I'm 25, no luck so far. Is it too late?

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Among the Sleep

Among the Sleep

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I realize how that question might sound to some people... it may seem ridiculous to think it's just too late for me to find love when I'm 25. I know 25 is still pretty young. But I'm finding it more and more difficult to stay optimistic as time goes on.

I'm not sure what women want, but it isn't me. I have friends that are girls... I've been told I'm really funny, a chill dude, any kind of compliment you can imagine I've received at one point or another. But I can just tell... every girl I talk to, meet, interact with... there's just nothing there. Not an ounce of interest from anyone, really. Maybe I don't try hard enough. I have such strong anxiety and serious reservations about talking to girls, I mean, I don't handle rejection well, so that's part of it.

But I see so many guys around me who don't have these struggles, or at least not to the extent that I do. All my friends have at least had a girlfriend at some point. I feel crippled. It's like skipping elementary/middle/high school and jumping right into college. People kind of develop these skills when they're young, but I never did. As a result I just feel so out of step with the whole "game" of hooking up, dating, etc.

Never finding anyone really scares me, and for the first time I'm feeling like I'm ready to give it up. Not that I ever really could completely. But there's something about me that just... isn't clicking. Doesn't work. I'm not even sure exactly what it is, but it sucks.

Thank you so much if you're still reading :p

I guess I don't have a question, but I could use some kind of advice. Or even just a little encouragement...
 
I love your name by the way, that game was fantastic.

Anyways, I am in no means an expert on picking up girls or anything but I feel like I can at least throw in my two cents on the what your going through. And the biggest thing I can say is, don't compare yourself to others. It's one thing that'll get you down man. Just gotta look inwards and do what you can to make yourself happy. Talking to girls really isn't that hard. I know, easier said then done... But, the best way I can put it is.. Just talk to girls like you would talk to anyone else. Girls are just like us man. I've been suffering with dating for awhile now, and even have gotten pretty down on myself about it. But, one day I went out with a friend and he just so happened to bring along a couple girls with him that I wasn't aware about. When i met them all I was so nervous it was ridiculous.. But for some reason, it just clicked that they are just people, and I only make it awkward by thinking that they are these scary things when really.. They aren't. People are people, no matter what gender, and once you get that in your head.. It becomes a bit easier.

So, I guess what i'm trying to say.. Out of all this mumbo jumbo is that, just try to work on yourself. Do things that make you happy. Be that guy you want to be. Because one day you'll look in that mirror and think "****, I am sexy." And if you truly sit there and believe that, other people will too. And most importantly, don't look at girls and think they are scary. Treat them like you would any of your friends. And just one last thing that i'd like to add, when it comes to rejection.. It happens man. Seriously. Ask anyone. They never go out and pick up the first person they see. Everyone has different tastes, and sometimes you may just not be that persons taste. There's always a silver lining my brother.
 
Among the Sleep said:
I realize how that question might sound to some people... it may seem ridiculous to think it's just too late for me to find love when I'm 25. I know 25 is still pretty young. But I'm finding it more and more difficult to stay optimistic as time goes on.

I'm not sure what women want, but it isn't me. I have friends that are girls... I've been told I'm really funny, a chill dude, any kind of compliment you can imagine I've received at one point or another. But I can just tell... every girl I talk to, meet, interact with... there's just nothing there. Not an ounce of interest from anyone, really. Maybe I don't try hard enough. I have such strong anxiety and serious reservations about talking to girls, I mean, I don't handle rejection well, so that's part of it.

But I see so many guys around me who don't have these struggles, or at least not to the extent that I do. All my friends have at least had a girlfriend at some point. I feel crippled. It's like skipping elementary/middle/high school and jumping right into college. People kind of develop these skills when they're young, but I never did. As a result I just feel so out of step with the whole "game" of hooking up, dating, etc.

Never finding anyone really scares me, and for the first time I'm feeling like I'm ready to give it up. Not that I ever really could completely. But there's something about me that just... isn't clicking. Doesn't work. I'm not even sure exactly what it is, but it sucks.

Thank you so much if you're still reading :p

I guess I don't have a question, but I could use some kind of advice. Or even just a little encouragement...
Click to expand...

One thing - it isn't just you. For ever guy strolling around with some hot blond on his arm there is one guy who is getting rejected every time he tries.

If its making you unhappy, don't give up but just put 'finding somebody' on the back burner. Do other things. Make friends, travel, work, find hobbies that interest and inspire you, enjoy your life. Then maybe women will find you more attractive and interesting.
 
Among the Sleep said:
Never finding anyone really scares me, and for the first time I'm feeling like I'm ready to give it up. Not that I ever really could completely. But there's something about me that just... isn't clicking. Doesn't work. I'm not even sure exactly what it is, but it sucks.
Click to expand...

I wish I could help you because I understand that feeling oh too well :(
I'm much older than you and have never had any male approach me for my phone number or a date or anything. Online, I send messages to guys and never hear back. I live everyday with that fear of being alone forever, so I know it's scary and painful.

I can tell you that a man with interests, goals, plans, and dreams make him more attractive to me. I like quite, introspective guys who aren't into sports, hunting or fishing. But that's just me and I don't know what type of guy you are. I would say be yourself because trying to change your core beliefs to get a woman isn't going to work. I hired a dating consultant and that's what she wanted me to do. Luckily I didn't find anyone by doing that, but know I people who have and are in miserable relationships because of it.
 
Actually, for every guy with a hot babe (doesn't have to be blonde) on his arm, there are at least 10 guys getting the big R stamp on their forehead every time they initiate interest in any female.
 
Hi Among the sleep (if your nickname is related to the game, it was very nice indeed).

I'm 24 yo, and I'm kind of passing through the same things. I'm also 24 yo and I have my first kiss (and it was only a quick date) at the age of 23. I see friends at the age of 18 (or even younger) having sex, having girlfriends and it really makes me mad somehow. I can't help it, I just feel angry inside because, just like you, my female friends are always telling me "you're such a funny/nice/hard working/cute/bf material guy", but the only few women that have shown some interest in me were the ones who had clearly "no choice". And just like most people, I think it's important for us to feel that the person who is by your side have chosen YOU over the rest of the people, and not just because they're "desperate". I know also that once you hit adulthood, time start going faster. Faster than never actually, to the point that you're afraid of become a "wizard" (excuse me for using this "4chan" term).

I really don't know what your problem actually is, but the best thing I've done about it was to focus on my own goals and problem. Try to forget about that, even though you're surrounded by couples to remind you that you're alone (not lonely). I won't tell you that the moment you stop caring you'll feel much better or girls will start noticing you in a different way at first, but as time goes on, you'll really find peace, and the oportunities will sure come when you least expect it.
 
Ocelot said:
I love your name by the way, that game was fantastic.

Anyways, I am in no means an expert on picking up girls or anything but I feel like I can at least throw in my two cents on the what your going through. And the biggest thing I can say is, don't compare yourself to others. It's one thing that'll get you down man. Just gotta look inwards and do what you can to make yourself happy. Talking to girls really isn't that hard. I know, easier said then done... But, the best way I can put it is.. Just talk to girls like you would talk to anyone else. Girls are just like us man. I've been suffering with dating for awhile now, and even have gotten pretty down on myself about it. But, one day I went out with a friend and he just so happened to bring along a couple girls with him that I wasn't aware about. When i met them all I was so nervous it was ridiculous.. But for some reason, it just clicked that they are just people, and I only make it awkward by thinking that they are these scary things when really.. They aren't. People are people, no matter what gender, and once you get that in your head.. It becomes a bit easier.

So, I guess what i'm trying to say.. Out of all this mumbo jumbo is that, just try to work on yourself. Do things that make you happy. Be that guy you want to be. Because one day you'll look in that mirror and think "****, I am sexy." And if you truly sit there and believe that, other people will too. And most importantly, don't look at girls and think they are scary. Treat them like you would any of your friends. And just one last thing that i'd like to add, when it comes to rejection.. It happens man. Seriously. Ask anyone. They never go out and pick up the first person they see. Everyone has different tastes, and sometimes you may just not be that persons taste. There's always a silver lining my brother.
Click to expand...

Oh Ocelot, you pick up the chicks :)

But I completely agree with him. Don't focus on " I need to be in a relationship!". My boyfriend and I are homebody/internet loving nerds, and we were totally cool with being on our own. I did things all the time to make myself happy and by myself. It's nice to be in a relationship, I will admit that, but you can have a great life on your own and be happy. And 25 is not too late, I am 24 and he is 27, you're right between us. :)

Also, this is an awkward age. This whole out of college new job time. Now you are busy, and it's not like how you were in school where you see someone everyday and build a relationship that way. You have to do that whole "take-risks" and "get out of your comfort zone" thing that sucks! It's hard, but I actually believe that when people get into relationships in their late 20's and get married in their 30's it is healthier because you know yourself and can be more honest with yourself in a relationship. That's just my opinion though.
 
It's never too late, especially not for a 25 year old. If you actively make the effort to find somebody.

If it's what you want, don't give up!
 
At 25, it is definitely NOT too late.

However the one thing that I do know for sure is that it doesn't get any easier as you get older.

Also don't believe the old sayings

"There's someone for everyone"
"Love comes to those who wait"

When I was 25 years old, I was pretty optimistic that I would find someone.

I'm now 37 years old and still have not had a relationship but the difference between now and when I was 25 is that my optimism and hope is pretty much all gone and I'm of the belief that I am meant to be on my own.
 
ABrokenMan said:
Actually, for every guy with a hot babe (doesn't have to be blonde) on his arm, there are at least 10 guys getting the big R stamp on their forehead every time they initiate interest in any female.
Click to expand...

Someone needs an M stamp on their forehead :p

What the OP is experiencing is not unusual. A 25 there's still time if he's prepared to show interest instead of expecting it (just the way it is, no way round it.)
 
ardour said:
ABrokenMan said:
Actually, for every guy with a hot babe (doesn't have to be blonde) on his arm, there are at least 10 guys getting the big R stamp on their forehead every time they initiate interest in any female.
Click to expand...

Someone needs an M stamp on their forehead :p

What the OP is experiencing is not unusual. A 25 there's still time if he's prepared to show interest instead of expecting it (just the way it is, no way round it.)
Click to expand...

I'm not sure. Most people start dating in their early teens. All the cools kids anyway. 18 is leaving it late. 25 - he is going to have to get very lucky. I realized at 31 that it wasn't going to happen for me. Now I am 46 I don't give a honeysuckle. I don't see why it's so important to people. I don't understand why people are so unhappy because they don't have a bed partner.
 
Triple Bogey said:
Most people start dating in their early teens. All the cools kids anyway. 18 is leaving it late. 25 - he is going to have to get very lucky.
Click to expand...

Early teens? Not where I come from. Nothing good comes from that, not even worthwhile experience. Telling a 25 year old to give up because the "cool kids" in school were dating is not the best advice.
 
Triple Bogey said:
I'm not sure. Most people start dating in their early teens. All the cools kids anyway. 18 is leaving it late. 25 - he is going to have to get very lucky. I realized at 31 that it wasn't going to happen for me. Now I am 46 I don't give a honeysuckle. I don't see why it's so important to people. I don't understand why people are so unhappy because they don't have a bed partner.
Click to expand...

Please try not to force your defeatist attitude upon others.
 
If it's too late for you then there is really no hope for me!

I think that you need to realise that only nasty women would embarrass you if you asked to get to know them and they didn't want to. Nice, kind women (hopefully the sort you want) will generally appreciate being chatted up by a decent chap, even if they don't fancy you.

I think that a few rejections is definitely worth the potential of finding someone who is just perfect for you.
You should consider it a chore. Suffer the odd rejection in your search for the girl who will eventually make you happy. Please don't give up!
I hope you find what you are looking for. But remember, good things really do come to those who wait.
:)
 
Not everyone peaks in their teens or twenties. Thank goodness for that! :)
Of course it's not too late. I don't know what your future holds but 25 is just getting started in life.

-Teresa
 
Triple Bogey said:
I'm not sure. Most people start dating in their early teens. All the cools kids anyway. 18 is leaving it late. 25 - he is going to have to get very lucky. I realized at 31 that it wasn't going to happen for me. Now I am 46 I don't give a honeysuckle. I don't see why it's so important to people. I don't understand why people are so unhappy because they don't have a bed partner.
Click to expand...

Well. Teen relationships may ever last, but they do have a difference. I'm 19, I wouldn't really say it's leaving it late. But I really don't want to be alone forever. It is my greatest fear. More so than death (I'm not scared of death at all). And I DON'T want a 'bed partner'. I just want somebody to share my experiences and love with.
 
Omnipotent Soul said:
Well. Teen relationships may ever last, but they do have a difference. I'm 19, I wouldn't really say it's leaving it late. But I really don't want to be alone forever. It is my greatest fear. More so than death (I'm not scared of death at all). And I DON'T want a 'bed partner'. I just want somebody to share my experiences and love with.
Click to expand...

Wow,

You took the words right out of my mouth.
 
I'm 33 and haven't found the one. The one girl that I was in love with, well, there wasn't a chance.

But I don't know if this is a blessing or a curse. I see a lot of families that are miserable. Not having children, I don't have that burden on me. On top of that, I don't have any confidence in humanity, who I see as a plague species that is destroying the planet.

So for me, at this point it's about playing around. If you really want to, try to find someone and start a family. If, like me, you have no confidence in humanity, then having children shouldn't be a priority. Just see what's out there.
 
lonelydoc said:
I'm 33 and haven't found the one. The one girl that I was in love with, well, there wasn't a chance.

But I don't know if this is a blessing or a curse. I see a lot of families that are miserable. Not having children, I don't have that burden on me. On top of that, I don't have any confidence in humanity, who I see as a plague species that is destroying the planet.

So for me, at this point it's about playing around. If you really want to, try to find someone and start a family. If, like me, you have no confidence in humanity, then having children shouldn't be a priority. Just see what's out there.
Click to expand...

Well said actually. Even though I think we are a disease, I still would like to have children. I have so much love for them and they're not even here.


OnlyMe said:
Wow,

You took the words right out of my mouth.
Click to expand...

:) Great minds think alike...
 

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