Taking a 'fresia you' attitude towards others

ardour · Sep 15, 2014

Are there days when it feels like there's nothing to lose, so you end up being an opinionated ass, talking for the hell of it, anticipating hostile reactions and getting a grim sense of satisfaction from seeing them?

How does that usually work out?

For me, surprisingly well. Often I get better responses than what I'm used to. Women seem to like me better (which has me baffled) However I can never maintain this attitude; a couple of days later I'm back to the normal insecure, eager-to-please state that few people like. I wish I could keep going like this, but it's exhausting.

Alma lost her spoon · Sep 15, 2014

I don't much care what others think of me-if I did I probably would never have made it this far.

I do care to ensure how I conduct myself fits with the values I hold, which includes attempting to be decent to others wherever I can without compromising who I am.

I can't be anyone other than myself, I am who & how I am, I wont/don't change it for anyone/acceptance/reaction.

Triple Bogey · Sep 15, 2014

ardour said:
Are there days when it feels like there's nothing to lose, so you end up being an opinionated ass, talking for the hell of it, anticipating hostile reactions and getting a grim sense of satisfaction from seeing them?

How does that usually work out?

For me, surprisingly well. Often I get better responses than what I'm used to. Women seem to like me better (which has me baffled) However I can never maintain this attitude; a couple of days later I'm back to the normal insecure, eager-to-please state that few people like. I wish I could keep going like this, but it's exhausting.

I think I am always an opinionated ass especially at work. Sarcastic as well. I find it easy to do. Most people are like that anyway.

TheRealCallie · Sep 15, 2014

Alma lost her spoon said:
I don't much care what others think of me-if I did I probably would never have made it this far.

I do care to ensure how I conduct myself fits with the values I hold, which includes attempting to be decent to others wherever I can without compromising who I am.

I can't be anyone other than myself, I am who & how I am, I wont/don't change it for anyone/acceptance/reaction.

I agree with this, mostly.

I'm quite outspoken and am usually brutally honest, so if people can't handle that or don't want to get to know the other parts of what makes me, me, they can't fresia off.

Peaches · Sep 15, 2014

ardour said:
Are there days when it feels like there's nothing to lose, so you end up being an opinionated ass, talking for the hell of it, anticipating hostile reactions and getting a grim sense of satisfaction from seeing them?

How does that usually work out?

For me, surprisingly well. Often I get better responses than what I'm used to. Women seem to like me better (which has me baffled) However I can never maintain this attitude; a couple of days later I'm back to the normal insecure, eager-to-please state that few people like. I wish I could keep going like this, but it's exhausting.

isn't it?! I sometimes feel that extroverted, opinionated people are really generous because it takes so much energy to be smart and funny and opinionated, but probably for them is much less draining than for me.
I guess not everyone is born to be Russell Brand…

that about the opinions, about the fuckin'off part, I can do it silently with a smile

TheSkaFish · Sep 15, 2014

Eh, sometimes it is tempting to act this way. But I feel that it is in a sense, giving up. I can't sustain any kind of real momentum in life as long as I'm being fueled by hostility and spite. I find that it's not really who I am and compromises my values.

Alma lost her spoon said:
I do care to ensure how I conduct myself fits with the values I hold, which includes attempting to be decent to others wherever I can without compromising who I am.

I like this, though^. I'm the same way. Sticking to my values, but being decent to others until they give me a reason not to.

SarcasticJuan · Sep 15, 2014

There are some people I work with and meet who come off as condescending when they try to be friendly, if you go along with what they say you're just being played because they think you can be easily manipulated, it's a game.

I can't be bothered with overbearing, loud people either, or people who try to tell a lot of bad jokes.

I just try to avoid people I have a bad feeling or negative opinion about.

Sci-Fi · Sep 15, 2014

Peaches said:
that about the opinions, about the fuckin'off part, I can do it silently with a smile

This. I used to have a boss who, when being an utter jackass, would ask you something or say something and if I didn't reply he knew that is exactly what I was thinking.

There may have been days I felt like that but I never acted like an ass towards people. Just because I'm in a mood doesn't give me the right to take it out on people who don't deserve it. Now if someone is being an opinionated ass towards me, I have no problem giving it right back to them.

Mr.YellowCat · Sep 15, 2014

I dont think its okay to be mean to people.

Pike Creek · Sep 15, 2014

Mr.YellowCat said:
I dont think its okay to be mean to people.

I agree. I think when people act this way to each other, it is hurtful. If you are hurting about something, why send it forward to another person? Because anger, i.e. your eff-you attitude, is the result of some kind of hurt usually isn't it? If that makes you feel good to hurt someone else, that makes you a bully or just simply a mean person. I find it hard to believe that women seem to like you more if you bully them. Makes you wonder what kind of woman they are.

TheSkaFish · Sep 15, 2014

Pike Creek said:
If that makes you feel good to hurt someone else, that makes you a bully or just simply a mean person. I find it hard to believe that women seem to like you more if you bully them. Makes you wonder what kind of woman they are.

That's exactly the thing for me. I don't feel good when I'm mean to someone, especially in the long term. But I have heard that time and again - the whole idea of women liking you if you bully or at the very least act dismissive towards them, and that if you actually act nice to them instead, you're seen as a sissy and away to "the friend zone" you go. I hate that. I was raised to be nice so I have a hard time wrapping my brain around that concept.

Maybe that isn't a norm after all. Maybe it's like you said, where there is something wrong with a woman who insists on being treated that way.

Pike Creek · Sep 15, 2014

TheSkaFish said:
That's exactly the thing for me. I don't feel good when I'm mean to someone, especially in the long term. But I have heard that time and again - the whole idea of women liking you if you bully or at the very least act dismissive towards them, and that if you actually act nice to them instead, you're seen as a sissy and away to "the friend zone" you go. I hate that. I was raised to be nice so I have a hard time wrapping my brain around that concept.

Maybe that isn't a norm after all. Maybe it's like you said, where there is something wrong with a woman who insists on being treated that way.

In my own case, I used to be attracted to men who mistreated me, and there is still residuals of that in my current relationship though I'm aware of them and working on them. I was terribly abused and effed up and looking for what was familiar - according to my therapist, because in some way it gave me comfort. On the outside, I put up the front of being stable and happy, but on the inside I was scared and desperate. Didn't make for a healthy, balanced woman.

ardour · Sep 15, 2014

deleted..

LeaningIntoTheMuse · Sep 15, 2014

I don't see the point in being a jerk just because you can. Unless someone gives me a reason to be one towards them, there really is no reason to.

ladyforsaken · Sep 15, 2014

Pike Creek said:
I was terribly abused and effed up and looking for what was familiar - according to my therapist, because in some way it gave me comfort.

That is true. When someone has been treated so badly so much, it is something they are familiar with or conditioned to be familiar with so they tend to, unknowingly, attract and go for people who would treat them similarly. I was like this too, I only realised it after I talked to a therapist as well.

Ymir · Sep 15, 2014

LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
I don't see the point in being a jerk just because you can. Unless someone gives me a reason to be one towards them, there really is no reason to.

My feelings exactly. Most "others" are just innocent people who have nothing to do with you or your anger. No need to get them involved.

SofiasMami · Sep 15, 2014

Hi,
I'm only a brutally opinionated ass a few days each month.

But seriously, I'm assuming you're talking about real-life interaction, yes? Because, as I'm sure you know, it's much easier to be nasty and "tell it like it is" on the web when there are few if any real-life consequences.

Perhaps you are going so far outside your comfort zone and desire to please others that it only seems like you're being rude when you're not really. Maybe you're showing parts of your true self (good or bad) instead of hiding behind a facade & people are responding to your honesty.

-Teresa

ardour · Sep 16, 2014

Pike Creek said:
I agree. I think when people act this way to each other, it is hurtful. If you are hurting about something, why send it forward to another person? Because anger, i.e. your eff-you attitude, is the result of some kind of hurt usually isn't it? If that makes you feel good to hurt someone else, that makes you a bully or just simply a mean person. I find it hard to believe that women seem to like you more if you bully them. Makes you wonder what kind of woman they are.

This does not involve hurting or bullying anyone. It's difficult for me to communicate... by illiciting a negative reaction by being outgoing and pretending not to notice contempt from others, it reveals their negativity, hatred and judgement. I can then say categorically that it's them, not me who's at fault, which is an oddly satisfying feeling.

Triple Bogey · Sep 16, 2014

ardour said:
Pike Creek said:

I agree. I think when people act this way to each other, it is hurtful. If you are hurting about something, why send it forward to another person? Because anger, i.e. your eff-you attitude, is the result of some kind of hurt usually isn't it? If that makes you feel good to hurt someone else, that makes you a bully or just simply a mean person. I find it hard to believe that women seem to like you more if you bully them. Makes you wonder what kind of woman they are.

Click to expand...

This does not involve hurting or bullying anyone. It's difficult for me to communicate... by illiciting a negative reaction by being outgoing and pretending not to notice from contempt from others, it reveals their own negativity, hatred and judgement. I can then say categorically that it's them, not me who's at fault, which is an oddly satisfying feeling.

Keep doing it. If you think it helps you.

LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
I don't see the point in being a jerk just because you can. Unless someone gives me a reason to be one towards them, there really is no reason to.

Especially at work, you have to stick up for yourself. Not take any honeysuckle from anybody, even management.

1andonly1 · Sep 16, 2014

Depends on my day and mood, but most of the time, no I don't.
It's hard for me to have that type of attitude towards others, even though at the core of me, I think people are very selfish, unsympathetic/empathetic and could give a honeysuckle about you or I, or the world in general as a whole.

So I guess you could say in my mind I think it, but I don't act on it too much.
I try to pass on good deeds and intentions "forward" in hopes that they do the same to others.

Kumba-fkn-ya I guess.

Taking a 'fresia you' attitude towards others

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