I feel like I have been sent to a lonely planet..

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M_also_lonely

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 18, 2014
Messages
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Location
India
LIfe has beome hell.Nobody is even ready to listen me.I dont know how to explain what happened to me..I am crying since days.I haven't taken food since 2 days.Nobody is talking to me.I feel like my head is about to blast.....Is there anybody here who can understand me....??
 
Why has life become hell for you? *hugs*

Let's talk about it. I'm sure there are others besides me who would be willing to hear you out and talk about it.
 
Let me first tell u abt me. I am 20 yrs old. I am a bit shy, and simple. All this started 5 yrs ago. I had a super crush on a girl in my class.I used to secretly stare at her all the day. As I never had a girlfriend, I didnt know how to approach her, how to talk to her to please her. I didnt know how it feels like when somebody loves you, because I have never been loved by anyone. You can imagine what a loser I am.
So getting back to my story, time passed and I hadn't made a move. Two years passed, and all I had done was just seeing dreams of mine and hers to be together.On the Valentine's Day, I decided to tell her.She belongs to a rich family, so it is obvious that she would expect rich gifts.But the money I had, could just a rose.So i got one.And followed her to the parking after the class.I called her, she turned to me, said "Yes??" I said " I wanted to tell u something"
She replied, "Say what u wanna say." Suddenly a guy came to her.He was tall, handsome and seemed rich. He bent down on his knees and proposed her by giving her a gift box.He said'"I wanted to tell u something". She replied"O I knw what... No need to say, your eyes tell me everything." and both of them hugged....Kissed for abt 1-2 minutes....and went away.All this happened in front of me.
I cried a lot and lot and lot...... I was shattered.I cried all day.I couldn't sleep at nights.Time passed.I still had a useless hope.I found that the guy was just using her. Still she loved her.And didnt even look at me, while I loved her more than myself.
Once she had a severe accident when she was leaving the school.She was shifted to the hospital.She needed blood.Luckily, my blood group matched with her. I donated my blood without hesitation. When she got up and came to know that she got blood frm another person, she asked her bf, abt who gave her the blood.And the guy said that he gave the blood.She just blindly agreed to him..And they got connected more deeply.

So I was shattered in to atoms again....I started believing that she would never love me.I couldn't ever tell her.On the last day we met,I went to her, said hi.She looked at me as if she knew abt my feelings.We stared at each other for abt 10-15 seconds, I dont know why Suddenly her bf cam from behind her and said"Sweetie, lets go" ...She simply went away.Two yrs passed and I didnt even get a chnce to meet her.I didn't knw where she was.
Two more years passed, I still had not forgotten her.
To inform you, we have a festival where couples get together and dance with each other. So a few days ago I went to see the dance, as I couldn't dance bcz i had no one to join me. I saw her with her bf, they were dancing with each other.When everything ended, they kissed each other.....all these things happened in front of me once again, and i could do jst nothing. Icried again.And since then, all I have been doing, is just crying.

Worse than this, i have got no body to share my grief with. Everyone ignores me here. Today is that festival, a romantic everywhere here, couples get together, have great time, dance, singles propose their crushes, etc. And all I can do is to lock myself in a room and cry all day and night, just bcz I want her, need her, love her, cant live without her.And people whom I ask for help say "U r not meant for her." "How could u even imagine uurself to be with a girl like her" "U r dumb, shy, idiot, fool.U dnt knw how to love, how can u expect her".....

The whole world is against me bcz I love her....and now she probably knows thay I love her....and she ignores me more....

I knw that u guys will suggest me to move on, well i really would, but I m not so strong, like other guys. I cant let her go with someome else.I knw that even u will tell that I will get someone in future. But what abt my dreams with her, what abt the blood I gave her.All these things are never considered....How can I attempt to get someone else when I dont knw how it feels like to be loved by someone.Whom shall I ask when nobody wants to talk with me..I cant even imagine a girl talking to me, smiling, loving me. I really dont believe that even I can be loved by someone and I can make someone happy....
i really dont knw what to do. I want her to love me back, come to me and tell me that she is all mine......And thats never gonna happen....
 
First of all, you are not a loser. Not in any way.

However, with that said, you are obsessed with her to the point where you are believing you HAVE to be with her and therefore she NEEDS to be with you. It doesn't work that way. I know it hurts, but if you really love her, you would want her to be happy above anything else, even if that means that it's not with you.

You may or may not be meant to be with her, but putting your life on hold and focusing everything on her will never help you. Let her go. If you two are meant to be together, you will be, but that time is not right now. You aren't dumb or a fool. But, I have to wonder if you are really in love with her. It could just be infatuation or even lust. You can have love in your life, you can have a girlfriend and you can be happy, but none of that will happen as long as you hold on to this girl. You CAN move on and you CAN be happy. You just have to let yourself.
 
Moving on really is the only thing to do, though it's easier said than done. That said, it's fine to be upset for awhile. You had to let go of someone you liked, but she never had a chance to know you.

You can love someone all you want, but the second part of a happy relationship is still the other person. While you were watching and waiting, she was living her life independently of you and went with someone who knew her beyond just watching her. You can't expect to step into the lives women without ever reaching out to them first and letting them make up their minds about whether or not they agree that you're meant for each other. Those of us who don't find the courage to speak up must simply live with the way that things progress when we're an observer and not a participant, and those of us who are rejected have to swallow our pride.

Life isn't a Disney movie, and there is no fairytale ending where the underdog sweeps the girl off her feet and away from the dragon's castle. The sooner you start dealing with that, the sooner you can turn your attention elsewhere to something that's healthier for you. If you feel like honeysuckle in general, all that energy would be better spend on building yourself up so that no one else has the power to make you feel this way.

If you're in contact with this woman, stop.
 
Hello, you must be feeling really desperate for help as you have posted several times. I wish that I had read them earlier so I could have responded to you, but I have been too depressed to come here myself. Am still low, but hope that I can lend you an ear and some support. Has something happened to start off all of your problems or have they been growing for some time and have now reached a crescendo? Why is noone listening to you? You sound so alone and isolated and I wish that I was there with you to listen to you properly and to give you a hug.
 
Why are u feeling depressed? What happened with u?
Actually I dont know why people ignore me, I love to help people.When I send a message on Facebook, whatsapp, or sms, or email, etc. they just don't respond.While they give instant reply to their other friends. I think I make people feel bored.But I really care for them.
Many people on internet advised me to move on and find someone else, but how would I ask anybody when they literally tell me that I am boring. How would anybody be friends with me when they dont listen to me.Why and how would any girl be my girlfriend if she is not able to understand my feelings and take them as wrong....
 
Tealeaf said:
Moving on really is the only thing to do, though it's easier said than done. That said, it's fine to be upset for awhile. You had to let go of someone you liked, but she never had a chance to know you.

You can love someone all you want, but the second part of a happy relationship is still the other person. While you were watching and waiting, she was living her life independently of you and went with someone who knew her beyond just watching her. You can't expect to step into the lives women without ever reaching out to them first and letting them make up their minds about whether or not they agree that you're meant for each other. Those of us who don't find the courage to speak up must simply live with the way that things progress when we're an observer and not a participant, and those of us who are rejected have to swallow our pride.

Life isn't a Disney movie, and there is no fairytale ending where the underdog sweeps the girl off her feet and away from the dragon's castle. The sooner you start dealing with that, the sooner you can turn your attention elsewhere to something that's healthier for you. If you feel like honeysuckle in general, all that energy would be better spend on building yourself up so that no one else has the power to make you feel this way.

If you're in contact with this woman, stop.

I know that moving on is the only solution I can have. But the more I try to forget the past, the more intense it becomes. I am in no contact with her, since two years.I just saw her last week, but didnt talk bcz i wanted to let go of her.But when I went home, all the memories reappeared again and again.You can imagine, I didnt even see her for two years, still I couldnt forget her. Dont u think that atleast I deserve that she should atleast know about my feelings and sufferings, whether she accepts or not..
 
TheRealCallie said:
First of all, you are not a loser. Not in any way.

However, with that said, you are obsessed with her to the point where you are believing you HAVE to be with her and therefore she NEEDS to be with you. It doesn't work that way. I know it hurts, but if you really love her, you would want her to be happy above anything else, even if that means that it's not with you.

You may or may not be meant to be with her, but putting your life on hold and focusing everything on her will never help you. Let her go. If you two are meant to be together, you will be, but that time is not right now. You aren't dumb or a fool. But, I have to wonder if you are really in love with her. It could just be infatuation or even lust. You can have love in your life, you can have a girlfriend and you can be happy, but none of that will happen as long as you hold on to this girl. You CAN move on and you CAN be happy. You just have to let yourself.

Your first lines give me a lot of hope for myself. You know, the more I try to let her go, the more she comes to my mind. I mean, I actually feel like she is my soulmate. I gather my will, make great attempts to get over this, but that lasts only for a few days. Any romantic music reminds me of her. We have a festival going here, a special festival for couples. Romance and love is all around here. That makes me want her more.Everybody has got someone with them. Its not like in Western Culture where you simply ask a girl out and make friends.The place where I belong, people are hard to make friendship. That makes it difficult for me to move on. ....

Thank you for giving the idea that i won't be happy unless i let her go.
Well talking abt infatuation or lust, I think that is the physical attraction, but what do u call a situation where I can't seem to foret her inspite of being away from her, without any contacts... What about the care I have for her.What about the blood that I gave her?
 
People want to reply to you, but in reality, people only have a few "top friends" that they will reply to. They may want to reply to others but they don't have time very often. There's only 24 hours in a day, where you eat, sleep, do work/school then you have a little time to do things, and you have to do those things with your "top friends" otherwise you'll lose touch with them.

I have a problem with people doing this to me, but when I look at myself I realise I'm doing it to others as well and not giving my full attention to those "outside" of my main circle. I also realise that if I talk to too many people then my whole day is used up.

Probably the real goal of a lot of people here is to be someone's "top friend" or at least in their circle.

It is important not to be boring though. Try and recognise what subjects are boring to someone and keep your discussions about them concise and efficient and unrepetetive.

Different people find different subjects boring, so you're more likely to be able to discuss love with someone else having similar problems themself.
 
M_also_lonely said:
I think I make people feel bored.But I really care for them.

I like to be with boring people sometimes. I want to be friends with someone who's like this: We may not talk much, we may be quiet, but we are boring together and we enjoy each other's companies. It's being alone but with another person, being lonely together. Like sitting next to each other for hours and hours, but both of us like it :)
 
That's awful. It would have been good for her to know the truth.

The problem is really the amount of time. If you were gonna tell her it really needed to be around the time you donated the blood, rather than many years after when she's been happily married for several years.

You could try to be friends with her, but it'll be probably be too hard to not reference your feelings for her if you did.

There are two things you can do:

The first option is to try and think of reasons to not like her or respect her. As hard as that may sound, the only way to become truly detached is to convince yourself that she isn't someone you would want to be with. You have to convince yourself that all the great things you believe are true of her, aren't. Someday, many years in the future, you may be able to believe some of those things are true again, when you're over it and detached. You also need to meditate and try to remove her from your mind. If she's integrated in the way you think then you need to really meditate, restructure your mind and exclude her from it. Imagine a link (ie. a wire) between you and her being severed in your mind whenever you think of her.

The second option is to not bother detaching yourself from her. Instead of detaching yourself from her, you could just think that you WANT to be with her in the event her marriage falls apart, but if you find someone else before that happens, then you're not going to wait for her.

The lesson you learn in the end is to never let yourself attach that deeply to someone until you're married. That you shouldn't take someone for granted and integrate them in the way you think until you're married to them.

You know, the more I try to let her go, the more she comes to my mind.
No pain, no gain.

It's like withdrawing from an addiction - at first it's easy, then it gets harder and harder, but after that you're over it. Although with love that process can take months instead of days.

Romantic music will bother you until you're over it (which could be months or years). My advice is to avoid romantic music as much as possible until you've overcome it, and try not to pay attention to it if you're forced to hear it.

It's best to try and occupy yourself with things that require your undivided attention. This is the best advice that most people give me and that worked for me. It's also a good idea to be talking to people (which hopefully you'll manage here if you have skype?).

It'll be some time before you're ready for a serious relationship, but you could try to find somewhere else to focus your love meanwhile - such as pets.

You can think that you donated blood just because you're a nice guy.
 
M_also_lonely said:
Your first lines give me a lot of hope for myself. You know, the more I try to let her go, the more she comes to my mind. I mean, I actually feel like she is my soulmate. I gather my will, make great attempts to get over this, but that lasts only for a few days. Any romantic music reminds me of her. We have a festival going here, a special festival for couples. Romance and love is all around here. That makes me want her more.Everybody has got someone with them. Its not like in Western Culture where you simply ask a girl out and make friends.The place where I belong, people are hard to make friendship. That makes it difficult for me to move on. ....

Thank you for giving the idea that i won't be happy unless i let her go.
Well talking abt infatuation or lust, I think that is the physical attraction, but what do u call a situation where I can't seem to foret her inspite of being away from her, without any contacts... What about the care I have for her.What about the blood that I gave her?

You can't move on and let her go because you won't let yourself. As much as you tell yourself that you try, I don't really believe you are making an honest effort to do so. Deep down, I don't think you want to let her go, so you aren't.
She may be your soulmate, BUT, as I said, you two aren't meant to be together right now, so you need to move on.
"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was and it's not meant to be."
It doesn't exactly fit your situation perfectly, but it still works. Go out, meet new people, have a good time and don't obsessing over this girl. If you two are meant to be, you will be.

As for the blood you gave her....Did you do it just so you could have something on her to repay you or did you do it because she needed it and you were concerned?
It sounds to me like you think the fact that you gave her blood makes her YOURS and she needs to be with you because that's the only payment you will accept. You are missing the point that you gave someone something that they needed to live and you are just seeing it as something to be repaid. If she knew that it was you, I'm sure she would be extremely grateful, but she doesn't owe you anything for that. YOU decided to give her that blood. I had assumed that you did it because you cared deeply about her, but now you're coming across as only doing it to have something over her.
 
"It sounds to me like you think the fact that you gave her blood makes her YOURS and she needs to be with you because that's the only payment you will accept."

This is what always happens with me. Statements like these in my daily life brought me here.... Why am I so unlucky.....
 
I have felt the same way as you. I lusted after a girl. But I have gotten over it, and I think I am a stronger person because of it. And although I do want love, I fear that it would be hard for me to actually accept that somebody did love me. If I ever did get a girlfriend of course. Which could very well drive them away.

Just try to be strong and keep yourself busy. Put all your time, effort and love into doing something you love.
 
Therapon said:
That's awful. It would have been good for her to know the truth.

The problem is really the amount of time. If you were gonna tell her it really needed to be around the time you donated the blood, rather than many years after when she's been happily married for several years.

You could try to be friends with her, but it'll be probably be too hard to not reference your feelings for her if you did.

There are two things you can do:

The first option is to try and think of reasons to not like her or respect her. As hard as that may sound, the only way to become truly detached is to convince yourself that she isn't someone you would want to be with. You have to convince yourself that all the great things you believe are true of her, aren't. Someday, many years in the future, you may be able to believe some of those things are true again, when you're over it and detached. You also need to meditate and try to remove her from your mind. If she's integrated in the way you think then you need to really meditate, restructure your mind and exclude her from it. Imagine a link (ie. a wire) between you and her being severed in your mind whenever you think of her.

The second option is to not bother detaching yourself from her. Instead of detaching yourself from her, you could just think that you WANT to be with her in the event her marriage falls apart, but if you find someone else before that happens, then you're not going to wait for her.

The lesson you learn in the end is to never let yourself attach that deeply to someone until you're married. That you shouldn't take someone for granted and integrate them in the way you think until you're married to them.

You know, the more I try to let her go, the more she comes to my mind.
No pain, no gain.

It's like withdrawing from an addiction - at first it's easy, then it gets harder and harder, but after that you're over it. Although with love that process can take months instead of days.

Romantic music will bother you until you're over it (which could be months or years). My advice is to avoid romantic music as much as possible until you've overcome it, and try not to pay attention to it if you're forced to hear it.

It's best to try and occupy yourself with things that require your undivided attention. This is the best advice that most people give me and that worked for me. It's also a good idea to be talking to people (which hopefully you'll manage here if you have skype?).

It'll be some time before you're ready for a serious relationship, but you could try to find somewhere else to focus your love meanwhile - such as pets.

You can think that you donated blood just because you're a nice guy.

Thank you very much. I am feeling much better than before.You r right, I should occupy myself with things that require my attention.
But u know, why do I feel unsatisfied? Its because all those people who try to help me, suggest me to forget her. Nobody says that I should try for the last time....This feels like nobody wabts me to see with her.....
 

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