I'm not going to pretend I'm 'normal' anymore

For most of my life I have been a square peg in a round hole.

When I was young, I was considered odd, and eccentric, different. This annoyed me. I wanted to be normal, to fit in. Also I wanted to get on, I was ambitious.

The upshot of this is that I have spent most of my adult life pretending to be something I’m not, desperately trying to conform, so that I would ‘fit in’.

Not only did it never work, but I lost touch with who I really am. And I ended up very unhappy and with a drink problem.

An obvious aspect of this, but not the only one, is that I spent much of my life denying, to myself as much as anyone else, that I am gay. No one was really fooled. When I finally admitted it to my family, they were not in the least surprised.

Well, I have decided that from now on, I will be myself.

And if people don’t like it, tough.

So there!

I used to be the same. Congrats. You're awesome the way you are.

The problem with pretending seems to be that we can only pretend on the surface. Somehow, people can tell that the inside doesn't match the outside in a way that doesn't happen with your garden variety manipulation that goes on every day.

cheers to the new beginning of the rest of your life

it sounds like the best decision ever

It's always good to remain true to yourself, if you keep pretending, some day it might be hard to find yourself again.

Good luck to you, Ioann.

I am also trying to do the same thing. Let us know how you get on.

Tiina63 said:

I am also trying to do the same thing. Let us know how you get on.

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I will do, yes. Of course, it is not just being authentic and true to oneself, it is also really not caring what others think, and that is harder, especially if they have any sort of power over you.

And thanks to everyone for your affirmation. It does mean lots to me.