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Wanderer145

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I sometimes sit and realise life is passing by and the people I know are able to get on and things almost come to them. The two main things that make me feel this way are jobs and relationships.

Jobs - i've started a course to teach abroad which is the total opposite of what I am doing now. Yet many people I know are getting on with their careers already many have gone on to take up positions I tried and failed to get into and are now earning so much more than I am...

Relationships - I think I'm sitting behind a glass wall and just observing my friends get relationships almost as if they are on a timer. My best friends one has been with someone for 7 years, the other recently moved his friendship to a relationship with someone he has known for many years...

I have never felt more lonely...

How do you deal with trying and trying to be a person of action yet are always an observer?
 
First of all, you have to realize that nobody has "things coming to them", jobs and relationships is a result of trial, error, lots of rejections and sacrifices. Even when you get a good job or girlfriend, you have to work even harder that before to keep them. My advice would be, stop thinking that everyone else has it better than you, because they don't and actively chase the things you want.
 
Seeker_2.0 said:
First of all, you have to realize that nobody has "things coming to them", jobs and relationships is a result of trial, error, lots of rejections and sacrifices. Even when you get a good job or girlfriend, you have to work even harder that before to keep them. My advice would be, stop thinking that everyone else has it better than you, because they don't and actively chase the things you want.

I know I'm only seeing the bad side of this, its probably depression speaking to me again. Whenever I hear someone has something I'm looking for I just think why am I ******* up so bad that I can't function and fit in.. I have been trying online dating for about a year and got nowhere. I've tried meetups to make friends but none of the people I've met want to be friends more than the odd meeting there. I used almost every Sunday in the last 6 months to try and apply for a better job but its rejections or silence...I'm just tired of things not going right despite trying.
 
Wanderer145 said:
Seeker_2.0 said:
First of all, you have to realize that nobody has "things coming to them", jobs and relationships is a result of trial, error, lots of rejections and sacrifices. Even when you get a good job or girlfriend, you have to work even harder that before to keep them. My advice would be, stop thinking that everyone else has it better than you, because they don't and actively chase the things you want.

I know I'm only seeing the bad side of this, its probably depression speaking to me again. Whenever I hear someone has something I'm looking for I just think why am I ******* up so bad that I can't function and fit in.. I have been trying online dating for about a year and got nowhere. I've tried meetups to make friends but none of the people I've met want to be friends more than the odd meeting there. I used almost every Sunday in the last 6 months to try and apply for a better job but its rejections or silence...I'm just tired of things not going right despite trying.

I think it's good that you're putting yourself out there and I believe you should continue to try. You might get a job soon, just remain confident and tell them you're right for the job. There's times when my depression is bad too and I think about what everyone else has and think that I don't have it so good, so I can relate with you there. When the depression comes in again and those thoughts start creeping back in, tell yourself that it's a lie and that you're an important person. =)
 
I have been trying online dating for a lot longer than a year and am still looking for someone. A year isn't so long even though it feels that way. Keep on trying and hopefully one day you will suceed.
Making friends through meet ups is difficult. I find that while it is relatively easy to maintain what I call 'group friends' (you get on as part of the group but it doesn't carry over to anything more) it is much harder to make true friends. Again, you just have to keep on trying and hoping that maybe one day something more will come of it.
Many people may secretly envy you. While they are on the career ladder always pressurised to look ahead to the next rung, you are taking off soon to a new life abroad. Many of them may envy your courage in doing so.
 
Things always look different from the outside from how they are on the inside. How your friends' lives look to you from the outside is going to be different from how your friends experience it from the inside. I doubt they think their own lives are perfect. If you could magically have a life like theirs, I doubt you'd find it perfect, either.

Think of it as it being like all those 12-year-old music students who dreamed of being the next Miley Cyrus until we all found out what a garbage life Miley Cyrus really had, and how much worse her life is now that she's no longer a teenager. Don't get mesmerized by external appearances. Instead, be realistic. Try to see things from other people's perspectives to the extent any of us can, and chances are you'll feel better about how your own life has gone.
 
I have always felt like I was on the outside looking in. As I get older the feeling just increases. I have tried to engage with people on various levels, but it never seems to last long. I have just come to accept that I am mostly solitary.

Wanderer145 said:
I sometimes sit and realise life is passing by and the people I know are able to get on and things almost come to them. The two main things that make me feel this way are jobs and relationships.

Jobs - i've started a course to teach abroad which is the total opposite of what I am doing now. Yet many people I know are getting on with their careers already many have gone on to take up positions I tried and failed to get into and are now earning so much more than I am...

Relationships - I think I'm sitting behind a glass wall and just observing my friends get relationships almost as if they are on a timer. My best friends one has been with someone for 7 years, the other recently moved his friendship to a relationship with someone he has known for many years...

I have never felt more lonely...

How do you deal with trying and trying to be a person of action yet are always an observer?
 
I know exactly where you are coming from although when it comes to jobs, people aren't just handed them on a plate. You have to be pro-active on that front. Stick with the teaching course and just imagine how much fun it will be teaching abroad. I know people who've done it and had fantastic times. Keep applying for jobs in the meantime. It's hard in certain areas to get anywhere so maybe getting this course under your belt and moving abroad will be the best thing for you? The last year I lived in the UK, I applied for 32 jobs, had 18 interviews and rejection after rejection. In the end, I bought a one way ticket to the Mediterranean and - on the job front - things have gotten better and better since I did it.

As for relationships, that happens to me. I have friends that seem to attract men left, right and centre and are never single for seemingly more than five minutes, while I sit there...single...having never had a long term relationship and never having anyone remotely interested in me.

To be honest, I have given up on ever finding someone. The way I deal with it is to focus on every other aspect of my life to make it how I want it and not to dwell on lack of relationship.


Wanderer145 said:
I sometimes sit and realise life is passing by and the people I know are able to get on and things almost come to them. The two main things that make me feel this way are jobs and relationships.

Jobs - i've started a course to teach abroad which is the total opposite of what I am doing now. Yet many people I know are getting on with their careers already many have gone on to take up positions I tried and failed to get into and are now earning so much more than I am...

Relationships - I think I'm sitting behind a glass wall and just observing my friends get relationships almost as if they are on a timer. My best friends one has been with someone for 7 years, the other recently moved his friendship to a relationship with someone he has known for many years...

I have never felt more lonely...

How do you deal with trying and trying to be a person of action yet are always an observer?
 
Wanderer145 said:
I sometimes sit and realise life is passing by and the people I know are able to get on and things almost come to them. The two main things that make me feel this way are jobs and relationships.

Jobs - i've started a course to teach abroad which is the total opposite of what I am doing now. Yet many people I know are getting on with their careers already many have gone on to take up positions I tried and failed to get into and are now earning so much more than I am...

Relationships - I think I'm sitting behind a glass wall and just observing my friends get relationships almost as if they are on a timer. My best friends one has been with someone for 7 years, the other recently moved his friendship to a relationship with someone he has known for many years...

I have never felt more lonely...

How do you deal with trying and trying to be a person of action yet are always an observer?

I found getting a job equally as hard as meeting a woman.
I spent years unemployed. I was clever too. Everybody I knew, all the kids I grew up walked easily into great jobs. I finally got this honeysuckle late night part time job working in this shop. These gangs of kids used to come in and beat me up for the fun of it. Or call me 'wanker'. The pay was a joke, about £10 more than my dole money. Customers laughed at me because of how I looked and sounded. It was fun I can tell you !

Women ? One big joke from the start !

Some people are just 'not liked' - it's one big struggle when you are one of these people. The only thing is to fight on and scrap for everything. I got my current job at 29 and I have been there for 17 years. And I get by. The customers all know me now and like me. People who see me for the first time will be horrified how I look and sound.

For some people life is easy. And of course you are going to get people the exact opposite. Never give up though !
 
Triple Bogey said:
Women ? One big joke from the start !

Some people are just 'not liked' - it's one big struggle when you are one of these people. The only thing is to fight on and scrap for everything. I got my current job at 29 and I have been there for 17 years. And I get by. The customers all know me now and like me. People who see me for the first time will be horrified how I look and sound.

For some people life is easy. And of course you are going to get people the exact opposite. Never give up though !

I don't want to agree with that, because thinking that way only makes it worse and I'm trying to be more positive.

It does however, seem like some people are not (easily) well thought of no matter how hard they try. When you're one of those people it appears as if you continually have to ingratiate yourself and walk a tightrope in terms of behaviour; relaxed and open but not too eager to talk; well spoken at all times but not opinionated; friendly towards others but never assuming any level of familiarity with them.The smallest failure, misstep, and you're cast aside. In essence: know your place. I get the sense of frustration around this.
 

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