A sad story about a guy you should't feel sorry for

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Drake

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Some of you may know me from chat, or the forums years ago. I've been inactive and active over the years but I always come back here. In case you're unfamiliar with me you can learn a lot by reading these threads:

http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=4797

http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=4385

I'd like to think I've grown up since I wrote those threads and maybe I have a little mentally but not enough to not be on the same website, typing the same honeysuckle to the same people who probably don't really care.

After Jade I met Kassy on facebook, she was a friends brothers ex-wife and actually added me. She was pregnant at the time with another mans child, she had broken up with him and he was not taking responsibility for it. I was so lonely I didn't care, I thought I had a shot and it turns out I did. I went to her house and I messed her the first night. I didn't really like her and the fact that I was 24 and still lived at home with my parents and didn't have a license showed I wasn't ready to raise a child.

As time went on, Kassy grew on me. I'm not convinced either of us ever really liked each other, but more settled and were just happy to have someone who would put up with how messed up we both were. We were happy, but I still lived at my parents, went to her house after work and went home to my parents after my daughter went to sleep. As the years passed she of course wanted to make sure I was committed and wanted to see more responsibility out of me. I started by buying her a van, we couldn't even register it in my name as I don't have a license. So I committed to paying for a vehicle for 5 years on a van I don't drive, probably pretty stupid looking back. Now as she wanted commitment, we started to drift. Mostly because of me I'm assuming. I never did what she wanted me to and get my license and grow up and she slowly started to despise me for it.

Aside from growing to hate me for whatever reason Kassy wanted me to get her a ring. I got her one and proposed in a way that most likely wasn't the most exciting to her. We were engaged for a year when she decided she wanted a baby with me. Still not living with her, I agreed. After one miscarriage we found out we were pregnant. Things were better than, We got along and I felt like she did love me. She had stopped performing oral sex on me but she was never a fan and honestly I loved her enough to overlook it.

When my Son was born we found out he had some medical issues. Without going into much detail. He's just over a year now and was in the hospital about 7 months of his life. Despite it being very challenging it really brought us closer as a couple and things we're going decent. We've never really got along but a fight here or there was all it was at this point. When my son came home is when the issues started. I don't blame him at all it's just how it is, she couldn't find any time for us and either could I. All our time is taken up by the baby and his special needs. She had become more distant and I had become more needy.

I would bother her all the time to talk and tell me how she feels, or to have sex and it would just push her farther away. Even when we had sex, I felt as if it was just to shut me up and she wasn't really into it. Any time I would try to communicate I was met with an extremely defensive attitude despite how calm I kept. He has been home for a while and that's how it's been lately. We were already alone and separate just in the same house.

That's when my depression kicked in.. If you read my past threads I'm sure you can tell I've struggled in the past. With everything going on and my selfish need to have her love me and pay attention to me I grew more and more upset. Ive started to miss work frequently which brings up it's own problems. Because she has started to worry about the bills with me bringing in not as much income she has began kicking me out of the house. Making me go to my parents house until I go to work.

I admit a lot of this is my fault as I'm suppose to be a man and her rock but I wasn't strong enough. I've always been weak and I often hate myself for struggling so much with the responsibility to grow up. As I've been depressed and telling her I can't return to work as I don't sleep at night she has started insulting me. Calling me a dead beat, lazy and useless. This is not the first time she has been verbally abusive as we both have in the past...

While we were eating mcdonalds in a drive thru because our son was in the hospital I kept pushing her to talk to me and open up. She snapped and threw her french fries and cheeseburger at my face then punched me multiple times, she's hit me before on another occasion as well. Once in front of my daughter. Recently my anger issues have been under control but in the past I have thrown things, punched a hole in the wall and yelled at her as well (not in front of the kids). But she has kept it up and now when she yells I just talk calmly and she gets angrier and angrier until she's saying things like "I've faked it for 2 months" "you don't know how to fresia, you don't go to work, what are you good for?".

With the abuse I've become very distant and honestly been waiting for an apology in which she says I'll never receive. I am in no way innocent in any of this but tonight she told my parents that they'll never see their grand son and that she blames them for the piece of honeysuckle I became. I recently started seeing a psychologist again and was told just to focus one thing, so I chose going to work for this next week. I blocked Kassy and it started a war. She said some of the nastiest things I've ever read and honestly I've never been hurt by someone like I have been her. I messaged to friends (girls) who I havent talked to in years in hopes of getting support. When she logged into my facebook and saw she changed the password and I have been unable to log in for 12 hours. She keeps refusing to give me the password and says she wont let me fresia whores. I thought it would be okay to look for a friend when I was down.. especially considering she said she had already joined plentyoffish.com to me the night before. It's just a mess..

What is the point of this rambling? Nothing really just for me to vent and to warn you guys. Don't just jump into the first person who pays attention to you because you're lonely, and don't treat people like honeysuckle because it will come back to bite you, it has for me. I'm just looking for a friend, someone who wants to talk. Doesnt have to be about this, message me but be aware I'm obviously a little broken right now.
 

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