took the deep connection to a whole other level..But it took us about 3 years to get there..
Relationships and good cohabitation are a very hard work..And time is very important..No one is going to show you they're real face from the start..Everything is going smoothly and you feel happy..The masks will fall when life gets harder and even then they will try to pretend..
You must convince yourself to just really think the things she told you..All the things you did for her and what she didnt want to do for you..Dont let people take advantage of you for the sake of "love"..If its not selfless then its not love...

Hey Smitty, you can still have a great connection with someone but it still doesn't change other issues in a relationship that can be detrimental.
In my opinion she doesn't sound like the most understanding girlfriend, I know it can be frustrating constantly paying for someone else but I only feel that frustration when the person is not even trying to help themselves but instead see the situation as an easy life and become a leech.
Reading your post, I don't believe your situation is like that but instead maybe you partner wants a relationship that follows some kind of archetypal role, which is her prerogative but I see it as quite shallow!
You said you apologised for your mistakes, what were they apart from your unfortunate money problems?
I can see why you would like to fight for her, but if she's already interested in another guy and going away with him on holiday, is there a relationship there worth saving?

I wish you the best and hope things turn out for the best!

Are you kidding me Dude- count your blessings she's gone now before you'd built a life together. Why would you want to be with someone so completely self-absorbed and is unwilling to understand your situation? Instead of complimenting you for finding something to pay the bills you picked up a sense of dissatisfaction with what you were doing? And she's off vacationing with another guy?

Wow, nothing like wanting to be a victim....

Littlesecret, it was mostly about money issues, the times I didn't have any, but I also unintentionally hurt her emotionally and some of my anxiety issues stressed her out. She said "I don't want your burdens (stress, money issues, etc)

I also don't feel like a victim. She was really good to me and for me before the last month and a half of brokeness. She paid for things like getting my car towed once and some meals. She gave me money to move her to NYC, some of which I had to use to fix my car (I kinda had no choice, we needed it) and she was mad about that.

If I didn't have the money issues, we'd still be together so I'm trying to fix that and improve myself as a person

smitty said:

Littlesecret, it was mostly about money issues, the times I didn't have any, but I also unintentionally hurt her emotionally and some of my anxiety issues stressed her out. She said "I don't want your burdens (stress, money issues, etc)

I also don't feel like a victim. She was really good to me and for me before the last month and a half of brokeness. She paid for things like getting my car towed once and some meals. She gave me money to move her to NYC, some of which I had to use to fix my car (I kinda had no choice, we needed it) and she was mad about that.

If I didn't have the money issues, we'd still be together so I'm trying to fix that and improve myself as a person

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Reread what you just wrote. You are putting her on a pedestal of perfection and blaming yourself for everything.

"I don't want your burden" I'm sorry, but a RELATIONSHIP is about being there for each other, whether you have burdens or not. Dude, she was using you. I'm sorry, but she was.

smitty said:

Littlesecret, it was mostly about money issues, the times I didn't have any, but I also unintentionally hurt her emotionally and some of my anxiety issues stressed her out. She said "I don't want your burdens (stress, money issues, etc)

I also don't feel like a victim. She was really good to me and for me before the last month and a half of brokeness. She paid for things like getting my car towed once and some meals. She gave me money to move her to NYC, some of which I had to use to fix my car (I kinda had no choice, we needed it) and she was mad about that.

If I didn't have the money issues, we'd still be together so I'm trying to fix that and improve myself as a person

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Ok... Were you kind of wealthy when you first met her?
She sounds like the blueprint of a gold digger, she also sound very mean. It's nice that she got all those things for you but who cares if she can't even be bothered to be there for you emotionally?
I know there is 3 sides to every story but from what you have said, I wouldn't go back with someone that's so materialistic and was emotionally unavaliable.

Saying that she doesn't want your burdens is not the sign of a person who cares for you and who loves you in any way at all. Going off with a man who is loaded shows that she is out for what she can get from people. If you do apply for high paying jobs, do it for you, and not to entice this selfish person back into your life.
Sadly it is often the people who treat us badly who we want back the most. I can say to you to keep well away from her, but this is easy to say but not at all easy to do.

I mean, I lost my self-sufficiency. We couldn't go out or do the things we used to. And my low wage job (which I still have) is kind of embarrassing. Even though she wasn't working herself, she still was doing things and has aspirations.

She told me straight up that I was making her give up on stuff and making her feel shitty. And that I had no ambition, that I never wanted to do anything (not true). She's just upset at ever being in a tough position (like stranded with me in a car on the side of the road for five hours until my friend could come pick us up). I really feel like she's trying to help me. But, I don't know. I can definitely improve in a bunch of areas of my life.

Before bad things started happening to me we were fine.

Yes, because you could giver her what she wanted. When you could no longer do that, she dumped you for someone who could give her what you want.

Well smitty, do you think you'd want her again if you could improve your situation and she comes back running to you?

absolutely.

I've been in your shoes before Smitty and trying to get her back would NOT be in your best interest. If she wouldn't/couldn't stand by you when things went wrong this time, it will only happen again down the road. From what you described she definitely seemed to have some issues being supportive when you needed it. And realistically, 6 months is not that long a time no matter how connected two people feel they are. Let her go and just focus on getting your financial situation worked out.

ladyforsaken said:

Well smitty, do you think you'd want her again if you could improve your situation and she comes back running to you?

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smitty said:

absolutely.

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I think this says everything I'd need to know to even offer advice. If you want to try and keep a gold digger happy, then by all means, go ahead. It's very obvious (even to you) that she only wants to be taken care of. And if that's all you're looking for in life - to take care of someone who clearly just wants monetary means - then best of luck to you.

If you're looking for some sort of justification, I can probably say in an undeniable certainty that people really won't feel sorry for you if you refuse to see the value in yourself. But no one here can decide for you what you should want, even if all of our eyebrows raise in disbelief over the fact that you seem to hold such little reverence for yourself. If she makes you happy, then I hope she sees the light in you. Good luck.