Negative first impressions are a curse

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ardour

Well known loser
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Does anyone take at least 3-4 conversations before they can loosen up and speak naturally? I don't know how to be comfortable talking to someone I've just met. It takes a few tries, by which time they most likely aren't interested any more. Awkward first impressions are a sieve through which all but the most tolerant and easy going people disappear. For whatever reasons most people aren't willing to give you a second (or third) chance. I can't exactly blame them since it's all they have to go on.

The worst aspect of these initial conversations is that I have no idea when to end them, so out of fear of becoming annoying I wrap things up rather abruptly (and rudely I'd say) Actually this is a problem in most situations, I hate being a pest so I just end it or trail off.
 
Yes, I have the same problem with a lot of people and would guess that many of us on here are the same. The fear of being judged negatively by people can be overwhelming and the more negative first impressions we make, the bigger this fear becomes. I hate it that so many people don't give second chances.
 
Same here. I am sure people think all sorts when they initially see me. It's only when they get to know me they realize how nice I am.
Nothing I can do about it.
 
that used to be my main problem - nowadays I give a wonderful first impression, too bad that has nothing to do with the real me
 
I usually don't care much about first impressions people have about me. I am what I am and that all what I am. So if people don't like me, they can fresia off because I'm a lovable guy. I'm generally agreeable and nice to the people I meet, and I have a good demeanor (despite that "fresia off" comment. lol) So, it never bothers me if people are shy around me, or treat me as if they're "all that." I just gravitate to the people who I like and who like me.
 
Peaches said:
that used to be my main problem - nowadays I give a wonderful first impression, too bad that has nothing to do with the real me

I know the feeling. Sometimes I can be like this as well and then people are amazed to find out what I am really like.
 
Tiina63 said:
Peaches said:
that used to be my main problem - nowadays I give a wonderful first impression, too bad that has nothing to do with the real me

I know the feeling. Sometimes I can be like this as well and then people are amazed to find out what I am really like.

Makes a lot of sense to me. I can 'perform' when required to do so.
 
Absolutely. But only a personal level. Professionally, I have no problem at all. Probably because if it's work related and I know my job, I don't have a problem communicating on that level. But when it comes to trying to get to know someone, my mind just goes blank. I am no good at small talk and I am quiet initially because I like to observe and figure people out before I decide if I like them or not.

I just try to smile and be pleasant but I don't like asking people questions about their lives, in case they think I am nosey so I don't bother. It takes me a long long time to connect with people and usually the ones I do connect with are the ones that have pursued a friendship with me rather than the other way around.

As I get older though, the less I care what people think about me. I think I am a nice person so if someone I meet doesn't think that, then ..meh
 
Peaches said:
that used to be my main problem - nowadays I give a wonderful first impression, too bad that has nothing to do with the real me

That's exactly what happens with me XD To be honest, it takes a while before I'm ready to show even little of what I'm really like. I never seem to get to know the kind of people I'll get along well. But really, there are some people who made me change my first impression of them.

My first impressions of people in general are very close to the truth, at least for most of them. But I'm more than happy to be given the possibility to change the negative image I have of them... it doesn't happen very often though. Bummer XD
 
It takes me a while to get a sense of who a person is and what their character and personality is like, what they like to talk about, and how I should conduct myself with them so that we both enjoy socializing. You know? Once I get to know a person more, then I can talk with them more casually and even banter with them a little bit. But it's been hard for me to just throw myself out there when I don't even know how the other person will receive me.

Tiina63 said:
I hate it that so many people don't give second chances.

Yeah, this is something I can really empathize with. I hate how once someone decides to condemn you, it's really hard to change that. I don't see why it has to be so final.
 
I don't really see not being able to talk as a negative impression. I also think that some negative impressions can be worked around, perhaps for more positives impressions later on.
 
Minty said:
As I get older though, the less I care what people think about me. I think I am a nice person so if someone I meet doesn't think that, then ..meh

I agree with this. I don't need to become friends with everyone I meet and I'm sure I've ended a lot of conversations with people I've just met rather abruptly. I'm still mostly the same social dork I always was, I just don't perseverate on it as much.
As long as you're being polite and not hurting other people's feelings or being mean-spirited, things are fine.

-Teresa
 
To hell with the real me, I'd like to be able to "fake it" for no other reason than to avoid the initial awkwardness and judgement.
 
TheSkaFish said:
It takes me a while to get a sense of who a person is and what their character and personality is like, what they like to talk about, and how I should conduct myself with them so that we both enjoy socializing. You know? Once I get to know a person more, then I can talk with them more casually and even banter with them a little bit. But it's been hard for me to just throw myself out there when I don't even know how the other person will receive me.

Tiina63 said:
I hate it that so many people don't give second chances.

Yeah, this is something I can really empathize with. I hate how once someone decides to condemn you, it's really hard to change that. I don't see why it has to be so final.

I hate it too when people judge you and don't give you a second change,but I believe that they don't deserve a second chance from us.They are so quick to judge and make you feel less,they don't deserve to know us better...Their loss!
 
I recently had this woman at the post office comment "You're too young to be 'crabby' you know?"... I felt 'crabby' couldn't be further from my mind at that point. I have this 'hostile demeanor' or are 'intimidating' according to some people.

But it's okay, usually those who make the observational remarks aren't worth paying attention to.

It amazes me sometimes about how timid a lot of people actually are. Even people who are twice my age.
 
I'm sure it depends on the situation, but is it necessary to "fake" being a different person whenever you meet new people? For example, I understand why that would be important in a business setting, because it's part of the job to be agreeable and talkative. But when you are introduced to people through friends, is it worth the effort? I can't rationalize why I should go out of my way to pretend to be a sociable person when there is not much of a detriment to just being quiet. For a quiet person such as myself, it is difficult to chat with a stranger, but at the same time I don't think the process needs to be rushed. If the other person is going to impact your life in the long run, I will have more chances to open up about myself and understand the other person anyway.
 
It all depends on my mood, really. Sometimes I'm so wrapped up with the thoughts going on in my head that I appear to be aloof or uninterested. Most of the time I'm east going and generally likeable. To the ones I give a bad first impression to, I don't lose sleep over it. I've grown too accostumed to the idea that people come and go. It's probably a big reason why I find it hard to connect with people.
 
ardour said:
Does anyone take at least 3-4 conversations before they can loosen up and speak naturally? I don't know how to be comfortable talking to someone I've just met. It takes a few tries, by which time they most likely aren't interested any more. Awkward first impressions are a sieve through which all but the most tolerant and easy going people disappear. For whatever reasons most people aren't willing to give you a second (or third) chance. I can't exactly blame them since it's all they have to go on.

The worst aspect of these initial conversations is that I have no idea when to end them, so out of fear of becoming annoying I wrap things up rather abruptly (and rudely I'd say) Actually this is a problem in most situations, I hate being a pest so I just end it or trail off.
DO A PUBLIC SPEAKING COURSE. YOU WILL MOVE FROM BEING SELF CONSCIOUS TO ONE WHERE PEOPLE WILL SEE YOU AS CONFIDENT.IM AS UGLY AS HELL ( A PINOCCHIO ON A POGO STICK AS DESCRIBED BY ONE WOMAN) BUT IM AS CONFIDENT AS HELL ...DALE CARNEGIE, TOASTMASTERS ARE 2 IVE DONE. I CAN GO UP TO A (10/10 BEACH BABE 15 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME OR A PLAIN JANE) WITH NO PROBLEM BUT ITS THE SHAKING AND THE LOOK OF DISGUST AT MY APPEARANCE IM MET WITH IS MY CROSS TO BEAR...HOPE IVE BEEN HELPFULL
 

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