Coping with bitterness

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Iceman1978

Iceman1978

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Does anyone else find it hard to cope with the bitterness that can sometimes come with self-esteem issues?

In my own situation, I deal with hurt and bitterness almost daily with regards to the way I look. There are times when looking in the mirror is almost enough to make me want to cry, and all I can think to myself is "what did I do to deserve this"
 
Well I have a little bitterness about that... but, well mostly it is about how I am treated by the rest of the world. I bask in the bitterness. Bask bask bask... complain complain complain. Seriously it helps to vent.
 
Nice to see you again Iceman, glad you're still with us.

I find it hard to cope with bitterness and I haven't really learned how to deal with it yet. I agree with Sutton that venting helps, but it depends on how sympathetic and validating the people I'm venting to are; if they're not, it just makes it worse. I also find though that if I rehash it too much, it just compounds the bitterness and ceases to be helpful. So it's best if a line is drawn somewhere, where you transition from venting to trying to focus on other things (as much as you can). Venting in moderation.
 
I struggle with the way my face looks and definitely know what you mean about getting mad looking in the mirror. I tend to obsess over it and it gives me more anxiety than anything else.
 
Bitterness? Massive amounts. Im bitter about the games that people play and that I didn't know how to play them back, or at least defend myself against them.
 
It’s either bitterness of becoming numb, which means you can’t feel good about anything either.

I could forget, but other people’s negativity keeps making itself known. For example, someone I ended up eating lunch with during the Saturday class 3 weeks back. I thought we got on fine. I’d noticed her facebook profile via a mutual friend a few days earlier. Anyway later that afternoon I looked it up and it had vanished. Curious about that I checked again a week ago - there her profile was. She must have temporarily deactivated it in the wake of our conversation out of fear I might send her a friend request.

...another ugly experience to try and put out of mind.
 
ardour said:
For example, someone I ended up up eating lunch with during the Saturday class 3 weeks back. I thought we got on fine. I’d noticed her facebook profile via a mutual friend a few days earlier. Anyway later that afternoon I looked it up and it had vanished. Curious about that I checked again a week ago - there her profile was again. She must have temporarily deactivated it in the wake of our conversation out of fear I might send her a friend request.
Click to expand...

I wouldn't assume that ardour. That has happened to me with a few people, and it was never anything they did, it was just a weird Facebook glitch. It happens sometimes. Even if it was deliberate, there could have been any number of reasons behind it that had nothing to do with you.
 
Solivagant said:
That has happened to me with a few people, and it was never anything they did, it was just a weird Facebook glitch. It happens sometimes. Even if it was deliberate, there could have been any number of reasons behind it that had nothing to do with you.
Click to expand...

I had a very immature friend who used to de-activate her facebook account, and put her gmail on the vacation reply with a "I'm not interested in your emails" every time she had a fight with her boyfriend.
 
ardour said:
It’s either bitterness of becoming numb, which means you can’t feel good about anything either.

I could forget, but other people’s negativity keeps making itself known. For example, someone I ended up eating lunch with during the Saturday class 3 weeks back. I thought we got on fine. I’d noticed her facebook profile via a mutual friend a few days earlier. Anyway later that afternoon I looked it up and it had vanished. Curious about that I checked again a week ago - there her profile was. She must have temporarily deactivated it in the wake of our conversation out of fear I might send her a friend request.
Click to expand...

I too doubt that. People deactivate their accounts for all sorts of reasons. One of the more common ones, I'd imagine, is deactivating the account to temporarily remove the distraction of going on Facebook to avoid working on things that need doing and/or are unpleasant or boring tasks that one would be easily distracted from. I've considered deactivating my account several times, myself, for this reason.
 
I think having bitterness over what you can't control is normal. Life isn't completely beautiful, and people that think it is probably are too stupid to see the pain and suffering people go through.

That being said, focusing on the negatives will just make you miserable.
 
I am a very bitter and jealous person, which leads to a lot of internal conflict. I try and convince myself that I have every right to feel the ay I do, but then I feel guilty and tell myself I'm just a vindictive ***** who deserves all I get.
 
Iceman1978 said:
Does anyone else find it hard to cope with the bitterness that can sometimes come with self-esteem issues?

In my own situation, I deal with hurt and bitterness almost daily with regards to the way I look. There are times when looking in the mirror is almost enough to make me want to cry, and all I can think to myself is "what did I do to deserve this"
Click to expand...

I understand how you feel. I try and avoid looking in the mirror. I started to lose my hair in my 20's. My Dad and both my brothers didn't. It ruined my looks and my chances with women. It's crap but there isn't anybody to blame. Just honeysuckle luck.
 
Triple Bogey said:
Iceman1978 said:
Does anyone else find it hard to cope with the bitterness that can sometimes come with self-esteem issues?

In my own situation, I deal with hurt and bitterness almost daily with regards to the way I look. There are times when looking in the mirror is almost enough to make me want to cry, and all I can think to myself is "what did I do to deserve this"
Click to expand...

I understand how you feel. I try and avoid looking in the mirror. I started to lose my hair in my 20's. My Dad and both my brothers didn't. It ruined my looks and my chances with women. It's crap but there isn't anybody to blame. Just honeysuckle luck.
Click to expand...

What makes it so difficult is simply this:

One can cope with the loss of a loved one, because, over time, the pain is more manageable, and you hold on to the good memories of them. Plus, you're not reminded of it every day. You don't have to see their photo, read the obituary, or (if they were killed in an accident for example) read the newspaper articles each day. If you did, you would never be able to move forward with your life. You would be consumed with grief.

Being ugly is something quite different from that. What makes it so hard to cope with is that fact that you're reminded of it every day. Each day as I get ready for work, I'm reminded of how ugly I am when I have to face myself in the mirror. Even catching a glance of my reflection in a window is difficult.

Now, to make matters worse, my employer wants everyone to have their photo on the company website, so you can imagine what I'm going through right now. It makes me wonder, can they legally do this?
 
stork_error said:
Bitterness? Massive amounts. Im bitter about the games that people play and that I didn't know how to play them back, or at least defend myself against them.
Click to expand...

Getting mad at people will only hurt you.
People who play games are looking to irritate you.
Don't fall for it. Look at them, smile and walk away.
That will show them.
 
Iceman1978 said:
Triple Bogey said:
Iceman1978 said:
Does anyone else find it hard to cope with the bitterness that can sometimes come with self-esteem issues?

In my own situation, I deal with hurt and bitterness almost daily with regards to the way I look. There are times when looking in the mirror is almost enough to make me want to cry, and all I can think to myself is "what did I do to deserve this"
Click to expand...

I understand how you feel. I try and avoid looking in the mirror. I started to lose my hair in my 20's. My Dad and both my brothers didn't. It ruined my looks and my chances with women. It's crap but there isn't anybody to blame. Just honeysuckle luck.
Click to expand...

What makes it so difficult is simply this:

One can cope with the loss of a loved one, because, over time, the pain is more manageable, and you hold on to the good memories of them. Plus, you're not reminded of it every day. You don't have to see their photo, read the obituary, or (if they were killed in an accident for example) read the newspaper articles each day. If you did, you would never be able to move forward with your life. You would be consumed with grief.

Being ugly is something quite different from that. What makes it so hard to cope with is that fact that you're reminded of it every day. Each day as I get ready for work, I'm reminded of how ugly I am when I have to face myself in the mirror. Even catching a glance of my reflection in a window is difficult.

Now, to make matters worse, my employer wants everyone to have their photo on the company website, so you can imagine what I'm going through right now. It makes me wonder, can they legally do this?
Click to expand...



I'm sorry, you are equating how someone LOOKS to a loved one dying????? That's pretty messed up, IMO.

Chances are YOU think you look horrible. You are your own worst critic. Half of the way you perceive is harsher than any other person will perceive you. Get over yourself and stop dwelling on how ugly or whatever you think you are. Get some confidence, learn new ways to style yourself and stop moping around feeling sorry for yourself.
 
Iceman1978 said:
Now, to make matters worse, my employer wants everyone to have their photo on the company website, so you can imagine what I'm going through right now. It makes me wonder, can they legally do this?
Click to expand...

Actually, not sure but I think no. A few years ago my employer tried to do that and no one would do it. Since it was dropped I suppose she had to.. no way she would have dropped it otherwise.
 
LonelySutton said:
Iceman1978 said:
Now, to make matters worse, my employer wants everyone to have their photo on the company website, so you can imagine what I'm going through right now. It makes me wonder, can they legally do this?
Click to expand...

Actually, not sure but I think no. A few years ago my employer tried to do that and no one would do it. Since it was dropped I suppose she had to.. no way she would have dropped it otherwise.
Click to expand...

Well, one problem is that we have no labor union, so the employer holds a lot more cards than they otherwise would. I'm respected there, and I've thought about telling my boss that I'm not comfortable doing this, but at the same time I don't want to be thought of as a complainer.
 

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