Has anyone here bought love or been in a pity relationship?

I do not think you can buy love. Sex, yes, love, no.

I am married , It costs me everyday LOL

You can't buy love. It's impossible. You can try, but love will not come of it.

I have been in a pity relationship before, it only lasted 1 week. I had a crush on this guy in high school. I liked him for an entire year, and then I finally admitted that I liked him and would he please go out with me. He accepted. We dated for a week before he broke up with me saying he was embarassed to be with me. It hurt my feelings.

Then he became super creepy later on and stalked me online when I stopped talking to him after he started getting sexual with me in text messages. He still hasn't given up either. Good grief. I'm so thankful for the block feature that the internet provides.

In college. My first romantic date, first kiss. I eventually warmed up to this girl who was trying hard to gain my attention, then affections. I thought I was going to embark on a lovelorn journey with her.

Turns out she would use guys, as she did me. I caught her in the act. I blasted her after she told me that she was just trying to show me there was "hope". WTF?

i mentioned this incident in another thread, but I did see this girl again, 10 years later. She stopped into the club where my band was playing. We had just finished our set, and she cam eup to me to say hello. She looked, well, old and played out. And she was still on the prowl for guys.

SophiaGrace

It’ll still be better than being completely alone.
Well, why the hell did he accepted you in the first place? If that had happened to me, I wouldn't have felt hurt, I would have felt relieved that I avoided a relationship with a man-child stalker.

ABrokenMan

What would she use guys for?

ABrokenMan:
What would she use guys for?

For self pleasure, validation and control. It is a theme I have experienced more than once. Last time i was on Facebook (late last summer) I checked her profile. She is still single at 50. And looking!
Someone like her is constantly on the prowl for guys who are honest and trustworthy. They know you will fall for the illusion if they shower you with attention and love-bomb you until they hook you. Then when they have control, they do whatever they please. It is all about them, not you or me. If you meet their needs, they will keep you around as one of a few, or many, but God forbid, if you ask for your needs to be met, you'll get devalued or discarded. Many of these people suffer from NPD or BPD, both are too detailed to go into here. Nonetheless, these people are extremely skilled in manipulating those whom they seek out for partners. Because they cannot handle being alone and unvalidated. They end up destroying every relationship by their actions.
It has taken me a lot of tears, pain and withdrawal to finally see things clearly.
I should have taken the college girl experience as an example of foreshadowing for the ladies who came into my life much later on.

A pity relationship, no. A pity hookup, yes.

There was this one time, I think......3 years ago? I was invited out to my sister's friend's birthday party. We'd broken off into many groups in the club, and I found myself talking to these girls. A few many drinks in, I'd made the mistake of breaking out my sob story about how I was 26, and had no real experience with girls. Not even a kiss. This one girl that stayed around, then turned around and said flatout. "Well, let's change that. Right now."

Now, this girl that was straight up offering to kiss me, she was a big girl. A nice enough person - far nicer than I at least, but not someone I'd chase based on looks. That being said, I was put up on the wall. I either refuse, and risk being thrown off the balcony, or I take one for the team.

I took the smart option, and thus had my only kiss.

That night I'd been adamant that I didn't want anything to progress further beyond kissing that night. Having come out of a breakup herself at the time, she was pretty cool with it. We're still friends on facebook, and in the past we'd bump into each other every now and then whenever our individual groups happened to be at the same nightclub. Last I'd heard, she found herself a decent guy, and to this day still enjoys a stable relationship with him.

ABrokenMan said:

ABrokenMan:
What would she use guys for?

For self pleasure, validation and control. It is a theme I have experienced more than once. Last time i was on Facebook (late last summer) I checked her profile. She is still single at 50. And looking!
Someone like her is constantly on the prowl for guys who are honest and trustworthy. They know you will fall for the illusion if they shower you with attention and love-bomb you until they hook you. Then when they have control, they do whatever they please. It is all about them, not you or me. If you meet their needs, they will keep you around as one of a few, or many, but God forbid, if you ask for your needs to be met, you'll get devalued or discarded. Many of these people suffer from NPD or BPD, both are too detailed to go into here. Nonetheless, these people are extremely skilled in manipulating those whom they seek out for partners. Because they cannot handle being alone and unvalidated. They end up destroying every relationship by their actions.
It has taken me a lot of tears, pain and withdrawal to finally see things clearly.
I should have taken the college girl experience as an example of foreshadowing for the ladies who came into my life much later on.

Click to expand...

There have been a few occasions that I've met up with people like this and it has taken me a very long time to learn to spot and avoid them. Boy can they mess you up if you give them space.

It's only after reading books on Transactional Analysis that I learnt to listen very carefully to how people talk and what they talk about. These individuals will come across as very nurturing and at times critical of people and situations around them. Almost like parents controlling their children.

If you allow them to nurture you, you put them in a position of control and that is just where they want to be. When you're down and feeling low you're very susceptible to this kind of behaviour and this is something they exploit masterfully.

Buying love ?
I'm thinking of the male order bride thing. I often see Asian women with slightly older English men.
I wonder if that's how it happened. It's a brave thing to do but obviously it goes on and some people are happy doing it.

I think that would be worse than being alone. If you know it's not real, how does it validate or comfort you? If you're going to lie to yourself, lie to yourself that YouTube streamers or women in movies are people in your life.

I've had opportunities for loveless relationships, but never taken them. Every so often there’s a guy online who’ll do a poor job of pretending to be just fascinated by what I’m saying while asking for pics and seeing if he can get me to respond to winking emoticons or flattery. I'm not sure if they're stupid or if they think I'm stupid, or if they're desperate.

I consider it insulting and hurtful for the same reasons that ABrokenMan was angry about his experience. You're a tool to them, and a tool is all about what it does for you. In my case, they're offering to pretend to give a honeysuckle if I scratch an itch of theirs. It especially hurts for people who are already lonely and who might be excited at first contact until they realize what it's about, which is never actually them.

Triple Bogey said:

Buying love ?
I'm thinking of the male order bride thing. I often see Asian women with slightly older English men.
I wonder if that's how it happened. It's a brave thing to do but obviously it goes on and some people are happy doing it.

Click to expand...

I believe you're thinking of the Middle East, where women are often traded off as slaves. We tend to see being pale as more attractive, so naturally Caucasians would be the target. Some arranged marriages likely still take place amongst wealthy traditional Asian families, but it's a little different from simple slavery.

ninako said:

Triple Bogey said:

Buying love ?
I'm thinking of the male order bride thing. I often see Asian women with slightly older English men.
I wonder if that's how it happened. It's a brave thing to do but obviously it goes on and some people are happy doing it.

Click to expand...

I believe you're thinking of the Middle East, where women are often traded off as slaves. We tend to see being pale as more attractive, so naturally Caucasians would be the target. Some arranged marriages likely still take place amongst wealthy traditional Asian families, but it's a little different from simple slavery.

Click to expand...

no, it's this country.

Being single has got to be far better than being in any pity relationship, or any other type of unhealthy relationship! It would never last as each partner would just feel resentment towards each other

No, but it'll probably happen eventually. :/

I've wondered alot about the change in the expected purpose for marriage, and the "expectation of felicity" as Jane Austen would put it. I wonder about the pros and cons of the "Love" model vs "Assistance/Support" model.

I've had brief pity encounters. Can't maintain that for long, though.

Not that interested in a pity relationship -- I've been in a bad relationship and there's noplace lonelier in the world.