What Should I Do?

So about 5 or so months ago, me and my long term "best" friend went through a series of arguments until we cracked. We eventually put it behind us (with no apologies) and are still friends. One of our many arguments happened when we planned to go to a concert on a beach a few hours away from us.

I bought the tickets for us and thought it'd be a nice trip for us two. We had planned it all out, and we knew that we wanted to drink, so we agreed that her sister would come and be the DD. Little did I know she also invites two other people and did not tell me, till they got in the car. (much to my confusion)

She has a history of surprising me like this, and that's not in a good way. I have never liked or felt comfortable with her not telling me when she invites others to come along. I am not against having a group of mutual friends to hang out with, but instead it's like she took a vacation made for the two of us and made it her own.

We ended up fighting because she stuck me with the hotel bill (she wouldn't even pay half) and built up tension from the unsuspected guests. After that trip, I swore to myself to never travel with her again, and especially not to travel with her and her friends.

Ironically though, I am in a similar situation, yet again. We wanted to plan a trip to NYC for spring break, and a family member of mine has graciously offered to pay for a hotel for us for the week. She wants to bring her boyfriend...I don't have anyone else to bring...I can already foresee myself being the unhappy third wheel. She said to me that if NY doesn't work out, that she'll probably go to Florida with her boyfriend. (that he'd be paying for) Basically she gets a free ride either way.

When she said that, it kind of hurt, because we had planned to spend spring break together. It's as if she just asked me to make a trip to NYC because she knows I have family there that would provide a place to stay for free, not because she actually wanted to spend it with me.

So...should I take a risk and go through with this? Or break it off? I don't think our friendship can take another beating. Please give your opinions!

I dont know.. You know her best.. talk to ur heart.. you have decide what you are gonna do.. I dont know her so i actually dont know how i could help you with this

Honestly, it sounds like she is using you. Is there someone else that can go with you, even an acquaintance? It might be better for you to take someone else or go alone, especially if your friend is wanting to take her boyfriend.

What TheRealCallie said, she doesn't sound like a good friend, she's using you, if she wanted to spend time with you she wouldn't bring her boyfriend. Spare yourself being the third wheel and just go with someone else or alone, it's NYC and it'll be awesome either way.

cryingcloud, you've painted a pretty scary picture of your best friend. :| I'm curious, though, what are her good points? There must be something redeemable about her that makes you put up with her selfishness?

lifestream said:

cryingcloud, you've painted a pretty scary picture of your best friend. :| I'm curious, though, what are her good points? There must be something redeemable about her that makes you put up with her selfishness?

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Yes I know, I often get that question. In general, I have a hard time letting go of people that have been a significant part of my life, but she really has been there for me when I've needed her in the past. She's one of the very few people that I can be myself around. She knows all of me basically. She's the only friend that I have made that hasn't left me. Other attempted friends, even the ones that I grew close to, ended up leaving me. This past summer was a major setback for our friendship. I really want to recover from it.

Why book another trip with her if the one before went horrible? Once, okay, I understand that perhaps it could have turned out to be a good adventure for the both of you. But it turned out not to be. So why do it again? If you book another one, that's on you if it turns out not to be so great, because you already know from before how it could be.

I completely sympathise. :/

Could you cancel the trip? Maybe tell her that your relative can no longer afford to pay for the hotel or something?

Did the two of you ever sit down and discuss what happened a few months ago? You mentioned she never apologised. Did she ever show any signs of remorse or guilt about what she did?

It's absolutely ridiculous she invited other people on the first trip without asking you or even telling you. Obviously she does not respect you much or has a complete lack of empathy. Together with the hotel bill, it just sounds like she uses you (as others have said). Remember you also bought the tickets originally (may not seem much, and she may have paid her share, but one person always has to pay initially and this case she could just sit back).

It's obvious what you should do - don't make the same mistake again. I'd rather replace her or go by myself. From what you've said I wouldn't be surprised if her and her bf will be banging each other in the hotel in NYC that you guys will stay in (sorry, I just had to drill in the point, no pun intended either).

It doesn't mean you're no longer best friends either way. Everyone has something you can dislike about them, but obviously there are other things that you value enough about her for her to be your best friend.

She sounds like a bit of a leech. I apologise for saying this about you best friend...

VanillaCreme said:

Why book another trip with her if the one before went horrible? Once, okay, I understand that perhaps it could have turned out to be a good adventure for the both of you. But it turned out not to be. So why do it again? If you book another one, that's on you if it turns out not to be so great, because you already know from before how it could be.

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Nothing was set in stone, It was just an idea...I'm considering our past and it makes me doubtful. That's why I wanted some opinions.