panic attacks in class

I'm sorry for writing such a long story, but I'd appreciate it if you read it.

Hi there. Haven't posted here for a while because I've actually been doing pretty well overall, until now. This year I started with a new small-scale media art/music bachelor, we're with a small group and discuss/talk a lot in groups of around 20 persons during, most courses are attended by people from all years including the master. There's no "fixed" groups usually. So far for the background info.

2 weeks ago a small workshop started, and it started off just sitting at a table, introducing ourselves. At that point I had the most terrifying experience I've ever had, I think I had a serious panic attack, I literally felt like I was about to die and walked out of the classroom, eventually using "I don't feel well" as an excuse. The whole week I was kind of shocked by this experience, but everything else went well, tho I hadn't been in the same sort of "setting" (around the table with full attention of everyone) anymore. I knew there was something wrong because for the past few months I've had some similair but way less intrusive experiences too, more about this later.

Well, today it happened again. A new course started, we had to do some research in small groups, and tell the group about it on 2 occasions that day. Both times I also was so extremely anxious that I just blacked out and walked away. My heart was racing, there was some strange pressure on my chest, I could barely hear or see anymore, I just was on a total meltdown. As you can understand, this was extremely awkward and I'm literally exhausted because of it, I can't stop thinking about it and I'm scared to death that it will happen again, it's making me extremely restless.

Additionally to all this, I've been having trouble in more casual social situations too. I sometimes get really shaky hands and moderate anxiety, once when I went out for dinner for instance with a friend and some of his friends and family because he graduated. I had a hard time lifting a glass of wine and not making it spill. Same thing happened this weekend at my grandma's birthday, resulting in me not drinking or eating anything in front of my own family. I just felt so uncomfortable that I couldn't do it. This was still fresh in my memory today, and also the first "panic attack" I told you about. I've been constantly thinking about it and I can't help but to think that being scared of this kind of stuff happening, actually makes it happen.

Anyway, I'm calling my general practitioner tomorrow first thing in the morning to send me to a psychologist or psychiatrist and mailed my university's "shrink". I'm not going to school tomorrow. I'll go wednesday again because the courses I have are just listening that day, I don't have to say anything. I guess I just wanted to write this off, and maybe get some support or tips. I also wonder if it's possible that this goes away or if there's any solution that makes it possible for me to participate in my studies and not being terrified every single day... So if anyone has (had) the same issues or has anything to say. I'd be incredibly grateful if you posted here.


By the way, I've never had these issues before. I've always had very little trouble with this, I've even spoken to large groups of people (100 or more) without being very nervous. That's what is making it so incomprehendable for me.

It does seem strange that feelings of that sort of intensity would just emerge...could it be related to a medication....esp those meds prescribed for mental health issues inc depression...not all are compatable and can create some seriously unwanted side effects......as can dosages of medications that are in the main helpful....needing pretty close monitoring and possible adjustments....and not forgetting the seriously bloody awful effects...often as you have described ,from withdrawal..reducing dosages of these types of medications needs to be done with a lot of care.

I'm not taking any medication so it can't be that.

Edit: I've called my doctor and I have an appointment this afternoon. I hope I can speak to the school shrink this week too. I'm also thinking about telling the head of my department that I have some problems (not going into details) so they at least understand when I am not there or have to walk out of class or something...

I think you provided your own answers already. Being scared of it happening, makes it happen. More in the sense that, it increases your stress level to a point where triggers that are normally not enough to make you fudge, now affect you on such a large scale. Do you know what exactly is the trigger to cause this? Especially your very first one, where you didnt have the fear of it happening again yet, it would be interesting to find out what triggered it there. What pushed the snowball to roll.

I think it also was fear. As I told, I had some of these problems before but not in this context. Feeling very stressed at social occasions for example. I was thinking about that during the first time it happened. Usually when I have to speak to a group like this I don't even think about me being in the centre of attention, and I suddenly realised that I was, this was also a major trigger for it to happen.

I saw my doctor today and she's sending my to a psychologist (next week), and told me to not make the problem bigger than it is. She said keeping myself busy thinking about this is probably the main reason it happens, and by just not being so aware of it I can probably fix it or at least go through the week. If I have any problems I can call her so that's nice. I guess she's right, and you to Rosebolt, but obviously it's hard to ignore it...

aspalas said:

I'm sorry for writing such a long story, but I'd appreciate it if you read it.

Hi there. Haven't posted here for a while because I've actually been doing pretty well overall, until now. This year I started with a new small-scale media art/music bachelor, we're with a small group and discuss/talk a lot in groups of around 20 persons during, most courses are attended by people from all years including the master. There's no "fixed" groups usually. So far for the background info.

2 weeks ago a small workshop started, and it started off just sitting at a table, introducing ourselves. At that point I had the most terrifying experience I've ever had, I think I had a serious panic attack, I literally felt like I was about to die and walked out of the classroom, eventually using "I don't feel well" as an excuse. The whole week I was kind of shocked by this experience, but everything else went well, tho I hadn't been in the same sort of "setting" (around the table with full attention of everyone) anymore. I knew there was something wrong because for the past few months I've had some similair but way less intrusive experiences too, more about this later.

Well, today it happened again. A new course started, we had to do some research in small groups, and tell the group about it on 2 occasions that day. Both times I also was so extremely anxious that I just blacked out and walked away. My heart was racing, there was some strange pressure on my chest, I could barely hear or see anymore, I just was on a total meltdown. As you can understand, this was extremely awkward and I'm literally exhausted because of it, I can't stop thinking about it and I'm scared to death that it will happen again, it's making me extremely restless.

Additionally to all this, I've been having trouble in more casual social situations too. I sometimes get really shaky hands and moderate anxiety, once when I went out for dinner for instance with a friend and some of his friends and family because he graduated. I had a hard time lifting a glass of wine and not making it spill. Same thing happened this weekend at my grandma's birthday, resulting in me not drinking or eating anything in front of my own family. I just felt so uncomfortable that I couldn't do it. This was still fresh in my memory today, and also the first "panic attack" I told you about. I've been constantly thinking about it and I can't help but to think that being scared of this kind of stuff happening, actually makes it happen.

Anyway, I'm calling my general practitioner tomorrow first thing in the morning to send me to a psychologist or psychiatrist and mailed my university's "shrink". I'm not going to school tomorrow. I'll go wednesday again because the courses I have are just listening that day, I don't have to say anything. I guess I just wanted to write this off, and maybe get some support or tips. I also wonder if it's possible that this goes away or if there's any solution that makes it possible for me to participate in my studies and not being terrified every single day... So if anyone has (had) the same issues or has anything to say. I'd be incredibly grateful if you posted here.


By the way, I've never had these issues before. I've always had very little trouble with this, I've even spoken to large groups of people (100 or more) without being very nervous. That's what is making it so incomprehendable for me.

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YOUR PROBLEM IS NOT UNCOMMON..... WHEN I WAS YOUNG I WAS SCARED OF MY SHADOW BUT COULD STILL TALK TO PEOPLE.......DO A PUBLIC SPEAKING COURSE....DALE CARNEGIE INSTITUTES RUN THEM....THEY WORK...IVE DONE IT MY SELF......ITL COST YOU MAYBE A COUPLE OF GRAND BUT HEY IVE SPENT OVER 350 THOUSAND IN MY LIFE DOING COURSES SO ID GAIN A SKILL TO MEET WOMEN...YOURS IS JUST STAGE FRIGHT....THERE ARE A NUMBER OF PROBLEMS THAT CAUSE THIS AND THEYRE ALL IN YOUR HEAD.....SORRY TO BE BLUNT BUT IM BEING AS HONEST AS POSS....IVE NEEN TOLD I LOOK LIKE THIS THAT AND THE OTHER THING,NEVER KISSED A GIRL AND CAN STAND UP AND TALK TO AN AUDIENCE. SO ITS FIXABLE......GOOD LUCK

Maybe a little update... I haven't been going to class much. I think I'm going to write a mail to the head of my department explaining it a bit... I'm extremely scared to go to school tomorrow, I really just don't know what to do.

Hi have you managed to see your GP yet..it's likely that at the very least he will be able to give you something to calm you down....and it sounds like that has got to be the very first thing to do...

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Re GP....I really think it's a good idea to speak directly to your head of class or understandably if you don't feel able to do that , to mail him and explain your difficulties...you won't be the first person to have experienced this so he will have no great problem in understanding...I think you mentioned seeing if it would be poss for you to see a shrink/psychologist...you definitely should look into what resources the institute has to help you..

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Sorry just realized your post/s were made today...so obviously you haven't seen your GP yet....I am an utter fuckwit and also new to this forum so you will need to make allowances...Think your GP should be your first priority...if you go to classes tomorrow it unfortunately may result in the same negative experiences....maybe either arranging to speak to head of class or mailing him should be your priority and allow you return to classes sooner...rather than just collecting ongoing damage and maybe having to withdraw.

I did see my GP, she didn't gave me any meds (I didn't want to) but she arranged for me to meet with a shrink next wednesday.

Since last week monday (when I posted this and the panic attacks occured) I haven't experienced one anymore. Tuesday I didn't go to school because I had an appointment with my doctor, wednesday I went, but I had 2 lectures where we aren't required to talk. There's about 150 people attending at each, and I actually did engage in short conversation with the lecturer a couple of times since I was sitting in front, and I didn't feel much panic at all. Maybe it's because I'm in control there and I'm not required to actually face the room, just the lecturer.

That wednesday in the evening I also had a music improvisation class with 2 out of 3 of the teachers that I also have for the class/project I had the panic attacks in, and with around 10 students of which almost all of them are also in the class I have my issues in (I hope it's a bit understandable for you). That thursday I was supposed to have that class too, but I overslept and heard they stopped after 12 'o clock so I just stayed at home because otherwise I would have been there for maybe half an hour. Just to make it clear, my schedule for the next 2 weeks is;

Monday: The class I have dificulties in from 10 till 4
Tuesday: Same as monday
Wednesday: 2 lectures and music improvisation (no issues here)
Thursday: Same as monday
Friday: Free or a meeting with my class (upcoming week I'll have nothing, the week after I'll have a meeting with my class and some teachers, and I'm extremely afraid of that, although the past 2 meetings I felt fine).

After that I'll only have the 2 lectures, music improvisation, some individual electronics classes and another meeting with my class till winter break.

Anyway, from the 3 teachers that are present during the class I experienced issues in, 1 of them is the head of the department, I feel quite fine around him although he isn't my favorite teacher. 1 of them is really nice, and another one I just don't like at all and I've actually experienced the first panic attack about 2 weeks ago around him.

So much for explaining my situation right now, I think it's best to mail the head of the department, telling I have some private issues interfering with my studies and asking him to maybe talk about it somewhere private next week. I'm actually already scared of talking about it with him in the first place, so it might be better to explain my situation in an e-mail, I'm curious what your opinion is on this. If I don't feel good tomorrow I'll probably skip school and see my GP again. I don't really want to because isolating myself isn't very helpful either I guess, but yeah... I can't really go against my own instinct.

Hope this answered your questions sothatwasmylife, and I hope you can maybe advise me in what to do.

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By the way... I've done a lot of thinking obviously, and as we all know this kind of issues can't just pop up out of the blue... I guess I haven't feeling well in social situations at all lately (let's say, the past 6 months). I've had quite some problems in the past and most of them are gone now, so I always felt that I was doing quite well compared to, let's say, 2 years ago. I just realised that this is just a totally different problem and it didn't just pop up. I used to be able to socialize very easily and speak in public very well, but something just changed. I feel way less confident and comfortable in general than I used to, and when I'm in social situations or, for instance, in class, I'm just more worried of what everyone thinks of me and I feel less "dominant" than I used to. I always felt like whenever I was somewhere I was in control, and I never really felt intimidated by anyone in a discussion or anything, but now I do. Something did change, and I really want to give my GP an update about this, because I'm pretty sure this is directly linked to what's happening now.

Hi I think the fact you have a shrink onboard so quickly is great....the fact that your difficulties only relate to particular situations maybe means that the shrinks input is likely to be the most useful...and on the upside those difficulties aren't kicking in ...in other situations...although you do say you you have decreased confidence and feel less dominant (man just how dominant were you)The fact that you are keeping a log of occasions when these feelings of panic occur and those upcoming situations you are fearful of sounds like a really good idea...a really good ref point for your therapist to work from/be aware of.....I would imagine all your GP would be likely to be able to offer at this stage is medication ..but your experience of your GP will dictate what you feel you may gain from a further visit...even if it's simply to relay your own perspective on "things changing"and credit to him/her for getting therapy on board so quickly and I really hope it commences quickly...rather than a delay between your initial appointment and the actual course of treatment...I dont know if that's been clarified or not...David

Thanks for the response. Yes I'm extremely happy I'm able to see someone so quickly. It's not a "real" shrink I believe, it's just some sort of psychologist who works at my GP to treat people with "small" psychological problems, upside to it is that it's covered by my insurance, a real shrink too but you'll have to pay the "own risk ammount" (I'm not sure what it is in English or if that even exists in other countries), which comes down to about 350 euro's. It's not that big of a problem to pay that but I'd prefer not to, obviously.

I wasn't really dominant, but I meant it more in the way that I've been able to control a discussion or conversation very easily and play whatever role I wanted in something like that. I noticed that I've gotten worse at this... I'm also experiencing more difficulties in other social situations, but no panic attacks, just discomfort. I also want to work on that obviously, I want to be more relaxed in general I guess.

I'm going to send the head of my department an e-mail and I hope I'll be able to go to class tomorrow. I hope he reads his mail frequently, I'd like to have a reply before class, but we'll see.

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Edit
I'm really terrified to send my teacher a mail actually -,-. I guess it's best to tell what's going on right (instead of just saying that I have some private problems)? Would like to get some input on this also.

I've sent an e-mail explaining it... I hope I'll quickly get a reply. I'll keep you posted on what's happening.

Yes keep us posted...work on the basis that your fears re your teacher have no real basis....unless you discover otherwise and I honestly don't think that's remotely likely...your far more likely to get a sympathetic ear

My head e-mailed me back, he's understanding and hopes I'll get better soon. Tomorrow he and the rest of the teachers have a meeting (unrelated) so he'll notify all teachers. He told me to go to the school shrink, I have an appointment with her tomorrow, she can help me with studying during all of this. He also said I shouldn't worry about my study points and stuff, they're quite flexible in all of this.

That's a pretty reasonable result..well done

Yup. I feel a lot better actually. The fact that my teachers will know (well, he said he wouldn't go into details, but they'll still know that I have issues) makes me a bit more confident around them. Since he's also one of the teachers in the project in which I had 2 panic attacks it will probably make me feel more comfortable anyway. I'll meet the school shrink tomorrow morning, I'm thinking of attending the class after that. Maybe leave early if I don't feel comfortable.

I guess it will be hard on me but isolating myself from school is definitely a bad idea. I think I'm better off getting comfortable around my teachers and the other students which will probably totally/partially eliminate the problem at school, and then after that focus on the problem in general.

I agree totally if there is a choice never opt for the one that isolates you

Spoke to the woman today, shes not a real shrink but more of an advisor for these kind of things, it went well. When I went to my doctor last week I was so paniced that I cried, I was pretty afraid it would happen here too (I was really stressed on my way there and while waiting), but it went really well which is nice. I was totally relaxed during the conversation. She coudnt help me much at this point but I'll see her next week too to just keep her and the school up to date.

Decided not to go to class today, I hope tomorrow I feel good enough to do so. I think I'll also send the head of my department an update about the conversation I had.

Hi, I think it's really positive ....because you've started the process....and you obviously felt comfortable with her...your anxieties on the way to , and waiting for the meeting are pretty understandable, most of us in a similar situation would have similar feelings and feel quite drained by the process.....so take care of yourself today and resist the temptation to beat yourself up...and hopefully tomorrow you will feel more able to go to school...I'm sure keeping your head of class in the loop is a worthwhile thing to do and will be appreciated. David

Oh, glad to hear it. These sort of people are trained to help with this sort of thing. I hope things work out well.