Do you think envy is natural when living a lonely fate?

I truly think every Very lonely individual has at some point envied another who gets love. Who gets the acceptance, the friends, the family, the job, the girls/guys attention, the ability to be carefree/talented, ability to fit in, "any form of ffriendship" Someone to always hug or text, lots of respect. Everything. It's only natural to feel envy after all that you witnessed for others and opposite for yourself..........

So why is envy the worst if we all have been there? Someone with 1000 friends can't even begin to comprehend someone with 0 friends.

Why am I making this thread? A friend called me envious, the one who knows me best. I'll admit it I wish I was someone else, so even people like her can stop pointing out my flaws, and live a balanced life I have been deprived of. The nerve of her pissed me off, I have 0 friends and she's the one with 1000. Do you think she is wrong even if I have expressed how horrible my life is to her.

Thoughts on all the craziness of isolation?

I definitely envy people who are able to socialize easily but i dont let it get to the point of jealousy or anything like that.Its natural to want what you dont feel like you can have. I think it was pretty rude of her to tell you straight out like that. I think at the very least she couldve worded it a little differently. Definitely doesnt seem very considerate. Was she mad at you about something when she said that or in what context did she say it? If you were in the heat of an argument it was just a jab at you and i wouldnt take it seriously. If she just set it kind of out of the blue id talk to her about it and let her know what she said really hurt me and bothered me.

As far as the craziness of isolation, yeah i feel you. It does get pretty crazy at times. Some days i have trouble remembering what day of the week it is because they all blend together after a while. Its a strange life people like us lead.

Social isolation is hell, but it can be enlightening. I'm starting to think that the point (if there is a point) of this life is to take every subjective experience you have, especially the negative and harsh realities of this life, and turn them into lessons somehow and grow from them. Believe me, I'm not telling you to "grow up", as phrases like that are one of the things that drive people into isolation.

Look at it this way, those people with 1000 friends are very likely to be more delusional and much less articulate than you could ever perceive yourself to be. They look at life through LCD-tinted glasses. They have the urge to be liked and approved of just as much as every other person, the only difference being that they were more willing to conform and have their spirit broken. Sure, to outsiders, we will initially feel envy toward those individuals, but when you realize that they are not individuals mentally, hopefully you can look at yourself in a better light so you don't feel as envious toward them. Those emotions and feelings will be there as long as you are a human, it's just a matter of being able to articulate those feelings and turn them into logic.

I think that envy is completely natural when we are lonely. I feel envious of people who have a close and loving family, who have a partner and who seem to take their good fortune for granted as well.
Your friend should have been less forthright towards you and more empathic and understanding.

Perhaps we lonely people should take some guidance or recommendations these socially successful people crow about and see if any of it could help us. Personally I don't feel envious of them. I'd rather sit with just one than a dozen chatterboxes.

I wonder ...what a murmuration of starlings chirp about so merrily when swooping and flying around at dusk? If we knew, I think we'd be a lot happier.

Is it natural? Sure, I suppose it could be. But does it occur in every situation? No.

I think everyone becomes envious..no matter who you are. For instance...I have this friend, she has a huge, beautiful house in Tahoe, a super handsome and rich husband, and a miricale baby girl... everything I could ever want and more. From the outside, everything looks amazing. Turns out my friend was diagnosed with a brain tumor, had a stroke, multiple surgeries, chemo, radiation and worrying that her daughter was going to grow up without a mother. And we are the exact ame age. (she is in remission now and feeling better but still suffers headaches terribly)

Recently, when we were talking, my friend said she envied "ME". I was dumbfounded... I said "what could you possibly evny about my life"... and to her, my life looked easy... seemed stress and worry free. She assumed that because i don't have children that I don't have any money troubles, or relationship issues, or lonliness struggles...

We had a good, long talk about how things look from the outside, aren't always the way it is. Noone has a perfect life...and every single one of us have parts of our lives that people are envious of.

I am envious of every single person on this site that has children... that is all I want in the world. Some people tell me I'm crazy and to enjoy the fact that I don't have children. to get my sleep, to spend my money the way I want, to travel etc.... anyway, I don't know if i got way off topic..but we are all envious... but i think that most of the time, we don't have reason to be.

I am also envious of the people that won the power ball money.....

Mouse said:

I wonder ...what a murmuration of starlings chirp about so merrily when swooping and flying around at dusk? If we knew, I think we'd be a lot happier.

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ahah, that's because they can swoop and fly

A person who has 1000 friends can never understand what life is like for the person with 0 friends.

I envy them too, the many friended people for whom friendships seem to come so easily, and I've noticed that they can be so callous to the friendship skill challenged people, without intending to be deliberately inconsiderate.

They just don't understand what it is like for us.

Of course. These are people who often quite literally don't understand how you can go to a meetup.com event and fail to come away with friends, or who "accidentally" gang up on lonely people with their posse, adding insult to injury with "screw you" and "look at all my friends" in one blow. As a rule, I don't dislike them for what they were born into or worked to obtain... I dislike them for being obnoxious and ignorant about what life is like for people other than themselves and about how much of it is chance.

Most people don't appreciate their good fortune to have been born into a good family, into a good environment, or even into a city and country where they've never heard a gunshot in their life... unlike a coworker of mine. I try to be respectful of the fact that he has reason to worry when people start screaming even though I didn't grow up in that environment. Not that I have any reason to scream normally, but still.

What a pity... some of these people are raised with everything but perspective, empathy, and critical thinking. But why do you need that when you have fancy clothes, 1000 Facebook friends, and a weekend of partying?

Yes. If it was possible, our eyes would turn slimy green due to how envious we feel.

Peaches said:

Mouse said:

I wonder ...what a murmuration of starlings chirp about so merrily when swooping and flying around at dusk? If we knew, I think we'd be a lot happier.

Click to expand...

ahah, that's because they can swoop and fly

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Yes, but starlings have such short lives.

Nullgeist, I think you climbed into my brain and stole my thoughts.

I get jealous more so when people get the things I am searching for. Jobs for example when I see most of my postgrad friends succeed in getting good positions, when I'm stuck in a low paid job still just makes me green. Then relationships some people have had 3 or 4 since my last break up 4 years ago. Its so hard not become envious when you're out there, throwing CVs out, going to meetups and speed dating and online and you just think what am I doing wrong and how do some people have all the things with so little effort.

To be fair though many people struggle with day to day life and see things in others they want. I particularly enjoy exercise at the weekends and someone commented today that I like doing said exercise because I enjoy it and they don't. We have things and freedoms others don't. So yeah envy is natural...just don't let it change who you are too much.

Thanks for all the replies, I read ALL OF THEM!

I wonder if my friend was just trying to point out that she understands or that, I shouldn't be that way! I don't know, and I kinda feel upset..... I wasn't always envious, but it's like being deprived when no one understands you.

Excellent post, Tealeaf. This so-called 'friend' who themselves possess 1000 friends, I'd place life savings on betting that they are shallow as the day is long. They certainly have no such character strength as kindness, tact or even care for you. Talk about pouring salt on the wound. Seems all they could selfishly think about, was how your situation impacted theirs, when really you were paying them a compliment in saying how much you liked their situation. What a rotten person! Being isolated can make us vulnerable to the opinions of others, because we like being accepted. This person sounds horribly materialistic, because this society rewards that and others are drawn to it, which I find disgusting. How beautiful your own selfless, gentle character stood out against the backdrop of their narcissism. You're not even justifiably angry at their pompous attitude, but gently curious. Don't ever change, I'd be lucky to have a friend like you.

Tiina63 said:

I think that envy is completely natural when we are lonely. I feel envious of people who have a close and loving family, who have a partner and who seem to take their good fortune for granted as well.
Your friend should have been less forthright towards you and more empathic and understanding.

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The close loving family and a partner who loves and respects you. Oh yes, I'm envious and it can be so painful to watch or hear about. When I hear people complain about their mother or family members sometimes I remind them how fortunate they are to even have them in their life. This is usually met with them totally ignoring the statement or never being spoken to again. I don't always remind them how fortunate they are but sometimes it's hard to bit my tongue when I'd give anything to have family troubles like the ones they complain about. Seeing people so happy, so loved, has made me bitter. And being so bitter makes me ugly and isolated me even more than I was.

Natural? Yes.
However right? No.

Envy, Lust, and Pride, cloud the mind.
The ego is bad for the soul.

It is better to think far, and far and further ahead, to diminished it, and accept than to suffer in agony. For one thing, it's more peaceful. It is easier to make decisions logically without these things in the way.

However, it's also quite difficult, and obviously not for everyone.
Some people can handle it, some people cannot.

I'm that way, because I don't mind pain, if it is only temporary in order to succeed me into furthering myself in some manner or another.

I guess you've just got to remember the old mantras, like "quality over quantity" and such.

There are plenty of times when I wish I had a few more friends (at least I know it should be more like 2 than 2000!) but I'm generally happy where I am.

Also if you do feel like you need another friend why not pm someone on here or get into the chat room?

One can get philosophical and realize that 'envy' means to want any gain at another's expense. From this point of view, even eating is envious, and thus envy would have to be considered as natural as living itself.

But when we're talking about being tunnel-visioned and looking at the world as though human society is the only form of Life that matters, then from that very relative perspective there's divisions of 'nature'. Three of them. One could call them the 'Yin', the 'Yang', and the Center they both revolve around.

This is something I presented in another thread:
"WINNERS": Striving to conquer; Feeling a false need to look down on others, and to have others who look up to them; 'Superiority Complex' -- blinded from Life by a personal sense of 'pride'.

"LOSERS": Striving to cope; Feeling jealous and cheated and resentful toward the "winners"; 'Inferiority Complex' -- blinded from Life by a personal sense of 'shame'.

"WELL WISHERS": Striving to appreciate; No interest in playing the game; No use for 'pride' nor 'shame' -- living in Clarity.

All of these are very 'natural' for the mind. We may even experience all three at different times, but in a given moment, we will pretty much fall into one category or another.
Although these are all natural attitudes for the mind, only one is natural for the soul.