Still feeling jealous

Second thought, nevermind.

Hey man, first of all you're not alone. I feel exactly the same way, feeling jealous about others having friends and being happy while Im fully alone. I dont wish harm to them or anything, I just wish i could have that too


Now, I'll go ahead and give my silly advice. All of it is based on my personal experiences and what I'm trying to do/am doing, so it's probably useless.

Being alone, in your small protective bubble feels like the best choice sometimes, I know, but it's making it worse.
Surround yourself with people. Find people to talk to, for example chat online with people from these forums. If you find nothing to talk about, then dont talk, listen to what they gotta say! The few people I've gotten to know, are awesome, and they're always great to chat with, about happy and sad stuff
While I still feel lonely, im trying to keep talking to people through out my day as much as I can, so Im not fully alone. Sometimes I may go days without talking to someone other than a cashier on a store, so having people to chat with helps.

Also, you said you got some people IRL you can call friends.
Try to hang out with people you know and it's easy to be around them. Try to "lose yourself", try to empty your mind and enjoy the moment, instead of feeling weird, or being anxious, try to focus on what you guys are doing at the moment. I personaly try it a lot, it feels like I'm "adapting" to the social life again, while Im still feeling scared and awkward, im trying to think of how fun what im doing is, and how nice it'll feel if that new person they introduced me to, could be a potential friend. I try to focus on the fun/positive stuff, and force myself to replace all the negative thoughts with them.

Well, what usually happens is an awkward silence between myself and someone else. If someone were to talk to me, we would both wind up being formal and quiet. I'm just no fun to talk to. Our quiet conversation could end, and the other person would be full of life when talking to someone who's not me. It's seeing differences like these that get to me. People just don't like being around me. I haven't even started talking about the people who see me as the, "weirdo," yet.

That is good advice though. I'll give it a shot. I can't hang around with the people I know IRL (I live a few hours away from them), but I'll try talking to them more often. Thanks.

Oh ho ho, I know that feel! Jealously, that monster... It's hard not to compare yourself to other people. You mention that the conversations with you are just faint, and quiet, while those same people can have lively conversations with others. I don't think that it's something about you personally, but more about they don't know enough about you, per say.

But, I don't know your situation Mr. Seal, and I don't think I can give good advice without knowing that. If you want to discuss, you can post here or PM, or we can just forget about it that's fine too.

You know, I don't know what it's like to have Aspergers but it must be difficult to understand others if a person has it. Don't give up, Mr. Seal. There are some books online that help with social cues for people that have Aspergers. If you go on Amazon, they're there. Maybe give those a read.

I see you struggle a bit with social cues on here as well.

You're so kind and want to fit in. You're an amazing person. I just wish others could see it.

Ak5 said:

Oh ho ho, I know that feel! Jealously, that monster... It's hard not to compare yourself to other people. You mention that the conversations with you are just faint, and quiet, while those same people can have lively conversations with others. I don't think that it's something about you personally, but more about they don't know enough about you, per say.

But, I don't know your situation Mr. Seal, and I don't think I can give good advice without knowing that. If you want to discuss, you can post here or PM, or we can just forget about it that's fine too.

Click to expand...

Kind of felt overwhelmed, so I wasn't thinking clearly when I removed it. Here's what I'm talking about.

You know when you walk around almost anywhere and see all these groups of people walking around, having a good time and then you notice you're still walking alone? Or when you're on Facebook and see a photo or status with a large smiling group of friends? It just sort of gets to you.

I don't really have any really close IRL friendships (Well, outside of family). Because of this, I tend to get really jealous most of the time whenever I see a lot of people together having a good time. And I mean, that's all good. Glad they're enjoying each other's company. But it just makes me feel like I'll never find a friendship as close as the one I see every day.

I also have this habit of isolating myself. Counter-productive, I know. I just get stressed out when I'm out with others for a very long time. I'm working on it, but so far, I don't really know how to fix it.

Finally, there's a problem that I have that involves not believing someone's a friend. I was out with a few friends of mine (I have some, though they're 5 hours away) and I noticed half the time I was there, I was either jealous that I wasn't as close of a friend as others, or I believed they were only acting like they were my friends out of pity.

I don't really know how to sole these problems, so I wanted to see if anyone here had any solutions.

Mr Seal The Albatros said:

Ak5 said:

Oh ho ho, I know that feel! Jealously, that monster... It's hard not to compare yourself to other people. You mention that the conversations with you are just faint, and quiet, while those same people can have lively conversations with others. I don't think that it's something about you personally, but more about they don't know enough about you, per say.

But, I don't know your situation Mr. Seal, and I don't think I can give good advice without knowing that. If you want to discuss, you can post here or PM, or we can just forget about it that's fine too.

Click to expand...

Kind of felt overwhelmed, so I wasn't thinking clearly when I removed it. Here's what I'm talking about.

You know when you walk around almost anywhere and see all these groups of people walking around, having a good time and then you notice you're still walking alone? Or when you're on Facebook and see a photo or status with a large smiling group of friends? It just sort of gets to you.

I don't really have any really close IRL friendships (Well, outside of family). Because of this, I tend to get really jealous most of the time whenever I see a lot of people together having a good time. And I mean, that's all good. Glad they're enjoying each other's company. But it just makes me feel like I'll never find a friendship as close as the one I see every day.

I also have this habit of isolating myself. Counter-productive, I know. I just get stressed out when I'm out with others for a very long time. I'm working on it, but so far, I don't really know how to fix it.

Finally, there's a problem that I have that involves not believing someone's a friend. I was out with a few friends of mine (I have some, though they're 5 hours away) and I noticed half the time I was there, I was either jealous that I wasn't as close of a friend as others, or I believed they were only acting like they were my friends out of pity.

I don't really know how to sole these problems, so I wanted to see if anyone here had any solutions.

Click to expand...

Alas, I cannot help you, for I am in a similar situation! :club:

I don't know much of your background, so I'll keep this as general as possible. I can say this: I'm a college freshman (I go to univ in a different state, 'Murica), and I see couples too and groups of friends hanging out all the time. I too wonder, why I can't have that. But, we live for a gosh darn long time! It doesn't matter if you're 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, etc. it's never too late to have a friend or start a relationship.

It's good that you're trying to get out of your comfort zone by spending time with people. Continue trying to foster those relationships and continue chatting up with people. Like I said before, I am in college and that means new classes and new people. If you're in school, strike up conversations with people next to you, and if it is in the class of your major, better, you have things in common! Friends are rare. Like a diamond, they're precious and hard to find. Pardon the metaphor, but you have to be like a miner, continue digging, continue mining. It'll take work, but it's possible.

Maybe I should warn you beforehand...for a disappointed man's words are about to follow:

I used to be plagued by a similar feeling of jealousy when I was younger until I scraped myself up to experience what things could be like if I were 'one of them'. I asked the few extroverted friends I had if I could accompany them to some events. I tried to let myself float there. Until then I only experienced things from the outsider perspective and that's where the problem was - I idealized these things. The laughing groups of people, the fun of partying...it's only momentarily and it's often superficial. This really does it for some, but when I finally came around to experiencing it by myself it didn't really do it for me. Ultimately the glimpse behind the curtain proved to be underwhelming - even awful at times.

Same thing with Facebook. I know why I left this place behind more than a year ago after I had spent just a single year there. Back in the old days I was part of other social networks though. It's all the same - they're the living application of Shakespeare's words: "All the word is a stage".

Now I'm not saying the same is about to happen to you...but I got to say: What you see isn't always what you get.

True friends are hard to find and I had more luck online as well. But I'm done shedding any tears over real life ones. Blame it on my sheer incompatibility with most people. I still notice laughing groups of people, but I've seen the other side as well...how they talk behind each other's backs when one leaves for a second and how they smarm over each in the next one. I'll gladly pass up on that.

Mr Seal The Albatros said:

Ak5 said:

Oh ho ho, I know that feel! Jealously, that monster... It's hard not to compare yourself to other people. You mention that the conversations with you are just faint, and quiet, while those same people can have lively conversations with others. I don't think that it's something about you personally, but more about they don't know enough about you, per say.

But, I don't know your situation Mr. Seal, and I don't think I can give good advice without knowing that. If you want to discuss, you can post here or PM, or we can just forget about it that's fine too.

Click to expand...

Kind of felt overwhelmed, so I wasn't thinking clearly when I removed it. Here's what I'm talking about.

You know when you walk around almost anywhere and see all these groups of people walking around, having a good time and then you notice you're still walking alone? Or when you're on Facebook and see a photo or status with a large smiling group of friends? It just sort of gets to you.

I don't really have any really close IRL friendships (Well, outside of family). Because of this, I tend to get really jealous most of the time whenever I see a lot of people together having a good time. And I mean, that's all good. Glad they're enjoying each other's company. But it just makes me feel like I'll never find a friendship as close as the one I see every day.

I also have this habit of isolating myself. Counter-productive, I know. I just get stressed out when I'm out with others for a very long time. I'm working on it, but so far, I don't really know how to fix it.

Finally, there's a problem that I have that involves not believing someone's a friend. I was out with a few friends of mine (I have some, though they're 5 hours away) and I noticed half the time I was there, I was either jealous that I wasn't as close of a friend as others, or I believed they were only acting like they were my friends out of pity.

I don't really know how to sole these problems, so I wanted to see if anyone here had any solutions.

Click to expand...

You know the mind can be a terrible thing to deal with sometimes, it can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Our thoughts really define who we are. Ive felt like that before, thats why i closed my facebook down and dont really go on any social media anymore because its all just people putting up their best, what they "want" people to see nobody posts all the bad stuff, so you never really know whats going on with people as far as that. I think there should be a social media site for real people where if you post a hundred selfies or only post good things, they send a hit squad to your house and burn it down lol. You know have a rule where they have to put at least one thing a week a negative thing that happen to them like real life or they cant use their account anymore or something. I dont know man our societys so fake now adays that some of those people you see laughing and stuff like that that appear to be having a good time are just faking it so theyre not alone. Im not saying all but definitely some of them.

I learned something interesting the other day about introversion too. How you said after youre around people you need to isolate for a while. I found out the reason it drains people who are introverts to be around people is because our minds are more attuned to details than extroverts. So when were around a crowd of people were constantly absorbing all the details and its making the computer in our heads run a billion miles an hour so of course that makes us tired and need to recharge. Just thought it was interesting.

For what its worth i dont know you that well but when i talked to you those few times i genuinely enjoyed talking to you and you seem like somebody id definitely hangout with if we were closer in real life. So dont let those people get you down and dont feel like youre always the odd man out. Youre a good guy and youll find those friends and that life you want it just takes time sometimes and to meet the right person or group of people and itll all click and things will just work. I havent disected all the reasons behind it but somehow thats how its worked for me in my own life.

My worst enemy J.E.A.L.O.U.S... Do not know how to make that feeling go away.. :/