Time to die?

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cumulus.james

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Every now and then I get in this state. I know there is nothing to live for and there never was. So I start thinking of suicide and sometimes I cut myself. Usually enough of an echo of any latent mania comes to mind and I find some hope, but lately that happens less, and increasingly I know it's a lie.

There just is nothing to live for. Nothing. All my life so alone and delusions that things may get better do not work.

I am alone. I always was. There is nothing left. I will die alone soon and no one will care.

Hurt. All day, every day.

There's no point.

Nothing.

I am nothing ok. I really am worthless.
 
cumulus.james said:
Every now and then I get in this state. I know there is nothing to live for and there never was. So I start thinking of suicide and sometimes I cut myself. Usually enough of an echo of any latent mania comes to mind and I find some hope, but lately that happens less, and increasingly I know it's a lie.

There just is nothing to live for. Nothing. All my life so alone and delusions that things may get better do not work.

I am alone. I always was. There is nothing left. I will die alone soon and no one will care.

Hurt. All day, every day.

There's no point.

Nothing.

I am nothing ok. I really am worthless.

Go for a walk. It's impossible to be depressed while walking in nature. Don't believe me? Try it.
 
jd7 said:
cumulus.james said:
Every now and then I get in this state. I know there is nothing to live for and there never was. So I start thinking of suicide and sometimes I cut myself. Usually enough of an echo of any latent mania comes to mind and I find some hope, but lately that happens less, and increasingly I know it's a lie.

There just is nothing to live for. Nothing. All my life so alone and delusions that things may get better do not work.

I am alone. I always was. There is nothing left. I will die alone soon and no one will care.

Hurt. All day, every day.

There's no point.

Nothing.

I am nothing ok. I really am worthless.

Go for a walk. It's impossible to be depressed while walking in nature. Don't believe me? Try it.

Rubbish. Did you have to suck men's clocks for a bit of attention when you were 13? Did you have no friends and live in a violent and abusive family when you were 14? Did you spend your whole life never being loved? Are you an unemployed thick ugly old sad pathetic loner? Do you find it hard to go to the shop because you can imagine what a freak you must look like.

Memories of sexual abuse as a kid are the best memories you have?

What the fresia is that?
 
cumulus.james said:
jd7 said:
cumulus.james said:
Every now and then I get in this state. I know there is nothing to live for and there never was. So I start thinking of suicide and sometimes I cut myself. Usually enough of an echo of any latent mania comes to mind and I find some hope, but lately that happens less, and increasingly I know it's a lie.

There just is nothing to live for. Nothing. All my life so alone and delusions that things may get better do not work.

I am alone. I always was. There is nothing left. I will die alone soon and no one will care.

Hurt. All day, every day.

There's no point.

Nothing.

I am nothing ok. I really am worthless.

Go for a walk. It's impossible to be depressed while walking in nature. Don't believe me? Try it.

Rubbish. Did you have to suck men's clocks for a bit of attention when you were 13? Did you have no friends and live in a violent and abusive family when you were 14? Did you spend your whole life never being loved? Are you an unemployed thick ugly old sad pathetic loner? Do you find it hard to go to the shop because you can imagine what a freak you must look like.

Memories of sexual abuse as a kid are the best memories you have?

What the fresia is that?

Would you really like to hear about my childhood?

I could start with the first memory I have... It involves six police officers, my dad, a shotgun, a dead dog, a broken driver's side window, and me hiding between my big sister's legs on the passenger side, with my mom dragging my dad down the street with his hands around her neck. I've never sucked a cock. But I've been abused otherwise...
 
I wish I was not in this house for Christmas.I have my razor blades, I can cook up hydrogen cyanide salts. This should be the moment. Horrible to be trapped in life when you no longer want it.


Kill me someone please
 
You beat out a few zillion other fish in the race to the egg. Statistically you are a miracle. For some reason, you wanted to be here the most. When you think of those odds, don't throw that away. Just imagine running a race against zillions of people and fighting so hard that YOU won. You are stronger than you think arent you?
 
James.

Don't do it. You're a great conversationalist. Have you ever considered getting more into writing?
 
Resumé
BY DOROTHY PARKER

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.


I used to go on a suicide forum in which methods were talked about. The success rate for suicide is very low. Many people would come back and tell the forum how their method failed, was uncomfortable, pained them, didn't work or they'd dissapear and then reappear some time later saying they had been taken to a hospital. I quickly learned how painful some suicide methods are, particularly a certain type of suicide that could leave you dying for weeks in a hospital as your body shut down and doctors were unable to help you.

The human body is incredibly resilent and strong. It does not want to die, no matter the intentional intentions of the person. It will fight til the very last breath. It will literally take off a garbage bag over a person's head while the person is unconsious in order to preserve itself.
 
James. Life blows. But it's all we got. And, here's the best part: It doesn't last forever. You're finite, my friend. So enjoy the ******* show in the meantime. Cuz in the end, we're all part of the ultimate statistic: death.

So, eat some good food, drink some good beer, suck a cock or two if that's your thing...LOL

But quit talking about killing yourself.
 
Live because its "something" since death is "nothing" and something is always better than nothing. A zillion other fish didnt have that choice.
 
I'm convinced your lack of avatar is contributing to the negativity. Perhaps we should start a "Cheer James Up With Potential Avatars" thread and then vote on them...?
 
Sorry if this sounds mean but sometimes we have to just get over ourselves and stop hurting ourselves. We suffer so much pain from other people that the only other person who can really be kind to you is yourself.

Before you want to start seeing the road to healing you have to start being kind to yourself and your being first. Allowing negative thoughts to linger in your head or feeding it with suicidal thoughts by encouraging yourself to do it is NOT being kind to yourself.

I think that, my friend, is the first step to healing and improving your situation. Forgive yourself and others, learn to try and let go and be kind to yourself first and foremost.
 
believe me your gonna be ok in some days because its new year coming with full of best wishes and hope ..
 
Gosh, Cumulus.James, I really hope to see you on this site again.

You really going to make me say goodbye when we haven't actually exchanged any words?
 
To quote my best friend, James - 'Either honeysuckle, or get off the pot.' - you can figure out what that means...

And secondly, there's this little video from one of my favorite movies, The Shawshank Redemption - the main character spends over 30 years of his life in a prison for a crime he didn't commit...life is crap sometimes, but you make the best of it and press forward, or you can spend your time wallowing in misery - freedom of choice, my good man, that's the ticket.

[video=youtube]
 

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